Clare Wolowitz Five Years Later
by GirlWednesday
Summary: Someone To Love You Better Part 2. It's been five years since Clare has seen Sheldon and Amy. When the opportunity presents itself would she really walk away from them again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sequel to Someone To Love You Better, if you haven't read that this will make zero sense to you. Set five years after the last one and Clare is now nineteen.**

It had been almost a year since Clare Wolowitz had walked through the streets of Pasadena and she had missed the place.

She had been away university, experiencing life and meeting new people. When deciding what she would study, it was a clear choice. Just like her beloved mother she was going to choose the route of microbiology.

It felt strange returning to the place she grew up and not be greeted by her father. Despite the two Skype calls a day; the daily emails and the almost hourly text messages to see if she was having healthy bowel movements; she hadn't seen him in ten months.

Or if she was willing to go into specifics, which she was; it had been ten months, one week, two days, three hours and ten minutes.

To many it would seem strange as to why she missed him like she did. To many it was liberating to be away from the watchful eyes of their parents for such a long time. Not Clare though, her relationship with her father was a strong one. Ever since her mother had died, her father had been the most important person in her life and nothing, not even the surprise revelation that he wasn't her biological parent could break that bond.

Clare had been unwilling to return home to an empty house and she hadn't planned on visiting Leonard and Penny until the morning, so she had found herself at the comic book store; the place she had spent many Wednesdays of her childhood in.

Walking in, she was surprised by how quiet it seemed. Looking over at the counter she couldn't help but smile at the sight of Stewart sleeping face down on the counter."Wakey wakey Stewart."

Stewart sat bolt upright in his chair and looked around the shop in a daze, until eventually catching sight of where the voice came from. "Clare! You're back."

"It's been a while, so I thought why not?"

Getting out of his chair, he came around the other side of the counter and greeted her with a brief hug."Well it's good to see you. It seems odd to see your uncle Leonard coming in on his own, not to mention damaging to the profits."

She let out an unconvincing laugh, unsure of whether he was being serious or not. "So Stewart how's life for you?"

"Oh you know same old. I signed myself up as a mail order husband."

"Any luck?"

"Well a transvestite from the next town over and an eighty year old woman showed some interest."

"How'd that work out?"

"Well it wasn't what I was hoping for but I couldn't afford picky, so I went into it with an open mind."

"I ask again, how'd that turn out?"

"The transvestite turned up, saw me and left and the eighty year old ended the relationship via text the next morning."

Unable to provide a suitable response, Clare could only offer him a sympathetic smile and a friendly squeeze on the shoulder.

Suddenly embarrassed, Stewart promptly changed the subject. "So what's new in your life? You must be nearly twenty now, right?"

"Yes I'm nineteen and the good news is it looks like I've stopped growing now."

Stewart took a step back and looked her up and down a few times. He didn't blame her for being relieved; she was by far one the tallest woman he knew. Not that he met a lot of women but he knew that if he did, she would still be the tallest. "And to think there was I time where I could've easily balanced you on my hip."

"I remember. You used to baby sit me and I would alphabetise your stock."

"Not bad considering you were only five. I was particularly impressed with how you managed to get into the till without knowing the code."

She crouched down slightly, allowing herself to whisper into his ear. "I'll let you in on a little secret."

"Go ahead. I've been wondering how you did it for years."

"I found the piece of paper with the code on written on it. You had left it right next to the till."

Stewart stepped away, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. "And there was me thinking you were a genius child."

"Oh I was. I hacked your computer too."

He snapped his fingers to signal realisation.

"I wondered why my history was filled with episodes of Sesame Street."

The Skype jingle played out from Clare's phone, bringing the conversation to an end. "Do you mind if I take this? It's my dad."

"Sure. You go ahead; I gotta sort out the latest pack of Wild West and Witches."

"Not another one, how many do they propose to make?"

"So should I put you down for one?"

She sighed to herself, wishing that she could master the art of restraint. "Yes please."

She turned her attention back to her phone and pressed the accept call button. "Holy crap, you're sun burned."

Howard frowned at her. "When I Skype you, I expect a nicer greeting than that."

"I take it you and Uncle Raj have moved on to a hotter state?"

"We're in Arizona and I've passed out like three times already."

"Aww, poor Daddy."

He offered her a grateful smile. No matter how bad a situation was, she could always boost his mood. "Anyway, do you remember why me and Uncle Raj are travelling all around the country?"

"Of course, you said you were going to find a cure for his selective mutism if it killed you."

His smile turned into a proud grin. "Well guess what?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "No way!"

"I'm being serious. Last week we were at some kind of travelling show and one of the acts was talking to us, I explained about how he couldn't talk to women. She said she had just the cure and pulled him into one of the dressing rooms."

"What happened?"

"I don't know what the heck she did to him but it worked. I couldn't believe it."

In that moment Clare felt an undeniable urge to squeal whilst jumping up and down. "Can I speak to him? Let me speak to him!"

Howard turned the camera around so it was facing Raj, who enthusiastically waved at her. "Hey Clare, it's your extremely sober Uncle Raj."

"Are you really sober?"

"Yes, for the first time in over twenty years, I've gone a week without drinking and my skin looks great."

"I'm proud of you. The quest for true love can begin here."

Howard pulled the camera around so it was facing him. "Did you honestly just say that? You once told me that you hated the way everyone glorified the notion of romance."

"Natural evolution Dad. It's natural evolution."

He took in the surroundings behind her. "Is it just me or are you in the comic book store?"

She looked around a few times, mentally cursing herself for not being more discreet. "Yes. Well I missed the fifth anniversary, so I thought I'd come home and get mom some flowers."

"Would ya put some down for me?"

"Of course, she would love to know her Howie is thinking about her."

"You know she would be proud of how much you've grown up these past five years."

"Let's not get too deep, we've done well haven't we?"

He took a deep breath and nodded in agreement. "Agreed, but moving on doesn't mean forgetting."

"I have an eidetic memory and an IQ too high to be measured by regular tests. I'm not likely to forget my own mother."

He couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Usually I would tell you that you were being condescending but because that was funny, I'll let it slide."

"Anyway Dad, will you back earlier than normal or are you going to stay for the remaining two months?"

"Well uh, if you need me back then I'll come back."

"It's fine, you enjoy yourself."

"I'll be back sooner than you know."

"There's no need to feel bad about going travelling, I'm an adult now."

He smiled, sending her an appreciative look. "You grew up so fast."

"Call me again soon."

He merely nodded and ended the call.

Stewart looked up from what he was doing and placed down the pricing gun. "Your surname may be Wolowitz but you lie like a Cooper."

"Excuse me?"

"You're here to lay flowers on your mother's grave? Yeah like that's the truth."

She placed the phone back in her pocket and shifted nervously from foot to foot. "Well it's one of the things I'm gonna do, just not..."

"I'm sensing this sudden return has something to do with the opening of the new physics department down at the Caltech University?"

Admitting defeat she reached into her pocket and produced the leaflet that Leonard had forwarded her the week previously. "I don't know why I decided to come back. I mean it's been five years, rarely do I think of him and never do I speak about him."

Stewart studied the leaflet for a few seconds before reading it aloud."The physics department of Caltech University is due to reopen after a six months closure."

"Keep going."

"The department has been revamped with new state of the art equipment and is expected to give students an optimum learning experience."

"There's more."

"Clare I do know what's going on, that's why I brought it up."

"Just read the next bit."

"In celebration of the opening, Doctor Sheldon Cooper the most accomplished theoretical physicist the university has had is due to return to Pasadena, to open the new department and make an inspirational speech to new students."

Clare sighed and gripped the counter for support. Even the thought of it made her light headed.

"When was the last time you even spoke to him?"

She took a few deep breaths. "I haven't spoken to him in five years, I said goodbye to him in Texas and then that was it."

Stewart picked up the chair and brought it around the other side of the counter. "Here sit down."

Clare slowly sank down into it, releasing the pressure off her legs. "You know I never thought I'd see him again but now he's going to be so close and I also got thinking about May and how she never got a proper goodbye. Oh Stewart it's all such a mess."

He thought for a while. "Right before this goes any further, you're going to have to tell me who May is."

"Or Amy then, she introduced herself as May when I was fourteen and I sometimes get it wrong."

"Do you even know if she will be out here with him?"

She shook her head, letting out a deflated sigh as she did so. "I've got no idea, the article just mentions Doctor Cooper but she could accompany him."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, I just don't know. I was only fourteen when I saw them last. I'm an adult now; I don't need looking after like I did back then."

He knelt down beside her chair. "Maybe it was the wrong time? Your mom had just died and your father was in a bad place."

"Exactly I'm older now, if I saw them it would be just to talk. They can't expect anything off me and I wouldn't expect anything off them."

"If you saw him next week, what would you say to him?"

She thought for a moment, a small smile slowly gracing her lips. "I'd say; it's been a while so how about a cup of coffee?"


	2. Chapter 2

Leonard Hofstader stood in his friend's hotel room, watching as his friend frantically paced the width of it. "Would you just cool down for one minute and listen to me?"

"Cool down? How on earth can you expect me to cool down? I can't remember a single line of the speech I prepared."

"You have an eidetic memory of course you can remember it, even Lenny could master that."

"It's this city Leonard, why did I agree to come back here?"

Leonard exhaled loudly and sunk down onto the bed. "It will be fine, just try not to think about it."

"Try not to think about it? Stewart and Amy will be here in the next few days and my son is going to find out about how I lack in the public speaking area."

"Oh c'mon; what's the worst that could happen?"

Sheldon stopped mid pace and placed his hand on his hips, shooting Leonard a look a haughty derision. "What's the worst that could happen? Might I remind you I have a tendency to black out when placed in front of large crowds! Oh lord I'm going to get trampled aren't I?"

"I give you my word that I won't let anyone trample you."

Despite the reassurance this only served to make his friend more anxious and all too soon he was back to pacing the room and violently wringing his hands. "Oh what would you be able to do? You'd be squished in an instant; your weak and brittle bones wouldn't last ten seconds."

Leonard raised his hands to signal defeat. "Nobody can say that I didn't try."

"Are we talking about you pathetic attempts of reassurance or your life in general here?"

"I'm quite happy with my life, I have a great wife and I love my son."

"What's your point here? I have a wife and son too. Don't get ahead of yourself."

Leonard forced a smile and got to his feet. "I'm not trying to make any point. I'm just saying I'm happy."

"Yes of course, I'm just a little touchy."

Leonard walked over to where he was stood and placed a hesitant hand on his arm. Leonard knew that over the years Sheldon had grown more tolerant of people touching him; however he still treated it with a certain amount of caution. "Is there maybe another reason why you came back here?"

"Well it certainly wasn't for the conversation."

Ignoring his friend's insult he proceeded forward. "Hey buddy, if you wanna talk about it, you know I would listen." He waited but still Sheldon kept his eyes on the note cards in attempts to memorise the speech that was already embedded deep in his mind. "Or if you don't want to talk, you could ask; go right ahead, ask me anything."

"Very well." The tone of his voice had left Leonard with hope that he may finally open up over the subject they had been avoiding since his arrival. However this feeling was short lived. "Have you noticed how grey your hair has got?"

Leonard brought his hand up to his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "That's not really what I was getting at."

"You told me to ask you anything and I did."

"Seriously? It's been five years since you were last here and you want to talk about how I've aged?"

"It's been bothering me since I got here; the lines around your eyes aren't doing you any favours either."

"Okay fine, let's try this again. Are you here to see Clare?"

With that an icy atmosphere was achieved, filling every corner of the room and lingering in the air like an unpleasant odour that couldn't be ignored.

"So that's what you've been trying to say all day. I thought you were looking shifty, it was either that or you were severely constipated."

Leonard threw up his hands in exasperation. "Is that all you've got to say on the matter? If it was Lenny I'd be desperate to see him."

"Lenny is seven years of age and he lives with you, how you can compare the two circumstances is beyond me."

"I'm not comparing the two. It's just as a father; I could understand how you would feel."

Sheldon let go of the breath he had been holding, prolonging the moment to emphasise his frustration further. "You have watched her grow up and you have been there for every birthday, Christmas and sports day. You also know all that there is to know about her, so I do not know what led you to the conclusion that you understand how I feel."

He visibly took a step backwards somewhat stunned by his friend's unexpected response. He slowly brought his eyes up to meet Sheldon's noting how his cheeks had flushed red and his breathing had become considerably deeper. "What can I say? She's a huge part of my life, always has been."

"And you're a huge part of hers. That night five years ago it wasn't just Howard she was returning to, it was also you, Penny and Koothrappali. She established an emotional attachment to you because unlike me, you were there through her formative years."

"There's no need to be so bitter Sheldon, I'm just trying to help."

"Torture me more like. What do you want me to do Leonard, beg you to give me information on my own daughter?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"On the contrary I believe I'm being perfectly reasonable."

"In what universe is this you being reasonable?"

Sheldon turned his back on him and reached into the mini bar, helping himself a can of cola. Initially he had been adamant that he wasn't going to take anything out of it ,however right now it didn't bother him how high the prices were. "This conversation is over."

"Look at you, you're pathetic. Twenty years later and you're still terrified of fatherhood." He said with venom that surprised even himself.

Usually under any other circumstances Sheldon would've been able to brush it off, he had never been one for taking things to heart and he didn't often care what people thought of him. "What are you trying to say here?" He managed to keep his tone at its usual level however the hurt in his eyes was evident. "Are you suggesting I'm not a good father to Stewart as well?"

Leonard stared down at his shoes and focused on a stain that marked the carpet, in that moment he couldn't help but hope that the ground would open up and pull him down into it. He and Sheldon had had many arguments when they were roommates and he had said things in the heat of the moment before; yet never before had he wanted to take those words back like he did right then. "No you're a good father to Stewart, it's just..."

"Are you a perfect father Leonard?" The tone of his voice and the look on his face suggested to Leonard that this question couldn't be passed off as rhetorical.

"No. No I'm not. In some ways I was just as bad as you."

Sheldon's angered expression soon changed into one of confusion. "In what way were you as bad as me?"

"The night Penny told me she was pregnant with Lenny I freaked out in the same way you did when Amy told you she was pregnant." He paused and looked up at his friend. "I mean the first pregnancy, I've got no idea how you reacted when she told you about Stewart.

Sheldon wasn't entirely sure whether the topic was entirely relevant but he answered regardless. "Well it was different; I actually wanted Stewart." He knew it sounded harsh however it was no secret that he hadn't wanted Clare; it wasn't until the day Stewart was born that he was able to fully understand Howard's love for her.

"The only thing I could think of was how you had been, you went into some sort of denial; you never spoke about it and you made no effort to support Amy."

"That is your opinion."

"It's fact, don't deny it."

"It was twenty years ago, I'm a little sketchy on the details."

Leonard crossed his arms and shot him a look of disbelief. "You were useless and you know you were."

"Very well I'll admit it just this once but let's not make this a regular occurrence."

Accepting that that was the best he was going to get Leonard proceeded forwards. "Of course at the time I still believed that you drinking that water was my fault and I just couldn't shake the thought that after what I'd put you through I wasn't fit to be a father."

"But you changed your mind... Right?"

"Of course I did, I've always been there for him."

"Then what changed your mind? Something must have happened to have made you change your mind."

_8 years ago._

_Leonard looked around the busy cafeteria from where he was sat he could barely concentrate above all the noise, so he was particularly surprised by how switched off Howard seemed from it as he read through a stack of letters, clearly engrossed by its contents._

"_Hey Howard, can I ask you something?"_

_Reluctantly he placed down what he was reading and focussed his attention on his friend. "I was just reading Clare's school report but sure go right ahead."_

"_Oh, is it good?"_

_A grin slowly spread across his features. "Let's just say I have reason to be prouder than usual."_

_Usually Leonard would've been genuinely enthusiastic however in that moment all he could think of was his situation with Penny. "Great, that's just great."_

_Howard had known Leonard enough to pick up on when he was being insincere and when something was on his mind. "Is something bothering you?"_

"_It's just... what I wanted to ask you is... well you see the thing is."_

"_Stop babbling and ask me."_

"_You're a dad."_

"_That's less of a question more of a stating the obvious."_

_Leonard sighed, trying to find the right words. "What I mean is did you ever doubt your readiness?"_

"_Of course I did, most parents have nine months to prepare. Me and Bernie didn't know we were going to have a baby so we didn't have a nursery set up; no cot, no pram, no baby clothes and we didn't know what we were meant to do. All we had was the carrier I brought her home in and a baby grow the hospital gave us."_

"_That wasn't really what I was asking."_

"_Then what were you asking."_

"_Did you ever get scared that you wouldn't be good enough? That you wouldn't be able to give her everything she needed to be happy?"_

_He slowly nodded. "Of course I did. I still do, but it comes with the territory."_

"_It does?"_

"_Of course it does, I'm thinking and worrying about her twenty four/ seven."_

"_And that doesn't get exhausting?"_

_He smiled with a fond look in his eyes. "No because I love her and if I didn't feel like that, what kind of dad would it make me?"_

"_Do you ever wish that you could go back to how you were before you adopted her?"_

"_Not even for a second, my life was fine and I was happy but I didn't realise how empty it really was. It lacked something and that was her."_

_For the first time since he had found out he was going to be a father a smile graced Leonard's lips, it was as if he had been carrying around a heavy weight and it had just been lifted. "Everything's going to be fine." He got out of his seat and pushed it in._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_To see Penny."_

"_What? Why? You've got work."_

"_Who cares, I'm going to be a dad."_

Both men had been so drawn into the story that neither had noticed how the can of cola had slipped out of Sheldon's grasp and had slowly seeped into the cream carpet, staining Sheldon's shoes and leaving a large brown mark.

Upon noticing Sheldon merely kicked the can to the side and returned his focus back to the discussion. "Howard Wolowitz, now that's a father to be proud of."

"He made me see sense and thank God he did because Lenny is the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Then why don't you go be with him now? Like you said if you were me you would do anything to see your child."

Leonard nodded and proceeded to leave, carefully avoiding the cola stain. "I'll call in to see you again soon."

Just as he placed his hand on the knob he found himself stopped.

"Leonard?"

He turned around to face his friend. "What is it?"

"I missed you."

"What do you mean?"

"Those fourteen years we were apart. I missed you."

He gave him a knowing nod and grateful smile. "I know buddy, I missed you too."


	3. Chapter 3

Penny couldn't help but feel a large amount of pride for her God daughter. If the past five years had taught her anything, they had taught her just how resilient and good natured the young woman really was.

It was only five short years ago that she had been faced with the heart wrenching loss of her mother and the earth shattering revelation that she had been abandoned as a newborn.

Looking over the breakfast table she couldn't help but find herself smiling as she noticed how blissfully aware the other woman was that she was being watched. "Hey Clare, Uncle Leonard wants to know if you still want to go to comic con this year?"

Clare looked up from the book she had been reading and carefully saved her place. "Sure. We go every year."

"He just wanted to run it by you, because with your Dad being out of town and everything..."

She reached over the table and spooned some sugar into her lukewarm coffee. "He's having a great time; missing comic con won't bother him."

"We were thinking more about you. You know there was this cute little dress shop down at the mall, it did loads of other stuff too like shoes and bags; me and your mom used to go there all the time. She stopped for a moment a sad look appearing on her face "After she died I never went there again."

Clare slowly nodded, unsure of what Penny was trying to say. "Well that's good to know, but it's not really anything to do with comic con."

Penny reached across the table and gave her hand a small squeeze. "What I'm trying to say is that we were worried it might not feel the same. Ever since you were little Uncle Leonard, Uncle Raj and your dad all took you together."

A fond and reflective look glimmered in her eyes. "I remember. Every year Dad would insist on dressing me up and taking me with them."

"Yes. You know I remember the first one you ever went to? Your mom went mad."

"She did?"

"Yes. Your dad dressed you up as Bat baby."

Clare defiantly shook her head, crossing her arms to prove her point. "Don't be ridiculous. There is no Bat baby, I should know."

"What can I say? With most of the justice league missing that year, your dad thought your cuteness would score them extra points."

"Well I'm sure comic con will be just as good."

"You know, Uncle Leonard felt differently about it after Sheldon left?"

"How so?"

"He always went with him and after he left, I guess it didn't feel right going without him."

_18 Years ago._

_Bernadette pulled her baby in closer to herself and tightened her grip. "I said no Howard."_

_He held up the costume that matched his own for her to get a closer look. "Look at how tiny it is; you know she'll look cute."_

"_You are not taking our baby to comic con. I mean it."_

"_I'm sure I won't be the only guy with a kid there, now seriously would you just hand her to me?"_

_Shooting her husband an icy glare Bernadette readjusted Clare in her arms and took a place next to Leonard and Penny on the sofa. "You're going to stay right here with mommy. Aren't you beautiful?" The young baby beamed up at her mother with a toothless grin, wrapping her tiny fingers around Bernadette's thumb. "Mo- mo -m meeee." _

"_That's right sweetie." Bernadette gestured to Howard. " And who's that?"_

_Clare looked over at her father before turning her gaze back to Bernadette. " Dah- d-d- eeee."_

_Leonard picked up a DVD. "And what's this Clare?"_

"_Blue ray."_

_Howard crossed his arms in annoyance. "So she struggles to pronounce our names but she can pronounce that perfectly?"_

_Penny reached over to the coffee table and poured herself another glass of wine. "Hey Leonard shouldn't you change into your costume?"_

_He avoided her gaze and turned his head away from her. "I'm not going." His words were flat and emotionless._

_There was a painfully long awkward silence that wasn't broken until Clare began wriggling in Bernadette's lap, extending her arms for Howard to pick her up. " Dadeeee."_

_Howard walked across the room and lifted her up into his arms. "Well looks like she needs changing."_

"_I only just changed her diaper."_

_He pointed to the costume in his opposite hand. "Who said anything about a diaper change?"_

_Leaving Bernadette with no time to argue he spun around on his heel and made a quick exit._

_Unwilling to lose the argument Bernadette sprung to her feet and followed him out "Howard Wolowitz, you bring her back here now."_

_Penny waited for the slam of the door before she turned her attention back to Leonard. "Sweetie?" _

_Still he avoided her gaze, focusing on a picture that hung on the wall over the other side of the room. "I'm not really in the mood for talking."_

"_I can see that. You've been depressed since Clare's birthday last week."_

_He visibly tensed, gripping the fabric of the sofa. "What do you expect from me Penny?"_

"_I expect you to be happy, we were celebrating her being a year old. Doesn't that make you proud?"_

"_I don't know, should it? Should I be proud and happy like you want me to be?"His tone was cold and almost bitter which set Penny on edge._

"_What is wrong with you? Why don't you want to do any of the other stuff that you used to love?"_

"_Why should I? Bat man, green lantern and aqua man isn't the full justice league."_

_She narrowed her eyes, becoming increasingly frustrated with him. "This isn't about comic con; this is about you not being able to move on."_

_He shook his head and got off the sofa. "We're not having this conversation."_

_The sudden raise in his voice caused her to retaliate just as forcefully. "Then put on your damn costume and go with Raj and Howard."_

_He took a moment to come up with a suitable comeback however the door reopening abruptly ended the tense conversation._

"_Look, I even converted her stroller to look like the Batmobile."_

_Bernadette re-entered the apartment and looked at the stroller in disgust. "Change it back and put her into the onesie she was wearing this morning."_

"_But her costume matches mine! You can't deny that's cute."_

"_It's weird Howard."_

_He adjusted the baby in his arms so he could get a better look at her. "She looks happy."_

"_She doesn't know what's going on."_

_Howard turned to face his friend. "Leonard back me up here. She looks cute, doesn't she?"_

_Swallowing back his anger, Leonard forced a smile. He noted how quickly Howard had managed to slip her into the costume, taking into account that he had barely been out of the room thirty seconds. "She doesn't need a corny costume to look cute."_

_Bernadette walked over to where her husband was stood and pulled Clare back into her grip. "I don't care how cute she looks, you're not taking her."_

"_Why not? So you're fine with me looking after her whilst you're out building your career but you won't let me take her away for the weekend?"_

"_That's different! I don't want to be separated from her for that long."_

"_And you think I do?"_

"_Then don't go then!"_

_The group had been so distracted with the argument; none of them had noticed Raj had entered until he spoke up. "What's with all the arguing? Dude have some compassion for your wife she loves Clare just as much as you do."_

"_Thank you Raj, Howard seems to think that he's the one that ..." She started before being promptly interrupted._

"_And you... seriously Bernadette your baby looks freaking adorable."_

"_It doesn't matter; he wants to take her away from me."_

_Raj threw his hands up in exasperation. "Drama queen or what? He's not abducting her; he's taking her away for the weekend."_

_Penny placed down her glass and placed a hand on Raj's shoulder. "Hey sweetie, how about you go lye down? I think somebody's had a little too much to drink."_

_He picked up the bottle of wine that was half finished. "Oh sure, I'm the one that's had too much."_

"_Don't talk to her like that."_

_Raj turned to face the condemning voice. "Don't me talk to her like that? Seriously Leonard you have been an absolute jerk since Sheldon left."_

_Howard intervened, a look of anger in his eyes. "I don't want his name said in front of my baby. I thought we agreed!"_

"_Why not? Why can't I say anything when it's obviously still affecting us?"_

"_No it's still bothering Leonard. My life is fine."_

"_Excuse me? My life is fine as well. Me and Penny live together now and I couldn't be happier."_

_Penny turned to face him and shook her head in disbelief. "Well it would be nice if you showed it every once in a while, I feel like second best here."_

"_That's ridiculous I have been putting you first for years. Maybe if I paid a little less attention to you and a little more attention to my best friend, we wouldn't be in this mess right now."_

_Penny was left no chance to retaliate as Howard walked over to where his friend was stood and gave him a hard push, causing him to stagger backwards. "It's a mess is it? You think my baby has caused all this?"_

_A wave of guilt suddenly washed over him and he diverted his gaze to the ground. "No Howard I didn't mean that I..." _

"_You know what? I don't care that he's gone. Clare is the best thing to ever happen to me and if that weirdo roommate of yours not being her allows me to be her dad then so be it. I don't care what you think, there is no way he could've ever cared for her. "_

"_I get the idea Howard. You haven't exactly tried to hide it."_

"_And why should I? I love her, which is more than what can be said for Doctor Whack- a- doodle."_

"_Would you just shut up? Does it make you feel good handing out childish insults?"_

"_You were never bothered by it before, you were just as bad as the rest of us and you know you were."_

_Leonard took a step away from him. "Well maybe I give a damn that none of us know where he is."_

_Ignoring her hurt over the harsh comment he had hurled at her, Penny reached over and took hold of Leonard's hand. "I miss him too Sweetie, but if he was going to get in touch don't you think he'd have done it by now?"_

"_I don't know, but maybe once the dust has settled he'll pick up the phone."_

_Raj spoke up once more. "Seriously? You're still hoping even after all his time?"_

"_You make it sound like a lifetime has passed. It's only been a year!"_

"_And what is left for him to come back for now? He's probably got a whole new life somewhere else now."_

"_No. There is plenty for him to come back for. Plenty."_

_Penny took hold of the material of his hoodie and pulled him so he was facing her. "Listen to me Leonard; you need to let this go. He's not coming back."_

"_You don't know that. How could you know that?"_

"_The university have made cuts so he won't be able to return to his old job, his kid calls somebody else dad and you rented out the apartment. There is nothing here for him anymore."_

_He raised his voice to a bellowing shout. "You can't know that!"_

_His anger only served to make the situation ten times worse as the young baby let out a shrill cry and buried her face in Bernadette's cardigan. Bernadette bounced her up and down in attempts to calm her before shooting Leonard a venomous look. "You see what you did? Now you've done it."_

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her."_

"_Oh you're going to be. Do you know how long it's going to take me to get her settled now?"_

"_I said I was sorry, what more can I do?"_

"_Absolutely nothing. Don't you know anything about babies? _

_Howard extended his arms. "Just give her to me, I'll calm her down."_

"_I'm perfectly capable of calming her myself."_

"_I get that, but I want to hold her too."_

_She raised her voice and deepened her tone. "WOULD YOU JUST BACK OFF?"_

"_I don't get why you're acting like this. Look at you; you're holding her like she's about to get snatched by a hungry lion."_

"_How many times have I said that I don't want you taking her away for the weekend?"_

"_So I get no say in this? Do you not think I'm capable of taking care of her on my own?"_

_Penny stepped away from Leonard and stood mid way between the rowing couple, as if to create a barrier between them and their ill feeling. "If you want her to stop crying, you need to stop yelling."_

"_We're not the only ones yelling!"_

_Leonard exhaled loudly and allowed his shoulders to slump. "She's right Penny, we all need to stop this."_

"_You don't know how to Leonard, you're just so bitter about him leaving." She allowed the emotions of the fight catch up with her as tears of frustration and exhaustion pooled in her eyes before brimming over._

"_Please don't cry. I never want to hurt you."_

"_I just want the old Leonard back."_

"_The old Leonard abided by schedules; what he ate was determined by what day of the week it was, when he went to the bathroom was dictated to by an agreement, he had to stay on a certain part of the couch and he had to drive his roommate wherever he went. Now what is there? How am I meant to adjust to this new life without him?"_

"_There's me, you've got me!"_

_He slowly sank down to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chin. "Do I though? Do I really have you?"_

"_What more do you want? Do you want it in writing?" As soon as the words were out, she instantly regretted her sarcastic approach._

"_You were never a certainty in my life, he was always there."_

"_Well I am now. This is going to work this time, I just know it will."_

_Raj saw his opportunity to re-enter the conversation. "Then say it this time. Say it!"_

_She shot him a look of warning. "Hey! Don't make me throw you out again because you know I will."_

"_You can't blame a guy for trying. So go on, don't disappoint me twice."_

_There was a long pause as she considered his words. "I won't."_

_Leonard got to his feet, a look of heartbreak and anger burning like a destructive fire in his usually kind eyes. "Then I'm outta here, I'm sick of waiting around for you."_

_She shook her head and reached out for him. "No, you don't I meant was I wouldn't disappoint Raj this time."_

_His features softened as the look of anger quickly evaporated in his eyes. "Do you really mean that?"_

_She walked over to where he was stood and wrapped her arms around his neck before lowering her tone to a whisper. "I need to hear you say it first."_

_There was no hesitation. "I love you, you know I do."_

_She took a breath to steady herself. "I love you too."_

_Raj let out a girlish scream and erupted into an over enthusiastic round of applause. "Oh this is so romantic, I never thought this would happen but it has."_

_Leonard and Penny relaxed into a strong embrace burying their head in each other's shoulders as if they were the only ones in the room. The setting may have been less than perfect but the meaning was still the same._

_Howard slowly approached his wife and placed a light hand on her arm. "I'm sorry Bernie, if you want me to stay then I will."_

"_But you were looking forward to this."_

_He bent down and placed a light kiss on top of Clare's head. "Nothing comes before my girls. Nothing."_

_She looked down at the young baby allowing a smile to appear. "She does look pretty cute."_

"_Very cute."_

_Leonard brought the hug to a close and looked over at the family. "Then why waste this opportunity? You should all go."_

"_What? Do you mean I go with him and take the baby too?"_

"_Sure why not?" He looked over at Penny and took hold of her hand. "We'll all go."_

"_You want to go?"_

_He nodded."I really do."_

_A wide grin spread across Raj's face. "Comic con is saved."_

Penny found herself cut off by her husband's voice.

"We all went that year and despite my fears it was great."

She looked up to see him. "I didn't notice you come in."

"I came in at the part where you were reliving the first time you told me you loved me."

Clare suddenly rose out of her seat, a look of determination in her eyes. "Have you seen Doctor Cooper, since he arrived in the city?"

He merely nodded, unsure of how to respond.

"Right, give me the details of where he is staying before I change my mind."

"Are you sure? Have you even thought about this?"

She furiously shook her head, refusing to let herself give it anymore thought. "No, if I do I'll change my mind. So just write down the address and let me go see him."

Doing as ordered Leonard quickly scribbled down the details on a scrap of paper and passed it over to her.

"Wish me luck." With that she quickly ran from the room and out the door, she was going to see him today and she wasn't going to leave room for doubt.


	4. Chapter 4

Clare Wolowitz sat at the wheel of her car and stared vacantly out the window, her keys were in her hand yet she made no effort to start the car. Ten minutes previously she had been determined to go see her birth parents, now she couldn't bring herself to drive away.

Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her phone, Clare searched through her contacts until she found who she was looking for.

After a few short seconds the call was picked up.

"Clare? Is that you?"

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Yes, it's me."

"Press the video chat button, I want to see you."

She scanned the menu until she found the right button and soon enough the image of her father appeared on the screen.

"How's the trip going?"

Without answering her question, Howard was silent for a moment as he studied her facial expressions. "You ok baby? You don't look so good."

She blinked a few times whilst trying to suppress the nervous facial twitch that so often appeared when she was dishonest. "I'm fine. I just wanted to see how you were."

"You don't look fine."

She found herself beginning to doubt her decision to call him. Before, the idea seemed comforting; now she couldn't help but feel guilty. "I just miss you." She nervously fiddled with the keys in her hands.

A look of guilt flashed in his eyes. "Oh Clare, would you like me to come back?"

There was an undeniable urge to scream yes, she wanted to be selfish and demand he come home to her, to allow her to forget all about Sheldon and Amy and move on as if she'd never heard they were back in the country. "No. You should continue your vacation."

"I know when something isn't right."

She focused her eyes on the dashboard of the car in attempts to avoid his suspicious glare. "Seriously Dad, I just wanted to hear your voice."

Clare knew Howard was unconvinced; she had never been able to successfully keep a secret. She was brilliant at many things but lying was not one of them. She always thought the key to telling a successful lie was all in the details, she would come up with elaborate tales in hopes that her parents would believe her. They never did, and now was no exception.

"I know there's something you're not telling me."

For a moment she hovered her thumb over the end call button before changing her mind. "Will you sing me Rocket Man?"

His eyes widened in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Yes. Seriously."

"I thought that was your sick song?"

"Missing my Dad is a kinda sick."

A small smile graced his lips. "It's been a few years since I've sung it to you."

"You said you would always sing me Rocket Man!"

"Yes, I will always sing it to you. Are you going to sing it with me?"

She nodded. "Yes, you start."

He cleared his throat and altered the pitch of his voice to suit the song. "She packed my bags, last night pre flight." He nodded at Clare to signal it was her turn.

"Zero hour. Nine A-M."

"And I'm gonna be as high as a kite by then, I miss the earth so much, I miss my wife."

It had been a while since they had sung it together however they still knew the words perfectly. "It's lonely out in space on such a timeless flight."

"And I think it's gonna be a long long time till touch down brings round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home."

"Oh no, no, no."

"I'm a rocket man, rocket man." They sang out in perfect unison, putting overemphasis on the last few words.

They continued to sing the song through to the end, until their voices were hoarse from the overemphasis of the notes and the passion they had put into it. It didn't matter to them that they were horribly out of tune, it was a song that they had a shared love of and that's all that mattered.

Raj's voice could be heard in the background. "Dude, seriously. I get it, you were once an astronaut. You can shut up about it now."

Howard looked behind him before turning his attention back to Clare. "I guess that's me told."

"I think it's awesome that you were in space."

He shrugged. "It's a great story but I was better suited to fatherhood."

"But you got to leave the earth's atmosphere and see the world from up above, how can anything else be comparable to that?"

"Nothing is more beautiful than you baby."

Raj could be heard once again. "Oh my God, even I find that pukes worthy."

"I better get going. He's become a bit of a jerk now that he can talk to women."

A pang of disappointment suddenly hit her, for a moment she had allowed herself to forget that he was miles and miles away. "Oh... Okay. Call me again soon?"

"You know I will."

She placed her phone back into her pocket and rested her head up against the steering wheel, letting out a sigh of frustration as she did so. "Damn it Clare, why must you let your emotions defeat you?" She berated herself.

"You know you really ought to lock your car, I just climbed in without you noticing." Came a voice from the passenger side which caused Clare to let out a scream of shock.

"What the hell?"

"There's no need to scream, it's not as if I'm here to hold you at knife point and take all your money."

Clare panted heavily trying to get her breath back. "How else am I meant to react? You could've given me a bit more warning."

"You gave me no warning."

She narrowed her eyes, and crossed her arms. "What are you talking about?"

"Five years ago, you came to Texas with me and then left in the middle of the night."

Clare nervously shifted her seat. Her already small car seemed to be more compact than usual. "You're not wrong."

"I got no goodbye. I want to know why that was."


	5. Chapter 5

Clare brought her keys up and rammed them into the ignition. "Get out of my car, I need to be somewhere."

"Penny called me. She told me you were on your way to see me and Sheldon."

She shuffled over in her seat and released the seat belt. "Well I've changed my mind; I made my decision years ago." She reached over and pulled on the door handle.

"So you're going to just leave your car here? With the engine still running?"

With ferocious force she slammed the door shut and slumped back into her seat. "Get out of my car."

"Don't you think you're being a little rude?"

"May! I mean it, just get out."

In that moment the familiar pang of disappointment, that she experienced five years previously resurfaced. "Still getting my name wrong?"

Clare's facial features softened into an apologetic expression. "Listen... Amy. It's not that I don't want to see you. It's just..."

"It's just what? You know Sheldon eventually told me what happened the night you left."

She raised her eyebrow. "Eventually told you?"

"Yes he sprung it out during a lengthy debate over which one of our fields of work is the most superior. As you can guess, the argument took a totally new path after that little snippet of information was revealed."

"You're telling me he used it to win an argument?"

"Yeah... he's kind of an ass."

Clare diverted her gaze to look out the window. "What exactly did he tell you?"

"You were there, why would you need it recounted?"

"I'm merely asking for what he said happened. After all, his version of events could be completely different to how I recall it."

"You know that's just what he said? You insist that you're pure Wolowitz and won't admit to being anything like us."Her words were calm and casual which made Clare think twice about responding with anger.

After a few seconds of thought, she repeated her initial request. "Will you just get out of my car?"

"Five years and that's all you've got to say?"

"I'm sorry. I can't think of anything more that could be said."

"Why? You were going to come and see us."

Unwilling to cause further argument, she allowed her tense shoulders to slump. "Forget what I have to say you, what is it you want to say to me?"

"I don't want to say anything wrong."

"Then say something right."

"Do you really think it's that simple?"

"Of course. If we look at this logically, you told me that you don't want to say anything wrong, the solution to that is to say something that is right."

"When you put it like that, it does sound straight forward."

"I like to think everything has a logical explanation."

Amy looked thoughtful for a moment, raising her eyebrow slightly as she did so. "And does it?"

Her tone was flat with evident disappointment that she made no effort to conceal. "No. There is no explaining some things."

"Does that bother you?"

"Should it?"

"Uh, well uh... I don't really know how to answer that."

"Then interpret it as rhetorical."

For a second she diverted her eyes to the floor before painting on an uneasy smile. "Well I hope you eventually find any answers you may be looking for."

"I wasn't entirely truthful earlier. I have so many questions for you that I wouldn't even know where to start."

"You know I'll answer them, please let me do this for you."

There was long silence as Clare considered her statement. She didn't want to be impulsive in this instance, five years ago she was a confused fourteen year old – today she wanted to use the benefit of experience to make sure she didn't get any more emotionally attached than what she needed to be.

"Do you need to get back to Stewart?"

Amy pulled up her sleeve and checked her wrist watch. "Sheldon has him."

"And does he know where you are?"

"He and Stewart have started a game of dungeons and dragons, it will be hours before they even notice I'm not there."

Clare slowly nodded her head, she was all too familiar with how consuming the game could be. "I have been there."

"So you'll talk to me?"

She gestured to Amy's seat belt and restarted the engine. "Put your belt on."

"Where are we going?"

"I know a place that's perfect."

oOo

Amy nervously stirred the coffee that was in front of her, waiting for Clare to speak. Looking over at her estranged daughter it was clear that the younger woman was relying on Amy to make the first move.

Amy took a sweeping glance of the room. "I've not been here since the day I took you here."

"It was the day we met."

"I don't mean to nitpick but I carried you for nine months and you were three days old when I left."

Clare picked up the muffin she ordered and tore a piece off. "I don't remember any of that, I remember sitting by my mom's grave and then an unfamiliar woman was stood in front of me."

Amy couldn't help but express her guilt. "It doesn't seem right that a child of fourteen years old wouldn't recognise her own mother."

"I believe that whether or not I recognised you was an independent variable."

"An independent variable?"

"Yes, a factor the can be influenced by the person in charge; you being the person in charge and whether you stayed or went being the thing that could be influenced."

"I know what it is, it's just..."

"And anyway I would recognise my mother anywhere. She was considerably shorter than me in the height area but when it came to bra sizes she was a lot larger; she had shiny blonde hair that she would curl, her voice was sweet yet a little on the high pitched side and her eyes were blue."

Amy placed the spoon into the cup and gave it another stir, anything to distract her from the pain she felt. "Well that's just..."

"If that's not enough for you, she also wore glasses but they were nice glasses and they suited her, she always wore her cross necklace no matter how mad grandma got, her shampoo was mango scented and she never took off the bracelet I bought her for Christmas when I was eight."

Amy bit down on her tongue in restraint, she was desperate to not let this anger her. "I get it. Yes she was perfect and so was Penny. No guy ever looked at me the way they used to get looked at."

"What does that even mean?"

She shook her head and turned her attention back to the coffee mug. "Nothing, it's not important."

"You do realise that coffee has probably gone cold?"

Ignoring her question she brought it up to her lips and downed its contents, cringing slightly at the cold and bitter taste that came with it. "It's like high school all over again, being judged by the popular bitches who don't think I'm good enough for their cheerleading team."

Clare pushed her chair away from the table and crossed her arms. "Can you blame me for this? You left me when I needed you."

"So you rub it in my face about how brilliant Bernadette was and how sucky I am?"

"I didn't say sucky, when did I say that you were sucky? I don't think that's even a real word."

Amy got to her feet and swung her bag over her shoulder. "You know what Clare? I get it, you don't want me around and you never will."

"Well May, if you want to leave; I wont stop you but that really will be for the last time."

"Are you calling me May on purpose?"

"Is that all you picked up on what I just said?"

Amy readjusted the strap of her bag and made an attempt of assertiveness. "I will discuss this with you, if you repeat what you said except this time, will you call me Amy?"

Clare had always been stubborn and was never one for backing down – this time was no exception. "Counter proposal, I don't repeat what I said, you sit back down and I'll continue to call you May."

Amy sighed to herself and reluctantly sunk back down into her chair. "I wish you knew just how familiar that sounded."

"I deny any likeness to Doctor Cooper."

"That's rather impersonal isn't it? She made the inverted comma signs with her fingers. "Doctor Cooper told me that you yourself admitted that the night you left."

It was true that Clare had said that, she had even forced herself to say Amy instead of May, however it had never sat right with her. "To me, you'll always be Doctor Cooper and May."

Amy felt the undeniable urge to wholeheartedly protest against this. "Sheldon told me that you said that you believed that we deserved more than that."

"It's not meant to be insulting or belittling it's just my representation of you. We all see things from different perspectives and when I think of the two of you, that's what springs to mind."

Amy furiously blinked back the tears that were threatening to surface. "When I think of you, you're just Clare."

"Just Clare?"

"Yes. If I don't acknowledge that your surname is Wolowitz, then in my mind you can be my daughter."

"You want me to be your daughter? You've never been there."

"You could say I've been a bad mother for nineteen years or maybe you could cut me a little slack and say I've been a good one for nine."

Clare swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "I loved him from the moment I set eyes on him in Texas. You do know that, right?"

"He's your brother, how could you not?"

"I had to protect myself from getting close to you and Doctor Cooper. You had left me once and I thought there was no chance I could ever depend on either of you."

"But Stewart?"

"He was so young and innocent. When Mom got Ill, she and Dad made a pact that if she got better, they would have a baby. They were hoping for a little baby boy."

Amy reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. "Keep going."

Her voice began to break with the strained emotion. "And I always thought me having a little brother would mean that my Mom was better and that our family was going to be okay but..."

"But what?"

"But there Stewart was, he looked so much like me, but my mom wasn't better and my Dad was so unhappy. It didn't matter though because he was such a great little guy and by now he would've forgotten me and I hate that."

This time Amy let her emotion to flow. "He asks why he doesn't have any brothers or sisters like his friends do."

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't know who I am, I will love him for the rest of my life and as long as I know you love him then that's enough."

"I wish he knew but Sheldon refuses to tell him, he says we have to let you go and accept that you're a Wolowitz."

"Do you want me to tell you he's wrong? Because I can't do that, I can't tell you that I don't agree with him."

Amy brought her hand up and placed a light hand on her cheek. "Fourteen years apart and then a further five, they were both awful. I don't want to be separated from you again."

"I don't know M.. Amy. What if it's too late? What if it's just been left way too long?"

"Then you'll need to know for sure."

"What do you want me to do?"

She reached into her pocket and produced a leaflet for the opening of Caltech's new physics department. "Sheldon will be opening it and I'll be there too. Think about it and if you want to see us, turn up on the day."

"That's a week away."

She got to her feet and pushed her chair in. "Then you'll have plenty of time to think."

"At least let me drive you back."

She shook her head and turned to walk away. "I'll make my own way back."

"What if I don't come to the opening? This could be the last time you see me."

She paused and turned her head to face her. "Well to be honest I'm counting on you being there so that this conversation in a diner won't be the last memory I have of you."

"But if it is? What if this all ends here?"

Amy took a breath to steady herself. "Then if this is it, I just want you to know that I love you."

"And I want to take this opportunity to thank you for the tiara."

Amy nodded and pressed down on the door handle. "I reckon it would suit you way better than it would have on me."

"I'm not so sure."

"Then it looks like we'll have to agree to disagree."

With that she exited the diner, leaving Clare alone once more.

She slumped back on her chair and focused on the music that was playing on the juke box in the corner. It was an old song by the four tops and it was nearly halfway through.

_Bernadette, they want you because of the pride that gives,  
But Bernadette, I want you because I need you to __live__.__  
But while I live only to hold you,  
Some other men, they long to control you.  
But how can they control you Bernadette?  
When they can not control themselves, Bernadette,  
From wanting you, needing you,  
But darling you belong to me_

If Sheldon had been present, even he would've been able to have picked up on the irony of the situation.

She glanced her eyes skywards. "Is somebody trying to tell me something here?"


	6. Chapter 6

Clare looked over at the bus boy who was wiping down the table next to her. "Did you put that song on?"

He paused and turned to face her. "Are you not a fan of the Four Tops?"

"Sure I am. My Dad would sing that song to my Mom all the time. He was a bad singer, like seriously bad."

"Ah. So would her name by any chance be Bernadette?"

Clare relaxed into a laugh. "However did you guess?"

He smiled and picked up one of the menus. "Thank God we got these laminated. I swear that some of these people have some sort of contest going on."

"A contest?"

"Yeap. I can just see them now, walking in and saying to each other; let's see how much crap we can get on the menus."

"Well it's nice to see you have job satisfaction."

"You'd be surprised, this is a good day for me. Every time a customer leaves without puking on a menu I do a little victory dance and maybe sneak myself a chocolate brownie."

"Does puke on the menu happen often?"

"More often than you'd think." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Although I guess if it was a daily occurrence I would be as toned as my Dad is pushing me to be."

She took a moment to look him up and down. He had a similar shape to her Uncle Leonard except with the added height. Judging by his eye brows he must've been a natural red head however he had concealed this with a brown dye and his cheeks flushed a slightly pink colour.

He didn't look very old. She would've guessed him to be no more than the same age as her or at a push a year or two older. He was wearing the uniform however the chequered trainers on his feet and the luminous belt around his waist suggested that he liked to bend the rules.

Upon realising that she was staring, Clare quickly diverted her eyes. "So uh... These chocolate brownies, how good are they?"

He shrugged. "Meh, they're pretty crap. I just eat them because I'm bored."

"You're not a very good sales person, are you?"

He shot her a cheeky wink. "What can I say? My talents lie elsewhere."

"Where would you rather be?"

"Oh I don't know. Sunning myself in Hawaii? Although saying that, I am a horrific sun burner. Ten minutes in the sun and I'm like some sort of a demented lobster."

"Anywhere else?"

"I did like Manhattan when I went. Even though I'm not allowed back to the gift shop in the Empire State building, I'm sure they wouldn't recognise me if I wore a baseball cap."

"Why aren't you allowed back?"

"One of my friends dared me to take something from the shop and I got caught stuffing three snow globes down my underwear."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Then maybe you should rethink your plan?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small child drawing on the wall with a crayon. "Hey kid, if you're gonna graffiti the place, wait until my shift is over." He tapped his watch to emphasise his point. "I've only got ten more minutes."

"You're not going to stop him?"

He shook his head and picked up the coffee mug that Amy had left on the table. "Like I said, only ten more minutes and its somebody else's problem."

Clare rolled her eyes. "Hmm."

"I'm sensing you disapprove?"

"The only thing I disapprove of is you staying in a job you hate."

"You speak your mind, I give you that."

She let out a laugh and shook her head in amusement. "Then that makes two of us."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. A wide and almost sinister smile spread across his face which gave Clare the impression he was up to no good.

"You're up to something aren't you?"

"I like you, you're alright."

"Uh... thanks, I guess."

"I'm gonna make you the most expensive ice cream Sundae on the menu and not charge you for it."

Clare nervously chewed her bottom lip and lowered her voice to a whisper. "You can't do that, it's not allowed."

He held out his hand for her to take. "That's what will make it taste so good."

She couldn't help but laugh. "What if you get caught?"

"What if I don't?"

"Aren't you worried about losing your job?"

"Hell no, I'm the most enthusiastic employee they have. They wouldn't dare fire me."

"In what universe are you the most enthusiastic?"

"In many universes. You should meet the miserable shits I work with."

Clare looked around the room a few times as if she was about to pull off the crime of the century. "Let's go for it."

Jumping out of her chair, she took hold of his hand and they ran through to the kitchen area together.

He pulled open the freezer and produced several tubs of ice creams. "Right, so usually we only use three scoops but today we're going to double that."

"That's an awful lot of ice cream."

"What can I say? I live life on the edge. So what scoops do you want?"

"Uh cookie dough, mint, chocolate, vanilla and..."

"Two more to choose."

Clare threw her hands up to signal her indecision. "You choose for me."

He didn't hesitate. "Well it's obviously going to be pistachio and strawberry."

"Great choice."

He took hold of the ice cream scoop and pilled the flavours into the bowl as high as he could manage.

"Now for the bananas, its usually only one but I'm going to use three."

"Three? Do we really need three?"

"We don't need three, I just want three."

Spying the bananas over on the opposite work surface, she crossed over and picked three up before throwing them over to him.

Upon catching them he threw them up in the air and caught them several times. "Have you ever seen a guy juggle bananas before?"

"I have now."

Suddenly he lost control of them and he let them fall to the ground, he stared at them for a while but made no effort to pick them up. "Would you believe me if I told you that was part of the act?"

She bent down and retrieved them, peeling off their skins and adding them to the bowl. "If it makes you feel better, then I will."

Turning his attention back to the bowl, he picked up the tub of sprinkles and poured them over until the entire Sundae was buried underneath them.

"You're not one to do things by halves, are you?"

"I've got to find excitement somewhere. Believe it or not, life as a bus boy isn't exactly life in the fast lane."

"Have you ever considered another job?"

He turned to look at her. "Let me guess, university student?"

She nodded. "You would be correct."

"I thought so. Count yourself lucky that you got that opportunity."

"Did you ever consider it?"

"It wouldn't have been me anyway. Sometimes I wish I could just hop on my motorcycle and ride on out of here."

Clare considered his words for a few seconds. "That's what my Dad did. He's been gone nearly a year now."

"Good for him. Pasadena is great but I just feel like there is so much more outside of this place."

"I agree."

He turned back to the sundae and threw on a few cherries and added whipped cream to the top. "You're at uni, why would you want to leave?"

"It's not that, it's just..."

"Who would I tell?"

Clare quickly changed the subject. "Can we add lots of peanuts? They weren't allowed in the house when I was growing up."

"What did your parents have against them?"

"They would've sent my Dad into anaphylaxis shock."

He opened the container and threw on a large handful of peanuts. "That sucks."

"Yeah, we had a lot of near misses. He once ate a whole packet of chocolate peanuts and he wasn't right for ages after."

"Damn, sounds bad. Didn't he notice what he was eating?"

Clare mentally cursed herself. She hadn't thought about it in ages and she couldn't figure out why she had suddenly brought it up. "I guess not."

Judging by the look on his face he had realised, however he didn't let on. "Right, so let's add the sauce. How about we go mad and use them all?" He picked up two bottles and held them out to her.

A wide grin spread across her features. "Yes, let's go mad."

oOo

Sat back in the cafe area Clare looked across the table at her new friend and placed the spoon into the ice cream. "Looks like the kid with the crayons is free to graffiti."

A loud booming voice from behind them left him with no chance to respond. "Daniel! That is coming out of your pay cheque."

He placed down his spoon and turned to face his boss. "How do you know I haven't paid for it?"

"You have worked here for two years. I know what you're like."

"Ah c'mon, surely you can let this slide?"

"Daniel, I will not give you special treatment. You know the rules."

He exhaled loudly. "Yes boss."

He waited until his boss walked back into the manager's office before extending his hand to Clare. "So my name is Daniel."

It wasn't until that moment that she realised they were yet to exchange names. "Oh right, I'm Clare."

"I have an aunty named Clare." He paused for a moment. "She's a bitch."

"I hope you're not suggesting that..."

A look of embarrassment flash across Daniel's face. "I feel like a right tool. Talk about putting my foot in it."

Clare took a spoonful of ice cream and took a bite. "I think I can let it go, just this once."

Hoping to save face, Daniel quickly looked to change the subject. "So uh... You look a lot like your mom."

"What do you mean?"

"You were in here with her earlier and I noticed how much you looked like her."

"Oh. No, she's not my mom."

"Seriously? You've gotta be related in some way."

Clare looked down at her lap for a moment. "Well she is my mother in one respect, but not really."

"Step mother?"

She shook her head. "No, no she did give birth to me."

"Then doesn't that make her your mother?"

"No, she gave me up for adoption. Then woman I knew as my Mom died five years ago."

"Tough break. It's times like this where I feel like I've been a bad son to my father."

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"Try having an intelligent conversation with him. Stupid is not the word."

"I don't believe that."

"The guy has a one track mind. He rang me up at two in the morning to tell me about this chick he nailed. Seriously that's the words he used."

Clare thought about her own father. "I can't say my Dad has ever done that to me, although about a year after my mother's death I walked in on him doing the dance with no pants with Leslie Winkle."

"Who is Leslie Winkle?"

"The answer to the question; who made Sheldon Cooper cry?"

"Should I ask who Sheldon Cooper is?"

"I know he's a great physicist but other than that I couldn't tell you much. How about you tell me more about your father?"

Daniel placed down his spoon and leant back in his chair slightly. "Well he's not the brightest of light bulbs. I doubt he could even change one."

"Have you got anything positive to say about him?"

"Well the fact that he's such a nice guy makes it harder to poke fun out of him, although I doubt he'd even notice if I did."

She playfully punched his arm. "See you do love him."

"I'd love to be as good looking as him, all my looks are on my mother's side."

"How good looking is good looking?

"Don't even get me started, he's muscular; he's tall and his hair is great. I feel pretty shit when I stand next to him."

Clare felt like she should contribute. "My Dad is a lot shorter than me and has had the same Beatles style hair cut for as long as I can remember."

"You're adopted though, right?"

She nodded. "I haven't seen my biological father in five years but I'm guessing we're about the same height now. I grew a few inches."

Daniel attempted to keep a straight face. "I can't say I noticed."

"I tower above most people. If you can't see it, you must be blind."

"Maybe I like tall girls."

"Really? Most guys won't come near me because of it."

He attempted to sound flirty. "Well I think it's hot."

Clare brought her hand up to her mouth to stifle her laughter. "You don't do this very often, do you?"

"And you do?"

"Well no... but that was hilarious."

"I've been told that making a girl laugh is always a good thing."

Before Clare could respond, the manager's door swung open. "Daniel go home, you're scaring the customers."

"I'm off shift, I am a customer now."

"You're making a nuisance of yourself."

"How? How am I making a nuisance of myself?"

The manager crossed his arms and shot him a look of warning.

Daniel got to his feet and pushed the chair back into the table. "Okay, I'm going." He gestured for Clare to follow him, and the pair made their way out.

Making their way out onto the street, Daniel reached into his pockets and produced the keys to his motorcycle. "I best get going. Me and my roommate have been invited to some party."

She looked over to the other side of the road and spotted a parked motorcycle. "Is that yours?"

"I hope it is, considering it's the only one parked there."

Clare took a few seconds to inspect it, it was definitely a step up from her father's but she had seen better ones. "It's a good bike."

He shrugged. "Well, it's not the Harley I've always dreamed of. But it will do for now."

She smiled before holding out her hand for him to shake. "Well it was great to meet you."

"And you." He agreed, returning the gesture.

"Goodbye." He took a few steps forward before changing his mind and turning to face her. "Unless."

"Unless what?"

He paused for a moment, trying to work out how to word his request. "Unless you want to come with me?"

She took a step back, blushing slightly. "You want me to come to the party with you?"

"It will be a good party, from what I've heard."

"I don't really go to parties."

He walked over to the motorcycle and climbed on. "To every rule there is an exception."

"I don't often bend the rules."

"I do. It makes life all the more interesting." He started the engine and slowly brought the bike over to her side of the road.

"And if we did go, would it be on that?"

Daniel nodded and patted the seat. "Yes, it would be." He opened the holder attached to the back and pulled out a helmet for her.

"I'm not sure, I hardly know you."

"So get to know me."

"You think you're irresistible don't you?"

"No. Do you?"

She defiantly shook her head, determined to play it cool. "I could easily resist."

Daniel threw the helmet over to her. "Well if you're not coming tonight, I hope to see you again soon."

"Do you realise what you just said and what you did, completely contradicted each other?"

He placed his foot down on the pedal and slowly made his way down the road. "Last chance."

She started walking alongside the bike. "You're certain I'm going to get on, aren't you?"

"I'm hoping you are. Anyway this is a new bike, be the first girl that rides on the back."

"The way you say new makes me think you once had an old one."

"I did indeed."

"I'm not getting on unless I know what happened to the last one."

He snorted. "Trust me. You would not get on this bike, if you knew what happened to the last one."

"Then I think I'll take my own car." Despite this, she continued to walk alongside the bike.

"Wouldn't you have parked it back that way?"

"Maybe."

"How about I do you deal?"

She turned to face him. "You know, you're going to come off that bike if you're not careful."

"I'm going at like two miles an hour."

Clare quickened her pace a little. "So go on, what is this deal you want to negotiate?"

"I will tell you what happened to my old bike, if you tell me why you're unhappy at university."

This had evidently thrown her off guard. "Who says I'm unhappy?"

"No one, I just picked up on it earlier when you were talking about it."

She sighed. "I'm studying microbiology."

"Sounds interesting."

"It's not. I hate it."

Daniel pressed his foot down on the break and brought the bike to a standstill. "Then why do it?"

"Because my Mom loved it, that's why."

"Why should that influence your decision?"

"I feel like this is what she would've wanted, it's like I'm somehow keeping a small part of her alive. Do you understand?"

He placed his foot down on the pedal and returned it to the steady pace that he had been going at before. "I don't get why you would want to make yourself unhappy."

"I don't, I want to do what would've made her happy."

"Don't you think she would've wanted you to..." He started however found himself interrupted.

"The deal was I told you why I didn't like university and I told you. Now it's your turn, what happened to your old bike?"

He shrugged "It was old, it just gave up."

"What so that was what the big lead up was for?" She responded outraged.

"You would have lost interest if I'd have led with that."

"Let me on then."

He gave her a mischievous grin. "I'm not stopping."

"Just stop and let me on."

"I'm not going that fast you can jump on."

"It would be easier for you to stop."

"Where would the fun in that be?"

Clare stopped and placed her hands on her hips. "If you don't stop, I won't come with you."

Deciding that he had lost, Daniel brought the bike to a stop. "Hop on then."

Eager to go with him, she changed from her slow walk to a speedy run. Once Clare had reached him, she climbed on the back and secured her helmet. "Something tells me I'm going to have to hold on tight."

**A/N: Hi all thank you for all your support so far. How is everyone finding the way this story is set out? It is a lot different to Someone to love you better but I do like to put some flashbacks in every once in a while. A few lines to hear what you're thinking would be hugely appreciated.**


	7. Chapter 7

Howard Wolowitz stood in the en suite of his hotel room and brushed his teeth. He had been thinking about his daughter for the majority of the day. When she had rang him, she had seemed upset and he couldn't figure out what it could've been.

At the back of his mind there was a niggling doubt and a condemning voice that told him, he should've known and that Bernadette would've dealt with it way better than he ever could. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, it would not leave him alone.

It was at times like this, where he would find himself thinking about his wife. Howard for the majority of the time could say that he had managed to deal with his grief; but it was times like this, where he missed her the most.

Two hammering knocks on the door, abruptly pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Dude you've been in there ages, I'm beginning to suspect you're not really brushing your teeth."

Howard picked up the cup of water in front of him and rinsed his mouth out. "Just a minute."

"I knew we should have got separate hotel rooms, I just knew it."

"I'm only brushing my teeth!"

"I know you and I know that you spending this long in the bathroom could only mean one thing."

Howard promptly placed down the brush and opened the door for his friend. "I never did stuff like that when Clare and Bernadette were in the house."

"Oh, so you have no trouble doing stuff like that when I'm in the next room?"

"I wasn't!"

Raj walked around him and into the bathroom. "I hope you cleaned up after whatever you weren't doing."

Howard stepped away so Raj could close the door. "Hey Raj, can I ask you something?" He raised his voice so Raj could hear him through the closed door.

The sound of the bath running could be heard.

"Sure, what is it?"

"If your daughter called you up and you could tell she was upset, but you couldn't do much because you were hours away. What would you do?"

"I don't have a daughter."

Howard let out a sigh of frustration. "It's hypothetical."

"Why don't you just tell me straight that you're worried about Clare?"

"Fine..."

"Fine what?"

"Fine, I'm worried about Clare."

Howard heard Raj turn off the taps and all too soon he had emerged from the bathroom. "Looks like bath time will have to wait."

"Am I over thinking this?"

"Well that depends. You haven't told me why you're worried."

Howard walked further into the room and took a seat in the chair in the corner. "Well, she's been back in Pasadena the past few days and this morning she rang me up and she just didn't seem herself."

"You need to let her figure it out for herself if she hasn't told you already."

"I know when something isn't right, Raj. I just know she needs me now."

"May I just remind you that she is nearly twenty years old?"

He defiantly shook his head. "This may be hard to understand but I doesn't matter how old she is. If she needs me, I will always be there to help her."

"Don't you think you're overreacting? She didn't actually say that anything was wrong, did she?"

Howard diverted his eyes to the ground. "Well no, but..."

"Well there you go then, everything's good."

Howard got to his feet. "No. Everything is not good and I can't just sit here and do nothing."

Raj put on his best look of understanding. "Right. So what do you want to do?"

oOo

Daniel's apartment wasn't Clare's idea of luxury living. Despite his previous comment of having a roommate, the place barely looked big enough for him.

The walls had been painted a hideous bright blue and the carpet was severely frayed. The TV in the corner was outdated and the furniture was cheap and presumably second hand.

"So uh... nice place you've got here."

He looked up from the shirt he had been ironing. "Is nice the new word for hellish?"

"It's..."

Daniel laughed. "Now I know it's bad, you're lost for words to describe just how shit it is."

"It's better than my dorm at the university, there's no room to swing a cat."

"Damn, swinging cats is my favourite hobby." He joked, returning to ironing his shirt.

"So what time is the party?"

He placed down the iron and looked up at the clock on the wall. "We've got about an hour."

Clare leant over to retrieve her bag off the coffee table, however a pile of magazines immediately caught her eye. "Travel brochures? You really do want to get away."

He switched off the iron and took a place next to Clare on the sofa. "I always tell myself that there's no harm in looking."

"Do you ever think you'll do more than just look?"

"Who knows? It's a bit depressing to think that these brochures are the closest I will ever have to getting out of here."

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I've always wanted to see Europe."

Daniel nodded. "I would catch a plane and have the bike shipped over."

"Where would you go?"

"I would go to Barcelona and drink my own body weight in sangria."

"How about Paris?"

He gave her a flirtatious wink."The city of love?"

"Well I was thinking more along the lines of the Eiffel tower and the Louvre."

He painted on a look of mock disappointment. "You lead a guy on and then you chop him down. How about Amsterdam?"

Clare narrowed her eyes to signal her suspicion. "It depends on what you had in mind."

He took a moment for thought. "Anne Frank's house? and the Van Gogh museum?"

"Yeah, sure that's why you want to go."

Daniel moved the conversation swiftly onwards. "How about Scotland? We could go look for the loch ness monster?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "It's a myth."

He attempted to sound serious. "I'm not so sure."

"Where else?"

"London? We could visit the queen."

"You can't visit the queen!"

"Who knows? She might make an exception for us."

Clare reached over and picked up another brochure and flicked through the pages. "That's where my parents went after they left."

"Then it looks like London really is calling."

She shook her head. "It seems ironic that we're discussing visiting the place they live whilst they're back in this country."

"Would you ever take the plunge?"

"I've got university, I can't abandon my studies."

"That's what I say about my job but at the end of the day, neither of us are happy."

Clare placed the brochure down at relaxed back into the sofa. "Like you said, looking never did any harm."

"Maybe one day?"

"Agreed." She paused and turned her head to face him. "So now you know all about me, tell me your story."

He exhaled loudly and offered a shrug. "I have a crappy bus boy job for minimum wage; a roommate who is constantly stoned, an idiot father and wild dreams that I'll never achieve." He counted them off on his fingers.

Clare leaned over and playfully punched him on the arm. "It could be worse."

The prominent buzz of the door bell brought the conversation to a close.

Daniel got to his feet and turned on the intercom. "Who is it?"

"It's your Dad. Chrissie threw me out, I need a place to crash."

He rolled his eyes. "Who the hell is Chrissie? I thought you were seeing a woman called Amanda."

"Uh no... Her name is definitely Chrissie. I would know."

"Dad, can't you go stay with grandma?"

"C'mon Danny. I am literally heartbroken, I need to see you."

"If you were literally heartbroken you would be dead."

"Danny, you've lived with me in the past."

Daniel took a deep breath in attempts to compose himself. "I sometimes stayed with you at the weekends."

"Yeah and we had a blast, I told you all these awesome stories."

"They weren't awesome, they all ended in; so long story short, I nailed her."

"And you liked them."The voice protested.

"Cheers Dad, I really appreciate the unconventional upbringing you subjected me to."

"Seriously Dan, It's freezing out here."

Daniel sighed and looked over to Clare. "Looks like the party is off." He pushed the button to grant his father access to the building.

"Cheer up, it can't be that bad." Clare said.

"Do you remember when you said it could be worse?"

She nodded. "Like it was thirty seconds ago."

"Well, it turns out that you were right.

oOo

The past few days for Leonard had been stressful. Ever since he had heard about Sheldon and Amy's return to town he had been feeling sick with worry and it was finally taking its toll on him. A tightness in his chest had appeared a few hours previously and it had been getting gradually worse ever since.

He lay out on the sofa and took several deep breaths, it had been twenty years since it all started and he wasn't as resilient to the stress as he once had been.

Leonard couldn't help but count himself lucky that Sheldon had been his roommate when he was in his twenties. He had been young then and much better equipped to deal with demanding task of living with Sheldon Cooper.

Leonard watched as Penny exited their son's bedroom. "Is he asleep?"

She nodded. "Out like a light. Has Clare Called?"

"Not yet. She's not been in touch since this morning. I'm getting worried."

"What do you expect? She hasn't seen Amy in five years, she's bound to be a little freaked out."

He raised his voice, becoming increasingly anxious. "I should have stopped this. It should've been my job to look after her."

"Listen Sweetie, you need to cool off. You don't look so good."

"How do you think I feel? It's just one piece of crap after another with him."

Penny took note of his pale complexion. It was obvious to anyone that he wasn't coping with the strain. "Please Leonard, let's just go to bed. It will be better in the morning, I promise."

"No. How can you expect me to sleep when Clare and Sheldon are in the same city? Who knows what this could do to her, she won't be able to handle it."

"She's a lot older than what she was last time."

"I don't care. You don't get over something like that. He's no better than my mother."

The shrill ring of Leonard's phone cut through the atmosphere, bringing the conversation to a close.

"Don't answer it. You can call them back in the morning."

Ignoring her request Leonard rifled through his pocket until he retrieved his phone. Upon seeing the caller I.D his face fell. "Oh no."

"Who is it?"

He nervously chewed his bottom lip. "It's Howard."

"Does he know?"

He raised his eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"Don't answer it."

Once more he ignored her and picked up the call. "Hey Howard, how's it going?" He listened for a minute or two as Howard said what he wanted to say. "No everything's fine."

Penny anxiously chewed on her thumbnail, watching on as her husband squirmed in his chair. It was clear to see that Howard was asking him some difficult questions.

"No everything's fine." Leonard said.

There was a long pause down Leonard's end as Howard responded. She watched as Leonard's face, changed from one of discomfort to one of horror. "No seriously, you don't need to do that."

Penny sat bolt upright, becoming increasingly worried by what Howard could possibly saying.

"Howard, you really don't need to..." Leonard found himself cut off by Howard once more.

Once Howard was finished Leonard found himself unable to think of anything that could persuade him against what he had proposed. "If you're really sure, then I can't stop you." He pressed the end call button and threw the phone to the ground in frustration.

"Leonard? What did he say?"

"Okay. So do you remember when I said that Howard being out of town was good as it left us with one less thing to worry about?"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

"Yeap, we've got a problem."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Takes place the day after the last chapter.**

Daniel leant up against his work station, watching on as Clare flicked through a magazine at a table in the far corner. Looking over at the clock, he couldn't help but wonder how it came to be, that he would make the decision to come into work almost an hour early.

The sound of the manager's door swinging open caught his attention.

"Daniel, you're a useless waste of space."

"So the one time I'm actually early, you choose to insult me?"

Ignoring Daniel's statement, he strode over to the deep fat fryer. "You said that you would clean this on Tuesday."

"Yes, but I didn't say which Tuesday."

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Just clean the damn thing."

Over on the work surface Daniel's phone let out a shrill ring, immediately diverting his attention.

"Daniel, what have I told you about using your phone at work?"

"Doesn't count, I still have another hour before my shift starts," He retrieved the phone. Upon reading the caller I.D, his features turned into an exasperated scowl.

"I'd take a guess and say it was another one of your clingy conquests but the one from the day before is sat over there."

He lowered his tone and rammed his phone into his pocket. "One shut up and two it was my Dad, he's moved in with me again."

"Aren't you going to get that?"

"Whatever he wants, I can guarantee that the answer will be; have you tried plugging it in?"

"So, this must be like the third time he's moved in with you this year?"

Daniel allowed his shoulders to slump. "If it's anything like the last time, I won't be rid of him for months."

Unable to think of a suitable response the manager glanced across the room. "If I'm being honest, I'm still in shock over the fact you've brought that girl back."

Panicked, Daniel made the shushing gesture. "Fucking hell Chris, would ya keep your voice down?"

"She can't hear you. Look at her, she's got headphones in."

He allowed the corners of his mouth to spread into a smile. "It's a travel brochure. We sat up all night planning where we'd go if we left here."

"Is that some sort of an innuendo? Because if it is, then you're losing your touch."

"No! I'm serious. I can really talk to this girl."

He raised his eyebrow. "Are you honestly telling me that the infamous Daniel Johnson has actually found a girl that he genuinely likes?"

Turning his back to him, Daniel diverted his attention to the coffee machine. "You know, we really need a new one of these."

"You know there is no shame in admitting that you feel something. A string of one night stands won't make you happy."

"When have I ever said that they would?"

His words were blunt and to the point. "Girls didn't look twice at you in high school, so now you're making up for lost time."

"She's only sat over there, be quiet."

"I repeat, she's listening to music," He reached over and gave him a friendly slap on the back. "Any girl that makes you break your love 'em and leave 'em way of life, must really be something special."

"I only met her yesterday, steady on."

"I know you Dan. You don't give out free sundaes to just anyone."

"You took the money out my wages!"

Chris attempted to hide his smile. "We could argue this all day, but right now that deep fat fryer needs a good clean."

"Nah, I'd rather just take the day off."

"Do you want to lose your job?"

"What kind of a question is that? I don't want to keep it. I'm only here because the rent needs paying."

"Why I don't fire you is beyond me."

Daniel reached into the cupboard below his work station and produced the cleaning products. "I'm going to scrub the fat fryer before you hand me my P45."

"You're not as stupid as you look," He moved away from the counter and back towards his office, "I need to do a stock check, can I trust you not to burn the place down?"

"Accidentally or deliberately?"

"Both."

"I'm not in the mood for arson today, so it should be fine."

Daniel waited until Chris was out of ear shot and eye's view before he placed the cleaning products back where he had found them. "Meh, I'll clean it tomorrow."

He glanced over to the other side of the room and focused on Clare.

Noticing she was being watched, she pulled the headphones out of her ears and returned the glance. "I can't believe you came in this early just to avoid your Dad."

"Imagine if your Dad crashed in on your life like that."

"I've not seen him in nearly a year, he can crash in anytime he likes."

He walked over to where she was sat and pulled up the seat opposite hers. "Have you spoken to him about...?"

"About?"

"Well... You know the whole microbiology mess."

She slowly shook her head. "He was just so proud when I initially decided to go for it. I've always been good at science but I've never liked it, in high school I always used to get sick of doing all the work whilst my lab partner just stared into space."

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I used to spend all my science lessons smoking around the back of the bike shed.

"Did you fail?"

"I failed everything; I went to the wrong room for my geography exam, I forgot my calculator for my math exam and I hadn't studied at all for my history exam."

"So what did you do?"

"I just made it up as I went along."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You can't make up history!"

"That's what my teacher said."

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "You can't have failed everything, surely you didn't fail gym class?"

"Especially gym class. The teacher got his kicks from picking on the fat kids like me."

"Are you exaggerating?"

"Nope he made me run laps until I fainted; he didn't let me stop jumping rope even when my pants had fallen down and I was a great target in dodge ball."

"What about literature classes?"

"Well the teacher didn't like me much after my essay about Romeo and Juliet."

"What did you write?"

"Romeo and Juliet, story about two people falling in love. Their families disapproved so they topped themselves. In conclusion I think the play itself is crap because I can't understand a word of it."

"How could you say that?"

"How could I not say that?"

"Shakespeare is one of the most influential writers of all time."

"Well, it looks like we'll have to agree to disagree."

She opened her mouth to respond, however she wasn't quick enough with formulating a clever comeback. "That just sucks."

"You're not very good at arguments are you?"

"And you are?"

"My grandmother always used to say that I could start an argument in an empty room."

Clare leant back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Hmmm, my grandmother was like that, she always had something to shout about."

"You've met my Dad, sometimes shouting is the only way to get through to him. Although saying that, even then he may not fully get the picture."

"He wasn't that bad." Despite her words, the way she said them suggested she agreed with him way more than what she would've admitted.

"Try having him as a father."

"He's still your Dad."

He shook his head. "All I want is an intelligent conversation with him, is that too much to ask?"

She thought for a while before leaning in closer to him. "Well it's lucky for you that every conversation I have is intelligent."

Despite his best efforts, he was unable to control the wide grin that dominated his features. "I look forward to many of these."

"Well, what a shame you've got to work." She teased.

Quick to think, he looked over at the office door and raised his voice. "Hey Chris, get out here."

Within seconds Chris had opened the door. "What now?"

"So uh... Is having a heart attack a reasonable reason to have the day off work?"

"What are you on about?"

"Just answer the question. If an employee has a heart attack will they be given the day off?"

"Yes, it goes without saying."

Daniel got to his feet and extended his hand for Clare to take. "In that case, I'm having a heart attack."

"No you're not."

Clare got her feet and allowed him to lead her to the exit. Daniel pulled open the door and with one swift movement he threw her over his shoulder.

"I swear to God, I'm actually having a heart attack."

"If you walk out now, you're on night shift all next week for no pay."

Making sure he had secure grip on Clare, he walked out the door without a second glance. "Okay. Once I'm done having this heart attack, I'll work the graveyard shifts next week."

Clare tightened her grip on the fabric of his T-shirt. "Oh dear lord, you're going to drop me."

"I'm being spontaneous."

"I'm several inches taller than you, it can't be very comfortable."

He paused and helped her off his shoulder. "Oh well, it was good whilst it lasted."

"I must say, for someone who's having a heart attack , you're in very good spirits."

He sent a wink her way. "That's just the kind of guy I am."

oOo

It wasn't often that Amy got time to herself. More often than not she would find herself cleaning up after Sheldon and Stewart's experiments or over enthusiastic games of paintball, so when Sheldon had taken Stewart out for the day, she had been more than happy to have some alone time.

Amy and Sheldon hadn't discussed her meeting with Clare the day previously. Sheldon had been more preoccupied with Stewart, that he hadn't pushed the matter.

The past five years had been hard for Amy. Previously they had shared a mutual grievance of Clare leaving them without a goodbye. But now that Amy knew that this wasn't the case for Sheldon, she couldn't help but feel slightly resentful towards him.

He was an incredible father to Stewart, however Amy couldn't help but feel that he had done his best to forget all about the fact that he had daughter who didn't want them in her life. It didn't matter how great they were with Stewart, the fact would always remain that they had been terrible ones to Clare.

Amy was soon pulled from her thoughts by the sound of a knock on the door.

"I'm coming." She called out.

Once she had answered, the person waited for no invitation to be allowed in. "Took me six hours to get back here and less than ten minutes to get Leonard to tell me what the hell was going on with Clare."

"You can't just barge in."

"I just did. What makes you think she is going to be any more willing to see you this time around?"

"Why don't you just let her make up her own mind?"

"I think me and you need to talk, how long have we got?"

She glanced the clock. "Sheldon and Stewart won't be back for a while yet."

"Good ,because the last thing I need is some smart ass comment off whack – a – doodle."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: In Someone To Love You Better I never covered in a flashback the night Amy left, I did a chapter about what prompted her to leave but I never actually went into detail about what she did, so I thought how about I do it now? Enjoy.**

Amy walked over to the door and securely locked it. "I don't want Sheldon walking in unexpectedly."

"You make it sound like we're about to do something seedy."

"Could you please take this seriously?"

Ignoring her question he skimmed his eyes around the room. "This is a fancy room you've got here, Sheldon must really be flash with his cash."

"No, the university paid for it. If Sheldon had his way, we'd probably be in separate rooms."

He walked over to the dressing table and pulled out a chair for himself. "Sounds like a great marriage."

"Something tells me you've not cut your vacation short to discuss my marriage."

He folded his arms and narrowed his eyes. "I don't give a damn about your marriage, what I do care about is my daughter."

"Howard please. There is no need for such remarks, we are on the same page here."

"No Amy, we are not on the same page. We never have been and we never will be."

Walking over to where he was sat, Amy took hold of the chair opposite and lowered herself onto it. "You really think that?"

"Of course, the only thing that binds us together is Clare."

"But do you really think that?"

"You don't mean anything to me Amy. You showed me almost twenty years ago that I was nothing more than a..."

She raised her hand to signal him to stop. "Let's not go there."

"Then let's not pretend we mean anything to one another, I'm here for my little girl and my little girl only."

Amy leant over and placed a hand on his knee. "If I don't mean anything to you, that's fine. But I'll never forget the way you came through for me when Sheldon wouldn't."

He jerked his leg as if she'd just electrocuted him. "Hands off of me. Now!"

Amy moved her hands and held them up. "Okay, look I'm not touching you."

"I just want to know what you're doing here."

"Well it's the opening of the new physics department and Sheldon has been asked to talk."

"But why didn't you turn it down? When she was younger, when Bernadette was still alive, you wouldn't have dreamt of coming anywhere near Pasadena."

Nervously she shifted in her seat. "Why shouldn't we come back here? Do you not think we would want to know how she's getting on?"

"She's fine. She's always been fine without you, don't you get that?"

"That's a little blunt."

"How else do you expect me to act? Seriously how else am I meant to act?"

Amy lightly bit down on her lip. "I don't know how to answer that, maybe I should call Sheldon?"

"Yes call him, and seeing as we're talking about the past, how about we give him a little insight as to what happened the night you left?"

A sudden thunderbolt of fear and anxiety washed over her. "You wouldn't."

"What have I got to lose? It would've wrecked my marriage but Bernadette is no longer with us."

She swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat. "I take it she never had any idea?"

"Nope, and judging by the way you're acting, Sheldon is also clueless."

"Howard it was nineteen years ago, don't use it against me."

"I don't want to use anything against you; I just don't want you messing with Clare's life again."

Amy diverted her gaze to the ground and studied the pattern of Howard's converses. "You didn't bring this up last time we were here, why can't we just leave it in the past?"

"You know sometimes I wonder if it actually happened. The only person I could talk to about it, had disappeared off the face of the earth."

"Oh it happened alright."

"I still remember it so clearly. Mary had just visited you and after she left you just couldn't cope."

_19 years ago._

_Howard lingered outside the hospital room, waiting for Mary to leave. The door was closed which left him unable to listen in on their conversation. _

_After a couple of minutes, Mary emerged from the room. Judging by her saddened expression, it was clear her son had completely rejected his responsibilities. She didn't say anything, all she offered was a nod of goodbye and she headed off down the corridor._

_Walking into the room, the cries of the young baby caught his attention. She was lying in her cot and screaming out for attention, yet Amy made no effort to comfort her._

"_Amy, do you want to hold her?"_

_Amy drew her knees up to her chin and bowed her head down._

_He sighed and lifted the baby up into his arms, rocking her until the cries subsided. "Are you just gonna sit there and do nothing?" Looking away from the baby, Howard focused his attention to Amy. "Seriously, you haven't held her at all."_

_Amy continued to ignore him, staring off into the far corner of the room._

"_Right, looks like I'm just talking to myself then." _

"_Can't you put her in another room?"_

_A look of disbelief spread across his face. "Excuse me?"_

"_I asked if you could put her in another room."_

"_I heard what you said. I just can't believe you would even say that."_

_Ignoring his comment, she swung her legs over the bed and got to her feet._

_She walked over to where her clothes were hung up. "I see no reason for me to stay here."_

_Howard gestured to the baby in his arms. "You can't go now. She's not even been discharged yet."_

"_I have no intention of taking her with me."_

"_What? Why not?"_

"_I want to go back to my flat and I'm leaving her here." She made her way into the bathroom to get changed, closing the door behind her for privacy._

_Howard placed the baby back down into the cot. "Amy, you can't just leave!"_

_Shortly after, she re-entered the room changed into a fresh set of clothes, with her hair brushed back into a pony tail. "I'm leaving right now."_

"_Just stop and think about this, you can't just leave her here."_

_Wordlessly she brushed off his comment and exited the room. For a moment he paused looking from the cot to the door, after a few seconds of thought, he rushed after Amy._

Amy brought her eyes up to meet Howard's. "I caught a cab and you followed on that scooter of yours."

"It took me a while because I went to find nurse Sanderson. I wasn't going to leave Clare until I knew someone would be watching her."

"She was in the hospital, she was in no danger."

"I wasn't going to leave it to chance, there would've been no chance of me leaving her if there was doubt for even a second."

"Hey. I get it now. Okay? I get it."

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean you get it?"

"When Stewart was born, he wasn't out of my sight for even a second."

"That's not enough. You seem to think that the fact you love this kid, makes up for how crappy you were with Clare."

"We love him like we should've loved Clare. Sometimes that's enough."

He leant forward in his seat and moved the conversation along. "It's up to you get over that, right now we're talking about what happened that night.

_Howard perched awkwardly on the edge of Amy's sofa, watching on as she sat with a vacant look on her face. "Amy? Is there anyone you want me to call?"_

"_Like who?"_

"_Penny? Your mother? I don't know, whoever you want."_

"_Penny is away at that concert and my mother is the last person I want here."_

"_Right, well I'm not leaving you whilst you're like this."_

_She got off the sofa and headed into the kitchen. "I know why you're here, it's because you don't want to be alone."_

"_What do you mean by that?"_

"_You can't deal with the fact that your marriage to Bernadette is over, so you're looking for some kind of distraction."_

_He defiantly shook his head. "Not true. Sheldon may be that kinda guy but I'm not."_

_Amy opened the fridge and produced a bottle of wine. "Want a glass?"_

"_I'm good."_

_She reached up into the cupboards and pulled out two glasses. "Well that's too bad because I'm not drinking alone."_

"_Are sure that's a good idea?"_

"_It seems to work for Penny." Filling up the two glasses, she passed one over to Howard._

"_Even so, I don't think that you should be..." He trailed off, cringing as she downed the entire glass in one gulp, "Whoa take it easy."_

_She gestured the glass in his hand. "Catch me up."_

"_Amy I'm not..." He paused and looked down at it. "Oh what the hell." Within seconds it was empty and he had poured himself a second._

"_See that wasn't so bad, was it?"_

"_No wonder Raj drinks so much." This time the contents of the glass went down a lot faster._

_By the time the bottle was empty Howard and Amy had once again opened up to each other._

"_I'm going to do it Amy. When Bernadette gets back, I'm going to ask her for a divorce."_

"_I knew your marriage would go to crap eventually, but I'm kinda surprised me and Sheldon didn't work out."_

"_Geez, the guy is crazy. What's surprising is you lasted as long as you did."_

_She slumped forward and buried her head in her hands. "What's wrong with me? Why was he such a sucky boyfriend?"_

_Howard leaned over and put an arm around her shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with you. Those dating sites said that you were perfect for him and you can't argue with those statistics."_

"_Maybe Sheldon was right. Maybe I had been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to..."_

_Howard quickly cut in. "No, he was the one that got it wrong. You did everything right and he was too stupid to see it."_

"_Maybe I was too pushy?"_

"_Why shouldn't you have tried pushing for more? You gave him everything and he was giving you next to nothing."_

"_I was dating a genius. That should've been enough."_

_He pulled her in closer to himself. "Oh God. He's really screwed things up, hasn't he?"_

_Amy removed her glasses and buried her face in his chest. "Why doesn't he want me?" Finally she allowed the tears she had been holding back to fall._

"_He doesn't deserve you and he knows it."_

"_You really think so?"_

"_Of course; you're smart, funny and..." He thought for a moment before remembering the wedding video Bernadette had shown him. "And Penny beautiful."_

_Amy brought her head up so she could look at him properly. "You think I'm Penny beautiful?"_

"_No kidding. And between you and me, I'd take you any day over Penny."_

"_No you wouldn't."_

"_I'm being serious. She's a real pain in the ass, just ask Leonard."_

_For the first time that day, a genuine smile spread across her face. "Oh Howard."_

_He reached into his pocket and produced a tissue, wiping away the tears that stained her cheeks. "That's better. You're a lot prettier when you're smiling."_

_For a second they were silent. Amy held his gaze for a few seconds, offering him a grateful smile. "Why couldn't Sheldon ever say that to me?"_

"_Because he may have a freakishly high I.Q, but he's still too dumb to realise just how lucky he was."_

_Amy sat up straight and shuffled in closer to him. "May I do something?"_

_He nodded. "You can do what you like."_

"_I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as out of line." She closed the gap that was between them and placed her lips against his. It was brief and over within a second however it had left him stunned._

"_Well that was..." She leant in again, this time she prolonged the moment._

"_You're wearing lip balm." Amy stated._

"_Uh yes. Yes I am."_

"_I like it."_

_He let out a nervous laugh. "Its mango flavoured, I've also got a strawberry one. Raj says it's not very masculine but neither is he."_

_Amy licked her lips and brought her face in closer to his. "It's up to you what happens next."_

_He left himself with no chance to change his mind as he leant in and once more their lips collided. Amy closed her eyes and submerged herself into the moment, wrapping her arms around his neck as she did so._

_Howard picked up the speed, running his tongue along hers, relishing every second. Bringing his hand up, he ran his fingers through her hair. _

_Moving away from her hair he slid his hand up her cardigan and in turn Amy wrapped her legs around his waist._

_They continued like this for a further minute before Amy brought her head up to take a breath. "You're better at this than what I would've thought."_

_He took a few breaths to steady himself. It was moments like this that really set his arrhythmia off. "Thanks, I guess."_

_She got to her feet and made her way towards her bedroom._

"_Where are you going?"_

_Amy pointed to her bedroom door."To bed."_

_He looked disappointed. "Oh okay. I'll see myself out."_

"_Unless..."_

"_Unless what?"_

_She paused for longer than what Howard found comfortable. "Unless..., unless you want to come up with me?"_

"_This time last year, if anyone had told me I'd be propositioned by Amy Farrah Fowler of all people, I would've..."_

"_Finish your sentence."_

"_I would've thought they were crazy."_

"_And now?"_

_Moving on from her question, he leant over and retrieved his wallet. He searched through it until he found a condom. "Lead the way."_

They pulled themselves out of the story for a moment.

"What a weird night that was."

"Hey! I'm not proud of it. I was married at the time."

"Your marriage was as good as over when it happened."

He exhaled loudly. "But we were still together, it was wrong."

"At least we didn't have the shame of facing each other in the morning."

_Howard awoke the next morning to an empty bed. His head was pounding from the alcohol he had consumed and his mouth felt stale._

_A quick glance of the room showed that he was alone and the room also seemed a lot less cluttered than what it had been the night before. It almost seemed bare. Clothes and shoes no longer littered the floor; the bedside table had been cleared of books and cups, her laptop and notepads no longer sat on her desk and the photo frames that were on the window sill had gone as well._

_Howard climbed out of the bed and searched the room, until he found his clothes piled up in the corner. Once he was dressed, he took a few minutes to search the apartment further._

_Upon a closer look he found that the wardrobe was empty; the kitchen draws had been cleared and all electrical appliances had been switched off and unplugged._

_After a search of every room it became apparent that Amy had left and something told him that she hadn't gone back to the hospital._

"_Oh holy crap, this is not good."_

_The sudden ring of his phone brought a brief distraction which soon turned into shame._

_**BERNADETTE CALLING. **_

_**ACCEPT REJECT**_

_He hovered his thumb over the two buttons for a moment. After much deliberation he decided to answer._

"_Hello?"_

"_Howard, it's me. Where are you?"_

_He panicked. "I uh... I'm just running some errands."_

"_We got back about an hour ago and we called by at the hospital."_

"_Oh right... how was the concert? Did they sing Payphone?" What about Moves like Jagger? I love that one."_

_Her voice was serious. "Howard. Have you seen Amy?"_

"_I... well, not since yesterday. No."_

"_Well we got here and she's gone."_

_Howard did his best to sound shocked. "Gone? What do you mean she's gone?"_

"_I mean she's gone, we can't get hold of her at all."_

"_Right I'll be there as soon as possible, just stay where you are."He ended the call and placed the phone back in his pocket._

"You know the way you left was very similar to how Sheldon did?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Sheldon had to sneak away without waking Leonard up."

She nodded. "He told me."

He got out of his seat and made his way to the door. "You know what Amy? Whatever went on between us that night doesn't matter."

"So you never told Bernadette?"

"No, never. The secret died with her."

"Then please don't tell Sheldon. He's my husband and I'm sorry you lost Bernadette but please don't end my marriage."

He paused at the door. "I don't want to end your marriage. I just can't stand the thought of you hurting my girl."

"You won't tell him, you wouldn't. Would you?"

Howard shook his head. "Of course not."

She got out of her chair and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around him as she did so. "Thank you."

"I was never going to tell him."

"Not for that. For looking after my baby when I couldn't."

He patted her back and brought the embrace to a close. "Every minute was worth it."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I need to visit Clare, it's been a while since I've seen her."


	10. Chapter 10

"Daddy, why did you order a hamburger if this is a cheesecake factory?"

Sheldon looked up from his meal to face his son. "It's not an exclusive thing, they do other stuff."

Stewart pushed around the half eaten cheese cake with his fork. "Oh, I thought I was supposed to order cheesecake."

"It's understandable. The name of this establishment is rather misleading."

"Oh well..."He pushed the plate away and produced his Nintendo.

"Stewart. Finish what you started."

"It's not as if it's my science homework or anything important like that. What did Einstein ever achieve whilst eating cheese cake?"

Sheldon mentally cursed himself; Amy had warned him to watch what he said around Stewart. "Do you even know what he achieved?"

He shrugged. "I know he was super smart."

"Then basically you're just repeating what I say to win an argument against me."

"Well it works for you."

Defeated, Sheldon pushed the glass Stewart had been drinking from further towards him. "Well can you at least finish your milkshake?"

"It's chocolate, I prefer banana."

He gritted his teeth, trying to remain patient with the young boy. "Then why did you order it?"

"I don't like doing the same thing over and over, so I thought I'd do it differently today."

"Then why are you complaining?"

It was clear to see that his attention belonged to the Nintendo. "Because I realised things were fine just the way they were."

"If you'd have realised that sooner I wouldn't have wasted eight dollars fifty."

He briefly looked up. "Why don't you drink it?"

"Yes, because I really want to swallow a mixture of chocolate milk and your backwash."

Stewart turned off the Nintendo and placed it on the table. "You can do sarcasm really well now."

"I'm glad you picked up on that."

"Well when you said it like that, I guessed you wouldn't literally want to drink it."

Sheldon leant over the table and ruffled his hair. "You really do have a way with words."

The sound of someone clearing their throat diverted the conversation.

Sheldon turned around in his chair. "Leonard? You came."

Leonard walked over to where they were sat and joined them at the table. "You called me and asked me to come here."

"I wasn't sure if you would."

"You've got an eidetic memory, surely you remember the times where I did practically anything you asked."

"Indeed, you were the model roommate in many ways."

He crossed his arms. "It would've been nice if you'd have told me more often."

"Nobody likes a whining sissy Leonard, let's wrap this tea party up and talk about what I've called you to talk about."

Leonard sighed to himself and placed a hand on Stewart's shoulder. "Hey buddy, how about you get yourself an ice cream or another slice of cheese cake?" He reached into his pocket and produced a dollar.

Not waiting to be told twice, Stewart accepted the money and left them to it. "I'm going to get a lemonade float."

Sheldon kept his eyes on him until he reached the counter. Satisfied he was okay, Sheldon gave his attention to Leonard. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I haven't. You do realise Clare and Amy have seen each other?"

"I do realise. Amy's intentions of coming here may have been to see her, but I'm here for the science and the science only."

"Really? You're not in the least bit hopeful that she would want to see you?"

"If that night in Texas taught me anything; it taught me that I would never be her father." He stated it in a matter of fact manner, but the look in his eyes suggested it hurt more than he was letting on.

"You can't mean that."

He frowned, his posture sinking slightly, "She doesn't want me Leonard," He looked over at his son. "But Stewart does and he needs me too."

"So you just give up?"

"You really do see things in the most simplistic of ways, don't you?"

"What can I say? It certainly seems that way to me. You're no different now to the man you were who couldn't bring himself to hold his own baby.

"That is your opinion. I would like to think that mine and Amy's second chance has proved successful."

Leonard reached over and poured himself a glass of water from the jug that sat on the table. "Was he...?" He stumbled over his words, unable to find a suitable way of wording his question. "I mean Stewart, was he...?"

"What he what?"

"Planned? Was he planned or did you not intend for it to happen?"

Sheldon raised an eyebrow, he opened his mouth to speak before closing it again.

"C'mon Sheldon, it's a simple enough question." Leonard said.

He looked around to see if any of the other diners had heard before leaning in closer to Leonard. "Of course he was, you don't honestly think I would make the same error twice?"

Leonard narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice to a hiss." I don't appreciate you describing her as an error."

"Honestly Leonard you read way more into that than what was necessary." Once more he paused and looked over to where Stewart was. "I was not referring to Clare as the error. I was simply stating that I would not make the same decision to engage in unprotected coitus whilst drugged up on some hippy dippy love drug twice."

"Then how did it happen? What changed in those ten years?"

"Are you aware that myself and Amy consented to Howard and Bernadette adopting Clare?"

"You handing her over to Howard and then catching the first flight out of here was my first clue."

He shook his head. "Ten years ago, they hired some sort of private investigator to trace us."

"You mean they actually found you?"

"They did, we thought we had covered our tracks pretty well but obviously not."

"You're telling me. You would not believe the amount of hours I spent trying to find any sort of indication that you were still at least alive." He looked down at his lap, a look of betrayal momentarily flashing in his eyes. "I can't believe they didn't tell me, they knew how hard I'd been trying to find you."

"If you think about it, in all the history of the universe, fourteen years is nothing."

"Nice try but it's not gonna make it any better."

He held his hands up to signal defeat. "There is just no pleasing you."

"Back to what you were saying... So they hired a private investigator to trace you?"

_10 years ago._

_Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler sat side by side on their sofa, on the table in front of them was a large brown envelope and an open laptop with the Skype tag on_ display.

_Sheldon read from a scrap of paper in his hand and leant over to reach the keyboard. "It says that their Skype name is Wolowizard."_

"_Don't do it."_

_Doing as she said, he closed the lid of the laptop. "You heard what the investigator said, they want to hear from us within the hour."_

"_And if we don't? What will they do if we don't? We're separated by the Atlantic ocean."_

"_Geographical distances aside, I really think we should call them."_

_She picked up the envelope and waved it in his face. "Why now? Why after all these years? Isn't it enough that they've been able to nurture her?"_

"_You should ask them yourselves, all we've got to do is press the call button." He moved the laptop onto his legs and opened the lid._

"_Just turn it off and put it away."_

"_Amy. You heard what the investigator said, Howard and Bernadette don't know our location and they will only ask for it if we fail to cooperate with them."_

_Crossing her arms, she sunk down into the sofa. "I feel like we're being policed."_

"_Would you rather them know where we are? Do you want to risk the others finding us?"_

"_Well no but ..."_

"_Then let's call them, social protocol dictates that we should politely adhere to their request."_

_Rubbing her tired eyes, she ran her fingers through her hair and slowly exhaled. "You're not thinking about social convention, you're thinking about yourself."_

"_Aren't you in the least bit worried, that everything we've done over the past decade to ensure anonymity will have been wasted?"_

_She chewed her bottom lip, looking around the room as if she would be able to find the perfect solution written in one of the books on the shelf. "Do you honestly think we should call them?"_

"_I'd rather not." He drummed his fingers on the laptop, mulling over her question. "Although we really should."_

_Amy looked over at him, picking up on the serious expression etched across his face. "We really should," She parroted back, her voice filled with uncertainty._

_Without a word he gestured to the keyboard and she gave him a silent nod of approval. Sheldon, under any other circumstances would've typed quick enough to rival the flash however the shakiness of his hands made the task all the more difficult._

"_They're online and have added us to their contacts."_

_Amy edged in closer to get a better look at the computer. "Do they want to call us now?" _

"_The agreement was that we call them within the hour." He glanced up at the clock in the corner then brought his eyes back to the screen._

"_Then lets..." Before she was able to finish her sentence, the Skype jingle alerted them to an oncoming call. "Is it them?"_

"_It is." He took a deep breath and accepted the call._

_Within seconds Howard and Bernadette appeared on the screen. For a while the two couples sat in silence, none of them willing to be the first to speak._

_Sheldon swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of his throat and turned his head to Amy, upon realisation that she wasn't going to be the one, he stepped up. "Howard, Bernadette."_

_Howard lightly squeezed his wife's hand and offered a nod. "Sheldon, Amy."_

_After a failed attempted of trying to meet their eyes, Amy focused her attention to the keypad. "It's been a while."_

_Bernadette barely raised her voice above whisper level. "Ten years." _

"_I realise that, I was simply stating it as something to say."_

"_Amy, there is no need for hostility. Howard and Bernadette have called for a civilised conversation."_

"_I see you've brushed up on your social cues, identifying hostility ay?"_

"_Howie, let's just stay on track."_

_Amy held the envelope up to the screen. "We've read through this, is this what you really want?"_

"_You should know better than anyone how much I love that girl; you should know how much I care about her, it's only got stronger over the years." Howard replied._

"_What's with all the I's? We love her, we care about her!"_

"_I'm sorry Bernie, of course I meant we. I just got carried away with it."_

_Anxious to move the conversation along, Sheldon took the envelope away from Amy and pulled out the documents. "So let me get this straight. You've already signed, so all we've got to do is give our signatures and post them back to you?"_

"_That's right, you sign and our guardianship of her will be legally binding."_

_For the first time since the call had started, Amy looked Howard full in the eyes. "Or another way to look at it is we sign the papers, we sign her away."_

"_Didn't you already do that?" He paused shooting her a look of mocking. "Oh yeah. You definitely did, the night you chose to abandon her."_

"_Howard stop, we agreed you weren't going to use that against them."_

"_I wasn't!"_

"_Regardless of your little snipes, I'll do it." Sheldon said as he reached into his pocket and produced a pen._

_Amy raised her hand and took hold of his arm. "Think about this."_

_He transferred the pen over to the opposite hand and placed the documents on the table. "I've had ten years to think about this, I'm signing." Sheldon didn't wait for further protest, he simply placed the pen to the paper. His demeanour was calm, almost as if he was signing for something as average as a parcel in the mail._

_Howard offered him a grateful and almost sympathetic smile. "You have no idea how much this means, but this is the best thing you could've done for us."_

"_Oh believe me, I know what it means." He passed the pen over to Amy. "It's been ten years, we need to do this."_

_She turned her gaze to Bernadette. "You haven't said much, ask me to sign, convince me that I'm doing the right thing here."_

_There was no hesitation on her part; the words came naturally with an evident passion. "She calls me mommy; she loves me as her mommy. Sign the papers, don't sign the papers; she will still be my baby either way."_

_Sheldon placed the pen in her hand. "You heard the woman, there's no changing the situation."_

_Unable to find any fight, Amy accepted the pen and scribbled out her signature. "So, she's officially a Wolowitz."_

_Howard nodded. "Looks like it."_

"_So we'll post these to you and you'll keep quiet about where we are?" Sheldon asked._

"_That was the deal."_

"_Then expect to have these back within the week."_

_Howard leant over to end the call. "Then I guess this is goodbye then."_

"_Wait could you at least tell us something about her? We don't even know her name."_

_Howard and Bernadette exchanged looks, silently debating the request with nothing more than cryptic facial expressions. _

_Bernadette shook her head. "That wasn't the agreement." She placed her finger on the mouse and abruptly ended the call._

Leonard couldn't hide his look of shock. "Wow, I didn't know she could be that..."

"That what?"

"Well like that, she was always so nice."

"Do you blame her? If you were in her position would you have acted different?"

"I would do anything to protect Lenny, but that's different he really is my kid."

"She's more their child than she ever was mine. The first time I held her, I gave her away an hour later."

Leonard nodded. "Would you have still left if I hadn't fallen asleep?"

"You would've had to have fallen asleep sooner or later."

oOo

Clare Wolowitz watched as Daniel spoke on the phone to his irate boss.

"Oh yeah, turns out it wasn't actually a heart attack." He turned to her and gave her a wink. "Seriously, tonight? Right, fine, I'll be there."

He ended the call and placed his phone back into his pocket. "If I don't work the night shift, apparently he's going to fire my ass."

"Aren't you worried that he might?"

"Nah, remember I'm the most enthusiastic employee they have."

"What kind of a place is it?"

Changing the subject he looked around the room. "It's a nice house you've got here."

"Thanks I've lived here all my life. My grandma made it impossible for us to move out, so we just kinda stayed here."

"Sounds like a hoot."

"We ate a lot of brisket and the family dentist made a lot of house calls."

"The family dentist?"

"Yeap, he never used the front door. He used to climb in and out of her bedroom window. That was how he died, broke his neck."

His jaw literally dropped. "Your dentist died after falling from your grandmother's bedroom window?"

"I guess the drain pipe just didn't hold out."

He thought for a moment before shrugging. "I honestly don't know how to react to that."

"That's what his wife said."

Daniel let out a snort of laughter. "Sounds like a great guy. I'd buy him a drink if we went to the bar together."

"You don't have a lot of morals, do you?"

"I have enough."

"So... What about you? What was your home like?"

"I don't know, it was a house I guess. Nothing special."

She raised a suspicious eyebrow. "That's very vague."

"I am a man of few words."

"Now that's not true. I have excellent observational skills, and I can conclude that you talk an awful lot and have an opinion on everything."

He couldn't stop the smile from spreading and neither did he want to. "There's no denying that."

"Then tell me about your home."

"Well... I lived with my grandparents too. I had a pretty crap room and my grandfather hit the roof when I painted the walls black, looking back now I don't really blame him."

"Black? Why did you paint the walls black?"

"I went through a phase where I thought I would make a pretty good Punk."

"How'd that turn out?"

"Turns out I was confusing Punk and Goth, so yeah not that good. I ended up repainting the walls green and I put up a load of Kylie Minogue posters."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Why?"

"I fancied her. But my grandmother got completely the wrong idea, so I had to take them down."

"I can see why."

"And uh, we had a pink bathroom which was awful. Seriously, it was like someone had vomited up the walls."

Clare wasn't sure whether she should sympathise or laugh. "Well here, when my grandmother was alive, we were lucky to get anywhere near the bathroom."

"I know the feeling, I would sometimes stay with my dad at weekends and he would spend longer getting ready than any girlfriend I've ever had."

"He's got reason to be vain."

Once more he gave her a wink. "But it wasn't him you were directing that hoo at."

Her cheeks flushed a bright crimson. "I uh... well I ..."

"You were hoping I hadn't noticed."

"I assure you it was completely involuntary."

"But completely justified."

She quickly changed the subject. "So did your mom live with you and your grandparents? I presume your parents are no longer together."

He diverted his eyes over the ground. "Yeah, they broke up and no it was just me that lived with them."

"So where did..." The sound of a key turning in the lock abruptly cut her off. "Holy crap, we're getting burgled."

"Since when have burglars had keys?"

She ducked behind Daniel slightly. "Hide, they might have an axe on them."

The door swung open and Howard appeared. "No axe, just two suitcases."

Clare relaxed, a wide grin spreading across her face. "Dad! You're back."

"Looks that way."

"But I wasn't expecting you back for another two months."

"Would you rather me walk back out and return in another two months?"

Clare shook her head and ran over to him. "Of course not, I've missed you so much." She leant down to his height and wrapped her arms around him.

"I've missed you too baby." Patting her back, he peered over her shoulder to meet Daniel's gaze. "Hey Clare, are you aware that there is a strange guy in the house?"

Pulling away she walked back to where Daniel was stood and placed a light hand on his arm. "Dad, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is my father."

Howard eyed him up and down. "So what's the deal with you two?"

"Dad! You can't just ask that."

Daniel tapped the side of his nose. "We like to keep a little bit of mystery, I think its all part of the fun."

"Ha! So there is a deal between the two of you."

He wrapped an arm around Clare's waist. "She's keeping her cards close to her chest, that's all I'm saying."

Clare looked over at Daniel. "Is this how you usually converse with girl's parents?"

"Can't say I've ever got this far, I'm not a guy that girls usually take home to mom and dad."

"I don't know whether to be refreshed by your honesty or freaked out that my daughter is with you."

"So you reckon that there is a deal between me and your daughter?"

Not for the first time that day, Clare found herself blushing. "Daniel, this is so embarrassing."

"You know Daniel, it makes a nice change. It's usually me who she thinks is embarrassing her."

"Even at the age of twenty one, I am still mortified by the crap my Dad comes out with."

"The way I see it is that Clare can't talk to me about embarrassment." Howard wandered over to where they were stood. "My friend Leonard still hasn't got over the time where she pointed out a mistake in one of his papers, to a hall full of grad students and the board of governors at a presentation at the university."

"How old was she?"

"About eight possibly nine."

"The mistake would've gone unnoticed. I couldn't just sit back and watch that happen."

"Yes Clare, but I'm sure Uncle Leonard would've been a lot more appreciative if you had chosen a better time to voice your findings."

Daniel glanced the clock on the wall. "I've gotta get to work but this is comedy gold. How about you both come down to the diner and I'll try and sneak you some freebies?"

Howard gave him a nod of approval before turning to his daughter. "I like this guy, he's alright."

oOo

Sheldon Cooper and Leonard Hofstader sat side by side on a park bench watching on as Stewart played on the swings.

"Oh dear lord, if he goes any higher he's going to fall off."

"Relax, he's perfectly safe."

I beg to differ. Sheldon raised his voice in a bid to catch the young boy's attention. "Stewart go easy on that swing, gravity is a cruel mistress that takes no prisoners."

"Sheldon, leave the kid to enjoy his childhood."

"Well excuse me if the thought of scraping my child off the floor is not a task I look forward to doing."

"Oh forget it."

"How can I? He keeps getting higher and higher, it would seem he naturally has a desire to do the opposite of whatever I tell him."

Leonard exhaled loudly. "Welcome to fatherhood, you can't do right for doing wrong."

"Amen to that."

There was a short silence before Leonard spoke again. "Hey Sheldon?"

"What is it?"

"Earlier in the diner."

"What about it?"

"When I asked you about why you chose to have Stewart, you told me about the time where you got Clare officially adopted."

He nodded in agreement. "I did."

"But you didn't actually say anything about how you realised you were actually ready for another kid."

"Do you really want to know? What would you gain from knowing?"

Leonard looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know, you just changed a lot in those fourteen years. I just want to know what happened in them."

He sighed. "Very well, it was shortly after we signed the papers."

_10 years ago_

_Sheldon closed the lid of the laptop and got to his feet. "Amy? You seem in distress, can I offer you a hot beverage?"_

"_Somehow I don't think herbal tea is going to make this any better." Her voice had a cold and bitter edge to it._

"_Maybe not but it's a start."_

_She glared at him, a look of intense fury burning in her eyes. "You just don't get it, do you?"_

"_I don't know what lead you to that conclusion, she was every bit my offspring as she was yours."_

"_Then why was signing those papers so easy for you?"_

_He sunk back down onto the sofa and stared off into the far distance of the room. "Writing is basic skill that I mastered years ago and so is spelling. So as you can guess, signing my name was no challenge at all."_

"_What about emotionally? Or are you really as robotic as you make out to be?"_

"_Amy, go into the kitchen and get something to eat, then we'll have a rational discussion."_

"_Why do you always dismiss my feelings for hunger? Ever since that argument with Will Wheaton you've been the same."_

_For a moment he looked insulted. "I have you know, I confronted him for his actions."_

"_I don't want to talk about it Sheldon."_

"_Odd. If you don't want to talk about it, why bring it up?"_

"_What I want to talk about is why you were so okay with signing those papers."_

_His response was unexpected and threw her off guard. "Signing the papers was easy, of course it was easy."_

"_How could you even say that?"_

"_Because the hard part was ten years ago!"_

_She blinked a few times, taking in his words. "What do you mean?"_

"_I handed my baby over to another man and ran away, signing some piece of paper is nothing compared to that."_

"_Do you ever regret it?"_

_He shook his head. "I wasn't a father; I couldn't take care of her. Physics came first, it was just that simple."_

"_That's a lot of past tenses you're speaking in."_

"_What can I say? I'm not that guy anymore."_

"_So what are you trying to say? If we were to do it a second time, you would act differently?"_

"_Wasn't it Einstein that said insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?"_

_Amy edged in closer to him, a smile slowly gracing her lips. "Are you saying that you would be ready for fatherhood this time?"_

"_Are you saying you want to give it another go?"_

_She nodded. "Provided I had your full support and you won't flip out on me like you did last time."_

"_I agree to all your terms."_

"_Then let's go for it, let's do it right this time."_

_He extended his hand. "Let's shake on it."_

"_Doctor Cooper, you've got yourself a deal."_

Sheldon looked over at his son before turning his attention back to Leonard. "I've not looked back since."

"It shows."

oOo

Howard and Clare Wolowitz sat opposite each other, catching up on each other's lives.

"So where's uncle Raj?"

"He told me that he wasn't going to cut his vacation short for some hypothetical problem that may or may not exist."

Clare was unable to hide the panic in her voice. "What do you mean?"

"Clare you don't have to pretend. I know."

"Are you mad?"

He reached over the table and took hold of her hand. "Baby you're nineteen now. I may not be thrilled that they're back but now you're old enough to decide for yourself."

"Did Uncle Leonard tell you?"

Howard waved a dismissive hand. "It doesn't matter who told me, what matters is that you were unable to come to me."

"Last time they were here, you tried to..." She stopped, her voice becoming choked with tears.

"Please don't get upset. That was nothing to do with you, I was in a horrible place after losing your mom and at the time it seemed the only way of ending my pain."

"And was it?"

"No never. You were the one that ended my pain."

"You're my Daddy, I never wanted you to hurt like that."

"I don't anymore, Okay? And I'm here no matter what you decide to do."

She shook her head. "I just want to have some fun. I don't want to worry about them," Clare looked over at Daniel who was wiping down a table in the far corner. "People like Daniel don't seem to have a care in the world, why can't I be like that?"

"Because it's not who you are and that's not a bad thing."

"Is it a good thing?"

"I love every inch of you, so yes."

Daniel came over to where they were sat and joined them at the table. "Right I'm taking a break."

"You only started work ten minutes ago." Howard pointed out.

"The boss isn't here. I could take a nap on the counter if I wanted to."

"The way you said that makes me think you've done that before."

"Not on the counter but I did once in the stock cupboard."

Before Howard could response the door of the diner swung open. Upon seeing who it was, Daniel sighed to himself. "Dad what have I told you about bugging me at work?"

"I can't turn on the television, no matter how much I press the button on the remote it just won't turn on."

A look of infuriation spread across his face. "Have you tried plugging it in?"

His father snapped his fingers in realisation. "You know, that's probably what the problem was. That's my boy, I knew you were smart."

"Yes, because it takes a real genius to figure out that little brain teaser."

"I just can't understand why you failed all your classes at school."

Howard looked on in utter disbelief. "Oh. My. God. Now I did not see that one coming."

Clare looked at him. "Dad, what are you talking about?"

"Zach Johnson. He used to date your Aunt Penny."

Daniel looked back and forth from Howard to Zach. "So are you telling me that you two know each other?"

A wide grin appeared on Zach's face as he shook Howard's hand. "Good to see you again, it's the science dude."

"Wow, I would never have guessed Daniel was your son."

"Yeah, he's inherited my blood type and eye colour but he is a little on the heavy side."

A look of horror flashed in his eyes. "Fucking hell Dad, would you quit calling me fat?"

"I didn't call you fat. I directly avoided using that word because I didn't want you to feel self conscious."

"Well it didn't work, I don't believe you sometimes!"

Zach looked over Clare and Howard. "Do you think that was insensitive of me? I mean I'm proud of him, you should have seen how fat he was in high school. He's lost loads and loads of weight."

Daniel bit down on his tongue in restraint. "Dad stop."

Zach looked over at the counter. "Oooh you sell milk duds, I'm getting me some of them." With that he walked off in pursuit of them.

Daniel painted on a smile and turned on his heel. "Right, I'm off to have a strongly worded conversation with him."

Howard shook his head in amusement and looked over at Clare. "So is Superman's son gonna get laid tonight?"

"What?"

"You had to be there."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Set the day after the last chapter. This chapter is for 5missisipis, they will know why by the end.**

Zach Johnson lingered in the doorway of his son's room, watching as he did up the laces of his shoes. Daniel's roommate had gone away for the week, which meant that it was just the two of them. For most this would be an opportunity to spend time together, however Daniel had seemed reluctant to even speak to him. It had been the same since he was eleven.

"I taught you how to do that."

Daniel looked up. "Taught me how to do what?"

"Your laces. You took ages to learn, but you got there in the end."

"You can barely tie up your own."

Zach took a cautious step into the room and paused. He stood still for a moment waiting for protest. Satisfied that he wasn't going to get any, he entered fully. "So uh, that chick you were with seems nice."

"Clare. Her name is Clare."

"You must like her."

"Why must I?"

He raised his hands to signal he was about to state the obvious. "You worked all last night but you're up and dressed before midday."

"I've seen you go to greater lengths to impress all these women."

"This is different. You want way more than just sex, you want to do couple stuff like holding hands and going on dates."

Daniel was never one to open up to his father and this time was no exception. "What have I told you about watching those chat shows?"

"Hey, I've been in love before."

"One, I've not known her that long and two, shut up."

Zach leant up against the wall and crossed his arms. "One, I love you and two I loved your mom."

Daniel visibly tensed. "I don't want to talk about her."

"You don't want to talk about her? Or you don't want to talk to me about her?"

He walked over the wardrobe and retrieved his jacket. "Either way, we're not having this conversation."

"I wish we could, just once."

Shrugging on his jacket, he made his way out the door. "I'm off to meet Clare." He paused and turned back around to face him. "I could bring us back a pizza if you want?"

Zach painted on his most convincing smile. "That would be awesome."

Daniel gave him a nod and with that he exited.

Zach waited until he heard the door close before he moved from where he was stood. He got to his knees and felt underneath the bed until he found what he was looking for. He produced; an empty tub of ice cream, three chocolate wrappers and an empty bottle of cola.

He looked them up and down, remembering how the night before, they were uneaten and in the kitchen cupboards. "So he can take comfort in you guys but I don't get a look in?" Once more he reached under the bed and pulled out a chocolate bar. "Well if it works for him." He tore off the wrapper and within seconds it was gone. "I still reckon I can love him way better than a Tootsie roll ever could."

oOo

Penny sat opposite Sheldon at the breakfast table, pouring him a glass of juice. "Hey sweetie, do you not think we should wake Stewart?"

"Wake him? Why would we wake him?"

"Well, its morning and Amy will want to see him."

He shook his head. "Her mind is on other matters."

Lenny reached over and picked up the box of cereal. "Let's wake Stewart, we can play more video games."

"Lenny, are you wearing Daddy's glasses?"

He furrowed his brow in annoyance. "It's Daddy's fault, he sat on mine and I couldn't see properly after that."

"You should've told me, I would've found you your spare pair."

"But I like wearing Daddy's."

"There too big for you, and Daddy needs to wear his." She reached over and removed them.

"No Mommy! They're mine now!"

Shaking her head, she pushed her chair in and walked over to the living room. "I'll get you your spare pair now."

Lenny placed down his spoon and crossed his arms together. "Silly mommy."

"Cheer up. If I were you, I wouldn't be looking to your father for style tips." Sheldon advised.

"Daddy wears the cool glasses."

"Trust me on this one, he really doesn't."

The bedroom door opened and Leonard emerged, a look of confusion across his face and his eyes squinted. "Hey Penny, has Lenny taken my glasses again?"

She held up two pairs in her hand. "Yeap, and I've got his spare pair here."

"I spent like twenty minutes looking for these." He said, placing them back on.

"Hey Leonard. I was just saying to Sheldon that Amy must be worried about him and Stewart."

He turned to face his former roommate. "You did tell Amy that you were staying here last night?"

"Of course I did and even if I didn't, she would've called me."

"Was she alright with you staying here?"

"She told me that she would've preferred it if we came back and spent the night with her, but we both knew she had a bone to pick."

"You've got to talk to her."

"I don't see why I should, it's her that wants to drag this out."

Leonard took Lenny's glasses off Penny and walked into the kitchen. "You see, this your problem. You just can't see where you're going wrong." He placed the glasses on the young boy and ruffled his hair.

"Why should I be the one in the wrong? I'm here to speak at university, that is what is expected of me and that is what I will do."

"Aren't you at all bothered by the fact that your daugh...?" He found himself cut off by Sheldon placing his hand up.

"Are you seriously going to discuss this in front of Lenny?"

Leonard painted on a smile for the young boy and picked up his jacket and car keys. "Right, you wake Stewart and we'll go see Amy."

"Leonard, I hardly think that my marriage is something you should be concerning yourself with. It's no wonder you don't achieve anything notable in your field of work."

Ignoring his comment, Leonard stayed on topic. "Like I said, wake Stewart and I'll drive you back."

"I'm perfectly capable of..."

Keen to stand his ground, Leonard narrowed his eyes and slightly raised his voice. "Sheldon, don't argue with me."

Admitting his defeat, Sheldon rolled his eyes and got to his feet. "Very well."

Penny waited until he was out of eye's view before she spoke again. "He's losing his touch."

"He's losing his touch?"

"There was a time where he wouldn't have backed down that easily."

He exhaled loudly, letting out a laugh of disbelief. "Well if it makes you feel any better, he still stresses me out in the same way he used to."

"It shows."

"I've been trying to keep a lid on it, does it really come across that way?"

She looked him up and down a few times. "You put on a great act but..."

"But...?"

"Sweetie, you look like hell."

oOo

Clare sat on the porch of her home, waiting for Daniel's arrival. She was dressed in her favourite pair of purple jeans and her favourite super hero T-shirt. Howard had warned her that she looked geeky but she was of the opinion that geeky was the new sexy.

The front door creaked open and Howard walked out of the house. "So, when is he arriving?"

She studied the hands of her wristwatch. "His ETA is approximately; zero, nine hundred hours."

"It's a date, not a military operation."

She let out an involuntary nervous laugh, diverting her eyes to the ground as she did so. "It's not a date, it's just two people going out for the day."

"By my standards, that's a date." Howard laughed, making Clare glare at him.

She lowered her voice to a whisper "What if changes his mind? What if he doesn't like me?'

Howard knelt down so that he was sitting beside her. "Well he won't know what he's missing then, will he?"

'Yeah but….how did you know you loved mom?' It was a simple question especially by Clare's standards, but the meaning behind it was momentous.

"I always knew from the moment we compared notes about our nightmare mothers."

Clare looked up at him, disbelief clear in her eyes. "Instantaneous love is overrated, this isn't a rom –com, how can anyone be sure straight away?"

"Clare I know you're a woman of facts and science. But the night I met your mother, the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew everything I have ever needed to know. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her." Howard watched his daughter intently as he explained.

"I…I really like him." It was a small sentence but it made Howard smile.

"When you were younger, your mother and I often discussed boys. Bernie was sure you were going to find a nice young man and fall in love."

"She really thought that?"

He nodded "Yeap, and I always vowed that even if that young man was bigger than me, which let's be honest that would most likely be the case."

"You would what?"

"I would still threaten to castrate him with one of Leonard's lasers if he dared cause you any heartbreak."

At first Clare looked up at him horrified, however this soon turned into a smile. "He's lovely, don't you dare."

"There you go."

"What?"

"If you care enough to defend him, then you're happy. Clare, you may not believe me but that's so important."

Howard smiled as Clare swiftly checked her watch again 'What's the possibility of you being wrong?'

He winked. "Oh, that's a question for a scientist."They both smiled as Howard placed a hand over Clare's knee "Your mom would be proud."

She allowed herself to relax, before resting her head on his shoulder. "Any other words of wisdom?"

"I suppose there is one."

"Do tell."

"Well we all have rules, right?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"For every rule we make, there is someone out there that you will be willing to make an exception for. It's not often that that happens but when it does, you know you've met your match."

"I don't understand."

Howard was left with no time to respond as Daniel opened the gate and walked up the path. "Right, I don't believe in buying flowers for girls."

"Why not?" Clare asked.

Because it's a pathetic attempt of flattery. Do these guys, honestly believe that if they buy a girl some commercially overrated and supposedly romantic gift, that she will climb into bed with him?"

Howard smirked. "What's behind your back?"

"It's not what it is, it's what it symbolises." He produced a large bunch of roses and handed them over to Clare. "And it symbolises that I'm a hypocritical douche bag."

Howard got to his feet and took the flowers off his daughter. "And there we have it, a perfect example."

Daniel let out a small laugh."A perfect example of what?"

"Oh nothing, I'll put these in some water."

Daniel, produced the keys to his motorbike and twirled them around on his finger. "So are you ready to go?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Then let's rock and roll."

Howard watched on as the made their way down the path towards the bike. "You kids have fun now... but not too much fun... keep it clean... and legal."

oOo

Leonard pulled up outside the hotel where Sheldon had been staying. "Right, go in and talk to her." He turned around to face Stewart. "You want to see your mommy, don't you buddy?"

"Yes, I haven't seen her since yesterday."

0dd92857-41bb-4784-8f40-4b9f6d73d0dfY2:0dd92857-41bb-4784-8f40-4b9f6d73d0df"It's hardly a long time. " Sheldon protested.

Leonard turned off the engine. "It's a long time to him, now go talk to your wife."

"Stewart get out of the car, its obvious Doctor Hofstader isn't going to let this one go."

"What's with the Doctor Hofstader? Call me Leonard."

He shook his head and flung open the passenger door. "It's evident that you don't see my point of view, so why are we bothering?"

"You're being unreasonable."

Opening the back seat he took hold of Stewart's hand and helped him out of the car. "No Leonard, you think you know what's right, but you really don't."

"You can't ignore her Sheldon, she is part of you."

He slammed the car door closed with ferocious force, making Stewart jump. "I respected her decision five years ago and I still respect it now."

"Because it's the easiest option, it's always been that way for you."

"Daddy, what is Uncle Leonard talking about?"

He pulled him away from the car. "Nothing, c'mon let's go."

"You'll regret pushing me away Sheldon, you'll regret this." With that, Leonard wound up the car window and accelerated off down the road.

oOo

_**1 hour later.**_

Sheldon reached into his pocket and retrieved his ringing phone.

**PENNY CALLING **

**ACCEPT REJECT.**

He sighed to himself and turned to face his wife. "It's Penny. No doubt Leonard has asked her to call on his behalf."

"Well you won't find out unless you answer."

"If Leonard can't apologise for himself, I don't see why I should answer."

"I'll be blunt. From what you've told me, I don't think he has any reason to be sorry."

Ignoring her comment he accepted the call. "Hello Penny, if you've phoned up to defend him then..."

"Shut up, just shut up..." She screamed down the phone, her voice filled with tears of frustration and anger.

"Now there's no need to be rude."

"It's Leonard, he's..." She trailed off unable to finish her sentence.

Picking up on the seriousness of her voice, he began to panic. "He's what? Tell me."

She let out a strangled sob, her voice breaking with emotion. "There was an accident, he lost control of his car."

"Oh dear lord, is he alright?"

"They won't tell me anything, we need to get to the hospital." Not waiting for further response she hung up the phone, leaving Sheldon stunned.

Amy placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sheldon? What's happened? Is everything alright?"

He took a deep breath. "Our last encounter can't be our last. I won't let it be our last."


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a while since Sheldon had been to a hospital. Two years previously, Stewart had fallen off his bike and broke his leg; despite his hate of hospitals, Sheldon had reluctantly swallowed his phobia and accompanied him to the emergency room. If his memory served him correctly (which he was certain it did) out of him and Stewart, it had been Sheldon that had complained the most.

After that day, he had made a mental note never to step foot in one again. Yet, here he was making an exception to that rule.

"For Leonard." He said. "For Leonard only."

"What's for Leonard only?"

Sheldon tilted his head to face the voice that belonged to his wife. Her question had taken him by surprise, for he had intended the statement to be nothing more than a silent thought. "I don't like hospitals, but if Leonard is here, then..."

"Then you'll be here for him." Amy finished.

"Well I wouldn't have worded it in the same hippy dippy fashion as that, but yes, yes I will."

She glanced up into his eyes. It wasn't often they displayed such humanity and concern, yet when they did, it served as a soothing reminder of just how far he had progressed over the years. "Leonard can get better, I know he will." She placed a light hand on his knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Amy, although I respect your attempts of comfort, I don't see how you can possibly predict the outcome of all this."With that, his vulnerability made a swift exit, and his usual condescending demeanour made an unwelcome return.

"Fine, then we'll just have to wait for news."

"Yes." He nodded. "That's the best thing to do."

She darted her eyes around them room in search of a distraction, anything to take away the obligation to make conversation. Over in the corner, another couple also sat waiting for news, and despite her best efforts, Amy couldn't help but notice the close intimacy they seemed to share – something her marriage was lacking at the moment.

In her mind, she knew that Leonard should be the only one to worry about, however there was something about the way the couple held each other, that prompted her to imagine what it would be like, if her own husband comforted her in that way. "You know, its times like this, where we really need each other."

Sheldon was quick to contradict her. "Why are we in need?" He diverted his eyes to the ground, avoiding eye contact. "It's Leonard that has crashed his car."

"Okay." Amy blinked several times, whatever happened, she wasn't going to let him see he'd upset her. "I accept your point of view."

Ignoring her statement, Sheldon got to his feet and started pacing. "Why did the doctor only want to talk to Penny?"

"Because they can only share information like that to close family, it's a matter of patient confidentiality."

"That's absurd! When we were roommates, I was listed as his emergency contact and had the responsibility to make end of life decisions."

Amy gritted her teeth, becoming increasingly frustrated. "That," She said, "was a very long time ago."

Before further exchanges could be made, the door to the waiting room slowly opened and a familiar face entered.

Amy sat bolt upright, turning to face him "Howard? Is Clare with you?"

"No, I won't call her until I know what's happening with Leonard."

"Does she know?" She asked.

He shook his head and took the seat next to her that Sheldon had deserted. "Have you heard any news?" The tone of his voice was soft and comforting, those five words had brought her more reassurance, than Sheldon had in the whole hour they had been there.

"Uh... no, Penny is with the doctor now."

"I'm off to find a drinks machine." Sheldon suddenly announced. Feeling increasingly out of his comfort zone, he simply strode out of the room, without waiting for any form of a response.

Howard let out a laugh, in attempts to lighten the mood. "Looks like its just you and me." He paused, offering her a small smile. "Again."

"Sheldon has never been good in a crisis. He plans for every disaster you could imagine but he's ill equipped for the more social side of life."

"I sometimes see that in Clare and I can't for the life of me, figure out why." He looked thoughtful. "I mean, she didn't meet him properly until she was fourteen, but sometimes when we talk it's like having a conversation with him."

"I assure you, the likeness is minimal." Amy said. "She gets that fiery streak from her mother."

"Are you talking about...?"

"Bernadette, the only woman she will call mom." She confirmed.

Without thought, he reached over and took her by the hand. "She doesn't deny you, Bernadette was her mom, but that doesn't mean you're not part of Clare."

"It's not enough."

He slowly exhaled, considering her words. "Maybe not, sometimes I wonder if I'd love her anymore if she was my actual kid."

"And what conclusion did you come to?"

"I realise that it doesn't matter, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone."

"I could tell, you know."

"I don't understand." He stated, confused.

"The moment she was born, she got to you, she made you love her and you never stopped."

_19 years ago._

_Howard had heard that childbirth was an ordeal, however until now, he had always wondered whether or not these stories seen on TV or at the movies had been exaggerated. Now he no longer had to wonder, it was clear from the ear piercing screams and the vice like grip she had on his hand, that Amy was not exaggerating her pain._

_He brought his head up and turned to face Nurse Sanderson. "Seriously, she's got to be ready to come out now, how much longer could this take?"_

"_Anyone would think it was you going through this." She laughed._

"_We've been here all through the night, I'm exhausted." He placed his free hand on Amy's shoulder. "And she must be even worse, tell me there's not much more to go."_

_Moving the conversation along, Nurse Sanderson made eye contact with Amy. "Right, I need to take a look to see if the baby is ready." She paused. "Is that okay with you?"_

_Wordlessly she offered the older woman a solemn nod before burying her head in Howard's chest, who in turn wrapped his arms around her shoulders._

_Within seconds Nurse Sanderson had pulled on the latex gloves. "Right, this is happening now. Are you ready to meet your baby?"_

_Once more she offered no response, the only sign that she had heard was the tightening of her grip around Howard._

_Howard glanced over to Nurse Sanderson. "She's ready; she's strong, she can do this." _

"_You heard the man. I'm going to need you to push Amy." _

"_I can't." She protested._

"_Millions of women worldwide do it, and so can you." _

"_She's right Amy, you can do it." Howard agreed._

_Nurse Sanderson, placed a hand on her knee. "The quicker you push, the quicker we can get this little girl out."_

"_It might not be a girl." She gestured to Howard. "He's insisting it's a girl, but we can't know that."_

"_I have a feeling I'm right." Howard winked, placing an affectionate kiss on top of her head._

"_Okay you two, I'll do you a deal. If Amy pushes now, we can see whether or not this baby is a girl and if Howard is wrong, he will have put five dollars towards the nurse's Christmas party fund."_

"_Are you allowed to place bets with patients? Isn't that a little unorthodox?"_

"_Well Mr Wolowitz, you better hope that your little theory is right then." She diverted her gaze from Howard to look at Amy. "C'mon Amy, let's get this over with. I know you can't be enjoying this."_

_Resigned to her situation, she gritted her teeth and pushed with every ounce of strength she could conjure up. She thought about, how one day she would eventually not remember this excruciating pain; she imagined how one day Sheldon could possibly love her in the way that she wanted him to, and she pictured a life where everything was simple and their relationship was bound by love instead of the terms of an agreement._

_She was willing to think of absolutely everything._

_Everything, except the imminent birth of a child she had no idea how to care for._

_Although Amy may have been screaming, to her the pain was bearable. She may have been experiencing the worst form of agony a woman could ever endure, in her mind it was nothing compared to what Sheldon's rejection felt like._

_In all the scenarios she could picture, everything was how she wanted it. In her own little world, Sheldon was the kind of guy who bought her flowers; he was the kind of guy that told her she was beautiful and he was even the type who looked forward to double dates with Leonard and Penny. _

_She had wished so hard for her ideal life, and all she got in return was another woman's husband by her side._

_Amy wasn't left to grieve for the lost dream for too long, as all too soon, her own screams were replaced by the shrill cries of her newborn._

_Howard was the first to find his voice. "Don't leave me hanging, was I right?"_

_Nurse Sanderson gathered the infant into her arms, wiping her clean with the nearest towel before wrapping her up in a blanket. "You were, here she is." She held out her out to Amy. "Would you like to hold your baby?"_

_Unable to look at her daughter, Amy diverted her eyes downwards. "Howard should go first." Her voice was barely above a whisper._

"_Me? You're her mother, she needs you." He replied, stunned by her unwillingness_

_Once more, she repeated herself. "You should take her." Her voice was cold and almost robotic._

_Deciding against an argument, he held his arms out towards Nurse Sanderson. "Okay, I'll take her."Upon having her lowered into his arms, he was surprised by just how light she was. He hadn't expected her to weigh much, however he hadn't counted on just how fragile and delicate she would be. "Wow, she's ..."_

"_Beautiful?" Nurse Sanderson offered._

"_That's an understatement." _

_He looked down at the child, her cries subsiding as he gently rocked her. Her eyes that had been scrunched tightly together were now slowly opening and he would soon be the first face she would see._

Howard smiled fondly. "I will never forget that moment, never."

"The chord hadn't even been cut."

A look of confusion flashed across his features. "So?"

"So, she was yours before she was even detached from me. It makes you think, doesn't it?"

"Do you wish you had done it any differently?"

"She always belonged to someone else."

He allowed a small smile to form. "We didn't get to go to that concert and we're probably more in tune with their songs than the ones that did."

"What are you talking about?"

"Maroon 5?" He said. "She will be loved?"

Before the conversation could be discussed further the door reopened and Penny and Sheldon walked in.

Howard got to his feet. "Please tell me he's okay?"

Penny nodded. "Leonard's strong, he can beat anything."

"And is he badly hurt?" Amy spoke up.

"He's badly bruised, and his arm is broken but he's going to be fine." She paused and looked over at Sheldon. "Maybe we could all learn something from this."

"Is it that I've been a bad friend?"

"And?"

"I need to put things right?"

"Finally, he gets it."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: How great was that last episode? Sheldon and Howard need more episodes together, their characters have some great scenes when put together. Team Shamy vs. Team Howardette! I admit I was more inclined to agree with Howard on that one, although I might be biased because he's my favourite character!**

**Anyways enough about that, let's get back on track to the story.**

The day had come to an unwelcome end for Daniel, never before had he been on a date that had begun in the morning and had lasted right through until the sunset, and most surprisingly he had never been this keen to arrange a second meeting.

Daniel pulled his car over and turned to face Clare. "I can't believe, you persuaded me to go ice skating."

"I can't believe that you've never been!"

"Last winter, the drive way froze over and I fell." He said. "It didn't cost me a thing, yet today I paid ten dollars for the experience."

"But ...you can't take other people down with you on the driveway."

"My Dad would disagree with you there." The corners of his mouth curled up, to form a guilt free smile. "If I was going down, I was taking him and his abs with me."

"Do I detect a hint of foul play?"

He held up his hands to show he was going to state the obvious. "You took that as a hint? I thought it was obvious I took him down deliberately."

"Sounds like a harmonious relationship."

"In my defence, he was sleeping on my couch, rent free and everything." He defended.

Clare thought of her own father, she had lived him right up until she left for university the year previously, and they had never had any problems with sharing a house. "Was there ever a time where you lived with him as a kid? You say you lived with your grandparents, was that always how it was?"

"Yes, I did." He took a moment for thought. "Until I was about ten, or maybe it was eleven."

"What about your mother?"

Quickly moving on, he leant over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "Have I told you how great you look tonight?"

Before Clare could stop herself, an involuntary hoo escaped her lips. "You really think so?" She asked, flattered.

"Yeap, you owned that ice rink today."

"Thank you. My mother thought I wouldn't have the grace for it, but I soon showed her."

"You were very graceful." He said. "Until that kid crashed into you, that is."

"Hmmm yeah that was ..." She started, however she soon found herself cut off, by Daniel leaning in and pressing his lips against hers.

It was brief, leaving Clare wondering if she could've imagined it. "You just kissed me."

"Yes. Yes I did." He confirmed.

"Do you think..." She stuttered, her cheeks flushing a bright red. "Do you think we could...?"

"Do it again?"

She nodded. "Yes, that."

He released his seat belt so he could get closer. "That's an offer I could never refuse." With that, he closed the gap that was separating them.

This time he prolonged the moment, deepening the kiss and creating a tender intimacy. Although Daniel had made out with many girls in the past, this all seemed new to him. Never before had he put so much meaning into it.

The hand that had been resting on the steering wheel was now lightly placed on her cheek, his thumb lightly caressing it. Closing his eyes, he couldn't help but wonder if he was good enough for her? Would this change her perception of him? What if she didn't like it?

Daniel's worries were soon dissolved as Clare wrapped her arms around his neck and responded, equally as enthusiastic. The smell of her coconut and banana shower gel filled his nostrils, and her once immaculate lip gloss smudged onto him, leaving a glittered pink stain on his bottom lip.

Submerging himself further into the moment, he could picture them anywhere. Whilst they were like this, in his mind they didn't have to be in his battered old car. He could picture them, lying on a beach in Hawaii; he could imagine them walking the streets of New York, they could be skiing in the Alps, or even at the top of Everest – In his mind the sky was the limit.

But at that moment Pasadena was enough. In time, he would soon find himself craving escape again, however for those few minutes he was satisfied.

"That's it for now." Clare said, bringing the moment to a close.

"That was..."

She smiled. "Are you lost for words?"

"Quite possibly."

Clare leant down and picked up her purse. "Well even if you are, I'm not."

"What was it then?"

She hardly skipped a beat. "Fascinating."

oOo

Zach Johnson was worried. His son had arrived home an hour previously, and the suspicions Zach had had were beginning to be proved right.

He looked over at his son, who was finishing off a large bottle of cola. "Hey Dan?"

"Yeap?"

"Did your date go okay?"

"More than okay." He paused, giving him bewildered look. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I wanted to know, so I can be sure what's wrong with you."

He placed the empty bottle on the table and began gathering up the take out containers, that had contained their dinner. "Wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with me."

"I know you're not looking forward to next Tuesday, it will have been ten years."

Daniel clenched his jaw and continued what he was doing. "It's just another day, another boring day in my shit life."

"You've been fine throughout the year, but now..."

"But what?" He demanded, becoming increasingly irritated.

"You brought home a large pizza; six pieces of garlic bread, large French fries and a litre of Cola."

"And?"

"And I only had one slice of pizza and half a piece of the garlic bread."

He shook his head and carried the litter into the kitchen before throwing it in the bin. "I can't help it, if you weren't hungry."

"I was hungry, but obviously not as hungry as you."

Ignoring his comment he made his way out of the kitchen. "Sod this, I need to tend to a leak."

"Uh there is no leak, if there was a leak, the place would be flooded by now."

Daniel shook his head. "I need to pee." He rephrased.

"Don't use the bathroom."

"Why not?" He said, continuing onwards to where he wanted to go.

"Give it a while."

Daniel walked into the bathroom and went to slam the door, however Zach's foot swiftly blocked it.

"Move your foot."

"Leave the door open."

Daniel narrowed his eyes at him. "Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

"If you're just peeing, then you won't mind leaving the door open."

"You're paranoid, you know that?"

"I need to be." Zach replied, raising his voice slightly.

Daniel sighed. "Turn your back. I can't go, if you're watching me."

He nodded and turned away from his son. He stood there, making sure he was doing what he was said he was doing. In the past Zach had been known to turn a blind eye to his son's problems, but not anymore. Now, he was determined to be there, whatever it took.

The sound of the toilet flushing signalled that he could turn around again.

"Are you happy now?" Daniel asked.

"Happier than what I was."

Without making eye contact, Daniel pushed passed Zach and back into the living room. "You don't trust me."

"I do trust you." He said. "But it's down to me, to make sure that you don't end up like your mother."

Daniel paused and turned to face his father. "No one could've helped her."

"Maybe there was more I could've done?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

"It still hurts you too Dan, I know it does."

"I can't talk about this now." With that he closed the door, materialising the emotional barrier between them.

oOo

When Clare Wolowitz saw an unfamiliar car parked outside her home, she knew something wasn't right.

Upon entering the house, she could tell that her father wasn't alone. Hung up next to Howard's coat was a woman's purple jacket that she was certain she had seen before, and next to it hung a red coat and judging by its size it belonged to a child.

Walking in further, she spied to empty wine glasses and a juice carton sat on the coffee table, as well as this a toy fire engine and two Spiderman comic books lay on the floor.

On the sofa sat a handbag that definitely wasn't hers, just below it were a pair of children's sneakers that had been kicked off.

"Dad!" She called out.

Within seconds she heard movement upstairs, and all too soon Howard had made his way down the stairs. "Clare, you're back late."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Well uh, your uncle Leonard has had a bit of an accident."

She caught her breath. "Is he... Is he okay?"

"Yes. Yes, he's fine. It's just he's gotta stay in hospital overnight."

"Then he's not fine, if he's in the hospital he can't be fine." She replied, panicked.

"Trust me, he's in no danger. He got off with a broken arm and some bruising."

Clare was never one to be easily reassured and now was no exception. "He can't be fine, if they're keeping him in." She began to wring her hands. "Why would they keep him in, for just a broken arm?"

"Would ya calm down?" He said. "It's just a precaution, he was in a car accident and they just want to monitor him, in case anything does happen. Which it won't."

She released a breath that she hadn't realised she's been holding. "You promise?"

He nodded. "I promise. I wouldn't lie to you."

She took a minute to get herself together, until she remembered what she had initially been worried about. "Who is here Dad?"

He glanced back up the stairs. "Oh that."

"Yes, that."

"Well you see the thing is..."

"Why have I got a bad feeling about this?"

"Sheldon stayed at the hospital with Leonard, and Amy and Stewart would've been at that hotel on their own..."

Clare quickly cut him off. "Please tell me, this isn't going, where I think its going."

"So I kinda invited them to stay." He finished, a sheepish look across his face.

"Are you hallucinating again? Talking to mom, when you think no one's listening?"

"No, why?"

"Because you appear to have gone mad again!"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Really sorry for the terrible continuity last chapter, I'd forgotten that Daniel rode a motorbike and I had him driving a car oops. So just to be clear he definitely does ride a bike.**

Howard Wolowitz awoke early. His daughter had refused to stay in the house the night before, and he was worried.

He had attempted to reassure himself with the fact that she was now an adult, and was perfectly capable of looking after herself - however this method had failed.

Holding the phone to his ear he let out a sigh of frustration.

"_You've reached Clare Wolowitz, leave a message."_

"Hey, Clare. It's Dad. Again" He said. "Listen would ya just come home? I don't like it when you stay out all night, you know it worries me."

Placing his phone on the bedside table, he flung the covers off and pulled himself out of bed. He had always thought his mother was overbearing, yet now he could see where she was coming from. Like his mother, he had been left with nothing but his only child after losing a partner, and like his mother, he was willing to do anything to protect them.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he made his way downstairs. To his surprise, he found that he wasn't the only one up.

"Stewart? Hey little man, what are you doing up?"

Stewart looked over from where he had been sat on the sofa. "I'm waiting for Daddy, to come back for me and mommy."

Howard walked over and took a place next to the young boy. "Daddy won't be coming here, but later when you visit Uncle Leonard, he will be there."

"Do you think?"

"Well yeah, he's been there all night and he will still be there later today."

"Daddy doesn't always keep his promises." Stewart disagreed.

"Well sure he does, he promised Uncle Leonard that he'd stay with him, and he did."

Stewart diverted his eyes to the ground, focusing on a stain that marked the carpet. "But everyone is sad and angry, since we came here."

"Nobody's angry. Everybody had been worried about Leonard, but he's going to get better."

Stewart paused for a few seconds, considering Howard's reassurance. After much thought, he spoke again, this time changing the subject. "You and that lady were shouting at each other last night, she looked more angry than worried."

"You mean Clare?"

"I don't know who she was, but me and mommy were upstairs and you two were arguing, and then she left."

"Now, you don't need to go worrying about that. Me and Clare, have lots of arguments but that doesn't mean we don't love each other."

"Is she your friend?"

He shook his head. "No, she's my little girl."

"She wasn't little!" Stewart protested. "She was as tall as Daddy."

"Yes, I suppose she is." He said. "Do you not remember the last time you met her?"

He shook his head, looking at Howard with confusion. "Have I really met her before? I can't remember."

"Do you remember when your mommy and Daddy got married?"

"A little, I remember that there was a make your own sundae bar."

"Well, she came and stayed with you for a few days before they got married, and she enjoyed meeting you."

"Do you think she wants to meet me again?"

Howard painted on a smile for the young boy. The night before, when Howard had met Stewart, it hadn't occurred to him just how similar he was to Clare. He noted how his eyes in particular, bared a striking resemblance to hers. "I'm sure she would."

"Do mommy and Daddy know her? Are they friends?"

"Well they should know her." He paused. "But they're not as close as what you think they should be." As soon as the words were out, he wished he'd taken a different approach.

"Why? I don't understand."

"Uh well... I mean because they are all so interested in science, so they should be good friends because of that."

"Mommy and Daddy do like science. He leant in closer to Howard and lowered his voice. "But I don't, it's too hard. He confessed "That means it's boring."

"Well, I'm more of an engineering man myself."

"Cool. Do you think that when I grow up, I could be an engineer instead of a physicist?"

Howard desperately suppressed the laugh that was battling to escape. "I'm not sure that your Daddy would go for it."

"Would he not like it?"

"It would probably kill him."

Stewart's jaw dropped, a look of horror flashing in his eyes. "Daddy would die if I became an engineer?"

"Oh no, no, definitely not. I was just kidding. Sorry kid, I didn't mean to scare you."

Stewart relaxed a little. "You promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay, I believe you. You seem nice."

"Yes, nobody is going to die based on their child's career choice." Howard Said. "Although if you ever get in engaged, be concerned if he collapses on the toilet after you tell him the news."

"That wouldn't happen."

"That's what I thought."

Stewart didn't dwell on Howard's advice for long. "Why haven't I met you before?"

"Well uh... Europe is a long way away from here."

"Yes, but Aunty Penny and Uncle Leonard visit us for a week every Christmas or they meet us in Texas if we're visiting Memaw."

"Sons of a..." He quickly cut off, lowering his voice to an almost inaudible mumble. "They said they were in Nebraska."

"What did you say?"

"I said that's really great, and it sounds like you have a lot of fun." He said, quickly covering his tracks.

"It is. I always beat Uncle Leonard at charades, and Lenny cries when Aunt Penny feeds him carrots."

Howard ruffled his hair, putting on a voice of enthusiasm. "Well isn't that the best?"

"What do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, for the last five years it's just been, food poisoning from the undercooked turbriskerfil, followed by Raj passing out after one drink too many, and Clare crying in her room because she wished her Ma was there."

Stewart considered his words, before giving him a nod of approval. "I like your honesty."

"On second thought, maybe I should've sugar coated it, a little,"

A female voice from behind, diverted their attention. "He can take it, his father isn't exactly one for putting things lightly."

Howard turned around, his eyes falling on Amy who was stood at the bottom of the staircase. "Me and Stewart were just having some guy time, isn't that right buddy?"

He nodded. "Yes, maybe Daddy can have guy time with us too."

Howard and Amy exchanged a look of discomfort, which they quickly masked with insincere enthusiasm. "Me and your father used to hang out all the time." Howard admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeap. He and Uncle Leonard used to live together. Me and Raj would come over and have dinner with them."

Stewart turned to face his mother. "What about you mommy? Were you there too?"

"I was, although it was the girls in Aunt Penny's apartment and the boys in Daddy and Uncle Leonard's a lot of the time."

Howard nodded, his forced smile quickly becoming real. "Those were good times."

"They really were." Amy agreed.

"It's been a while since I've thought about them."

Amy thought for a moment. "Do you remember that time, when we all went to that conference?"

"Remember? To this day, I can still hear Sheldon saying red leader to red five."

"Well I hear that you and Bernadette did a great impression of Sonny and Cher on the way up."

"Although, I never did get that nap."

"Who's Bernadette?" Stewart interrupted.

Amy walked over to where he was stood and took him by the hand. "How about you change out of your pyjamas?"

"You haven't answered my question."

She gave him a look of warning. "That's enough Stewart, you're being nosey."

Howard stepped in. "Amy it's fine, I really don't mind."

"Howard, you really don't have to go over this."

"It's fine." He reassured, turning to look at Stewart. "Bernadette was my wife and Clare's Mom."

"Where is she now?" Stewart asked. "You said Clare gets sad at Christmas because her mommy isn't there."

Amy tugged his hand, in an attempt to end the conversation. "That's enough now."

"It's okay he's only curious." Howard reassured. He looked over at Stewart and answered the question. "Clare's ma, she got very sick about five years ago, and there wasn't anything the doctors could do to make her better."

"She died?"

Amy nodded. "Yes Stewart, She did. Now go get changed. I'm sure this is the last thing Howard wants to talk about."

"Sorry." Stewart apologised, a guilty look on his face.

Howard smiled. "That's no problem, I would've asked too."

Amy gently pushed him towards the stairs. "Go on Stewart, go get dressed and brush your teeth whilst you're up there."

"But mom..."

"No buts, maintaining dental hygiene and clothing yourself is something everyone has to do."

Admitting defeat, Stewart wordlessly retreated upstairs, leaving Howard and Amy alone.

"I'm so sorry about him, he has too much curiosity." Amy said, taking a place next to him on the sofa.

"He's just a kid. Clare was the same when she was his age."

"Hey Howard?"

"Yeap?"

"Has Christmas always been that hard for her since Bernadette died?"

"It gets easier. We just let the first one pass us by, as if it hadn't happened, but the second one was awful, that's when it hit her that she would never spend another Christmas with her mother."

_Three years ago._

_Howard looked over as he heard his friend sniffle next to him._

"_Raj, come on man. It's just a film."_

"_In India, we never had any frozen friends."_

"_We don't here. It's a cartoon, the snowman is not real. Now pull yourself together."_

"_But he melted. Look at the devastation on that little boys face; he's lost his best friend." He said, his arms fraying around as he tried to rationalise his emotions. _

_Howard laughed. "Okay buddy, I think you've had too many cosmopolitans'."_

"_You can never have too many cosmopolitans, they are like little sips of nectar." Emphasising his point, he drained the last of his glass and smiled with glee at the taste. _

"_Come on you .let's get you to bed' _

"_Okay." He agreed. "Oh I have a secret, but we have to be quiet. ssssshhhh" Raj giggled as he was pulled up off the couch. _

"_What now?"_

"_In India, I didn't have any snowmen. I was a nerd."_

_Unable take Raj's weight, he placed him back down on the sofa and placed a blanket over him. "Not much has changed then." _

_He opened his arms wide. "But look at me now. I have a best friend." _

_'I'll be sure to tell Stuart, next time I'm in the comic book store." The other man laughed. _

_Raj looked horrified, and if he hadn't been so drunk, he would have jumped off the couch "No No No, it's you .You're my snowman!" _

"_Merry Christmas to you too, now Stay there. I need to check on Clare."_

_Ascending the stairs, Howard took a minute to himself, before knocking on the teenager's door. "Hey Clare? Can I come in?"_

_An angry voice reciprocated from behind the door. "Well that's a stupid question. Of course you can come in - all you've got to do is push the object in front of you."_

_Howard sighed. He knew Claire got nit-picky and sarcastic when she was upset, but he hadn't realised just how upset she was, until he opened the door to find her lying on her bed, a clear tear stream along her cheeks. _

"_Baby, what's wrong?' _

"_She's never coming back!"_

_Howard shuffled over to the end of the bed and sat down. "Ok, that's a little vague." _

"_Mom! She's never going to eat turkey or pull crackers, and she won't be here to pretend Santa clause is real, even though she knows that I don't believe in him."_

"_I know sweetie but…"_

_She sat up and looked him full in the eyes."But what?"_

"_I...I don't know." Howard admitted, looking down at the floor. _

_There was painfully long silence before Clare spoke again. "I'm Sorry. I didn't mean to be angry." _

_He leant over and pulled her into his arms. "Hey, come here."_

_She buried her head into his chest, her tears slowly soaking through the fabric of his shirt. "I'm sorry, it just gets so hard."_

"_If there's one thing you never have to be sorry for, it's missing your ma."_

"_She always used to make Christmas amazing."_

"_She really did." _

"_Do you remember the year, her and grandma had an argument over who made the best Christmas dinner?"_

"_Yes, we ended up having two dinners that year."_

_She relaxed into a laugh. "Best Christmas ever."_

"_Yes, and we'll have many more best Christmas evers. I promise."_

"_How can we, without her?"_

"_I don't know how, but we will. Do you believe me?"_

_She nodded. "I love you Daddy."_

_He smiled, placing a kiss upon her cheek. "You've just made my Christmas."_

Howard finished talking and offered Amy a small smile. "She was strong, she got through it."

"If she's let me be there, I could've done something."

"All she wanted was Bernadette."

"I wish she didn't push me away."

Howard placed a hand on her knee. "I will help you."

"Help me? Help me how?"

"If you really want her to be part of your life; I will find a way of making that happen."

A look of surprise spread across her face. "You really mean that?"

"I wouldn't say it, if I didn't mean it."

"But how?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "I'm going to need to make a call."

"To who?"

"To the one person who might just be able to convince her to see sense."


	15. Chapter 15

Leonard Hofstader was surprised. Not only was his friend displaying genuine concern, he had also spent the night in a hospital.

"You know Sheldon, you really didn't have to."

Sheldon looked up from the magazine he had been reading. "Didn't have to do what?"

He looked around the room, gesturing with his good arm. "You know, stay here, with me."

"Would you rather I hadn't?"

"No, of course not. I'm glad you're here, of course I'm glad you're here."

"Well there you go then, looks like my decision to stay was the right one."

Leonard pulled himself up into the sitting position, to get a better look at his friend. "Do you think they'll let me out today?"

"I shouldn't see why not, it's not as if you sustained any serious internal injuries."

"Thank God." He lifted his arm and inspected the cast. "Looks like Penny has already signed it."

Sheldon leant over and read the writing. "It's a little inappropriate."

"Hmmm, I'll have to find a way of hiding it from Lenny."

He waved a dismissive hand. "Leonard please, with Penny as his mother, he probably knows all the rude words and then some."

"Oh c'mon she's not that bad." He half heartedly defended.

Seriously Leonard, do you really believe that?"

Leonard quickly changed the topic. "Where are Stewart and Amy? Did they go back to the hotel?"

"Howard invited them to stay the night at his house."

The casual nature of his words, left him wondering, if he could have possible been talking about another Howard. "Howard? Howard Wolowitz?"

"Who else?"

He looked at the other man, in disbelief. "Why? Why would he do that?"

"Leonard calm down, you should be resting, not getting worked up over little things."

He raised his voice slightly. "Little things? May I remind you, that Clare also lives in that house?"

"Why would I need reminding? It's not something I would forget, after all she is technically my – "

"She's your what? Your daughter?"

"In a sense, we can't say that she isn't, but then on the other hand..."

"You can't exactly say that she is." Leonard finished.

"Not in the same way that I could definitively say that Stewart is my son."

Leonard's features softened. The overwhelming need to be sympathetic was becoming evermore present. "Hey don't feel bad, without you and Amy, there would be no Clare."

"Would you rather I was totally apathetic towards her? Because I've tried, it can't be done."

"No, I was just saying, don't feel bad."

"I don't know if I feel bad, I know that I don't exactly feel good but..."

"But what?"

"I can't find the right word."

"You feel bad, of course you feel bad, it doesn't matter how many years go by, or who she calls Dad, the fact remains you gave her up, and now you regret it."

Sheldon sunk back into his chair, and took a few seconds to consider Leonard's words. "Regret? She seems to love Howard way more than she would ever love me."

"Does that not make you sad?"

He looked down at his lap, lowering his voice. "I don't know. I'm afraid that if I ask her, she would say that she wouldn't undo what I did."

"Okay, now you've just confused everything."

"What I'm trying to say is. It won't matter how hard I try, she will always be glad that I left her with Howard."

Leonard sighed. "I can't disagree with you." He said. "I want to, but I can't."

"I suppose if I'd stayed." He pondered. "She would feel different."

"She would be a totally different person."

"Well that's..."

"Anyway that's not the point. The point is, You're opening the new physics department in three days."

"It so is the point! Me opening the physics department is irrelevant." He paused, Sheldon's words finally sinking in. "Hang on a minute, did you just say that I was...?"

"Opening the new physics department?" He replied. "Yes, yes I did."

"No, you're opening the new physics department. That's why you're here."

"Correction, I was opening it. Now it's you that is doing the job."

"Now you've lost me."

"I'm doing this for Amy. She wants to know that I'm fully in support of her, trying to create some sort of bond with Clare. He explained. "And apparently, me focusing all my time on this opening is being unsupportive."

"Can you see where she is coming from?"

"No, but she doesn't need to know that."

"Then why did you bother?"

He shrugged. "If she's upset, it has an adverse effect on Stewart. I don't want him to be in distress."

"But why me?" Leonard asked, still confused. "Why is it me that has to open it?"

"Well they asked me my opinion, on who else they should ask."

"And you said me?" He replied, touched.

Sheldon shook his head. "No I said Will Wheaton, but their preference was another physicist."

His face fell. "Oh, so I was the second option?"

"No, after Will Wheaton I suggested..."

Leonard held his hand up to signal him to stop. "Okay, I get it."

"So, you'll do it?"

"I've just been in a car accident!"

"I know, but that doesn't really answer my question."

He rolled over onto his side and pulled the sheets over himself. "I need to get some sleep. Show yourself out."

Missing his friend's hostility, Sheldon proceeded onwards. "Honestly Leonard, it's a simple enough question."

He exhaled loudly, becoming increasingly infuriated. "I'll think about it."

"Okay, I can wait." Sheldon turned his attention back to the magazine that he had been reading.

"Out of curiosity, how long exactly are you going to stay here until I make up my mind?"

He kept his eyes on the print and turned a page. "As long as it takes, that's how long."

"In that case, I'll do it."

Placing down the magazine, he picked up his jacket and got to his feet. "I knew you'd see my way eventually."

oOo

Daniel Johnson and Clare Wolowitz walked along the pavement that lead up to Daniel's apartment. Daniel glanced his watch, it was too early in the morning for his liking. "I can't believe you stayed the entire shift."

"Well, I was curious as to what a night shift at a diner was like."

"In my experience it's only ever insomniacs or people who are stupidly drunk.

She laughed. "And to think, I thought you were joking, when you said that people puke on the menus."

"No kidding, it really is a serious problem."

Clare stepped in closer and linked her arm in his. "Well the menus withstood the vomit well."

"Well that is something I have my Dad to thank for, he did design them for that purpose."

"Your Dad designed them?"

"Yeap, my granddad used to own a menu printing company, and he handed it over to my Dad when he retired."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "So your Dad actually runs the company?"

"I use the term loosely, but yes he is in charge of it."

"Oh... He just doesn't seem the type to... uh..." She trailed off, unable to think of a word that wouldn't offend.

"No he's really not the type. The only decent idea was the policy, that all menus should be laminated in case they get puked on" He said. "And I only say that, because I'm a bus boy, and it benefits me."

"Who knows, maybe he might hand it to you, when he retires?"

Daniel cringed. "Oh God, I bloody hope not."

"Surely it would be better than being a bus boy?"

He shook his head. "At worst it would be as bad as, at best it wouldn't be any worse."

"I'd take it over microbiology any day, I can't believe I've gotta go back next week."

Arriving at the building, Daniel held the door open for her. "You can always change courses, you know that right?"

"Of course I do, but why would I?"

Walking along the corridor, Daniel searched through his pockets, until he found his keys. "Why wouldn't you?"

"And why won't you quit your job?"

"It's not that simple."

"And you think it's simple for me?"

He nodded. "You have way more options than I do."

Before she had a chance to reply, the prominent ring of her phone brought the conversation to a close. "Hang on a sec." She pulled it out and studied the screen before furrowing her eyebrows in annoyance.

"Who is it?"

"It's Dad, again. He's been trying to contact me all night."

They arrived outside the door to the apartment, but Daniel made no effort to unlock it. "Maybe you should answer?"

"You've got to be kidding?"

"Your problem is that your Dad keeps calling over and over, wouldn't that problem end by you answering?"

She made the shushing gesture with her finger. "It's my job to think logically."

"So what's my job?"

"It's your job to swear and make sarcastic comments in the background."

Daniel placed the key in the lock. "Job accepted." He pushed open the door and they entered. "Dad, I'm back."

Within seconds Zach, appeared in the hall. "Hey guys, how many times were the menus puked on?"

"Only once, but someone did throw up on my sneakers."

"Ah man. They really don't pay you enough."

"They really don't. I reckon my wages should go up by at least a dollar, every time it happens."

"Each time?" Zach repeated.

"Yeap, each time."

"They'll never be able to afford that."

"I'd be pretty damn rich though."

Clare, who had been silent throughout, spoke up. "Well, if you hadn't faked that heart attack , you wouldn't have had to work the night shifts."

"I remember that time you faked being impaled on a rake, to get the day off school." Zach said.

Clare looked at Zach, before turning her gaze to Daniel. "When did you do that?"

"I was about fifteen. My grandparents had gone to visit my aunt who was ill in hospital, so I had to stay with Dad for the week."

"And you pretended to be impaled on a rake?"

"Pretty much."

There was long pause before Clare spoke again. "So Zach, how long was it before you realised that he wasn't telling the truth?"

Zach looked down at the ground, embarrassed. "When the doctor in the emergency room said the blood was ketchup, and that the rake wasn't impaled, it was tucked under his arm."

"I got the day off though." Daniel announced, a proud look on his face. "So Clare, did you never skip school?"

"Well never to that extreme. I used to miss classes after my mom died, but I didn't come up with anything like that."

Zach crossed his arms and shook his head at Daniel. "He thought it was funny."

"You should've seen his face. He was freaking out."

"Of course I was gonna freak, my son had a rake through his heart, it was so not cool."

Unable to contain himself, Daniel snorted with laughter. "You admitted that it would've been a pretty bitching prank, if I hadn't pulled it on you."

"You know Dan, it wouldn't have been so bad, if you hadn't tricked me into bulk buying you red vines and beef jerky."

"I reckon that it made the day better."

"You ate them all, in one sitting!" Zach reminded.

Ignoring his father's comment, Daniel shrugged off his jacket and threw it to the side. "Clare, you go through, and I'll get us some breakfast."

"Okay, I'll see you in a minute." She gave the two men a smile and made her way into the next room.

Daniel stepped around Zach, making his way towards the kitchen, however Zach's hand on his arm stopped him from going further. "Would ya let go?"

"How about you go and sit with Clare? I'll bring the food in."

Daniel pulled his arm away. "I think I can manage to pour a bowl of cereal."

"I know. It's just..."

He glanced back making sure Clare wasn't in earshot. "What are you worried about? What do you think I'm going to do?"

"Dan I..."

"You what? You're scared I'm going to eat everything in the cupboards?"

Once more, Zach placed a hand on his arm, lowering his voice to a whisper. "I wouldn't be the first time son."

"I'm right, you don't trust me, you really don't."

"I care about you. You lost all that weight, do you really want to put it back on?"

He shook his head, walking into the kitchen. "What's it to you? You were never there when it got bad, it was grandma and granddad that helped me through it."

"I tried Dan, I just couldn't understand after what happened with you mom, you would..."

Daniel glared at him. "That I would what? You were all so determined that I wasn't going to be like her, that you let me eat whatever the hell I wanted. He raged. "You never saw it going the other way, did you?"

Zach sighed, his shoulders slumped. "Maybe we shouldn't have been... maybe if we hadn't..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentences.

Daniel turned his back on him and picked up the cereal box. "You've never been good with words, either."

"Dan, I found all that food under your bed, I checked in the wardrobe too." Zach confessed, bracing himself for the angered reaction.

To Zach's surprise, Daniel barely reacted. "It's like I'm seventeen again."

"Is that all you've got to say?"

He filled up one bowl and placed the box to the side. "You know what? I just lost my appetite." He held up the bowl. "Clare will still be hungry, or am I not allowed to give food to someone else?"

"Don't be silly, I'm not saying don't eat." He said. "I'm just saying, you shouldn't be eating as much as you have been."

"Ashamed of having a fat son, are you?"

He shook his head. "You're not fat Dan, you lost all that weight, and you turned it all around."

Daniel looked over at the far corner, anything to avoid Zach's gaze. "Maybe it will never be enough."

"You know, she always used to think that..." He said. "Your mother, she would look in the mirror, and it didn't matter how thin she was, she would never see it."

"I don't want to talk about that!"

"We got talk about this, the way this is going I can see you..."

"Finish your sentences." He suddenly snapped, a look of anger in his eyes.

"I can see this getting to you. You weren't happy at school. You were bullied for your weight, so you would just eat more, because it would make you feel better, for a short whole." He answered. "And now you're unhappy in your job, you want more from life, but you're not getting it."

He narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you." With that, he strode out of the kitchen and into the next room, where Clare was using her phone.

"Okay, I'll see you in the morning." She concluded before placing her phone back into her pocket.

"Clare?"

She turned to face Daniel. "That was my granddad."

"Why do you look so worried?"

"My Dad called him, he knows that May and Doctor Cooper are back in my life."

"Is that bad?"

She took a few breaths to steady herself. "Of course it is, he was my Mom's father, he gets very protective of her."

"She's dead though?"

"That makes it worse, he's gonna go mad, he'll think I'm letting her down."

Daniel placed the bowl of cereal to the side, and joined her on the sofa. "Then why did you Dad call him?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Given what you've just said, no, no it isn't"

"He's playing dirty, he wants them out of our lives, and he's resorted to calling the one person that is guaranteed to kick up the most fuss."

He shook his head in disbelief. "But he invited her to stay?"

"It's obviously all part of the plan, the nicer he is, the least they suspect he's up to something."

Daniel, leant back on the sofa, his argument with his father seemed like nothing compared to that. "And I thought my family was messed up."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Set the morning after the last chapter.**

Mike Rostenkowski sat opposite his son – in – law, he had known Howard for over twenty years, yet today he had seen a new side of him.

"So let me get this straight. This woman, who abandoned Clare when she was only a few days old, had shown up again, and you want me to help you help her?"

Howard nodded. "Listen, I know this may sound crazy, but I need to be sure she is committed to being there for her."

"Damn right it sounds crazy, what makes you think that I would want to help this woman in any way?" He shot Howard a look of venom, a look that demanded an immediate answer – a clear cut answer that would require no further questions.

"If you'd just let me finish, then you'll see that it's not for Amy, it will be for Clare." He paused and held Mike's gaze for a second. "You do want what's best for her... right?"

Mike was never one to fall for emotional blackmail, and he was making no exceptions. "Don't you go pulling any of that crap on me, you know how much I love that girl." He warned. "She's one of the few reminders I have of Bernadette." It had been a while since he had spoken his daughter's name aloud. It was his weak point, the one word that could thaw his heart and break down his barriers. "Bernadette." He repeated once more, the cold edge to his voice, slowly melting away.

"Bernadette, Bernadette, Bernadette." Howard replayed. "It's liberating, isn't it? After a while the others moved on, and I had to as well. But every once in a while it feels good to miss her."

"Howard I see what you're doing here but..."

He quickly took over, determined to get his point across. "It's not a bad thing to worry about Clare and it's not a bad thing to worry about what could happen, if she was to give them a second chance." He took a few seconds, to allow his words to sink in. "But, she'll never be able to get over her mom's death, if we convince her that she will be somehow betraying her, if she was to form a relationship with Amy."

"What are you trying to say here? Are you saying that you want me to tell Clare, that I'm fine with her forgetting my daughter, the woman who brought her up, for the sake of a woman who wanted nothing to do with her for nearly fifteen years?"

Exasperated, Howard got to his feet and threw his hands up. "You see, this is exactly my point."

"You're going to have to help me out here, because I really can't see where you are coming from, I really don't."

"I've not seen my father since I was eleven."

"How is that relevant?"

Howard walked over to where Mike was sat, and perched on the edge of the sofa. "Six years ago, I got a call off someone saying they were a neighbour of my Dad's."

He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Yeap, they told me he was sick." He looked down at the ground, a look of shame flashing in his eyes. "They said he wanted to see me."

Mike shuffled over to be closer to him. "Did you go see him?" His tone was sympathetic, a rare occurrence.

Howard remained quiet, responding with only a mere shake of the head.

"I don't understand, Bernadette said that you always used to how you could see him again." Mike said.

"I wish I had now. The second time they called me, I really regretted the decision not to."

"He died?"Mike asked, after a painfully long awkward silence.

"Yes, apparently it was some sort of heart problem. I'm not clear on the details." He took a few breaths to contain himself, Mike wouldn't have judged, yet he still felt the need to justify himself. "At the time Bernie was dieing, and Clare was finding it hard to deal with. I had to put them first."

"I get that, any decent father would've done the same."

Despite Mike's efforts, his reassurances were of little comfort. "I'm a great father, but a crappy son."

"From what I hear, you dedicated your life to that mother of yours, right up until she died."

He shook his head, realising they were getting way off track. "Right, but that doesn't matter. Can you see where I'm going with this? I don't want Clare to go through what I did."

"Howard, this is all very..." Noticing the determined look in Howard's eyes, he trailed off. "Carry on, convince me."

I fear that one day, years from now, she will get that same phone call. And when she does, I hope to God that she has no regrets, because once they're gone, they're gone."

"Howard that's..." Mike was never good at expressing himself, in fact he wasn't one for sensitivity and tact either. "I really don't know what to say."

"I'm not expecting much, I was just kinda hoping that you could offer Clare something that could help her move on."

"It's been five years Howard."

"It doesn't matter if it's five or twenty – five. She can't get any closer to Amy, if she feels she is letting her Mom down."

In that moment, Mike would've given anything to have been able to disagree with him; however he could find no reasonable argument against it. "Bernadette loved her no matter what she did, there was nothing Clare could've done to make Bernadette love her any less."

"So... Do you think Bernadette would've stood in Clare's way?"

"We don't know what Bernadette would've done, and we're never going to find out."

"She was your daughter, I don't know about you, but I know my daughter better than I know myself."

"You're one persistent bastard, you know that?"

He nodded. Yes sir, yes I do. Now answer the question.

Mike reluctantly relented. "No. No, she wouldn't have. She may not have been happy about it and it may have killed her inside, but no, she wouldn't have stood in her way."

"So, would you tell Clare that?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"No let's. Do this for her, do this one thing for her."

He exhaled loudly, unable to fight it further. "I'll do it for her and for her only. If that is what it takes for Clare to be happy, then I'll do it."

A smile flashed across Howard's face as he got to his feet. "Thank you so much, this could make all the difference." He walked to the foot of the stairs and raised his voice to a shout. "Hey Amy, you can come down now."

Within seconds she appeared in sight. "Well? Did it work?"

Before Howard had chance to answer, Mike spoke up again. "Hang on a minute, you didn't tell me she was in the house."

"Well... Anyway that's not the point. We're all here for Clare."

Amy made her way down the stairs to join them. "I'm sorry Mr Rostenkowski, but I really need her in my life and if..."

Howard placed a hand on her shoulder. "Amy, there's no need for that, he's agreed."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, he has. Mike, tell her."

"Yes, I have agreed. I did it for my granddaughter, and don't be under any illusions that I care about what you and your husband feel about it." Mike said.

Amy gave him a nod of understanding, before turning her attention to Howard. "Thank you so much for doing this." She leant in and placed a kiss on his cheek, then she wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace.

Howard rubbed her back and relaxed into her, for a moment he allowed himself to forget that his father in law was still in the room. "The rest is up to her now."

The moment was brought to an unwelcome end by three loud knocks on the door. "Dad?"

Howard waited until she completed the set before he answered. "Why don't you just use your key?"

Enraged, she gave him a hard push, causing him to stagger backwards. "I can't believe you would sink that low."

"Whoa, what is up with you? Cut it out."

"You called granddad to get rid of Doctor Cooper and May, you don't want them in our lives, so you found a way of getting rid of them."

She went to push him again, however Mike reached out and pulled her away. "Clare, you've got him all wrong."

"No I haven't." She screamed out, trying to free herself from his grasp.

"He rang me, because he wants you to know that it's okay for you to give them a chance."

Clare stopped resisting and looked over at Howard and then over to Amy. "I don't get it."

"I only want what's best for you." Howard said.

"And Granddad, what do you want?"

Mike released his grasp and gestured to Amy. "Go and hug the woman, it's long overdue."

"But what about..."

"Don't worry about anything, just go over to her and make things right."

Cautiously she took a step closer to Amy. She stopped and looked over at her father. "I'm sorry for pushing you Dad. I just thought you were playing dirty."

"It's forgotten, just go to her. She wants to be part of your life, and I think she should be."

Unable to find any words, she took another step towards Amy before finding herself frozen. "I can't do it, my legs won't move."

"Can I come to you?" Amy asked.

She barely raised her voice above whisper level. "Yes."

Amy took the first step towards her, although as soon as she did, she understood where Clare was coming from. "You're right. It sure is hard to walk at times like this."

"Right, both of you stay where you are." Howard strode across the room and knelt down next to Amy's feet.

"Dad, what are you doing?"

He patted the floor. "I remember when you leaned how to walk, I would kneel down here and you toddle over from where you are stood now."

Clare rolled her eyes."Dad, I'm nearly twenty."

He patted the floor again. "C'mon Clare, walk to Daddy."

"Dad I'm not..."

"Walk to Daddy, Clare" Howard insisted.

She relaxed into a laugh and slowly made her way towards her father. "How long was it before I got across without falling?"

"I lost count, you were rubbish at balancing."

She reached halfway and paused, placing her hands on her hips. "I don't believe that."

"Well look at you now, you're taking forever to get across, imagine what it was like when you were a baby."

Encouraged, she picked up her pace. "Look I'm doing it, happy now?"

"You used to say - watch me Daddy, watch me!"

Upon reaching him, she held out her hand and helped him to his feet. "What happened when I reached you?"

"I would pick you up and spin you around."

"Do it."

"Seriously? In case you haven't noticed, you've gotten a lot heavier since then."

She winked at him. "Well you're the one that wanted to take this seriously."

He sighed and bent his knees. "If I break my back, you're driving me to the hospital." He placed both arms around Clare and secured her in a tight grip.

"I'm still on the ground." She teased.

Using all the strength he had, he lifted her slightly off the ground. "Holy crap you're heavy." He held her for a few seconds, before lowering her back down. He adjusted his grip so that he had one arm around her and then officered his free arm to Amy. "C'mon Amy, get in on this."

She slid underneath his arm and placed a hand on Clare's waist. "I'm so sorry Clare."

Clare turned her head to look at her. "No, I'm sorry. I never should've left without speaking to you that night."

Satisfied with the reunion, Howard ducked out of the hold and took a step backwards. "You two take as long as you need, there's a lot to talk about."

"Howard, me and you need to talk." Mike said. "Outside."

Mike painted on a false smile and led them out, once Clare and Amy were out of earshot, he quickly dropped the act. "I can understand Clare having a relationship with her, but you? No, you stay away from that woman. You hear me? Stay away from her.

"Amy?"

"Who else?"

"What do you mean stay away from her?"

He shook his head in disgust. "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at her, how disappointed you were when you had to bring that little hug to a close."

"This is insane!"

"Damn right it is. She's married for God's sake! Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to live a life without ever meeting another woman, but her? No Howard, snap out of it!"

"This is ridiculous, I have no feelings for Amy."

"You keep telling yourself that, maybe if you say it enough, you'll believe it."

Howard placed his hand on the door open and pushed it open. "I appreciate your help and I thank you for it, but I really think you should go now."

"I'm going alright, but you mark my words, this is going to end in tears and they're going to be yours."

He pulled the door closed again. "Would you keep it down? They'll hear you!"

"That's an awfully panicked reaction for someone who doesn't feel anything." Without waiting for further reaction, Mike made a swift exit, leaving Howard to consider his words.

Taking his father in law's advice, Howard told himself what he wished to be true. "I'm just doing this for Clare, I'm just doing this for Clare, I'm just doing this for Clare." He would keep repeating it, until he fooled even himself.


	17. Chapter 17

Howard leant up against the wall, in his living room. The day had gone by quickly and Clare and Amy had fallen asleep on the couch.

Silently, he walked over to where they lay. He knew from experience that Clare was no easy sleeper, he could still remember the days, where she would awake in tears. Yet, now she seemed at peace. He couldn't see inside her mind, and he was no expert on dream interpretation, but Howard would've bet anything that her dreams were demon free.

Looking away from Clare, he let his eyes fall on Amy. Her hair had fallen across her face, leaving her eyes out of view.

A female voice came from behind. "I bet you want to brush it out the way. I bet you'd love to run your fingers through her hair, wouldn't ya?" A female voice came from behind.

Howard sighed to himself, allowing his shoulders to slump. "Go away, I'm not talking to you."

"I get it, as soon as someone new comes along, you don't want to know."

He lowered his voice to a sharp whisper. "I'm not talking to you, because you're not really there."

"Since when has that stopped you?"

"I mean it, get outta my head."

"Look at me, just look at me."

He crossed his arms and stared off into the far corner of the room. "I will not turn around, because there is nothing to see."

"You've spoke to me." She pointed out. "You might as well let yourself see me."

Howard covered his ears with his hands. "Can't hear you, go away."

"What good is that gonna do? You can't shut me out, you'll never be able to shut me out."

"You're not really there" Howard insisted. "You're not there; you're not there, you're not there." He repeated it, more for his own benefit, than it was for her.

"Then don't talk to me. If I'm not really here, don't talk to me."

"I'm not talking to you. it's you that's talking to me." He argued back.

"You're choosing to hear me."

Howard picked up a cushion and flung it behind him. "Seriously, that's enough now."

"You really think throwing a cushion is going to make me go away? There was a time where you used to talk to me because you wanted me here."

"I want to talk to you, but talking to you would be crazy."

"Maybe you are crazy?" She said. "Why don't you let yourself be crazy for a while?"

A stirring from the sofa, brought him the distraction he needed.

"Howard?" Amy sat herself up and rubbed at her eyes. "Who are you talking to?"

He turned his head, and looked into the empty space, from where the voice had come from. "No one." He replied, turning back around to face her. "It must have come from outside."

Amy looked unconvinced, yet she chose not to question him. "What time is it?"

"Around nine."

She turned her attention back to Clare, gently sliding off the sofa. "I don't want to wake her."

"She seems pretty out of it to me." He walked over to where she lay, and gently stroked her hair. "You've got to watch her though, she's not good with being woken suddenly."

"Neither am I. I once broke Sheldon's nose, after one particularly realistic night terror."

To many this would come as a shock, However Howard remained unfazed. "I was once kneed in the groin, because Clare was being chased by a giant pigeon in one of her dreams."

"You tried to wake her up, didn't you?"

"She was screaming. What else could I have?"

"You have to be careful. When you're in the middle of one of those, it's hard to tell what's real and what's not."

Howard leant over, and produced a blanket, that had been tucked down the side of the sofa. "Bernadette used to deal with all that stuff." He laid the blanket over Clare. "She never gave me any heads up, on what to do, for when she was gone."

"I'm guessing they got worse after Bernadette died?" Amy said. "It's not uncommon for them to worsen, after a person experiences a traumatic event in their lives." She gestured to Clare. "In her case, it was the loss of a parent."

"Maybe..." He thought for a moment. "I don't really know, I used to sleep right through them."

"That's interesting. Sheldon says, there's more chance of sleeping through the Hulk tap dancing, than there is of sleeping through one of my night terrors."

Howard let out a snort of laughter. "That's a good one."

Amy crossed her arms, and shook her head. "Howard please, we're trying to have a serious conversation here."

"Right uh..." He paused, trying to remember what he was going to say. "Well for one thing you and Sheldon presumably sleep in the same room, Clare's room is down the corridor, and Bernie was always the one that got up to look after her, so I wasn't really listening out for it."

"It must have been hard to deal with."

"The worst times would be the first few seconds after she woke up." He looked back over at his sleeping daughter. "For a few seconds she would forget that Bernie was gone, and she would expect to see her."

Amy swallowed back a lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "Howard I..." She trailed off, unable to find the right words.

He proceeded onwards, as if he hadn't heard her. "Nothing hits you quite as hard, as the disappointment you see on your kid's face, when they realise it's you, that they're stuck with."

"That's not..." Once more she found herself lost for words. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."

"Neither do I, I never have." Howard looked down at the floor, and focused on a balled up sock, that he had been meaning to pick up for the past couple of days. "After her Ma died, I never really knew how to make things right." He blinked back the emotion that threatened to surface. "And the worst thing was, she noticed, I had no idea how to get through it, and she knew that."

"Maybe that's not so bad?"

"In what universe, is that not so bad?"

"Well, if she was totally apathetic, wouldn't she be just like Sheldon?" She said. "I personally think that Sheldon is great, but you on the other hand..."

"I on the other hand?" He prompted.

"You tried to run him over once, need I say anymore?"

He let out a small laugh, in attempts to lighten the atmosphere. "I was going at like two miles an hour. I was hardly likely to do him any real damage."

"That was quite some argument we got in to."

"I can't believe that there was actually a time, where I would break into someone's apartment, strip, and then rest their laptop on my..." He looked over at Clare, and cut himself off. "Well anyway, you know the rest."

"Are you trying to refrain from using the word penis?"

His jaw literally dropped. "Amy!" He brought his fingers up to his lips. "Shhh, she might hear you."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow. "You honestly can't bring yourself, to discuss male genitalia, in front of her?"

Howard darted his eyes around the room, focusing them anywhere but Amy. "Well..." He felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. "It's not that... I've not had trouble discussing it with her before."

"Then what's the issue?"

He looked over at Clare again, double checking that she wasn't going to suddenly wake up. "It's just, I don't want to discuss my own in front of her."

"Why?" She asked. "Does she think you don't ever engage in..."

He raised his hand to signal her to stop. "Would ya just stop? Of course she knows, it's just not something we talk about."

"Why not?"

"Because, I'm her Dad." He let out a sigh of exasperation. "Right, I don't care whose penis we discuss, my only rule is that it isn't mine."

"So, if you were to go out to a bar and pick up a woman?"

"Clare would not know. Unless she accidentally walks in, which is an incident I will not let happen." He paused. "Again, once was bad enough."

"She walked in on you...?" She trailed off, suddenly embarrassed.

"We agreed never to speak of it." He attempted to mask the shame in his voice. "But she was only fifteen, and I'm pretty sure she's still traumatised."

"Well, if I walked in on my father engaging in coitus with a woman that wasn't my mother, I too would be pretty shaken up."

"I think she more upset, that I would..."

"Forgive me for asking, but I think I have misunderstood you." She said. "Are you trying to say that it wasn't the shocking sight of her father naked and making love to a woman that upset her, but the fact that you did it in the first place?"

He merely nodded, the embarrassment rendering him speechless.

"I see. Now, I'm not much of an expert on delicate matters such as this one, but the way I see it is that your theory is wrong."

"It's wrong?" He asked.

This time her manner was more confident. "I believe that she wasn't at all fazed by the fact that you were having sex, after all she's an intelligent girl, she gets that you have primal urges, after all you're only human."

"Now you've lost me."

"Did I hear right when you said she was fifteen?"

"Uh... about that, yes"

"Well by my calculations Bernadette had probably been... well you know, for about a year by that stage."

"Where are you going with this?"

"What I'm trying to say is, she had seen you grieve for her mother, you went through unimaginable pain, she saw you at your worse, and walking in on you doing what you used to do with her mother with another woman, must've been a shock, maybe she felt it a betrayal towards Bernadette?"

"So, you're saying she would've been just as traumatised if she walked in on me, watching the notebook with another woman?"

"It would've been a little easier on the eye for her, but yes, it didn't matter what you were doing with that woman, she wasn't her mother, and no one ever will be."

They remained silent for a few seconds, allowing the information to sink him.

"She looks just like you." Impulsively, he reached for her hand. "You are her mother."

"Howard, stop, before you say something you regret."

"That night, you didn't have to leave." Under any other circumstances, he would've kept this in, but now the words were out, he couldn't stop them. "Sheldon wouldn't have been able to look after her, but I could, and I have done for the past twenty years."

"Howard, you really need to stop..."

He carried on regardless. "That night, you could've spoken to me, you weren't just some cheap one night thing, and I wouldn't have tossed you to the side in the morning."

A look of panic flashed in Amy's eyes, as she desperately tried to stop him talking. "Howard, this isn't the time, please just..."

"My marriage was over." He continued. "I felt something for you, at the time I really did, we shared something and we still do."

"Howard, that's enough."

"No it isn't, it was Sheldon that put those doubts in your mind. You didn't have his support, so you left." He took a breath. "But you had mine, you would have always had mine."

"Howard, it's Clare."

He stopped, taking in the worried expression across her face. "What are you on about?"

"I tried to stop you, I tried to warn you."

Howard spun around and looked over at where his daughter had been sleeping. "How much did you hear?"

Before she could reply, Amy quickly intervened. "She woke up, at just the wrong moment."

Clare threw the blanket off herself, and got to her feet. "You cheated on Mom?"

"No baby, I..." He trailed off, unable to deny it.

"You cheated on mom." She narrowed her eyes, glaring at Amy. "With her, you cheated with her."

"Her name is Amy."

A volcano of heartbreak and betrayal, suddenly erupted, spraying it's fury at anyone and anything, that dared to obstruct its path. "I don't give a fuck what her name is. She slept with you, when you were married!" To Howard, her words were like a barrage of silver bullets, and he was the powerless werewolf, about to be struck down.

"You don't mean that." He had so many apologies, yet no way of expressing them.

She clenched her teeth, balling her hands up into fists. "Does Doctor Cooper know?" She spoke his name as if it was poisonous venom that had to be spat out immediately.

Cautiously, Amy stepped in closer to her. "Please Clare, it was a long time ago."

Clare jumped away from Amy, and raised her voice to an enraged scream. "Well does he?"

She looked down at the ground, her shame too much to bear."No, no he doesn't."

She cast one final look of disapproval, and made her way towards the door. "You're both liars."

"Clare don't go, not like this." Howard pointed to where Amy was stood. "It doesn't matter what you say, she will always be your mother."

"No. My mother's dead, I don't have a Mom anymore." Her words had a cold and detached edge to them. In that moment her voice was unrecognisable to Howard.

Howard looked over at her. "Okay, let's keep things calm, yeah?"

"You know what? I don't have a father either, it doesn't matter how much you tell yourself that you are my Dad, it doesn't make it true." She wrenched open the door. "You're just a guy who cheated on my mother, and who lied to me for fourteen years."

With that she slammed the door with a ferocious force, leaving Howard and Amy to drown, in their self made flood, of guilt and regret.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: The topic of eating disorders, features heavily in this chapter, Just thought I'd say in case anyone would rather not read it.**

Daniel Johnson placed a cup of coffee down on the table, in front of Clare. "My ass hole of a boss can tell me I'm shit at my job as much as he likes, but even he can't dispute that I make one hell of a cappuccino."

Clare wiped at her eyes, with the sleeve of her jacket. "I'm sorry, you've got work to do."

"I should be asleep, work at this time of night is not something I do by choice."

"Are you beginning to regret faking that heart attack?"

Daniel pulled up a chair. "I regret nothing." He pulled a few napkins out of their dispenser and passed them over. "But judging by the fucked up mascara, you have had a shit day."

She brought the napkin up to her face. "It's not run that bad, has it?"

"Are you kidding me? You look like the love child of Alice Cooper and the Joker."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a real way with words?"

"Sincerely or sarcastically?"

"Never mind." She leant back in her chair. "How much longer will you have to work the night shift for?"

"Not to sound argumentative or anything, but something tells me that you haven't turned up here, in the state you are in, to discuss this dump's staff rota."

She turned her head, avoiding his gaze. "Nothing but crap has happened, since they've been back." Clare had said many things that day that she would never have dreamt of voicing, the feeling was liberating, yet hard to take.

"Your parents?"

"I don't think I have any." She lowered her voice. "Not anymore."

"Shit, that's not good." After a moment had passed, Daniel began to reconsider his initial statement. "Of course, what I mean to say is..." He painted on a smile, to hide his inability to say the right thing. "Oh God, I'm such a tool. Just tell me what happened, and I'll listen."

"Do you just default to swearing, every time things go wrong?

He shrugged. "It's better than eating everything in the cupboards."

"When you were in high school, was that what you used to do?"

"When you were as big as I was..."

She leant in closer to him, placing a hand on his arm. "Go on."

"You don't just wake up like it. For years, I would wait until my grandparents were in bed, and I would go to the fridge..." Daniel placed his hand on top of Clare's, he could feel his heartbeat pulsating through his fingertips, he wondered if she could feel it too, whether she would read anything into it? "Let's just say, I wouldn't stop, until I'd cleared the thing."

Clare was silent for a moment, taking in his words. "But why?"

"I was seventeen, I'm over it now." He sat up straight, desperate to regain his composure. "Anyway, that was four years ago, what's happening with you, has gone on tonight."

"You don't get away with it that easy." She said. "You can't just say something like that, and then change the subject."

"You've just had some serious shit with your parents, and you turned it around to me." He pointed out, eager to take the heat off himself.

She looked from side to side. The diner was almost empty, aside from a woman asleep at the table in the corner, and man on his laptop, who was sat by the door. "I shouldn't say this, I really shouldn't say this."

"You telling me that you shouldn't say it, makes me want to hear it, all the more."

Clare pulled her chair in closer, cupping her hands to his ear. "My Dad slept with my mother."

He laughed. "No shit Sherlock. I'm pretty sure my parents got down to business, at least once whilst they were together."

"You don't understand."

"What's there to understand?"

"I mean my Dad, the guy who adopted me. He slept with my mother. By my mother, I don't mean my Mom, the woman I loved. I mean, the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who abandoned me."

"Oh." He said. "Well, that's different."

She looked down at her lap. "Last time she was here, he didn't want her anywhere near us, but now..."

"But now...?"

Clare didn't want to finish the sentence, she wasn't sure if she even knew how to. "I can't believe it, he was still married to my Mom."

"How long ago was this?"

"From what I heard." She balled up a napkin in her hand, letting it drop to the floor. "It was just after I was born."

"That was nearly twenty years ago, don't you think that you should..." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Forget and move on?"

"You don't get it, he seems to have some sort of feelings towards her."

"Listen, sex doesn't always mean love." He explained. "Trust me, if I loved every girl that I've slept with..." He trailed off. "Well anyway. What I'm trying to say is, just because they slept together, it doesn't mean it had to lead to him falling madly in love with her."

Clare narrowed her eyes at him, shaking her head in disapproval. "You may be able to do stuff like that without commitment, but my Dad isn't like that." She said, conveniently forgetting the stories her godparent's had told her, about Howard's elaborate schemes to pick up women, before he had met Bernadette.

"I'm just saying. He's a guy. That's the way we work."

"He told her she was more than just a one night thing, and he said they shared something." She exhaled loudly, as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. "He then said that they still did."

"When guys are horny, they'll say anything." Daniel wasn't sure whether he was entirely convinced by his own words.

"Dad wouldn't say something like that if he didn't mean it. He knows she's married, and he knows how damaging something like that could be."

He was silent for a moment, the last thing Daniel wanted to do was say the wrong thing. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Have you got an easier question?"

"Okay, how do you feel about it?" Hearing himself say it aloud, was nearly enough to make Daniel cringe. Compassion wasn't usually something he possessed.

"I thought Doctor Cooper and May..." She stopped and rephrased. "I thought Sheldon and Amy were the strangers to me."

"And now?"

A single tear sprung from the corner of eye. She made no effort to brush it away, if anything was worthy of her tears, this was it. "It turns out, they aren't the only ones. I thought I knew my Dad, I thought when all else failed, I would always have him."

"You still do." He said. "Just like my Dad will always be there."

She defiantly shook her head. "No, he kept the truth from my Mom. He rebuilt their broken marriage on lies."

"You've already lost your Mom, why push your Dad away?"

"Why not? You do it, I see the way you act when you're around him."

A look of guilt clouded his eyes. "I don't mean to, I never want to do anything that would hurt him."

"You seem so distant when you're around him, no one would guess he was your father."

"Maybe he was a crap Dad, maybe I am pissed that he dumped me on my grandparents, but I can't lie and say he was completely useless."

"Then tell me more about that." She urged.

He felt the metaphorical walls that he had spent so many years constructing fall to the ground. "I was seventeen..."

_4 years ago._

_Daniel Johnson held the phone to his ear. "Grandma, I don't want to stay here. Can I just head home?"_

"_We've been over this. Your grandfather and I have agreed that whilst we're away, you should stay with your father."_

_He bit down on his tongue in restraint, attempting to be reasonable. "It will only be a week. I can look after myself for a week."_

"_Sweetheart, under any other circumstances we would. But the way things are at the moment, we would feel a lot better, knowing you aren't alone."_

"_I'm seventeen, for fuck's sake."_

_She changed her tone to one of warning. "Daniel Johnson, wash your mouth out."_

"_What do you expect? You're treating me like a little kid."_

"_One, I don't expect to be sworn at, and two, you know after what happened with your mother we need to get this under control."_

"_You didn't even like my mother!" He argued back._

"_Daniel, she was my daughter- in- law."_

"_That doesn't mean you liked her."_

"_I'm ending the phone call. You're in one of your moods." She said. "Try and get on with your father, and please stick to the three meals a day, no more than that."_

_He remained silent, unwilling to respond._

_After a short pause, his grandmother spoke up again. "Are you giving me the silent treatment? Or is there a problem with the phone?" Still he remained quiet. "Right, play it your way. I'll see you next week." With that she ended the call._

_Daniel placed the phone back into its holder and walked through into the kitchen. "Well, if they don't trust me."_

_He looked up at the clock. His father was out. Despite his faithful promise to stay in with Daniel, babysitting a seventeen year old wasn't exactly Zach's idea of a good night._

_Daniel had tried, all day, he had told himself that he was going to be better today. He was going to stick to the diet, and he would do it sensibly._

"_Yeah, right." He said, aloud. Will power was never something he had. It didn't matter how many times, the people at school called him names or stared at him, he just could not break out of the vicious circle._

_He dropped to his knees next to the cupboard and pulled out a family sized bag of potatoes chips. Without leaving time for thought, Daniel tore open the packet and grabbed a fistful of chips, crushing them in his grip, before shovelling them into his mouth. He dived back into the packet again, this time with both hands, he continued like this until there was nothing left._

_Daniel brought his sleeve up, and wiped away the tell tale crumbs from off his mouth. He was still hungry. It wasn't enough; nothing was ever enough._

_He got to his feet and ran over to the fridge, grabbing anything that came to hand. He didn't care what he was eating, just as long as he was eating._

_A litre bottle of cola was downed in less than a minute._

_An untouched tub of ice-cream was consumed as quickly as it was opened._

_Three chocolate muffins became zero._

_Daniel reached to the top shelf, throwing all the food out onto the floor. A tub of yoghurt burst open at his feet, covering his sneakers. He lowered himself down onto the floor, barely noticing how he was kneeling in a pile of broken eggs. He didn't care about anything else; all that mattered was finishing off the pasta salad leftover from the night before._

_Within minutes he had achieved his goal. The pasta salad was good, but he was pretty sure the multi-pack of popsicles in the freezer, would taste even better._

_But first, he was going to eat the last chicken leg that Zach had been saving._

_Before he knew it, half an hour had passed. He lay on the floor, surrounded by empty containers and wrappers. Daniel thought of his mother, he wondered if she would be ashamed. He pondered how someone like him, who had a mother that did everything she could to stay thin, would end up the way he did._

_His guilt and regret had pulled him in so deep, that he didn't notice his father entering the room._

_Zach clasped his hand to his mouth, looking on in disbelief at the scene unfolding in front of him. "I thought Mom and Dad were exaggerating, when they said to keep a lock on the cupboards."_

"_Don't look at me!"_

"_That's what your mother used to say."_

_Daniel pushed the evidence of his weakness to the side. "I'm sorry." He ran out of the room, down the hall to the bathroom._

_Zach stopped outside the door. "Dan, just let me in. We can talk about this." The only response he heard was the sound of gushing water. "You can run that tap as much as you like, I know what you're doing in there."_

_From where he was knelt by the toilet bowl, Daniel looked over at the door. "Just piss off." Wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he crawled over to the tap and slowly turned it off._

"_Danny, you can't pretend. I lived with your mother, I know about these things."_

"_Congratulations, that's quite an achievement for someone as dense as you."_

"_I appreciate the compliment son, but we need to find a way of helping you."_

_Daniel leant back against the wall, burying his head in his hands. "You can't help me, no one can help me."_

"_You're my boy, I gotta do something."_

"_If that's true, if you really feel that way,_ _then why didn't you let me stay with you? Why couldn't I have lived with you?"_

"_We've been over this Dan_."

_Daniel felt the anger build up inside of him, he sprung to his feet and yanked open the door. "I wouldn't have cared how shit you were, I wouldn't have cared how many times you screwed things up, all I wanted was to come home!"_

"_It was so hard, you gotta understand." He desperately tried to reason. "I wasn't like other Dad's, who knew what their children needed. I just didn't get it."_

"_I didn't fucking notice!" He threw his hands up to emphasise his point. "You were just my Dad, you parented me in your own way, and I didn't care how different or how strange it may have been."_

"_You notice now, you're always telling me that I'm stupid."_

_Daniel turned away from his father. "Doesn't mean that I don't love you, half the time you don't know what's going on, but I don't really care."_

_Zach reached out and pulled him in closer to himself. "I love you too, and that's why I know you're going to get better. I will not lose you like I lost your mother."_

"_She was so Ill, dad."_

"_I know, I remember."_

"_I always see her, just lying in that bed. She was so thin, and she was hooked up to all those drips."_

_Zach scrunched his eyes together, desperately trying not to picture it. The memory had haunted him for so many years. "We tried to protect you from it, but you were old enough to know what was going on."_

"_Do you miss her?"_

_He nodded. "I miss the woman I married. When she died, she had changed, all she wanted to be was thin, and that desire destroyed her and pulled our family apart."_

"_I haven't starved myself, it's different."_

_Zach pulled away and took a good look at his son. "I know."_

"_What's going to happen to me?"_

"_You're going to get some help, we're going to talk to the doctor, and find a way of losing this weight in a healthy and sensible way, and when you do, we'll find a way of helping you to think better, so you stop all this excessive over eating."_

"_You make it sound so simple."_

"_It's not, and it won't be. All I can promise is that I'll be there."_

Daniel finished talking and looked over at Clare. "Have I shocked you?"

She placed her hand on his knee. "You never mentioned that you're mother had died, I just assumed they were divorced."

"You know what it's like to lose your mother. Imagine if she'd died the way mine did, it's hard to talk about."

"It's hard to talk about no matter how they go."

"Anyway, you never asked."

"How long since your mom..?"She looked over to him, hoping he would finish the sentence for her.

"Died?"

Clare nodded.

"Ten years this week." Daniel said, almost too casually.

"Do you ever wonder how you spent so many years without her?" She asked. "Because there are times where everything seems fine, and then it just hits me, I'm never going to see my Mom again. Then think about how long I've spent without her, and I don't know how I've done it."

His tone was detached. "I don't exactly have fond memories of her, my grandmother blames everything that happened to me on her."

"What about you? Do you blame her?"

Daniel shrugged. "After she died, I know longer lived with someone who avoided eating at all costs, so I just went for it. But in the back of my mind I could still hear her." He diverted his eyes downwards, focusing on the pattern of his shoes. "I always used to imagine she would disapprove, but I just couldn't help myself. I got into a cycle of eating all I wanted, and then I would remember her and what she was like, how she would feel if she could see me."

"You don't still feel that way?"

"Sometimes, it's hard not to." He admitted. "But, she's gone now, and I try not to let her rule my life."

"I understand. You know when we first met, I wondered if my Mom would approve of you."

He relaxed into a smile. "Same here, I even asked my Dad if he thought Mom would like you."

"How'd that one work out?"

"He said that she used to have a rule, never date anyone smarter than what you are." He couldn't help but laugh. "Although, she married my Dad, so I think she may have taken that rule to the extreme."

"And my mom always used to say, never date a guy, whose main vocabulary was made up of swear words."

Daniel winked. "Well then, if our Mom's were still around, the shit would well and truly hit the fan."

Clare leant over to the table, lowering her voice to a seductive whisper. "Forbidden lust, is the best kind." She placed a brief kiss on his lips.

A voice from behind them brought the exchange to an end. "Well, well, well, kissing on the job, so I see."

Daniel sighed and turned to face him. "I'm on a break."

He looked at his watch. "I'm your manager, and I say when you take your breaks."

Infuriated, Daniel stood up and then gestured to the customers. "Two people are here, one is passed out drunk, and the other one hasn't ordered anything in nearly an hour."

"Have you cleaned the deep fat fryer?"

"I haven't cleaned it, because no one comes in here at this time of night."

"So that stops it getting dirty, does it?"

"Of course it bloody does! If it doesn't get used, it's hardly likely to get dirty."

The manager mentally cursed himself. "Fair point, but that doesn't excuse your manner."

Daniel pushed his chair to the side, and walked over to the counter. "Well if you don't like my manner, then I have the perfect solution." He threw off the apron he had been wearing and picked up his coat.

"What are you doing?"

"Quitting, this place is a dump, and if I don't leave now, I never will."

"You can't do that! I need a written resignation and two weeks notice."

Daniel walked passed him and stopped by the exit. "How's this for written resignation." He presented his middle finger, and then slammed the door behind him.

Clare let out a nervous laugh, and met the manager's eyes. "I suppose, you gotta give him some credit for seizing the day."

He sighed, and pointed to the door. "Just get out."

Not waiting to be told twice, she swiftly gathered up her bag. "Maybe the next bus boy, will have a little more job satisfaction."

Running out onto the street, she looked from side to side until she spotted Daniel leant up against a wall.

"Did I honestly just do that?" He asked in clear disbelief.

Clare offered no reply to his question, instead she ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him into a spontaneous and intense kiss. "That was..." She stumbled over her words. "Oh wow."

"You approve of me, quitting my job."

She nodded. "Do you know what this means?"

"I won't be able to pay rent this month?"

"We can get out of the place, let's pack a bag and ride off on your motorbike."

Daniel's eyes widened in surprise. "Are you crazy? We don't have the money for that."

"Do you have money in your pocket?"

"About fifteen dollars."

"I've got about twenty."

"Well there you go then, we have thirty five dollars between us, we're going nowhere."

"Don't talk, just listen." She placed her hand over his mouth. "That will be enough to fill your bike with fuel."

He nodded.

"Well, let's fill it up and drive out of here, and let's not think about what we'll do after that."

He pushed her hand away. "Live in the moment?"

"Yes, this very moment. I'm thinking very short term, what we've got will get us through tonight, and we'll worry about tomorrow, when tomorrow comes."

"I love this spontaneous side of you."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

Daniel left himself no time for hesitation. "Let's get out of here."


	19. Chapter 19

Sheldon Cooper closed the door to the room his son was sleeping in, before making his way through to the living room. "He seems to have settled well."

Leonard looked up from a book he had been reading. "Looks like he's more adaptive than what you first thought."

"I don't like this Leonard, we shouldn't be here. We should be with Amy."

"Why aren't you? She wants to see your daughter, don't you?"

"Don't exert yourself with difficult questions, you only got out of hospital this morning, and I'm pretty sure, that pain medication they gave you is doing more harm than good."

Saving his page, he placed the book to the side. "Your PHD is in physics."

"I don't need a medical qualification to see that you're not yourself."

"Sheldon, Leonard is fine, it's you that is on the edge." Came Penny's voice from down the corridor.

He waited until she was in the room before he responded. "When Amy dropped Stewart here earlier, how did she seem?"

"She seemed fine. She was hardly likely to act any different in front of him."

"Oh dear lord, this is all going to go wrong. It will, I know that I'm right this time."

"You've gotta let her do this, who knows Clare may even give you both a chance this time." Leonard said. "You should try supporting your wife."

Penny nodded in agreement. "You don't think she's wrong, do you?"

"Of course she's wrong! Clare made it clear that she didn't want to be part of our family, she's a Wolowitz, and she doesn't want to be anyone else."

An impatient buzz of the doorbell brought the conversation to a premature close. Penny glanced over at it in annoyance. "If they've woken the children, I swear to God I will kick their..."

"Just answer it." Leonard interrupted.

"Why don't you get it?"

He lifted up his arm. "I'm the one that's been in the car accident."

"Oh boo hoo, Leonard's broken his arm." Penny placed her hands on her hips, determined to stand her ground. "Get off your ass Hofstader."

"You're closest and already standing up." Leonard pointed out.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "You two, just carry on your little argument, it's not like you're in any danger of waking Lenny and Stewart." Standing up, he walked over to the door and opened it. "What are you doing here? Amy said that..."Reading the expression on the caller's face, he quickly stopped talking.

Not waiting to be invited in, Howard stormed through into the living room. "Is Clare here?"

Leonard and Penny exchanged an apprehensive look. "Why would she be here?" Penny asked. "I thought that you were going to get her and Amy to talk."

Ignoring Penny, Howard turned around to face Sheldon. "Has Amy called you?"

"Why? Do you not know where she is either?"

He looked down at the ground, desperate to mask his guilt. "Last time I saw her, she was still at the house, I came straight here to look for Clare."

"Than why ask me if I've heard from her? Surely if you're looking for Clare, knowing if Amy has called me will be of no benefit to you."

Howard took in a sharp intake of breath, still not daring to meet his eyes. "Yes Sheldon, you may be right. I'm just a little worried."

"Worried? What exactly has gone on here?"

Howard took a step away from him, taking a seat next to Leonard. "It just didn't go exactly to plan."

"Even someone, with just a master's degree like yourself, should've been smart enough to have seen that one coming." Sheldon picked up his jacket. "Leonard, if Steward wakes up, tell him I won't be gone long."

Leonard got to his feet. "I'm coming with you."

"You've broken your arm, and even if you hadn't, your car is out of action." Sheldon replied.

"Even so, I still think that..."

Penny placed a hand on his arm. "Just leave him, he can take a taxi by himself."

Sheldon placed his hand on the door handle, giving Howard one last look. "I hope you find Clare." Upon receiving no further he response, he shut the door behind him.

"What the hell has gone on tonight?" Penny asked.

Howard exhaled loudly, sinking further down into the sofa. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

oOo

Clare Wolowitz threw some belongings into a small rucksack whilst holding her phone to her ear. "Daniel, just tell your father and get over here now."

"Quit nagging me, I'll leave him a note." He said.

"Is he not in the apartment?"

"Not by the looks of it." Daniel replied. "He's probably out, chasing skirt and whatever else he does on a night out."

"My Dad isn't here either. The house was empty when got here."

"We can hold on if you want?"

"No. You're leaving yours a note, and I'll do the same with mine." Clare hoped she sounded more confident than what she felt.

"Are you sure? Your Dad is way more observant than mine."

"In what way?"

"Well Dad will probably get back in the morning and notice that something isn't quite right about the apartment. After a few hours, it'll click that something that was there before, isn't there now." Daniel continued. "He'll then spend a couple of days driving himself crazy trying to figure out what it is. Eventually, Dad will give up and decide to ask me, and that's when he'll realise that it's his son that hasn't been there."

Clare zipped up her bag and swung it over her shoulder. "You have got to be kidding me."

"The sad thing is I'm not even exaggerating." He said. "Your Dad on the other hand, will notice almost straight away."

"If that's true, your note must be both clear and informative." She said. "Once you've written it, leave it somewhere he'll find straight away."

"I'll stick it on the fridge. He'll read the note when he's looking for the milk duds."

"Good plan, do it now."

"I would, but you won't get off the phone."

"Hang up then!"

"Why don't you?"

"Because I told you to do it." She argued back.

"Well I think you should hang up!"

Clare shook her head, relaxing into a laugh. "We've just had our first argument about who hangs up." The only response she got was the dialling tone. "Oh." She held the phone at arms length, looking it up and down. "He hung up on me." She placed it back into her pocket and took one last look of the room.

The bag she had packed was small, leaving room for only the bare essentials. Clare crossed her bedroom, pausing at her over cluttered dressing table. A framed photograph took pride of place in the middle. Picking it up, she ran her fingers along the cold glass, taking in every detail of the smiling couple.

Despite her excellent memory, she had chose to disregard the fact that they had been furiously arguing moments before the image had been captured. The saying 'the camera never lies' sprung to mind, she also knew that the person who came up with that, would soon change their mind if they heard Clare's story. Maybe her camera was an exception to the rule? There was no denying that her little digital devise, had taken the truth and manipulated it into a false illusion of happiness and wedded bliss.

_10 years previously._

_Clare Wolowitz stood outside her parent's bedroom. She had been listening in for almost ten minutes, her mother sounded angry and her father only seemed to make her shout more._

"_Damn it Howard. I swear to God, I'll move out."_

"_Like hell you will, you wouldn't leave Clare."_

"_I'm taking her with me!"_

_Howard's tone almost seemed patronising. "Oh Bernadette, don't make me laugh. Where would you go?"_

"_I would go and stay with my parents."_

"_What good would that do?" He asked. "You say you can't stand living with my mother anymore, so your solution is to move back in with yours?_

_His retaliation must have thrown her, because there was a long pause before she replied. "You're a grown man; you have a child who is almost ten years old. Can you not see how pathetic it is that you're still living with your mother?"_

"_I'm pathetic am I?" He raised his voice, in a way that Clare was unused to. Up until now, she had only ever witnessed the kind and gentle side of her father._

"_No! What you're doing is pathetic!" She raised her voice to match his._

"_Then you must think I am!"_

_Clare pressed down on the handle and flung the door open, tears brimming over in her young eyes. "Mommy, Daddy. Please don't be mad at each other."_

_Howard and Bernadette brought the discussion to a grinding halt. They looked over at the distressed child, before meeting each other's eyes, silently willing the other to come up with a solution. Bernadette was the first to react, extending her arms out and pulling Clare into a tight embrace. "Mommy's here sweetie." She ran her finger's through the young girl's hair. "C'mon now, no crying."_

"_Mommy and me, we don't mean it." Howard said. _

_Bernadette edged over to Howard, allowing him to join the hug. "There, you see. We're friends again."_

_Howard nodded, placing a kiss on the tip of Clare's head. "We're sorry baby. Me and Mommy thought you were playing in the garden._

_Clare reached into her pocket and pulled out her camera. "I was taking pictures of two snails, they were having a race."_

"_And you wanted to show us?" Howard asked, taking the camera off her._

_She nodded._

_Bernadette peered over at her husband's shoulders."Oh wow, look at that Daddy. Which one do you think is winning?"_

"_They both look pretty close to me." Howard replied. _

_Clare reached over and took the camera back. "The race is still going on. I figured it wouldn't matter if I came back in for a few minutes."_

_Howard couldn't help but smile. "Well baby, I'm sure it's a race not to be missed."_

"_Snails are fun, but I want a picture of you and Mommy together."_

"_Oh Sweetie, me and Daddy we..." Bernadette stumbled over her words. "How about you take one another time?"_

_Clare looked over at her father. "Daddy tell her!"_

_Howard always found it incredibly hard to say no to his daughter, on this occasion he was no better. "Whatever makes you happy."_

_Bernadette sighed, wrapping her arm around Howard's waist. "Just the one." She painted on a smile, and looked at him in adoration; it was almost as if the argument had never happened._

_Clare positioned the camera, hovering her finger over the button. "Say cheese."_

_Howard and Bernadette followed her instruction, keeping up the pose until the photo was taken._

_Howard moved away from Bernadette and extended his hand for Clare to take. "Daddy has to finish off some work, would you like to come to the university with me?"_

_Clare wrinkled up her nose. "Why are you talking about yourself in third person?"_

_He laughed, ruffling her hair. "I guess it is a little silly. I'm going to finish off some work, would you like to come with me?"_

_She looked over at Bernadette. "Can Mommy come?"_

"_No." He said, a little quicker than what he intended. "I mean, Mommy has got some work to do here." Howard looked over at Bernadette, urging her to back him up._

_Bernadette nodded, refusing to acknowledge that Howard's rejection had hurt her more than she liked to admit. "Uh yes, I got to do some work here, but you and Daddy have lots of fun." She reached into her pocket and pulled out five dollars, passing it over to her daughter. "And buy yourself some ice – cream too."_

_Clare beamed up at her, before grabbing Howard's hand. "Love you Mommy." She pulled towards the door, all her upset from before had quickly been replaced with excitement._

_Bernadette smiled, blinking back her tears. "I love you too Clare. When you get ice cream, make sure Daddy doesn't accidentally eat peanuts like he did last time."_

_Clare tightened her grip on Howard's hand. "Remember not to eat peanuts."_

"_Got it, no peanuts." He said, letting Clare guide him out the room. Howard turned his back to Bernadette, and with that he closed the door, creating a physical barrier between them._

Clare pulled herself out of her thoughts and threw the frame to the floor, watching as it hit the ground, before shattering the glass beyond repair. Taking a few deep breaths, she couldn't help but compare it to her and Howard, was their relationship broken? Like that frame, it had endured years of stress and strain, had it really reached a point where it couldn't be put back together?

Stepping around the destruction, she reached out for her Jewellery box. Taking it over to her bed, Clare sat down and pulled off the lid. She knew what she was looking for and where to find it, it wasn't often Clare looked at it, or even thought about it, but there was no way she was leaving it behind.

Clare could still remember the day she got it, how she had reacted, how she finally appreciated her birth mother's regret.

_5 years previously._

_Penny placed down a box on the kitchen table. "I'm going to go now, just look at it, and please appreciate what a big deal this is."_

_Clare reached out and took hold of it. "Why? What is it?"_

"_It means a lot to Amy, and she wanted you to have it."_

"_She can't buy my love with material items." Clare crossed her arms. "I didn't go to their wedding because I wanted to come home to Dad, that wont change with some empty financial gesture."_

"_Money doesn't come into it. Trust me on this I was there where Sheldon got it for her. So I know what I'm talking about when I say you must be pretty damn special to her, because nothing would've made her part with that, until now."_

"_Aunty Penny, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but..." _

"_But what?" Penny interrupted._

_She shrugged. "I don't know."_

"_Promise me that you'll look at it?"_

_Clare sighed and offered her a reluctant nod of agreement. "If it means that much to you."_

"_Good girl." She placed a kiss on her cheek, and then turned on her heel. "If you need us, just call."_

_Clare waited until she heard the door close. Slowly she reached out and opened the box, for a moment she was surprised, of all the things she would've expected, a tiara wasn't high on the list. She held it in her hands for a moment or two, allowing herself to take in every detail. Clare wasn't usually big on any kind of accessory, but even she couldn't deny that it was beautiful._

_Her mind drifted over to thoughts of Sheldon, she wondered how the clueless physicist who knew little outside the field of science, could pick something like that. _

_Clare held it up to the light, she imagined what it would've been like to have been Amy, when he gave it to her. "She must've felt like a princess."_

"_Who must have done?"_

_Startled, she looked up and came face to face with Howard. "I thought you were sleeping?"_

_Pulling out the chair, he took a place opposite her. "If I hadn't pretended I was asleep, they would've stayed all night, like seriously they have been here almost every minute of the day since I got back from the hospital."_

"_They've also done a full scale search of the house, in order to eliminate any potentially..."_

_He held up his hand to signal her to stop. "I get it, anyway what's that you've got?"_

"_Oh it's nothing." She placed it back in its box. "May gave it to Aunty Penny, to give to me, but it's nothing."_

_He gestured to the box. "Can I?"_

_She nodded. "Sure."_

_Howard took the tiara back out and studied it. "Ah, I know what this is."_

"_I'd be pretty worried if you couldn't identify a tiara."_

"_No, what I mean is, I remember it."_

_Clare edged in closer to him. "It doesn't mean anything, it's not as if I'm going to wear it or anything." She said, desperate not to cause any upset._

"_Why not? Doesn't every girl want to be a princess?" He smiled._

_She felt herself blushing. "Well I certainly don't."_

"_You used to love the fairy stories, and don't pretend you have forgotten about that little pink dress, you didn't take it off for a week."_

"_Maybe I found it comfy?"_

_Howard couldn't help but laugh. "No, I distinctly remember you insisting that everyone at your playgroup had to call you Cinderelowitz."_

_She looked thoughtful. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try it on, just once?" Clare looked at him for approval._

"_Go right ahead, I'll even post it on facebook."_

"_Dad!" She protested, embarrassed._

"_I'm kidding, just kidding."_

_Clare was silent for a moment, before pointing to the tiara that he had been holding. "Will you put it on me?"_

_Without a word, Howard tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and then he slotted the tiara in place._

"_How do I look?" She asked._

"_Just like a real princess."_

"_Do real princess where glasses as awful as mine?"_

"_No. They wear contact lenses."_

oOo

Clare unzipped her rucksack and threw the tiara in, getting to her feet, she took one last look at the room.

She didn't allow herself one last look.

**One hour later.**

Clare took a step back in shock. "I can't accept this." She stared at the money in Sheldon's hand.

"I know what it's like to leave as impulsively as this; it's terrifying, nerve-wracking and a complete nightmare."

She shook her head. "Even so, there must be hundreds of dollars there, I can't take it."

"Trust me, after a few days it will be long gone, take it while you can."

"But why? Why are you doing this for me?"

"Clare you can deny it as much as you want, but the fact is you are my daughter." He said. "You are as much my daughter as Stewart is my son."

"This is absurd, me and you both know that Stewart is more your child than I'll ever be."

"And Howard is more your father than I'll ever be."

She nodded. "It looks like we've reached an agreement."

"So the only way to handle this, is to deal with this in the same way I would with Stewart." He pointed to her. "You're Stewart."

"I'm Stewart?"

He shook his head. "No, not literally, but let's pretend you are."

"Okay, I'm nine years old, I'm a boy, and my father is nuts."

"Very good." Sheldon praised. "Now let's imagine Stewart has packed his belongings, dropped out of university, and resolved to run away with a low paid restaurant worker, who he has known for barely a week."

"Are you trying to insult me?"

"Who says anything about you? We're talking about Stewart."

She crossed her arms and shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Okay, Stewart has done all that."

"Now what do you imagine I would say?"

"I would think you would try to talk him out of it."

"You don't know the half of what I would do, to try and snap him out of it, but anyway by some unlikely but very real scenario that this plan to stop him fails, then what do you think I would do?"

"What? What would you do?"

"I would give him this money, tell him to get it out of his system and when he comes back I'll help him figure out how to clean up this pandemonium mess that he has made of his life."

"And how would Stewart react?"

"You're Stewart. You should know how you would react."

She relaxed a little. "Well you're the one that has raised me for the past nine years, how would I react?"

"Well Stewart, you would take the money, and also you're not above giving your father a hug." He replied. "Now usually I'm not big on emotional displays such as that, but because you're my son, I'll always make an exception."

Clare nodded and excepted the money. "Thank you." She stepped in closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I bet you don't remember Stewart being this tall."

"I would then say I'm gonna miss you son, make good choices and I love you."

"I presume he would then say, I love you too Dad?"

"Yes, yes he would."

"Then for the sake of keeping this realistic, I love you too Dad."


	20. Chapter 20

Sheldon Cooper stepped out of the taxi and took in his surroundings. It had been five years since he had last visited the Wolowitz household. He noted how the grass was slightly overgrown, and it had been a while since anyone had planted flowers, or oiled the squeaky the garden gate. Leonard had told him: that neither Clare nor Howard had lived in the house for nearly a year, due to university and travelling. With that fact in mind, Sheldon made a conscious effort not to judge them for their tardiness.

Sheldon couldn't help but wonder if the neglect of the garden had been a problem before they went away. After all, in the years that Sheldon had known Howard, he never once expressed an interest in gardening. And as for Clare; Sheldon didn't know enough about her to make any judgement. He could picture Mrs Wolowitz and Bernadette taking pride in their home, whereas Howard was probably too busy, changing nappies and learning nursery rhymes; Sheldon knew little about Clare's upbringing, but it was clear that Bernadette had been keen to maintain her career, which left Howard with the role of primary care giver.

He commended Howard for his sacrifices. On second thought, Sheldon concluded that what he saw as a sacrifice was probably nothing to Howard. When Clare was born, the thought of choosing fatherhood over his career, had horrified him; Howard on the other hand, had placed his position at the university on hold, in order to give her the best possible care. Sheldon had been aware that when it came to raising children, the parent would always have to put their child's needs before their own, Howard had done this with ease; Sheldon still found this hard.

Over the other side of the garden was a rusty swing. Sheldon could imagine a time where it was fit for use; he could imagine Clare as a small child, squealing with delight and insisting that her Daddy pushed her higher. He could see her now, closing her eyes and letting the motion carry her higher – it must have felt like flying.

Thoughts of Stewart floated into his mind. What was it about that little boy that had changed him? Had Sheldon changed as a person? Or did the transition only occur when he held him for the first time? Sheldon had gone into fatherhood for the second time with his eyes wide open, he had made the decision to have him; he read all the books and had accompanied Amy to every prenatal class. Despite this, he was still undecided on whether he had been completely sure throughout. Despite his genius, Sheldon would admit that for the months leading up to Stewart's birth, the only moment that Sheldon was sure that was ready for fatherhood, was the day he was born. Sheldon's theory was that his ability to keep cool during the pregnancy was what held them together, unlike the first time; Sheldon had suppressed his doubts and focused on how he could become the model father.

A female voice broke through his thoughts, and quickly diverted his attention. "What are you doing here?"

He spun round, so they were face to face. "Now, that's no way to greet someone you've been estranged from for five years."

Sheldon took a moment to familiarise himself with her, she had come a long way from the vulnerable fourteen year old he had met before. Gone were the thick rimmed glasses, which she had worn last time, presumably replaced by contact lenses; her hair that had been previously shoulder length was considerably shorter and fell just below the jaw line, also, he could tell by the flamboyant bright colours she wore, that Howard had been a big influence on her style choices. Although, it would seem she wasn't a supporter of turtle necks or eye wateringly tight pants.

"Have you spoken to your wife?" She looked down at the ground; she wasn't going to meet his eyes.

"I was hoping she would be here."

"She was, but not anymore, I got back an hour ago and they're not here."

"Well if it's any help, your father is with Leonard and Penny, and he's looking for you."

"He's not going to find me." She attempted to walk by him, however Sheldon reached out, placing a hand on her arm.

"Clare, what are you doing?"

She shrugged his hand off. "You don't get to ask me stuff like that."

"You seem like you're going somewhere."

"I am." She said. "But I won't be, if I stay here talking with you, so if you don't mind, I'll be leaving now."

"I do mind." His words were unexpected, stopping her in her tracks.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you told me that you would be leaving, if I didn't mind. I don't approve if you going. So, I'm telling you that I do mind, in hope that you will spare a few minutes of your time for me."

Disbelief was evident. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"A joke? A joke would imply that something funny was said."

"Do you always take things so literally?" She rolled her eyes, infuriated.

Sheldon crossed his arms, letting out a sigh of frustration. "You seem to want to fight me, why is that?"

"I don't want to fight you, I just want to leave."

"I don't fully understand what your intentions are." He said. "Leaving could mean a number of different things, are you going for a walk around the block?" As he said them, Sheldon counted each one off on his fingers. "Are you leaving this house? Are you going back to university?" He paused, taking a moment to read her facial expressions. "Or do you mean leaving leaving? As in you're getting out of the city?"

"I mean leaving, as in getting as far away from here, as I possibly can."

"I see."

"Is that all you have to say?"

He nodded. "I know the feeling all too well. Quickly packing a bag and leaving without any prior planning? As the old saying goes, been there, done that."

"Then you'll understand that you're better off letting me go."

"No, I'm not going to do that. Nobody heard from me for nearly fifteen years, I won't let that happen with you."

Deflated she let the bag drop to the floor. She sat down and held her head in her hands. "If you can do it, then so can I."

"It's a lot harder than it looks, and I'll admit I had some help."

She looked up at him. "Help? Last time you were here, you told me that you left without telling anyone."

"It's always struck me as odd, that not one of you has questioned me, on how exactly I found Amy."

_19 years ago._

_Sheldon willed himself to move towards the door, he was going to leave, and he wasn't going to let anything stop him. Sheldon looked over at Howard, the baby seemed to fit perfectly in his arms, almost as if she was made to measure. She was at ease with Howard, it was Sheldon that was the stranger to her, and Sheldon intended to keep it that way. _

_Sheldon looked over at Howard, and left him with some parting words. "You will love her in every way possible. I don't know how to do that." He didn't leave him a chance to reply, instead he quickly turned and made his way out of the building._

_Half way down the corridor, he heard Howard's voice and approaching footsteps. "Sheldon, where will you go?" He quickly picked up his pace. His brisk walk soon became a steady run, all too soon he was outside._

_He ducked out the way, making himself unseen when Howard exited the university. He watched Howard from a distance, watching him wrap his jacket around the baby, observing as he considered riding his scooter, breathing a sigh of relief when a passing police officer warned against the poor decision._

_Sheldon was going to keep watch until they were out of sight. His eyes remained on them, until they were across the street. Sheldon was going to miss many things, but at least he was there when she had her first bus journey, even if it was just watching from the sidelines. Then the bus was gone, she was out of his life._

_He watched the door again, this time his assistant emerged. _

"_Well? What did you find out?"_

_Alex reached into her pocket, producing a crumpled sheet of paper. "These are the guys you want to talk to. They're the computer club at the local high school."_

_Sheldon was unimpressed; he wasn't going to hide this. "This won't do, how will a group of high-schoolers help me find Amy?"_

"_With the information you gave me, they've been tracking her for days."_

"_I find that hard to believe, I've tried every possible method." He said. "I hate to say it, but Amy Farrah Fowler has made herself untraceable. If I can't track her down, nobody can."_

"_Do you remember when the whole of Pasadena lost their internet connection?" _

_He nodded. "Yes, all the computers were down for a good three hours."_

_She looked from side to side, lowering her voice to a whisper. "That was them."_

"_I find that hard to believe." He snorted. "I mean c'mon, what would a group of fourteen year olds stand to gain from leaving a city without internet connection?"_

"_They don't gain anything. They were able to do it, so they did."_

"_These kids sound like my kinda people, how was it that when I was that age, I had no friends like them?" Sheldon looked at Alex expecting her to have the answer._

_She placed the slip of paper in the pocket of his jacket. "Just go see them, and if you leave, give me a good reference."_

_Sheldon looked down at the ground, it wasn't often he felt guilt, but this whole night had challenged many of his views. "I didn't think about that." He admitted. "I'm sure Koothrappali would happily have you as his assistant. He told me he would love you to assist him, if I knew what he meant."_

_She shuddered. "Creepy."_

"_I don't understand, in what way is that creepy?"_

"_You didn't know what he meant."_

_Deciding not to question her further, Sheldon gestured to the other side of the road. "Is that your car?"_

"_You know it is."_

"_Before you start looking through the job section in the newspaper, what do you say to one last task as my assistant?"_

_oOo_

_Sheldon, hated it when he found people who were smarter than him, and he especially hated it when they were only fourteen years old and had something he wanted. "When I think of high school computer clubs, I tend to imagine a group of the unpopular kids, developing software for computer games and challenging each other at online chess." _

_Richard the head of the group, who had been sat in the middle of his two friends, looked up at him, un-amused by the statement. "Do you want to know where you girlfriend is or what?" _

"_Why else would I be here?" Sheldon replied. "Although I am a little doubtful of your abilities."_

_He looked to his left. "Sarah, what were the last three purchases made on her credit card?"_

_Doing as he ordered, she checked their records. "Water, chewing gum and a magazine."_

"_Be more specific." Richard said._

"_She bought a 500ml bottle of spring water, two packets of spearmint chewing gum and People magazine." _

_Sheldon crossed his arms. "Is that all you got?"_

_This time, Richard looked over at the boy on his right. "Okay, I like a challenge. Gregory, type in her registration plate number and tell Doctor Cooper where she has driven today."_

_After a few seconds, Gregory had results. "Today, her car has been picked up on CCTV cameras, outside Wal-Mart; in a dry cleaners car park, and most recently its been spotted parked outside the main terminal of the nearest train station."_

_Sarah spoke up again. "According to her credit cards, there were no purchases in Wal – Mart, so we can assume she paid in cash."_

"_Hold on, did you just say Train station?" Sheldon looked at Gregory, looking for further information. "How long ago, was she seen at the train station?"_

"_Hmmm, does your girlfriend have brown hair, glasses and a purple coat?"_

_Sheldon thought for a moment, making a mental image of her in his mind. It had been nearly a year since he had seen her last. He hadn't forgotten what she had looked like, but he had tried his best to forget about her. "Yes. Yes she does."_

_Richard took the laptop away from Gregory and turned it so Sheldon could see. "Is that her?" He pointed to the screen, where the footage was playing._

"_Yes, that her." He studied the screen, watching as she locked her car and made her way into the station. "How long ago was that shot?"_

"_It's a live feed. She is there right now, and depending on what train she's on, you could probably still catch up to her."_

_Sheldon glanced his wrist watch. "And catch up to her I will." He turned towards the door._

"_Not so fast, you owe us fifty dollars." Richard reminded._

"_Ten dollars, and a restraining order signed by Stan Lee?"_

_Richard didn't hesitate. "Fifteen dollars; the restraining order, and your watch."_

"_Twelve dollars fifty, the restraining order, and a five dollar voucher for the cheese cake factory?"_

"_Round that up to thirteen dollars and you've got yourself a deal."_

_Sheldon let out a sigh of exasperation. "You drive a hard bargain." He searched through his rucksack until he found what he was looking for. "If I had more time to negotiate, we could've been here all night."_

_oOo_

_Amy walked away from the ticket desk, towards the platform. She remembered how the students in front of her had complained about how expensive the fare was, to Amy it seemed like nothing. She was leaving her baby behind, spending thirty five dollars was a small sacrifice in comparison._

_The train would arrive in five minutes; she had a feeling they were going to be longest of her life. She needed a distraction, anything to take her mind off what she was about to do. She looked to her side and focused on the woman stood next to her. _

_It was hard not to notice her, especially when she was ranting and raving at the person down the other end of the phone, her hands were gripping the phone so tight her knuckles had turned white. "Zach you're an idiot, what kind of a father leaves their child on a train?" Infuriated, she slammed her finger against the end call button, breaking off a false nail in the process._

_Amy bent down and retrieved it for her. "It may need sticking back on."_

_The woman painted on a smile, trying to regain her composure. "Thanks, they break off a lot more than what they used to." She placed it in her pocket. "I have a two year old; it makes it a lot harder to get a manicure."_

"_Or maybe the nail glue you use isn't very strong?"_

_She laughed, taking it as a joke. "He's been away with his Dad for the weekend, they were due back any minute."_

"_Were?" Amy asked, pretending she hadn't overheard her phone call._

"_They had to catch two trains to get back. At the crossover my husband gathered up the pram; the baby bag and the toys, then he got on the second train." She paused. "I'm glad he remembered, but I'm a little pissed that he forgot our son."_

"_Do you know where he is?"_

"_Yes, one of the ticket inspectors handed him in to the lost children centre, and now my husband has to travel back there to get him." She ran her fingers through her hair. Amy wondered how long she had spent on it, it was the shiniest blonde Amy had ever seen. _

"_You'll see them soon." Her voice was casual, as if what she had been told was a common occurrence._

"_Aren't you horrified?" She asked, surprised. "I tell you my husband has left our son on a train, and you don't seem fazed."_

_Amy shrugged. "I can't judge when it comes to parenting, my daughter could tell you that." She thought for a moment. "Well she can't, because she can't talk, but if she could, I'm sure that she would."_

"_She'll still love you, I know my Danny can't tell the difference when I'm not on top form."_

"_I'm not sure that she will." She said. "She won't get to see me, I had to leave her behind." Under any other circumstances, Amy wouldn't have dreamt of being this open with a stranger; however there seemed to be no one else._

_If her new confidante was shocked, she did a good job of hiding it. "If there's ever a time where you feel ready to go back to her, don't hesitate." _

_Before Amy could give this any thought, the train pulled up beside them. "Well this is me."_

_She held out her hand for Amy to shake. "Miranda Johnson; remember my name, and when you do, remember what I said."_

_Amy nodded, returning the handshake. Not leaving herself chance to hesitate she stepped on the train, and did her best not to look back. Finding her seat, she sat down and looked down at the ground, she wasn't going to look out the window; she didn't want to see what she was leaving behind._

_A male voice broke her train of thought. "Mind if I sit here?"_

_Shocked, she looked up and came face to face with the last person she expected to see. "Sheldon!"_

"_I was expecting a little more than you just saying my name." He shrugged. "But what the heck, I'll run with it." Not waiting for invitation, he took a place next to her._

"_What are you doing here? I mean how did you even find me?"_

"_You were no trouble to track down. A bunch of high school kids could've done it."_

_Amy swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "I don't get it, you terminated the relationship agreement, you said that you were a man of science and that nappy changing and nursery rhymes weren't part of your plan."_

"_They still aren't, she'll do fine without me."_

"_You mean you've..."_

"_I've what? Are you expecting me to finish your sentence? Because if you don't know where you're going with this, then there's not much chance of me knowing."_

_She changed from her slouched position, to sit upright. "Have you seen her? Our baby have you seen her?"_

_Sheldon nodded. "I did right by her. I came to the conclusion that if I was a good father for just one night of her life, I could avoid being a terrible one for all her life."_

"_You wouldn't have been."_

"_I didn't want to play sports in gym class, and it didn't matter how hard I tried I was bad at it." He explained. "The whole time during dodge ball or football or whatever else they forced me to do, I was always thinking about how I should've been watching Star Trek or making my own CAT scanner instead._

"_What's dodge ball got to do with parenting?"_

"_Like dodge ball I will always be bad at it. I'll try, but ultimately I will fail, because in all honesty it isn't what I want to be doing. I want to prove string theory, I want to solve equations and build Lego death stars, stuff I'm actually good at."_

"_I guess the truth is better than a lie." She blinked several times, her emotions seemed determined to get the better of her. "I didn't think it would hurt this much though." _

_Sheldon attempted to reassure her. "I left her with Wolowitz, he seems to have a good handle on this kind of thing."_

"_He loves her. I think she loves him just as much." She looked down at her lap, ashamed. "Well, she didn't get much love out of me."_

"_I can assure you, she will have plenty of that from now."_

_Amy wasn't going to hide her emotions anymore. "And what about me?" A tear sprung from her eye, which was shortly followed by another one, she wasn't going to stop them, nor did she want to. "She's got Howard, but what about me?"_

"_Well, I'm on this train."_

"_Are you going to come with me?"_

"_Can I come with you?"_

_She felt the train move slowly forward. "Looks like you're coming with me, whether you like it or not."_

_Sheldon sat back in his seat, and secured the safety belt. "Amy and trains, the two things I love the most, of course I like it."_

"_It's not the most romantic way of saying it, but I'll take it." She said. "But we can't do this, if I don't tell you."_

"_What is it?"_

"_The night I left, I discharged myself from hospital and Howard he..." _

"_Maybe I don't need to know." Sheldon interrupted._

"_I really should tell you."_

"_I'm giving you permission not to, what happens in Pasedena stays in Pasedena."_

_She allowed herself to smile, the first genuine one in a while. Sheldon felt her fingers curl around his hand, just this once, he decided he was okay with that._

Clare waited until he finished speaking before she spoke. "You would really rather not know?"

He nodded. "We weren't together, so whatever it was that she did, it was in no violation of the relationship agreement."

"You may be able to forgive it, but I can't."

"I won't ask you what it was. I don't think I'll like it."

The sound of a motorbikes engine, prompted her to turn around. "Daniel's here, I've got to go now."

"Daniel? Who is Daniel?"

"I'm going travelling with him, he worked in a diner, and we met, and well now we're leaving."

"You can't go." Sheldon protested.

"I have to, your whole ignorance is bliss attitude may have done you good, but it's not going to help me."

"What can I say to convince you to stay?"

"What would have made you stay?"

He shook his head. "Nothing and nobody"

"Exactly."

Admitting defeat, Sheldon reached into his pocket and handed over everything that was in his wallet. "If I can't change your mind, I guess I should help you."

Daniel pulled over and removed his helmet. "Are you ready."

Barely noticing his arrival Clare, took a step back in shock. "I can't accept this." She stared at the money in Sheldon's hand.

"I know what it's like to leave as impulsively as this; it's terrifying, nerve-wracking and a complete nightmare."

She shook her head. "Even so, there must be hundreds of dollars there, I can't take it."

"Trust me, after a few days it will be long gone, take it while you can."

"But why? Why are you doing this for me?"

"Clare you can deny it as much as you want, but the fact is you are my daughter." He said. "You are as much my daughter as Stewart is my son."

"This is absurd, me and you both know that Stewart is more your child than I'll ever be."

"And Howard is more your father than I'll ever be."

She nodded. "It looks like we've reached an agreement."

"So the only way to handle this, is to deal with this in the same way I would with Stewart." He pointed to her. "You're Stewart."

"I'm Stewart?"

He shook his head. "No, not literally, but let's pretend you are."

"Okay, I'm nine years old, I'm a boy, and my father is nuts."

"Very good." Sheldon praised. "Now let's imagine Stewart has packed his belongings, dropped out of university, and resolved to run away with a low paid restaurant worker, who he has known for barely a week."

"Are you trying to insult me?"

"Who says anything about you? We're talking about Stewart."

She crossed her arms and shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Okay, Stewart has done all that."

"Now what do you imagine I would say?"

"I would think you would try to talk him out of it."

"You don't know the half of what I would do, to try and snap him out of it, but anyway by some unlikely but very real scenario that this plan to stop him fails, then what do you think I would do?"

"What? What would you do?"

"I would give him this money, tell him to get it out of his system and when he comes back I'll help him figure out how to clean up this pandemonium mess that he has made of his life."

"And how would Stewart react?"

"You're Stewart. You should know how you would react."

She relaxed a little. "Well you're the one that has raised me for the past nine years, how would I react?"

"Well Stewart, you would take the money, and also you're not above giving your father a hug." He replied. "Now usually I'm not big on emotional displays such as that, but because you're my son, I'll always make an exception."

Clare nodded and excepted the money. "Thank you." She stepped in closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I bet you don't remember Stewart being this tall."

"I would then say I'm gonna miss you son, make good choices and I love you."

"I presume he would then say, I love you too Dad?"

"Yes, yes he would."

"Then for the sake of keeping this realistic, I love you too Dad."

The embrace was over quicker than what Sheldon would've liked. He looked over at Daniel. "Take care of my girl, you hear me?"

Daniel spoke to Clare. "Holy shit, is that you're biological dad?" He asked "Do you want me to punch him?"

She climbed on the back and secured the spare helmet. "No, why would I want you to punch him?"

"I don't know, seeing as we're riding off together, I feel obliged to defend your honour."

"Okay, let's get one thing clear; you are not to punch anyone."

He gave her the thumbs up. "Got it, no punching anyone." Daniel turned to look at Sheldon. "And in answer to your question, she's gonna be just fine with me." He placed his foot down on the pedal and they slowly made their way down the road.

Sheldon continued to watch until they were around the corner and out of sight. "There she goes again."


	21. Chapter 21

"Thank you all for coming, feel free to look around the new rooms and facilities, there is tea and biscuits in the cafeteria and the information booklets which you collected on the way in, should give you a full explanation of how everything works." Leonard switched off the microphone, and peered out into the crowd in search of a familiar face.

The grand opening of the new physic's department had finally arrived and everyone had opted out on the chance to be there. In the days since Clare had left, not once had she attempted to make contact. Howard hadn't slept since the night she left, Sheldon and Amy could barely look at one another, and to make matters worse, Penny had been in contact with Zach.

Of all the types of boys there were in the world, Leonard would not have expected Clare to go for a guy who was in any way related to Zach Johnson. After all, how different could they have been? Leonard was secretly hoping that this boy would've inherited his father's intelligence; at least that way Clare would return after realising he was way too dumb for her.

Stepping off the stage, Leonard walked over to a young waitress holding a tray of champagne. "Can I offer you one?" She asked.

Leonard reached over and picked up the bottle. "Nah, somehow I don't think one is going to help, I'll take the lot." He brought the bottle up to his lips and took a long swig.

A condemning little voice came from behind him. "I'm telling Mommy." Leonard turned and came face to face with Lenny. He mentally cursed himself, he had been nervous about the speech and had forgotten he had brought him.

"Oh, hey buddy." He passed the bottle back to the waitress. "Daddy was just..."

"Drinking naughty juice?"

Leonard looked bemused. "What the hell is naughty juice?"

"Daddy said a bad word." Lenny announced to no one in particular, with a follow up of pointing at him with an accusing finger.

"Leonard Junior Angelo Hofstader, what have I told you about shouting whilst out in public?"

"Shhhh." Lenny demanded, crossing his arms.

"What? why?"

"I don't like it."

"You don't like your name?"

Lenny brought his hands up to his ears. "Stupid name, stupid name, stupid name." He began shaking his head, becoming increasingly restless.

"Hey! It would be a whole lot worse if the Angelo wasn't in there."

"Uncle Sheldon says you don't like it either, he says you don't like it because it's got nerd in it."

Leonard knelt down to Lenny's height. "C'mon buddy, let's stop shouting, people are looking."

"No ! They're looking at you, because you're stupid."

"Please stop shouting and tell me why you're so angry." He attempted to mask the desperation in his voice.

Lenny reached out and gave him a hard push, normally this would've made no impact, however Leonard was caught off guard. He toppled from his kneeling position and landed on his side, his arm falling out of the secure sling and crashing against the cold floor.

Embarrassed, he quickly got to his feet.

From behind him, he could hear the mocking voice of Barry Kripke. "This is cwassic, gwown man with a bwoken arm gets beaten up by a child half his size. This is going on Youtube."

Placing his arm back into the sling, Leonard grabbed Lenny's hand with his good hand. "We're leaving."

"No, no." He raised his voice to a defiant scream. "Noooo!"

"Why? Why do this?" Leonard let go of the boy's hand, and turned away from him.

"I hate you!"

He let his shoulders slump. "You hate me do you?" He turned back to face the angered child. "Whatever it is that has got you angry, get over it, because there are bigger problems in this life." Under any other circumstances, Leonard would've immediately regretted his words, however he had been pushed too far. "I've just been in a car crash, what did you hope to achieve by pushing me?"

"You don't listen to me anymore!"

Leonard's boss walked over to where they were stood. "Doctor Hofstader, could you please calm you child? We have several benefactors with us this evening, and this won't help us gain funding."

Leonard held his gaze for a few seconds. "You know what? I'm done with this crap." He looked over at Lenny. "You do what you want. Your mother can pick you up later." With that he made his way towards the exit, painfully aware that every eye in the room was on him, ignoring every paternal instinct he had, he pushed open the door, stepping out into the corridors.

He kept walking until he was outside, out of habit he scanned the car park in search of his car. The car had been badly damaged in the crash and Leonard didn't hold out much hope of it being salvaged.

Pulling out his phone, he searched through his files until he found the image he was hoping to see. It was the last picture he had of her. Howard and Clare had always been keen to keep hold of as memories as they could, and he knew for sure that Penny still looked through the photo album she kept tucked under the bed, for when she needed them most. Leonard on the other hand, had always insisted that the memories he had were good enough, but just this once, he was going to make an exception.

"I'm so sorry Bernadette. I promised you, I promised that I would make everything alright." He squeezed his eyes together. "I tried, please believe I tried."

_6 years ago._

_Leonard massaged the hand sanitizer through his fingers and into his palms, this was the third time he'd repeated this. He had rubbed them until they were raw, he didn't care; he needed to prolong this for as long as he could._

_It didn't matter how often he came here, it never got any easier. _

_The sound of approaching footsteps pulled him from his thoughts. A nurse with a clipboard held close to her chest, approached him. "Mr Hofstader, she's ready for visitors now." _

_He considered correcting her on her error, but right now he didn't care whether he was doctor or Mr; right now, he was just Leonard. "Thanks, I'll go in now." He looked at the door, but made no effort to enter._

_The nurse gave him a sympathetic look. "In your own time Mr Hofstader." With one final nod, she walked by him._

_He took a deep breath and willed himself to go in, he had seen Clare and Howard paint on looks of bravery in the times when there hearts were breaking, and now he would have to do the same. _

_Leonard peered into the room. "Bernadette?"_

_Upon hearing his voice, she pulled the blanket off herself and sat up in the bed. "If I'd had more time to prepare, I'd have put some makeup on." Bernadette let out an uneasy laugh, tucking her hair behind her ears. Leonard couldn't help notice how thin it had gone, she was still alive but it would seem no one had told her hair that. He fixated on the hair for a few moments, pretending that he hadn't noticed how thin and pale she was; how her youthful complexion had been spirited away and replaced with the withered shell of a body, that she now possessed. _

"_You look great." He desperately wished he meant it._

"_You sound like Howie, he'll say anything to make me feel better." She looked down at her lap. "Maybe he tries too hard."_

"_I'd make the most of it, once you're better..." He trailed off, if he couldn't convince himself, there was no chance of her believing him._

_She shifted over in the bed, patting the space next to her. "Come and sit down."_

_He made a mental note to stay composed, she was staying strong and he had to as well. He lowered himself onto the bed and placed a light hand on her leg. There was a barely anything there, her legs were like matchsticks, Leonard moved his hand, worried that even the littlest move would break her. "So uh, you said you wanted to talk to me?"_

"_I thought about Raj or Penny, but you just seemed right."_

_Leonard nodded. Every fibre of his body was crying out for him to fall apart, he bitterly fought this urge. "Sure, whatever it is, I'll do it."_

"_I just need you to make sure she's alright." Her voice was strained, each word a tremendous struggle to pronounce. "When I go I..."_

_Leonard quickly cut in. "No, Bernadette don't talk like that."_

_She placed her hand on top of his. "Leonard, please don't. Nobody has been brave enough to say it, but we all know I don't have long left."_

"_You could have longer than you think, it's amazing what doctors can do these days." His voice broke slightly at the end, he prayed she didn't notice._

_Bernadette attempted a smile. "You're a sweet man Leonard." She squeezed his hand. "It's only going to be few more days now."_

"_You're strong you can fight this." _

"_I've tried Leonard, I've tried so hard. I've only got this far because of her, she's kept me going but now it's not enough."_

"_Clare needs you, Howard needs you!" _

"_That's why I've called you here. I need you to make sure they're okay." She met his eyes and held the gaze for a few seconds. "When things get bad, they're going to need someone to get them through it."_

"_Bernadette it goes without saying, of course we're..."_

_She held her hand up to signal him to stop. "I know you'll all be there for them, but I need a guarantee that you'll stick it out, you'll always be there, long after I'm gone and even when time goes by, you'll still be sure they don't fall apart."_

"_You needn't ask." He said. "I'll always be someone Clare can depend on."_

"_When she gets older, she's really going to need me, but I can't be there. She'll have Howard, but he's going to be grieving too."_

"_In the times where he can't be there, I'll make sure I am."_

"_I trust you Leonard, I know you'll be there."_

Leonard pulled himself out of his thoughts and placed the phone back in his pocket. "What the hell am I doing?" He turned back and ran towards the building. He wasn't Sheldon, and he wasn't going to make the same mistakes as he did.

In the distance he saw his son stood by the door, Lenny was waiting for him, he knew the Leonard wouldn't really leave him. For the last few yards he took to a speedy sprint, he bundled Lenny up into his arms and held him close.

"I'm sorry Daddy." The little boy cried into his shoulder.

"No Lenny, no. He rubbed his back in a circular motion. "This was my fault, Daddy shouldn't have got mad."

"I was mad first."

Leonard lowered Lenny down. "Tell me why you were mad, please talk to me, I just want to help."

His bottom lip quivered. "I heard you and Mommy talking, I know Clare is gone and she doesn't want to come back."

"She's not mad with you." Leonard placed an affectionate hand on his shoulder. "Whatever happens, she will always miss you.

"But why doesn't she want to come back?"

"Its complicated buddy, I don't think I even understand it."

"But you promise you'll always be here?"

Leonard took hold of one of his hands. "Forever and ever, me and Mommy love you very much."

"Uncle Raj!"

"Yes, and Uncle Raj too." Leonard replied.

"No, look." He pointed into the distance.

Doing as his son instructed he followed his gaze. "Oh thank God, you're back. The you know what has hit the fan and we need your help"

"What's Howard gotten himself into this time?"


	22. Chapter 22

Sheldon rolled over in bed to face his wife. It had been nearly a week since Clare had left, and neither had wanted to book the tickets back to England. He shook her shoulder. "Amy, wake up. We need to get up."

"I'm not asleep."

"Then why are your eyes closed?"

She rolled over. "I just didn't want to talk to you."

"C'mon now, don't you think that's a little rude?" He asked. "I mean, if you think about it, what she did to us, was no different to what we did to her."

"You don't understand Sheldon, you have no idea."

Deciding not to argue, Sheldon climbed out of bed. "Fine, let's go with that." He secured his robe. "I'm off to wake Stewart up. Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen."

"Leonard and Penny are out for the day. Raj is back in town and they wanted to hear about his travels."

He crossed his arms. "And your point is?"

"My point is, we don't have to worry about wearing our pyjamas around the apartment."

"We're not staying at the apartment. We've not flown Stewart thousands of miles over the Atlantic just for him to spend all his time indoors."

Amy sat up to look at him. "Sheldon, I don't think that's such a good idea, we need to leave."

"If you really wanted to leave, you would've booked the flights by now."

"You could've done it. You know how to use a computer just as much as I do."

She diverted her eyes. "I thought about it." Her tone was hushed, like she was admitting to a crime. "I even got as far as filling out our details on the website."

Sheldon nodded, he was never good when it came to voicing his feelings. He hoped Amy knew he was struggling as well. "Stewart doesn't have to be back in school for a while yet, it's one of the few perks of a summer holiday." He lowered himself back onto the bed. "This is a one time offer and if I were you, I'd snap it up fast."

"I hope it's more than a one time offer, it's a pretty limited marriage if the husband only offers to spend time with his wife once."

He quickly rephrased. "I see your point. Okay then, let's say it's a one time offer, this morning."

"So what have you got planned then?" She relented.

"Leonard has advised that in order to stay on your good side, I should let you choose."

Despite her best efforts, Amy couldn't help but smile. "You should listen to Leonard more often."

"Maybe I will."

"Then maybe I'll take you up on this offer."

He placed a kiss on her cheek. "Meet me in the kitchen." He jumped out the bed then raced off down the corridor to wake up his son.

"Wow." She brought her hand up to her cheek. "I love it when he's spontaneous."

oOo

"Howard, seriously, you need to get in on this." Raj looked up from the Monopoly board. "I am kicking Leonard's ass."

Howard remained where he was on the sofa, pouring himself another glass of wine. "Less than a week ago, you were on the holiday of a life time, now look at you." Leaving Raj with no chance to respond, he looked over at Leonard. "There is no chance of you winning, he cheats every time." His tone was without emotion.

Penny, who had been sat to his right, picked up the wine bottle, moving it out of reach. "Hey Sweetie, how about I make you a cup of coffee?"

"There is no coffee in this house." He said. "Caffeine sends Clare crazy. My father in law gave her an espresso shot once; she was wired for a fortnight."

Leonard got to his feet and flipped the board. "Raj can pick that up." Stepping over the mess, he took a place next to Howard. "You know, I'm sure she'll be in touch, very soon."

"I wouldn't count on it." Howard brought the glass up to his lips, downing it all in one gulp. "Why would she come back? That Daniel seems like an alright guy, anything's better than this."

Raj frowned. "You know Leonard, you don't have to be such a poor loser." he placed the money back in its original order. "And Howard, you know Clare has never been one for boys, as far as we know, she's still a virgin and this Daniel was probably her first kiss. What I'm trying to say here is her commitments are here with you."

"One, yes she is a virgin and two that first kiss thing isn't true." Howard paused for a moment. "When she was sixteen, there was this guy in her math class, who bet her that he could drink a gallon of milk, in twenty minutes, without puking."

Penny cringed. "Oh God, I'm not sure I want to hear the rest."

He continued. "Anyway, she didn't think he could, so she told him that if he lost she would be allowed unlimited access to his new Playstation."

"Didn't she have one?" Leonard interjected.

"No. I thought the best way to get her to socialise with other teenagers was to take away the things that kept her inside."

Raj placed the lid back on the Monopoly box. "What's this got to do with her first kiss?"

"Like I was saying, he accepted her challenge, but his condition was that if he won, she would have to play seven minutes in heaven with him."

"So she lost?" Penny assumed.

"Yeap, she lost and she lost badly." Howard said. "And what made it worse was if had she held off ten minutes, she would have actually been the winner. Let me tell you, getting milky vomit off your teenager's shoes is no easy task"

Leonard attempted to hide his disgust. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Do keep it in mind, although, you won't have the disadvantage of Sheldon Cooper being your child's biological father."

Picking up on the tense atmosphere, Raj offered Leonard and Penny a way out. "Hey Leonard, Penny, I think, I need some time alone with Howard." he said. "You know, I think he needs some space."

The couple gave him a knowing nod.

"C'mon Leonard, we need to pick Lenny up from the child minder anyway." Penny reached over and took him by the hand.

Leonard nodded. "If you need us, just call."

Raj waited until he heard the sound of Penny's car pulling out of the driveway before he spoke again. "Let me be here for you."

"You're here, I'm not telling you to leave."

"You're not telling me to stay either."

"What do you want me to do? Beg?" He held his hands up to signal his frustration. "Is that what you want me to do? Do you want me to get down on bended knees and beg you to help me?"

"There's no need to be angry."

"My daughter hates me! How else am I meant to act?"

Impulsively, Raj climbed onto the sofa and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Don't fight this Howard, I'm comforting you, whether you like it or not."

"You wouldn't be doing this, if you knew why she can't stand to be near me."

"I'll always be here. He reassured.

Unable to hold it in, Howard spat out a confession. "I betrayed Bernadette."

Raj loosened his grip slightly. "No. You wouldn't have, you loved her." He shook his head in disbelief.

"Clare didn't want to believe it either." He looked down at the ground. "Bernadette was her Mom and the fact that I did something against her in that way..." Howard trailed off, unsure of how to end his sentence.

"How many times?"

"It was just a one time thing, Bernadette never found out."

Raj shifted in his seat, placing his hands to his sides. "I can't believe you would've done that."

"I did." He confirmed. "Surely you remember how bad things were before we adopted Clare? I was going to leave her, for God's sake."

He raised his voice in a way Howard was unused to. "So you cheated?"

"In my mind, it was already over."

"That's not good enough." Raj stood up, pointing a finger of disapproval at his shamed friend. "You were still married, and you were still living with her!"

"It seemed pretty much over from where I was stood. We were going to try and work things out, at that concert, but we argued and she ripped up my ticket."

Raj furrowed his brows together. "Are you talking about the Maroon 5 concert? The concert we were at when Clare was born?"

Howard squirmed in his seat, desperately looking for a way out. "I was..." He stumbled over his words. "I must have got it wrong."

"No. No, you haven't."

"Just leave it. I obviously got it wrong. It was nearly twenty years ago, how do you expect me to be clear on the details?"

Raj was determined to find out the truth, he wasn't going to leave without it. "Yes, it was the Maroon 5 concert. You and Bernadette were arguing, Leonard was panicking about what to wear and Sheldon was acting like he couldn't see or hear anything."

"Well remembered." Howard gave him a mock applause.

"You seem awfully certain of yourself, for someone who's about to get busted."

"You think you're on to something, but you're not." He replied. "Bernadette is dead, and Clare has left, what do you think is going to happen?"

"Then why don't you tell me what happened?"

"There's nothing to tell!" He raised his voice in defence. "I loved Bernadette, I loved her! Do you not think I feel guilty for what I did to her?"

"Not guilty enough to tell her, that's for sure."

"I couldn't tell her. Everything was going to be fine; I couldn't risk destroying all that."

Raj sighed to himself and perched on the edge of the sofa. "You see Howard, what I don't get is, when did this affair happen?"

"It was a one night stand."

"Either way you put it, you cheated."

"I told you, it happened whilst you were away at that concert. It just happened, and it was not worth losing Clare over."

"It doesn't add up." Raj made no attempt to mask his suspicion. "You spent all your time at the hospital, looking after Clare. So unless you slept with Amy..." He stopped. The look on Howard's face said it all. He held Howard's gaze for a second or two, willing himself to voice his accusation. "You slept with Amy?" Suddenly, his voice was calm, too calm for Howard's liking.

"Don't do this." He pleaded. "Please, don't do this."

"You slept with Amy." It was no longer a question, just a statement that couldn't be denied. Howard offered no response. Raj hoped he would give a reasonable explanation. Anything was better than the silence that followed.

After a painfully long, awkward silence, Howard finally spoke. "I slept with Amy." He nodded his head, in conformation.

"That is one hell of a big secret." Raj exhaled loudly, slumping back down on the sofa. "You slept with Sheldon Cooper's wife!"

Howard gritted his teeth. "They weren't married at the time."

"But you were." He paused, turning to face him. "Did you at least take the ring off, before you...?"

"What does it matter? It was just a band of silver."

"Then why do you still wear it?"

Howard glanced down at his left hand. "Maybe I don't deserve to wear it." Slowly, he twisted the ring off. "I did a bad thing once, but did that really make me a bad husband?" With one final glance, he placed it down.

"You were never a bad father, I give you that." He considered the question further. "I can't say whether you were a bad husband. The only person, who could answer that, is no longer with us."

"Do you think she would've forgiven me?" Finally, after nearly twenty years, he asked the question. The one question, he had never dared to voice aloud.

"I want to say yes. I really want to say yes."

"But...?" Howard asked, desperate for an answer. Any answer would do. "Just say what you're thinking."

"I can't say yes." He admitted. "I don't know if she would've forgiven you." Raj couldn't help but wonder if there was any way back from this.

"Neither do I, and why would she have? Not only had I cheated on her, I'd slept with one of her friends, that's as bad as it gets." He moved away from the sofa, towards the stairs. "Let yourself out."

"Clare still could. She may be mad now, but she loves you."

Howard paused, turning to face him. "Right now, I'd settle for just one phone call." He waited for no reply. He continued up the stairs, until he reached Clare's bedroom.

He leant up against the wall and took a sweeping glance of the room. For a moment he pretended that she was still there, she had gone to the mall and would return shortly.

Howard picked up the laundry basket and filled it with discarded clothes; he made her bed and then vacuumed the carpet. If she ever came back, he didn't want her to return to a messy room.

oOo

Sheldon stood behind his wife and son. He let go of their hands, he had guided them there blindfolded. "Are you ready for your surprise?"

"Are we still playing blind man's bluff?" Stewart asked. "Because we don't really have enough players, and only one person should be wearing the scarf."

"We never were playing blind man's bluff."

"Then why are our eyes covered?"

"Stewart, let your father get on with it." Amy said.

Sheldon smiled, untying the knots that were blocking their view. "Here we have it." He let the blindfolds fall to the ground.

Amy looked around. They were stood in an unfamiliar living room that had a flat screen television; a leather sofa and a fish tank. They appeared to be in a large modern house, over to her left was a well equipped kitchen, and out of the window she could see a spacious garden that had a patio and a swing set. "Sheldon, where are we?"

"About three blocks away from where Leonard and Penny live."

"But what are we doing here?"

He placed a hand on Stewart's shoulder, pulling him in closer. "I'll get to that, but first, tell me what you think of it."

Amy took another look. "It's certainly a family home; plenty of space, well decorated, no obvious damp. What's not to like?"

"Could you see yourself living here?"

"Like we'd ever live in a house like this." She laughed, winking at Stewart. "It's too generic for your father, those cream walls wouldn't last two seconds with his experiments."

Sheldon spoke up. "Simple solution, we paint the walls a more suitable colour, or I could do all experiments in the garage."

"They have a garage?" Amy said. "It really does have it all."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "So how about it?"

Stewart gasped. "You mean we could live here?"

"Well son, that all depends on your mother." He tossed the keys up, and then caught them. "So what do you say Amy? How about we leave England behind?"

"Sheldon I... I don't know what to say."

"Say yes, say yes." Stewart urged, grinning from ear to ear. "We can see Uncle Leonard and Aunty Penny everyday and I can go to the same school as Lenny."

She glanced down at him, running her fingers through his hair. "And you wouldn't be nervous? Not even a little bit?"

"No, it will be an adventure. Won't it Daddy?" He looked to his father.

"It sure would son." Sheldon said. "But like I said, it's your Mom's choice."

Amy took the keys from Sheldon. "Are you sure about this? I mean what about our lives in England? What about our jobs, our house? Stewart's school?"

"I thought the same thing twenty years ago. I didn't think I'd find another comic book store, Leonard wasn't going to be around to drive me to work, I was unsure about where I could get another job and what about places to eat? Would there be other Cheesecake factories, which did hamburgers just the way I liked them?"

"But you overcame all of that."

He nodded. "Yes, and I can do it again."

Amy looked down at the keys. "How many bedrooms?"

"Three, because never let it be said that Sheldon Cooper doesn't like visitors."

"But Dad, you don't like visitors." Stewart pointed out, bemused.

"Shhh, you're ruining the moment." Sheldon looked around the house. "So, welcome to our new home."

**A/N: Hi all. Thank you for all your support so far. I got no reviews last chapter, which was a shame, because I always love to hear what you think. I wouldn't stop writing this, because I enjoy how it's progressing and the traffic stats have been very encouraging, however a few lines of your thoughts is always appreciated, and any suggestions for what you would like to see in later chapters is always welcomed. Thank you **** x**


	23. Chapter 23

Amy sat at the kitchen table. She finished off her tea and placed the cup to the side. Sheldon had insisted on taking Stewart to the comic book store, and Amy was determined to make the most of the free time. She felt bad for Stewart, comic books had never been something he took much interest in, despite this, he had painted on a smile that wasn't quite sincere and told Sheldon that there was nowhere else he would rather be. If Stewart deserved credit for anything, it was his tact, for his young age he certainly had a lot of it.

Amy pushed in her chair and took a look around the room; she still couldn't believe it, they were back in Pasadena. They were home.

This was almost everything she had ever wanted; almost, but not quite.

She had a husband and son she adored; a house that anyone would be envious of, and she had Penny as a source of comfort whenever it was needed. Yes, twenty years ago, she would've seen this as her dream life. She couldn't help but feel as though something was missing. Amy wanted Clare there, she wanted her badly. This was a feeling she wished her younger self had felt.

The prominent buzz of the doorbell broke her train of thought. Getting herself together, Amy smoothed down her skirt and buttoned up her cardigan. She answered the door. Howard stood several inches from the entrance, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Howard, what are you doing here?" Amy asked, "I thought you wouldn't want to see me again."

Howard mentally cursed himself. "I've got nothing. I'm now wondering why I didn't plan what I was going to say on the drive over here." He looked down at the ground, struggling to meet her eyes. "I just had to see you"

"Oh." She took a step backwards. "You better come in."

Without a word, Howard took a step into the house. Amy closed the door and gestured down the hallway. "The sitting room is on the left." She paused for a moment, trying to think of more to say. "Can I...?" Her mind drew blank. "Can I... uh?" Admitting defeat, she gave up.

"Can you what?"

Panicked she said the first thing that came to mind" Can I take your coat?" The words came quicker than what she planned.

Howard looked down at himself. "I'm not..." He painted on an uneasy smile. "I'm not wearing a coat."

Embarrassed, she let out a laugh. "Of course," She felt herself blush, "I knew that. But you don't have a drink; can I get you one of them?"

Howard pretended to consider it. "No, I'm not really thirsty." Finally, he met her eyes. "Thanks though." Moving swiftly onwards, he followed her previous instructions, "So, you said that the sitting room is down there?"

She nodded. "Yes, I warn you, it's a mess, boxes everywhere."

"Sheldon must be going mad."

"Like you wouldn't believe, moving is very stressful for him."

"I wouldn't know. I've lived in that same house my whole life." Reluctant to say anymore on the matter, Howard picked up his pace and entered the next room.

Amy entered the room after him. She lingered by the door for a moment. "Do you want to sit down?" She gestured to the sofa.

Howard looked it up and down for a moment, "Where's Sheldon's spot?"

"It's the one on the end, to the left."

He sat down on it. He crossed his arms. "Not quite as good as the old one, but not bad."

"You took a lot of pleasure from that." She couldn't help but smile. "Didn't you?"

"Not gonna lie, it feels pretty good."

"Mind if I sit next to you?"

He patted the seat next to him. "Go ahead. After all, it's not as if things are awkward between us." Howard intended to sound reassuring, Amy heard sarcasm.

"I get it, you blame me." Amy waited, she received no response. "You blame me. You're here because you blame me."

"Blame you for what, global warming?

Despite the tension, she sat down anyway. "Clare would still be here, if I hadn't come back, everything would be fine between the two of you."

"No, not true." He shook his head.

"Why are you trying to be nice?"

"Our relationship would've been strong enough to survive that, just like it was strong enough the last time you came back, we got through Bernadette's illness and we came through her death together. Don't think that you would've been enough to tear us apart, because you're not."

"But you have been, you've not heard from her."

"Our relationship has gone to crap, because I parked my motor in a garage that wasn't her mother's."

"Is that an attempt at innuendo? Your motor being your penis and when you say Bernadette's garage are you referring to her...?"

Howard quickly cut in. "Join the dots in your head, not aloud."

She shifted in her seat, becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "Let's not forget who it was that you betrayed her mother with."

"It could've been Kim Kardashian for all she cared. I cheated, and lied to Bernadette for nearly fifteen years."

She considered his statement. "Let's be realistic here, you wouldn't have stood a chance with Kim Kardashian."

"Really, that's all you took from that?"

Ignoring his question, she moved the conversation forwards. "May I make an observation?"

I guess." His response was hesitant.

"You seem to have lost sight of who you were." She paused, noting his expression. "I mean no offence, like I said, it's just an observation."

Howard narrowed his eyes. "What does that even mean?"

"It means, what happened to the guy that used to know how to have a good time, the one that used to be the best at magic tricks; and who always had witty remark or funny joke to tell? What happened to him?" Amy reached over and took hold of his hand. "I want to know," She lowered her voice; it was almost a whisper, "because I miss him."

"I..." He found himself lost for words. "It's just hard to be that guy, it was easy when I had my girls, but now..." Once more, words failed him.

"He's still there, I know he is." She was firm and insistent. "You can still be that guy."

"I'm finding it hard to see that, God knows I want to, but I just can't."

"I remember when Clare was born. You thought your marriage was over and only hours before, you and Bernadette had had an unpleasant exchange of hostility."

Howard looked down at the ground, praying for it to swallow him up. "So?"

"My point is, you stayed up all night, laughing and joking. " She continued. "Granted the doctors weren't impressed when you turned one of the oxygen canisters into a rabbit, but that nurse who treated me loved it, she said you were one of the most cheery birthing partners, she had come across."

"Clare." He corrected. "Her name was Clare Sanderson. She preferred to be called Nurse Sanderson, but it seemed impersonal not to know her name."

"I remember you were pretty persistent, you didn't take no for an answer."

"Well, I had to know the name of the woman who taught me how to change a diaper. It proved to be a useful skill."

"Would you still be that persistent now? I don't see that you would, I can picture you merely excepting that she preferred to be called nurse Sanderson, and your daughter, would no doubt have a different name. Could you imagine that? I know I can't."

"I've never really thought of it," He shrugged, "what difference would it make? She'd still be the same person."

"On the contrary, how could she be Clare Wolowitz, if you hadn't named her that?"

"She couldn't be." Howard replied.

"Do you see my point?" Amy didn't wait for his answer. "That is the Howard who Clare loves, that is the Howard she calls her father. If he returned and she saw that, she would be back in an instant." To emphasise the point, she snapped her fingers.

"Do you think she'll ever come back?" He made no attempt to hide the heartache in his voice. "I really need her Amy; I can't function right without her, not now Bernie and my mother are gone too. I feel like I've lost everything."

Amy placed her hand on his cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb. "She needs you, just as much as you need her. Unfortunately, she is too stubborn to see that. It looks like Sheldon's height isn't the only thing she got stuck with."

"What are the odds of her ever forgiving me?"

"Well, on the flipside she was raised by you, so hopefully the ability to hold grudges like a pro is something you have brought her up to avoid doing."

"There is that."

Amy got to her feet and pulled him up with her. "Well in that case, I'm taking you out tonight."

"I don't understand. Where would we go?"

"It doesn't matter, you're going to have fun, you're going to get drunk and you're going to laugh like you've never laughed before."

"And you think you're the woman for the job?"

She winked. "Oh, I know I am."

oOo

Amy held up her champagne glass. "Here's to Bernadette, the most amazing mother."

Howard clinked his glass against hers. "Here's to Bernie." He brought the glass to his lips and downed it in one. "So why here?" He looked around the bar area.

"It's where I used to go on the girl's nights, with Penny and Bernadette." A fond look spread across her features. "I remember the night Sheldon came with us, it was our first kiss, although, it's changed a lot since then."

"I assume it wasn't a strip club back then?"

Amy glanced over to the stage. "No, it wasn't." She poured herself more champagne. "I thought you liked strip clubs? Don't you remember all those Howard humping hookers stories?

"None of these women appeal to me." He looked at her for a moment. The temptation to reach out and hold her was unbearable. "I'm just not that guy anymore."

"Well in that case, can I request we leave? I don't feel entirely comfortable in this sort of place."

"Ah I see, having to look at another woman's naked body creeping you out?"

"No not at all, it's more the fact that that guy has been staring at me since we came in here."

Howard turned to where Amy was pointing. The man had to be in his mid forties, the way he dressed suggested he was some sort of builder and by the looks of him, he was no stranger to fast food and greasy treats. "Hey you, watch the show by all means, but eyes off her." Howard said.

"Jealous are you?" He mocked. "I would be too, you aint much to look at are you?"

Howard remained calm. "I'm simply asking you to stop looking. You are making her feel uncomfortable."

The man got to his feet and walked over to the table. "Maybe she would be more comfortable in my bed." He winked at Amy.

"I'm asking you to step away from her, now."

He let out a laugh, edging in closer to Amy. "How about we ditch this loser and I'll show you a good time?"

Amy looked over at Howard, silently pleading for his help.

"I'm warning you, get away from her." Howard asserted, desperately trying to diffuse the situation.

He looked Howard up and down. "What are you going to do? I mean look at you, you're hardly heavyweight champion of the world are you?" Amused by his words, he threw his head back and let out an unrestrained laugh. "You're pathetic. This woman looks like she could do a hell of a lot better."

Howard became acutely aware of all the eyes that were on him, they were expecting him to take action, and they were judging him on this. He knew he had to stand his ground; he was going to have to defend Amy's honour whatever the cost. He also knew that if he took this man on, he would lose, there was no doubt in his mind that this man would defeat him. "One last chance, move away from her." It didn't matter that he was falling apart inside, if he could project confidence on the outside, he could get through this.

The man crossed his arms. "No, I don't think I will."

A thunderbolt of adrenaline surged through Howard - he had to get this man away from Amy. "Then it looks like I'll have to move you." Summoning all the physical and mental strength he had, he gave his new found opponent, a hefty shove. Everything around him seemed to whirl around, everything was numb, everything disconnected. He was high on the adrenaline pumped excitement; he wasn't coming down anytime soon.

Unfortunately for Howard, he had made little impact. In fact his target had barely moved an inch.

Amy screamed out too late. "Howard move!"

She scrunched her eyes together, unable to watch what came next. She could hear the calls and shouts of the increasing crowd, a sickening thump from the fist that connected with a defenceless jaw, a thundering crash from an overturned table, the shattering of glass.

Amy forced herself to open her eyes. She saw the attacker, his fist still clenched, breathing heavily, looking down at his victim. He wasn't done; he pulled his foot back before brutally launching it into his prey's side.

He showed no mercy, he was winning and loved every second of it.

"Stop. Just stop." Amy squeaked out, her voice barely audible.

Help came in the form of two bystanders, restraining him until a doorman finally intervened.

Amy leapt into action, dropping to her knees beside Howard. He lay face down in a pool of blood that trickled from his nose, the only sign of life being the incomprehensible moans from his split lips.

"Howard can you hear me? Say something, talk to me Howard." She pulled him into her arms, brushing the hair away from his eyes.

Howard looked up at her, his eye swelling closed. "Clare is that you?" He mumbled, everything around him fading to darkness. "Daddy loves you."

"No it's me, Amy." She looked around at the crowd, hoping one of them had called for help. "Do you know where you are?"

"I only ever wanted to protect you baby, I promised you I'd always be here."

"Howard, you've been in a fight. You're in a bar; you're with me Amy, not Clare." She rocked him slightly. "Where does it hurt?"

"Amy?" He replied, dazed. "Why are you back? I told you me and Bernadette would look after her, we're doing a good job, she's happy, I promise."

Once more Amy looked over at the bystanders. "Don't just stand there, do something, get a doctor, call an ambulance!" She screamed out.

"Why isn't Bernadette here?" "Then Howard was silent, Amy felt his body go limp in her arms.


	24. Chapter 24

Amy felt the hand of a nurse rest upon her shoulder. "Mrs Wolowitz? I recommend you head on home and get some rest, your husband will be out for the rest of the night, and you'll be no use to him if you've had no sleep."

Amy did not turn around. "It's Mrs Cooper." She shook her head. "Actually, it's Doctor Cooper, sometimes I go by the name Farrah -Fowler, but I'm never Mrs Wolowitz."

"I apologise, did you hear what I said?"

Amy nodded. "Oh I heard," She reached out and took hold of Howard's hand, "I'm just choosing to disregard it."

Amy could almost sense the nurse rolling her eyes, it was nearing the end of her shift, and stubborn people like Amy were the last thing on her mind. "Very well Mrs Cooper, although you won't get any conversation out of him tonight."

"I'm aware of that. I can see for myself, he's unconscious." Her voice had a slight edge to it. In that moment, she could only think of Howard.

"I'll leave you alone then." Her tone was cheery, Amy knew different. "A doctor will assess him again in the morning."

"And what if he were to deteriorate during the night?"

"Then of course he will be seen sooner, I assure you, he is in no immediate danger."

Amy merely nodded, she didn't want further conversation. Picking up on the hint, the nurse stepped out of the room, leaving Amy alone.

Amy focused her attention back to Howard. Earlier she had complained about how he wasn't like his old self, now she would've taken him in any condition other than the one he was in. He lay out flat on a hospital gurney, his arms positioned tightly to his sides. The white sheets tucked him in tightly; too tight for Amy's liking. "What do they think you're going to do?" She loosened the sheets. "You couldn't escape if you wanted to." Amy thought for a moment, "Although I suppose it's nothing new to you, those trousers you wear can't be good for the circulation."

Amy studied his face, hardly recognisable. "That's quite some bruising you've got there, the doctors say you're lucky. You've got concussion and cracked ribs." She sighed to herself. "It doesn't seem that lucky to me, but apparently it could've been a lot worse."

Amy kept talking; she hoped he could hear her. It didn't matter what she said, he was away in his own world – memories of the past, induced by a mixture of concussion and pain medication.

_19 years ago._

_Bernadette wheeled Clare's pram into the building. She looked behind her. "Hurry up Howie, Penny's waiting." _

"_Alright, alright." He opened the door, weighed down by the oversized baby bag. "Do we really need all this stuff?"_

"_Yes, she needs it all."_

"_Considering she's only two weeks old, she sure does have a lot of crap."_

_Bernadette glared at him. "Howard! not in front of Clare."_

"_What?" He was confused. "Am I not allowed to say crap?"_

"_Howard Wolowitz, do you want her to copy your language?" She continued to walk. "Is that what you want?"_

"_You're getting a little ahead of yourself, she can't even talk."_

_Upon reaching the stairs, Bernadette soon forgot her husband's slip up. "Uh, how are we going to do this?" She looked down at the pram, and then turned her gaze to the out of order sign on the elevator. "We'll never get all this up there."_

_Howard adjusted the strap of the bag. He raised Clare out of the pram and into his arms. "What do you think Clare? Do you think we'll be able to take you with us?" He turned to Bernadette. "Right here's the plan, you take Clare up, and I'll carry the pram and all the other stuff."_

_Bernadette relaxed into a smile, it was a small gesture but it made all the difference. "Howie, I just wanted to say that..." She let out a nervous laugh. "What I'm trying to say is, you're going to make a great father and that I can see us being okay."_

_Howard took his eyes off the baby, who had wrapped her fingers around his thumb. "Thanks," He couldn't help but show his bewilderment, "But where has this come from?"_

_She shrugged. "I just had to say it. We were going to well you know..."_

"_Split up?" He offered._

"_Well yeah, that." She quietened her tone, unwilling to expose her baby to any negativity. "I just feel that we're over it now."_

"_We really are. Howard adjusted Clare, to hold her with one arm. With his free hand, he reached out to Bernadette. "We're gonna be so happy, you know that, right?"_

_She took hold of his hand, and held it like she never wanted to let go. "I do now. I never wanted us to end, even when things were at their worst."_

_Releasing the hand hold, he presented her his ring finger. "For better for worse, remember?"_

_She nodded. "Until death do us part."_

"_Until death do us part." Howard repeated. "Hopefully that will be many years from now, after we've lived a very long life. He lightly bounced Clare. "This little one will have made a successful career for herself, and we'll be old and grey."_

_Bernadette leant over and kissed his cheek. "Here's to growing old together."_

"_There's no one else I'd rather do it with." He lowered Clare into Bernadette's arms. "You take her up, I'll get all her crap together."_

_Unwilling to spoil the magic of the moment, Bernadette let that one slide. "We'll see Daddy in a minute." She went on ahead of Howard._

_Howard didn't take his eyes off her until she was around the corner and out of sight, it was only then that he realised Leonard had entered the building._

"_Oh hey, how are you doing?" Howard couldn't help but feel awkward around him, it had been just over a fortnight since Sheldon's departure, and there were no words in the world that could console Leonard._

_Leonard shrugged. "It's Wednesday, it's been a busy day." He focused his eyes on the carrier bag in his hand. "A ran a few errands and other stuff."_

"_Oh..." Howard replied. "Well that's good, do I smell Chinese food?"_

_Leonard nodded. "Chicken with broccoli," He paused, "Diced, not shredded, even though the menu specified shredded," He reached into the bag and held up a container, "and brown rice, not white." _

"_But you don't..." Howard found himself interrupted._

_Leonard held up a second bag. "Then I stopped off at the green grocery to get the good hot mustard." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle. "Afterwards I went to the market and picked up the low sodium soy sauce."_

_If Howard found this odd, he refrained from pointing it out. "And uh..." He gestured to a comic book that was tucked under Leonard's arm. "And I see you've been to the comic book store."_

_Leonard held it up to reveal the latest issue of the Flash. "I had to. It's new comic book night."_

"_Leonard, you don't..." He carefully considered his words. "You really don't have to stick to this anymore."_

_Leonard shook his head before ascending the stairs. "Yeah like that's going to happen, I don't want to lose my TV privileges."_

"_Why would you lose your TV privileges?"_

_He stopped, turned. "I have to stick to the roommate agreement; Sheldon would go crazy if I went against any of the rules."_

"_Sheldon isn't here." He placed his hands into his pockets. "He's not here, and you miss him, you miss him like crazy."_

_Without response, Leonard spun on his heel, making a bee line for apartment 4A._

"_Leonard, wait." Howard called after him. He looked down at the baby items strewn across the floor. "Oh, what the hell." He quickly abandoned them and raced after his friend._

_By the time he reached the right floor, Leonard had already entered the apartment. Howard knocked the door. "I'm not leaving until you answer."_

_After a while the door was reluctantly opened. "Shouldn't you be getting back to your wife and baby?" Leonard made no attempt to mask his bitterness._

"_And leave you like this?"_

"_Why not? Sheldon did."_

"_Think about it this way, you can go to the toilet whenever you feel like it; you can sit where you want on the couch, there's no need to drive him anywhere anymore. Isn't that what you wanted?"_

_Leonard narrowed his eyes at him. "No, that's not what I wanted." He slammed the door, which was swiftly blocked. "Move your foot."_

"_So maybe that was the wrong thing to say," He sighed to himself, "but I don't really know what to say."_

"_Nobody does."_

"_What if I start with...?" He waited._

"_Start with?"_

"_What if I start with I miss him too?"_

_Stunned, Leonard took a step back. "Did you just say what I think you did?"_

"_Is that really so hard to believe?"_

_Leonard managed a small smile. "You know its halo night on a Wednesday?" He opened the door open, wide enough for Howard to come in. "I can't play it on my own."_

"_And I'm not gonna let ya."_

oOo

Howard awoke to a clouded haze, his head was throbbing and it hurt to breathe. He blinked, his eyelids heavy, waiting for his vision to come back into focus.

He was lying on something uncomfortable, upon further inspection he found himself in the backseat of a car that had seen better days. "What the...?" The sound of the vehicle's door being pulled open temporarily distracted him.

"It's been quite a week for you, first your daughter leaves, then you get beaten up defending a woman you don't have a chance with."

Howard pulled himself backwards. "Okay, I don't know what the hell is going on here but..."

His captor grabbed him by the collar and dragged him from the car. "I'll tell you what's going on here, I know exactly where your daughter is and I'm going to take great pleasure in not telling you." He dropped Howard to the ground. "I've got you right where I want you, you see Howard, I'm not the same man I used to be, I got old, I lost my way," He placed his foot and Howard's back, applying force to the already broken ribs, " but when I heard about what you did to my little girl, well that made my blood boil, and then when the hospital called me to say that my beloved son in law had been beaten to within an inch of his life, I saw the perfect opportunity."

"Listen Mike, whatever Clare told you."

"She didn't need to tell me, when she rang me to tell me she was leaving, it didn't take a genius to figure out why. Was it worth it? Was that woman worth it? It didn't matter how clever that girl was, or how high her scores were in her science exams, do you know what she would've said if you asked her what the world revolved around?"

"Just let me get up and we can..."

"Answer my question!" He roared.

"I don't know." Howard could barely contain his fear. "The sun, she would've said the sun."

"Wrong, she would've said you, because as far as she was concerned, it did. Everything in her life began and ended with you, how does it feel that you're nothing to her now?"

Howard attempted to break free from his hold. "Just get off me, we can talk this through, I'll answer any question."

"No, we do this my way," He let out a triumphant laugh that made Howard's blood run cold, "your dirty little fantasy can't help you now, she slept right through when I dragged you out of that hospital bed."

Howard took a deep inhalation through his nose, he needed to ignore the pain, and he had to suppress his fears. "Just tell me how you want to play this."

"You messed with my Bernadette's life, now I decide what happens to yours."

He felt his hands bind together. "Mike, what are you doing?" Howard was screaming on the inside, despite this, he kept his tone calm.

"Do you remember when Clare was young and she got hold of one of my guns?" He asked. "You remember how much you screamed when you got your toe blown off?"

"It was one of the most painful things I've ever felt."

Mike grabbed Howard's shoulder and wrenched him onto his back. "Let me tell you this now, you aint seen nothing."

For the second time that night, Howard found himself on the receiving end of another man's fury.


	25. Chapter 25

Howard scrunched his eyes together, his father in law had him trapped, and there was nothing left to do but accept his fate. "Go on then. Do it. Beat the crap out of me!"

Mike crossed his arms. "I would, but it looks like somebody beat me to it."

Howard opened his eyes and attempted to sit up. "But you just said..."

"I know what I said," He reached into his pocket and produced a folded piece of paper, "but I don't get my kicks from finishing what another man started."

"What's that in your hand?"

"This," Mike waved it in Howard's face, "is something you would give your right arm for."

Howard clenched his jaw, anger slowly arising. "You've locked me in your garage, tied me up, and now you're going on about a piece a paper." Using his feet, he shuffled backwards.

"Oh, this isn't just any old piece of paper," He made no effort to hide his satisfaction, "this is the address of where your little girl is. I'll never get to see my daughter again, but what you do next will determine whether or not you'll see yours."

"Give it to me!" Howard demanded.

"Fine you want it," Without letting go, He placed it in front of Howard, "all you got to do is reach out and grab it, go on just take it."

"I can't." He looked down at the ground, a humiliating defeat.

"Here's the father who said he would do anything for his child, yet here you are, not being able to pick up a piece of paper."

Howard spat in his direction. "You've tied me up, you son of a bitch." He struggled with the rope, rubbing the skin of his wrists raw.

"Do you really think that's going to work?" He pulled a flip knife out of his jacket. "That rope is gonna need to be cut through."

"Then do it."

"You really think it's going to be that easy? I cut you loose, I give you the address, then you go find Clare and live happily ever after?" Mike raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you think Howard?"

"Nothing's easy when it comes to you."

"You're not as stupid as you look then." Mike reached over and yanked Howard to his feet. "Now this is what's going to happen. I will give you this address, when I know that Clare comes before that woman you've stupidly fallen for."

"Of course she does. Nobody comes before Clare." He insisted. "I promise on everything I own, I'm nothing without Clare."

Mike shook his head. "That's not good enough, I need proof. I need to know that when push comes to shove, you would put Clare above everything else."

"All I can give you is my word."

Ignoring Howard's statement, Mike continued onwards. "So tell me Howard, how would Amy feel if her husband ever found out her dirty little secret?"

"It would destroy her."

"So you wouldn't say anything to him?"

"No, I wouldn't do that to her."

"What about for Clare? Would you do it for Clare?"

"When would that ever happen?"

Mike pushed Howard back down, causing him to cry out in pain. "Allow me to demonstrate." Mike hooked his arms underneath Howard's underarms and dragged him up the stairs, into the house. "Hey you guys, I've brought you some company."

"Who are you talking to?" Howard took deep breaths, the pain becoming unbearable.

"Take a wild guess." He continued to drag him until they reached the kitchen.

Howard looked over too see who Mike had called out to.

Sheldon and Amy.

As if he were a rag doll, Mike dropped Howard to the ground. "Your friends aren't overly chatty, I'm afraid I had to get the duct tape out."

Howard looked over to where they were. They were sat back to back, a pair of handcuffs securing their wrists and a length of rope around their waists, holding them together.

"It's a shame I only had the two pairs, I could've used them on you too." Mike said, reaching over and removing the tape from the couple's mouths.

"Sheldon, whatever you're going to say, don't. It may sound good in your head, but I can guarantee it will make things worse." Amy said.

"I was going to ask about Stewart." Sheldon replied.

Howard caught his breath. "Please tell me you haven't touched their son."

"Their son is right where they left him, at home, asleep in his bed. They're freaking out that he's on his own, it's ironic isn't it? They can abandon their first born, but they can't handle the thought of being away from the youngest for an hour?"

Amy cried out. "He's only nine years old. He's too young to be left alone." Tears of frustration and fear fell thick and fast.

"Amy, please don't cry. He's not going to hurt you. I promise everything is going to be okay." Howard reassured.

Mike got to his knees and wrapped his arm around Howard's neck, placing the cold edge of the flip knife against his throat. "Are you sure that's the best thing to do? You see Howard, when you say things like that; it doesn't convince me that Clare is your main priority."

Sheldon spoke up. "Mr Rostenkowski, I can sympathise with your predicament, but quite frankly, holding a knife to your son in law throat is ludicrous."

Releasing his grip, Mike turned to look at Sheldon. "Oh believe me, a few minutes from now, it's going to be me watching you with the knife."

"I highly doubt that."

"Just wait and see." Mike placed the knife to Howard's rope and cut him free. "You have two choices; you can either go now without knowing where your daughter is."

"What's option two?"

"You leave with the address, but first you have to prove how much you want it."

"What do I have to do?"

Mike cut through the rope that was holding Sheldon and Amy together, before unlocking Sheldon's handcuffs.

"Are you going to release my wife?" Sheldon asked, rubbing his wrists.

"No she stays where she is until Howard makes his decision."

"What decision?" Howard asked, apprehensive.

"You can see you daughter again, but you have to betray Amy like you did you did to Bernadette."

Before Howard had a chance to reply, Amy cut in. "Howard, please tell me he doesn't know."

"I'm sorry, Clare told her."

"What is going on?" Sheldon asked.

Mike looked at him. "Well Sheldon, your wife and my son in law have got a secret, and you might find out what it is."

"What is it?"

He shook his head. "If Howard says that he doesn't want to tell you, then I won't say a thing, but I sure as hell won't tell him where his daughter is."

"And let me guess, if he does tell me, you will tell him where Clare is?"

"That's right, you must know what their secret is, or Howard doesn't see her again." Mike turned to face his son in law. "So what's it to be Howard? Amy or Clare?"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Set the morning after the last chapter. I'm going to start from the day after and work backwards with the use of flashbacks.**

Daniel Johnson sat cross legged on the cold bathroom tiles, mobile phone in one hand, willing himself to make the call.

The weighing scales in the corner had given the desired result. At first he had been unsure; at first he had been doubtful, but after a long process of repeatedly stepping on and off, it became clear that this was no joke.

"Oh, what the hell." He pressed call and listened to it ring.

"Hello?" The voice from the other end said.

"Dad, it's me."

"Who?"

The familiar feeling of frustration washed over. "Daniel." He shook his head. "Who else would it be?"

"You've changed your number, and all you said was it's me, so really it could've been anyone."

"I called you Dad." Daniel couldn't help but roll his eyes. "I'm your only child." He paused for a moment, "I am right? I'm your only kid, aren't I?"

"I hope you are." Daniel could almost hear his father's brain overloading. "I'm sure your Mom would've told me if you weren't mine."

"Dad, that's not what I..." He trailed off.

"No, I got this." Zach said. "Don't worry, you are mine, your Mom put my name on your birth certificate, you don't just do something like that."

"Oh my God, I've got the same blood group and eye colour as you." Daniel took a deep breath. "Listen to me. We need to talk."

"We have been talking. You rang me up to make sure I was actually your Dad."

"No! No I didn't, I know that you're my Dad, I've never thought otherwise."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I didn't. It was just the way that you didn't realise who it was when I called you Dad, it made me think..." Realising he wasn't getting anywhere, Daniel moved the conversation along. "Forget it. It was just you, being you."

"Who else would I be? I don't pretend to be anyone else."

"Not unless you're in fancy dress." Daniel replied.

"That's a good point."

There was a pause before Daniel spoke again. "So I uh..." He lowered his voice slightly, "I lost those five pounds I put on."

"Is that... Is that what you wanted to talk about?"

Even though Zach couldn't' see it, Daniel nodded. "Yes. I kinda wanted to speak to you about it."

"Well, you go right ahead." The reassurance in his voice, reminded Daniel why he chose to call him. "Whatever you want to say, you go right ahead and say it. You can even say bad words if you want; I know how much you like them."

Daniel didn't want to sound hypocritical, but he was determined to deny it. "Hey! I don't swear that much."

"Danny, it's every other word."

"Don't talk shit." Upon realising his mistake, Daniel clasped his hand over his mouth. "I mean uh... I don't know what I mean."

"Dan, just say what you want to say."

"Should I..." He mumbled, "Should I lose anymore? Do I need to lose anymore?"

"No Danny, just don't put anymore on." Daniel heard him sigh. "Your Mom, she kept on losing more and more, and then there was nothing left to lose."

"I'm not like Mom, it wouldn't be like Mom."

"Let's keep it that way."

Daniel stood up and took a look in the mirror. "It's been a while since I've liked myself, I used to hate everything."

"How do you feel now?" Zach asked. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Clare seems to like me, all of me." He smiled. "Then, that's good enough."

"I'm proud of you son."

"Things will get better won't they?"

"From what I hear, they already have."

Daniel leant over, unlocked the bathroom door. "I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Danny?"

"Yes?" He replied.

"Remember what I told you."

Daniel looked down at the ground. "Dad, I'm not likely to forget."

"Remember it Danny, tell me what I said."

He reluctantly replied. "The family doctor said to you, you're son is bulimic."

"Damn right he did, and I wasn't going to take that."

"You said to him, no, no he isn't bulimic," Daniel said, "He's Daniel Johnson, my son."

"That's not all I said." Zach pushed for more.

"You then said, just because he has an eating disorder, doesn't mean he is one." He found himself smiling. "You're not the smartest guy I know, but you certainly weren't dumb that day."

"I had to do something." Zach replied. " Your grandparents didn't know to handle it."

"But did you? We were nearly strangers to each other, we hardly saw each other."

I've been on the other side of the bathroom door whilst you puked up; I did checks of your room for hidden food." He listed them off. "I held you whilst you cried, and I sat by your hospital bed each and every goddamn time that you came close to death." Zach stopped to catch his breath. "Don't you get it? I know you better than you know yourself!" His words surprised even himself. It wasn't often that Zach spoke with such passion.

Never before had Daniel had felt so much respect and admiration for Zach. "You know Dad, I've underestimated you in the past, and I just wanted to say that I was wrong, I was so wrong."

There was a few moments of silence before Zach replied. "You know I love you right?" He said.

It wasn't often that Daniel outwardly voiced his feelings, but in that instance he was willing to make an exception. "I love you too Dad."

"You should hang up now, before I tell you how much I miss you and that I want you to come home."

Taking heed of his father's advice, Daniel said no more and placed the phone back into his pocket. Stepping out into the hallway he called out to his girlfriend. "Clare? Where are you?"

A door on the far right swung open. "She's gone down to the store honey. Can I get you anything to eat?"

Despite his hunger, Daniel denied himself. "Thank you Mrs Cooper, but I just ate a little while ago." He almost choked on his own lie.

"How sweet, but please, you should call me Mary."

"Okay that's great, has Clare been gone long?"

She shook her head. "I'd say about twenty minutes, although I must say you were in that bathroom a mighty long time. That chicken from last night, it didn't upset ya, did it?"

"No, the chicken was fine." When it came to the issue of food, for the first time in a while, he meant what he said.

Mary edged in closer. Although Clare was out, she still chose to lower her voice. "Tell me Daniel, has Clare phoned home, at all?"

"Not that I know of." He admitted. "I don't think she's ready."

"I hate to say it, but it would seem my Shelly has played a big part in this." She said. "I knew from the moment he stepped off that plane, there would be trouble for the Wolowitz family, and now look at them, poor Howard, he has no idea where she is."

"I don't know how much I'm meant to say, but she had some issues between Amy and Howard."

Mary looked suspicious. "What kinda issues? Is there something I haven't been told?"

"Like I said, I'm not sure how much I'm meant to say here."

"Daniel, whilst I'm sure you're a perfectly respectable young man, I get the impression you're not being entirely honest with me." She paused for effect. "And may I remind you that this is a Christian household and God would not approve of your dishonesty."

Daniel kept a straight face. "There is no dishonesty, I know as much as you do."

The sound of the front door opening brought the conversation to a close. "Mary? Daniel?" Clare called out.

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank fuck for that." He muttered under his breath.

Mary glared at him. "I heard that."

_3 hours later._

_Clare pulled Amy into the privacy of the guest room. She buried her head in her hands. "Why are you here May? I'm serious; I wanted to get away from all of the trouble."_

_Amy took a step towards her. "It's Sheldon, he knows everything. He knows I had coitus with your father."_

"_How?"_

"_Your grandfather, he forced Howard to tell him, he knew where you were and he used it to manipulate him."_

_Clare felt her shoulders slump. "Then why isn't he here now?"_

"_He's not able to."_

_Ignoring her previous statement, Clare moved the conversation along. "And Doctor Cooper? Where is he? He can't stand to be around you, can he?"_

_Amy shook her head. "I don't know what's going to happen to us. He told me to go. He told me I couldn't take Stewart with me."_

_She projected her rage outwards. "So you just gave up? Without a fight?" _

"_No, I'm going back. Of course I'm going back!" Amy argued back. "I don't care how angry he is, he's not keeping me from Stewart, and I won't let him give up on our marriage."_

"_Then what are you doing here? Why aren't you fighting for them now?"_

"_Because Stewart already knows how much I love him. I've done nothing but let you down, I've done nothing but hurt Howard. I need to at least try and get you speaking to your father again, you can hate me and Sheldon, but please Clare, please don't hate your Dad."_

"_You said earlier he didn't want to come."_

_She shook her head. "No, I said he wasn't able to do. He physically can't, he broke his ribs and your grandfather didn't make things any better."_

"_He's alright though? He's okay, isn't he?" In that moment, Amy was certain that Clare had nothing but love for him, all she needed was a push in the right direction to realise it._

"_He will be."_

_She exhaled loudly. "Oh God, I really need him right now, I've been so stupid."_

"_Hey, don't speak like that." Amy reassured._

"_You don't understand. I'm a massive hypocrite."_

"_I... I don't understand."_

"_I always said I would never make the same mistake you and Doctor Cooper did, you weren't ready for a baby, but still you made the decision to have unprotected sex, even though you were intelligent enough to know the risks."_

"_That's right, we were naive, I admit it."_

_Clare reached into her pocket and produced an unopened pregnancy test. "Well it looks like we're not so different after all."_

_Amy clasped her hand over her mouth. "You're pregnant?"_

"_I don't know. I could be." She looked over at the door. "Doctor Cooper wasn't ready to be a father, and if I think about it, I don't believe that Daniel had a paternal bone in his body either."_


	27. Chapter 27

Amy knocked lightly on the door, she entered the bathroom. "Have you done it?"

Clare pointed to the edge of the sink. "We've got to wait a few minutes." She perched on the edge of the bathtub, trying not to look at the test.

"I told Daniel and Mary that we needed some time alone, Mary says she going to take Daniel sightseeing."

"Are there many sights to see around here?"

Amy shrugged. "There's a few, although, he doesn't strike me as the type of boy who'd be interested in Mary's favourite church." She took a place next to Clare, leaving a reasonable gap between them.

"He'll probably knock something over and then say oh God." She came close to smiling, almost but not quite. "I'm thinking about getting a swear jar for him, where he puts in a dollar every time he says a bad word."

"Why? Is he a frequent foul mouth?"

"I guess so, but its all part of who he is. I find it kind of attractive." Embarrassed, she felt herself blush.

"Well, we all love a bad boy." Amy winked.

"I wouldn't go that far, he's a rebellious free spirit, who enjoys breaking the rules and looks for adventure." Clare sighed, allowing her shoulders to slump. "Some men, like my Dad, were meant for this, but Daniel..." She trailed off.

Amy placed a hand on her shoulder. "He's not now, but parenthood changes people," She said, "It has to, otherwise we'd all be raised by people who believe Detective Toast and the slices of bread are the coolest guys, like ever."

"That's Daniel's favourite band, he's seen them live three times."

"I rest my case." She shuffled in closer. "But do you really think Howard was always meant to be a Dad? Can you honestly say to me that a guy who uses the pick up line, are you from Mars because your ass is out of this world? Or a man, who got a robot arm stuck on his penis, is a natural born father?"

Her eyes widened in horror. "My Dad got his penis stuck in a robot arm?"

"You're nearly twenty and you've never heard that story?" Amy made no attempt to mask her disbelief. "Wow, you really have lived a sheltered life."

"May! Stop, that's my Dad you're talking about." Clare had the overwhelming urge to put her hands over her ears and repeat over and over, la, la, la I can't hear you. "Seriously, I know he used to try and pick up girls a lot, but..."

"But what?"

"But nothing, you're only saying that now, because you don't want to see him any other way, you see him as the kind and caring man that he is, and that near enough killed your marriage."

Amy defiantly shook her head. "Stop it. Just stop it." She couldn't help but raise her voice. "Our marriage is in a mess because I slept with Howard!"

Clare got to her feet, towering over Amy. "Doctor Cooper would not end your marriage because of that! You two weren't together and he didn't even want to know, he knew you'd done something, but he was willing to automatically forgive you for it."

"Well he obviously changed his mind." Amy practically screamed out.

"Don't lie to me! You and Dad got closer and closer, until you established some sort of unhealthy bond, God knows Dad has this ridiculous infatuation with you."

"No. No, that's not true."

"You're still lying. You saw my Dad in a different light, for a while you could see yourself feeling something for him."

"I love Sheldon." Her voice was barely above whisper level.

"But for a while you doubted that, you doubted him. And that," She softened her tone, "that is what Doctor Cooper couldn't handle."

Amy couldn't hold it anymore; she allowed her tears to fall. "He thinks I don't love him anymore."

"Do you still love him?"

She nodded. "Always have done."

Clare lowered herself down into the kneeling position and placed her hands in Amy's. "You've broken my Dad's heart, you let him fall for you, and you let yourself feel something for him." She couldn't comprehend this sudden wave of sympathy towards Amy, all she knew was that she didn't have the passion to stay angry. "But you're hurting too, and I don't like that either."

Amy tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It seems like only yesterday you were newborn, now look at us having a conversation like this one." She studied the blue of Clare's eyes. "You got so tall and beautiful, and I missed it, I missed all of it."

Clare buried her head in Amy's lap. "Tell me what happened, I'll help you find a way forward with Doctor Cooper, and I'll help Dad get over this."

_The night before._

_Despite the pain, Howard pushed past Sheldon and Mike to get to Amy. "Untie her, untie her now!" He commanded._

_Mike shook his head, "No." He pointed to Sheldon. "You heard me; you've got to tell him what you and Amy did."_

_Amy sent Howard a look of pleading. "Howard please do something, why won't he let me go?"_

_Howard wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. "You're going to be fine, I promise you, everything is going to be alright." _

_She rested her head on his shoulder. "Just tell him, I can't be the one that stands between you and your daughter."_

_Sheldon felt a pang of betrayal, why wasn't she looking to him for protection? "Amy? What's happening?" He tried to hide the shakiness in his voice._

_With the strength he had, Howard pulled himself to his feet and approached his friend. "I'm so sorry Sheldon." He reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You were never meant to find out, I would never have told you, but..." He found himself harshly interrupted._

"_Cut the crap Howard, do you honestly think a pathetic apology is going to lessen the sting?" Mike taunted. "Out with it, you say to him what you should've told Bernadette."_

_Howard looked over at Amy. "Oh God Amy, I never wanted to hurt you."_

_Mike jabbed Howard in the ribs, causing him to drop to the ground, clutching at his sides in agony._

"_Tell him Howard, tell him now, or I swear to God, you'll have to leave it to chance on whether you'll see Clare again."_

_Sheldon got down on the floor next to him. "Just say it. The sooner you say it, the sooner Amy can be untied." _

_He was going to come straight out with it, he wasn't going to hesitate and he wasn't going to have a big lead up. "We slept together."_

_Sheldon caught his breath. "In what sense?" He felt his jaw tighten. "Did you literally sleep together? Or are we talking about coitus here?"_

"_We had sex Sheldon. It was the night she left Pasadena." Howard couldn't remember the last time he felt so ashamed. "But please, you gotta remember, you and Amy weren't together."_

_Sheldon got to his feet and held his hand out. "Mr Rostenkowski, Howard had done what you requested, now could you please hand me the keys so I can free my wife?" His voice was calm, calmer than what Mike had desired._

"_Did you not just hear him? He slept with your wife!"_

"_Oh I heard him, but like he said," Sheldon attempted to meet Amy's eyes, he failed, "we weren't together, she may have done wrong by your daughter, who was one of her closest friends, but to me?" He shook his head. "She hadn't done anything in violation of the relationship agreement, because there wasn't one at the time."_

_Mike shook his head. "You are one fucked up bastard, you know that?" He walked over to Amy and unlocked the handcuffs._

_The moment she was free, Amy ran over to Howard and collapsed into his arms. "Are you okay? We'll take you back to the hospital and you'll be fine." She brought her hand up and ran her fingers through his hair._

_Sheldon crossed his arms. "I'm your husband. I'm the one you married."_

_She loosened her grip slightly. "I know that, I did try to tell you."_

"_I don't care what you did, it's how you felt," He stopped for a moment, lowering his voice, "and how you still feel."_

_Mike made no effort to hide his look of satisfaction. "Did you know how Howard got his injuries before he got here?"_

_Sheldon kept his eyes on Howard and Amy. "I assume you attacked him? You got me here by telling me that you had Amy, but Howard didn't come as willingly as I did."_

"_No." Mike took great pleasure in correcting him. "Howard took your wife out for the night, and he got beaten up defending her honour when some guy was staring at her."_

"_Shut up Mike! That's enough." Howard spoke up._

"_Sheldon please, don't listen to him." Amy said. "It's not like that."_

_Sheldon shook his head. "Oh but it is, Howard was there when you gave birth, he was there to comfort you, so you engaged in coitus with him, maybe at the time it was just coitus but now..."_

"_Bur now?" She urged._

"_You've seen what a great Dad he is, you've seen the way he feels about you and you've compared that to our life." He sighed, allowing his shoulders to slump. "You compared that to our life and you've concluded that maybe the grass really is greener on the other side."_

"_Stop it, I'm your wife, don't say that."_

"_It's how you feel." Sheldon pointed out. "I don't care about what you did, all I care about is what it meant. If the coitus meant nothing, we could say no more about it, but it did."_

"_No." She protested._

_Sheldon turned to face Mike. "Give me the address."_

_Mike reached into his pocket. "That was the deal." He passed over the paper with the address on. _

_Sheldon took a glance. "Of all the places she could've gone, she chose Texas." He walked over to Amy and dropped the paper in her lap. "Howard needs to go back to the hospital."_

_Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she nodded. "Okay, we'll take him, we can talk about this."_

_He shook his head. "No. You're going back to the house, you're going to make sure Stewart is alright and then you're going to take him to Leonard and Penny."_

"_What? Why?" _

"_Because you're going to Texas, you're going to say what you want to say to Clare and I'm not letting you take Stewart with you."_

"_Sheldon please." She begged._

_Ignoring her pleas, he helped Howard to his feet and pulled him towards the door. "Howard do not fight against me."_

_Too weak to disagree, Howard let Sheldon guide him out the house._

_Mike looked over at her. "And that is why you don't sleep with married men." He let out a laugh and left Amy to survey the ruins of her broken marriage._

Clare took hold of Amy's hand. "You love Doctor Cooper ,don't you?"

"Of course I do. I love your father, but I'm not in love with him, not in the way I love Sheldon, I only want to be with him!"

"You will be. You will be with him." She reassured. "I will do whatever it takes to help you convince him."

Amy looked over at the test. "But what about you? What if...?"

The sound of the door opening downstairs brought the conversation to a close. "I forgot my jacket." Daniel shouted.

"Tell him." Amy urged. "Find out what he's thinking.

Without leaving time for hesitation, Clare stepped out onto the landing and called out to him. "Daniel, get up here now."

"Oooh, that can only mean one thing."

"What have I told you about thinking with your penis?"

"Sorry." He apologised. Clare heard his footsteps rushing up the stairs. "Where are you?"

"In the bathroom."

Within seconds, Daniel had entered the room. "Why are we all in the bathroom? It's not an ideal setting for a party." He laughed.

"Could you please just be serious for a few minutes, I really need you to be serious and you've gotta not freak out."

"Did you break my I-pod?" He asked. "You broke my I-pod, didn't you? Admit it."

"You're going to wish I had." She looked down at the ground, struggling to meet his eyes. "I've got no idea how to say this, I mean we haven't known each other that long and..." She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

Amy stood midway between the young couple. "Daniel, I'm going to come right out and say this, Clare thinks she may be pregnant." She pointed to the test that sat on the edge of the sink. "And depending on the result of that, you could become a father."

Daniel visibly paled. "Oh..." For once he was lost for words.

"C'mon Daniel, you never don't know what to say." Clare said. "Say something."

He took a breath to steady himself. "I really don't know, are you...?" He stumbled over his words. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I don't..." Like Daniel had before, she too struggled to put a sentence together. "We're nineteen and twenty one, Daniel!

Daniel nodded. "I know, I know." He leant up against the wall. "Oh shit, how did this happen?"

"I know you failed biology at school, but surely even you know the details."

He let out a nervous laugh. "Good one."

"It's not really a time for jokes." She scolded.

"Right okay." Daniel attempted to sound confident. "This may seem like a massive deal and all that, but we can deal with this." He nodded. "Yes, I'm sure we can find a way."

Amy smiled. "Right answer." She looked over at Clare. "Now those are the words every expectant mother needs to hear."

"I might not be." Clare asserted.

Daniel extended his arms and pulled her in close, standing on tip toes to even out the height difference. "Whatever happens, I promise not to freak out and I'll do whatever I need to do."

She crouched down, bringing them to eye level. "Are you sure about this? Do you think you'll be ready?"

"Who knows? But if I'm not, I'll make myself ready." He pressed his lips against hers. "I'll prepare, I'll quit smoking, I'll cut down on the swearing and I'll read all those baby books."

She stepped backwards, raising an eyebrow. "You smoke? How did I not know you were a smoker?"

Daniel reached into his pockets and produced a packet of cigarettes, a can of body spray and some mouthwash. "I open the bathroom window, light one up, smoke, and then cover my tracks." He tossed them into the waste paper bin in the corner. "Not anymore though."

"Oh Clare, you've got a special one there." Amy gushed, her cheeks flushing pink.

Clare reached over to the sink and passed over the test. "Will you read it for me?"

Daniel took it off her. "Okay on the count of three I will turn it over." He began the countdown. "One, two..." He flipped it over. "Three."

In that moment, one out of the three knew the result. Clare met Daniel's eyes. "Go on then, answer me, am I? Am I having your baby?"

**A/N: So, what are we all thinking? Is she or isn't she?**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Here's another speedy update for you, I've been feeling super motivated this weekend. It's great, although tomorrow I better throw myself into some college work, but until then, enjoy.**

Without leaving time for hesitation, Daniel threw the cigarettes into the waste paper bin. He made a mental note, that either way, he would still make a concerted effort to give them up.

He heard Clare's mother comment. "Oh Clare, you've got a special one there."

Special? He wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Was her really the ideal boyfriend? Daniel hoped he could be for Clare, he wasn't perfect, for from it – but he knew he had changed. Maybe it was only a small progression, but he hoped it didn't go unnoticed.

He watched as Clare retrieved the white stick from the edge of the sink. Like Amy had told him before, depending on the results of that test, he could become a father. It didn't seem right to Daniel that piece of plastic could hold that much power over him.

"Will you read it for me?" Clare asked, meeting his eyes. She didn't wait for a response; she simply placed it in his palm.

Daniel looked away from Clare and focused on the test in his hands. Taking a moment for thought, he placed his thumb over the screen. It amazed him how the difference between one or two lines could change someone's life.

**One line** - life would stay as it was. He could carry on the way he always had, living life with spontaneity and the occasional reckless action.

**Two lines – **He'd have to change. In fact he'd have to rethink his entire way of life.

Daniel knew that there had been occasions where he given up, he didn't try at school; he had never known the feeling of job satisfaction, he had broken diets more times than he cared to admit, and then there was the string of worthless flings that didn't last the distance.

If there was a rule, Daniel would break it.

If there was a line, Daniel would cross it.

If there was a bullet, Daniel would dodge it.

Yes. Daniel never had been one for slowing down and accepting responsibility. In fact, he actively avoided it.

He could hear his mother's words ringing in his ears."_Who wants to be conventional? When you can go out and have fun?_" He could see her now, stood at the bottom of the stairs, wearing a short dress that revealed a little too much of her match stick legs. His father stood opposite her, "_Miranda, I can't look after Danny on my own." _He remembered how Zach had practically begged, "_You're his mom, and he needs you."_

Although at the time he had been too young to understand her words, it suddenly dawned on him; he had be living life by her standards. His grandparent's had taken him away after she died, their timing was wrong, it wasn't Zach that they needed to worry about.

She had been dead ten years, yet she was the biggest influence on his life. Daniel then knew, that if he was going to have any chance of being a good father, he couldn't let her influence him.

_15 years previously._

_Daniel Johnson sat at the kitchen table, waiting for his mother. His father had gone out to work and now it was just the two of them._

_The kitchen door swung open and his mother walked in, two shopping bags in hand and a pizza box in the other. "Hey Danny," She smiled, "are you hungry?"_

_He nodded. "Are we having Pizza?"_

_She placed her bags down and pulled up a seat. "No, you are." She lowered her voice, "But we can't tell Daddy."_

"_I don't understand. Daddy likes pizza."_

_Miranda leant over and placed two plates on the table. "Listen to me Daniel, Mommy has to go out this weekend and I've bought a nice new dress." She pointed to the bags. "I can't go, if I don't look good, and Daddy doesn't understand that."_

"_But mommy..."_

_His mother reached out, placing a hand over his mouth. "Shhh Danny, Mommy just wants you to help her." She paused, holding his gaze." You want to help me, don't you?"_

_He nodded._

_Miranda ran her hand across his cheek. "Good boy," she opened the lid of the box, "now we're going to put this on two plates, but you have to eat all of it." Without looking at the food, she divided it up._

"_Why can't we put it on one?"_

"_Because, when Daddy gets home, I need him to think we shared the pizza." She kept her tone casual, almost like she was telling him the baseball score._

"_I have to lie to Daddy?" He nervously shifted in his seat._

_She shook her head. "You'll be helping me. If you don't help me, I'll be sad. Do you want Mommy to be sad?"_

"_No! Please Mommy, don't be sad." Daniel pleaded, placing his little hand on top of Miranda's._

"_Then help me." She raised her voice slightly, making Daniel flinch. "All you've got to do is eat what I tell you to eat, and when Daddy gets home, you tell him that I ate dinner with you."_

_He began to wring his hands. "I don't... I don't..."_

_Miranda glared at him. "What don't you want to do?"_

"_I don't want to lie to Daddy." Hid voice was weak, she was breaking him down and he had no idea how to respond. "Telling lies to Daddy would be bad of me."_

_Miranda narrowed her eyes at him. "You will do what I tell you, or I'll have to take all your toys away." She grabbed him by the arm. "Do you understand?"_

_Daniel nodded, struggling to meet her eyes. _

"_Say yes Mommy." She demanded._

"_Yes Mommy." He parroted back._

_Miranda released the grip she had on him, and with that her whole demeanour changed. "You're a good boy Danny." She ruffled his hair. "Mommy loves you."_

_He struggled to find his voice. "I love you too."_

_Miranda pushed the plate towards him. "Now, do you know what you have to tell Daddy?"_

"_Yes." He said. "I'll tell Daddy that you ate too."_

"_Very good." From out of her pocket, she produced a pack of cigarettes. "I'm off for a smoke, you stay here."_

_Daniel waited until he heard the door shut behind her. He took his first bite. _

_He scooped them up slice by slice, balling them up, shoving them in his mouth then chewing without tasting. He didn't stop, not even when he began to feel sick. He'd never thought eating was a bad thing, but why was his mother so determined not to? _

_He picked the box up and shoved it in the bin. He felt guilty, like he'd committed some sort of crime. Daniel ran from the kitchen, up into his bedroom. He dived under the safety of his covers and only then did he let himself cry. _

Daniel wasn't going to be like her. No child of his would ever see that side of him. He would suppress every trait she gave him and be the best father he could. "Okay on the count of three, I will turn it over." He prepared himself. "One, two..." He flipped it. "Three."

He took a moment to process the result. Before he let the others in, Daniel would need to absorb it himself.

Clare's voice broke through his thoughts. "Go on then, answer me, am I? Am I having your baby?"

Daniel looked back down; he was going to double check. He needed to be sure. "There's only one line." A feeling very similar to disappointment hit him.

"I'm not pregnant?" Clare had thought she would be relieved, instead she felt numb.

He merely nodded.

Amy reached over and took Clare by the hand. "Next time you do this test, you're going to want to pass it, you're going to be ready and you'll be sure that you can be a great mother."

Clare felt herself smile, she wanted her there and she knew just how to show it. "Thanks Amy."

"Please don't." Amy shook her head. "Keep calling me May."

"I always thought you hated that?"

"Everybody calls me Amy, except Stewart." Amy explained. "He calls me Mommy. It sets apart our relationship from the rest of them." She held her hand tighter. "So maybe I'll never be your Mom in the way Bernadette was, but when you call me May, it's the closest I'll get."

"Okay." Impulsively she wrapped her arms around Amy. "I'm glad you came, May."

Daniel cleared his throat. "Right, I better go catch up to your grandmother, she seems pretty keen on showing me those churches."

Clare broke away from Amy. "Are you going to be okay? I could come with you if you like?"

Daniel painted on his most convincing smile. "I'll be fine. After all you can't miss something you've never had, right?" He wasn't sure he trusted his own words.

Clare settled her gaze on her estranged mother, and that's when she truly realised how much of a hole Amy had really left in her life. "I'm not so sure anymore."


	29. Chapter 29

Sheldon couldn't bring himself to leave. Howard was talking to some kind of psychiatrist and Sheldon felt some sort of obligation to stick around. Sheldon had told himself he would accompany Howard to the hospital. That was as far as he was going to allow himself to go, yet somehow, he was still there.

The waiting room door creaked open. Howard walked in. "What are you still doing here?" Staring off into the far corner, he focused on an anti smoking poster. "I told you last night, I'm fine."

"You're ashamed aren't you?" Sheldon accused.

His guilt was heavy. Despite this, Howard projected a confidence that was convincing to even himself. "What for? You even said so yourself; Amy wasn't with you when I slept with her."

"You and Bernadette were."

A short sentence was all it took. If Howard had any fight left, Sheldon had knocked it right out of him. "Since when did you care about anyone else, who isn't you?" This time there wasn't any passion in his voice, only a half hearted monotone. "So maybe I cheated on her, what's it to you?"

"Am I meant to answer those questions, or are they rhetorical?"

Howard shrugged. "Answer them, don't answer them."

"Now, you've just given me two instructions that completely contradict each other." He furrowed his brows in annoyance. "First you tell me to answer them and then you say don't answer them."

"Oh my God. It doesn't matter how old you get, you don't get any less annoying."

"Which is it Howard?" Sheldon persisted.

"Don't answer them!" He slumped down onto a chair. "Aren't you going to ask me what that doctor wanted?"

"I had no immediate plans, but I get the impression you want me to." Sheldon said. "What did that doctor want?"

"Bernadette's father has been admitted to the psychiatric ward, he's had some sort of breakdown." He exhaled loudly. In that moment, Howard would've given anything for the ground to open up and pull him in.

Sheldon didn't know what to say, he wasn't going to force himself. "Oh."

"Is that all you've got to say?"

"Well, I'd have thought under the circumstances, he'd be arrested. After all, kidnap is a serious offence."

Howard jumped up, knocking over his chair. "Don't you have any idea? He's ill! His daughter died, and that was too much to handle."

"And that excuses his actions?"

"The man needs help, not punishment." For the first time since he entered the room, Howard met Sheldon's eyes. He softened his tone. "Could you imagine what something like that could do to you? Could you ever imagine losing Stewart?"

Sheldon considered his words. "I can't say I would go as far as what he did."

"You can't understand losing a child until you actually go through it."

"In all due respect, how can you understand it? Clare is alive and well."

"The last time I saw her, she told me that it didn't matter how many times I said I was her Dad, she said I was just some guy who lied to her and cheated on her mother." He clenched his fist, his nails sinking into the palm of his hand. "And oh God, it hurts so bad."

Sheldon remained where he was stood. "There, there. Maybe she was experiencing her mensies?"

"Or maybe she was pissed, because I cheated on Bernadette with your wife?" Howard had heard that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit, but in this instance, he thought it seemed appropriate. "How about I give her a hot water bottle and some pain killers? After all, I hear that period pain and my Dad cheated on my Mom pain can be treated in the same way."

There was a light knock on the door, forcing Howard to swallow his anger.

"It must be a doctor." Sheldon said.

Even though they knocked, the caller didn't wait for permission to enter.

Howard took a step back. "Mrs Rostenkowski?"

"What's happened to him? He rang me up a few days ago, he was in a terrible state, and then I got a phone call last night, they say he attacked you." She smoothed down her hair. The past five years had taken it's toll on her, and Howard couldn't help notice.

"I'm sorry. I should've told them not to call." He reached over, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Am I missing something here? She's his wife; of course they were going to call her." Sheldon spoke up.

"Sheldon, shut up."

Mrs Rostenkowski looked at her son – in – law. "Did you just say Sheldon, as in Clare's biological father?" She looked Sheldon up and down. "My God, it is, isn't it? Don't try and deny it, look at him, he's just so..." She stopped herself.

"He's just so similar to her." Howard finished.

Moving onwards, Bernadette's mother glared at Sheldon. "You're a very foolish man Sheldon. That girl is one in a million, and I hope you realise what you've given up."

Sheldon forced himself to meet her eyes. "I assure you, I think about it daily." He walked over, placing a hesitant hand on Howard's arm. "But, I know I made the right decision when I gave her to this man here. Clare may not be able to see that now, but he's a remarkable father."

"I know." She admitted. "It's just a shame he couldn't stay faithful to my daughter."

Howard wasn't going to deny it. "Mike told you?"

She brought her hand up and sharply hit him across the face. "Does that answer your question?"

He merely nodded.

She leaned in again, this time she kissed him on the cheek. "I can't excuse what you did to Bernadette, but I pray that Clare can eventually forgive you, I really do." She turned towards the door. "It's about time I spoke to my husband."

With that, Howard and Sheldon were alone again.

"Howard?"

"What is it?"

"Do I sense that they've been separated from one another?"

He rubbed his hand over the fresh mark on his cheek. "Losing Bernadette was too much for them. She couldn't cope and he didn't know how to put things right."

"And why would he? After all, he is only human."

Howard found himself smiling. "You know what Sheldon? For once, you've said just the right thing."

He shrugged. "There are a lot of matters I struggle to get, but I think I can see this one. We all accept that eventually we will have to say goodbye to our parents, but we never plan for the day that we will lose our children. We take it as a given that we'll go before they do."

"You're not wrong."

The sound of someone clearing their throat diverted the pair's attention. Over by the door stood Leonard and Raj, with Stewart in the middle of them.

"Daddy! Uncle Leonard says we're all gonna hang out and it's going to be just like it used to be." Stewart announced.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm son, but it's not going be how it used to be for you, it will be a new experience."

Leonard ruffled Stewart's hair. "C'mon Sheldon, let the kid have this one."

"What exactly do you mean hang out like we used to?" Howard asked.

Raj held up a large paper bag. "We've got video games, we've got comic books, we've got a crazy amount of junk food and we have a Star Wars box set. All we need is you and Sheldon and we can do all the things we did twenty years ago."

Howard shook his head. "Under the circumstances, I really don't think..."

Sheldon interrupted. "That sounds like a great idea." He turned to face Howard. "The doctor has discharged you, right?"

"Well yeah but, after everything that's happened..."

"For Clare and for Stewart, I can let it slide for a few hours. For a few hours, I can pretend that everything alright."

"But what about Amy?"

Sheldon reached over and took Stewart by the hand. "Mommy has just gone away for a few days, isn't that right son?"

"Yes, she's on a really fun trip." He smiled up at his father.

Leonard held the door open for his friends. "C'mon then, we've waited twenty years for this, let's make it a good one."


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: This chapter is written especially for Pammieomana, thank you for your helpful advice. **

**It's now been three days since Amy arrived in Texas. I think this chapter could be rated M, there's nothing graphic in it, but there are a lot of sexual references in here.**

Amy was certain Sheldon was ignoring her calls. There was something about the way his phone immediately directed her to voicemail that seemed oddly out of character. In the past, Sheldon had been prompt in answering his phone and quick to return calls he did miss. "Sheldon, it's Amy again. Could you please answer your phone? I only want to talk to Stewart."

Clare watched as Amy placed her phone down. "Maybe his phone is out of battery? Daniel hardly ever charges his."

"Sheldon isn't Daniel. Sheldon would never leave the house without a full battery."

Clare struggled to find the right words. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like. Being separated from Stewart can't be easy." She reached over and squeezed Amy's hand. "Tomorrow, we will go back to Pasadena, and I'll help you convince Doctor Cooper that he's the only man for you."

A crashing noise from the kitchen temporarily distracted them.

Clare raised her voice to be heard from the next room. "What have you dropped?"

"In my defence, the plate was hot." Daniel replied.

"You're a bus boy, isn't not dropping plates one of your much needed skills?"

"I'm not a bus boy, I'm a free spirit."

"Even free spirits have to clean up after themselves, the dust pan and brush is under the sink."

"Do you know where I'd love to shove that dustpan and brush?"

Clare's jaw dropped. "Are you being threatening or sexual?"

"You always think the worst of me! I was going to say that I was going to shove it in the bin."

Amy tugged on Clare's arm. "C'mon, let's go for a walk, I want details," she guided her towards the door, "and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Details on what?"

Amy closed the door behind them and sat down on the porch steps. "I don't want Mary hearing any of this. She'd say you had sinned." Despite her best efforts, Amy couldn't help but laugh.

"May, are we talking about S.E.X.?" Clare felt herself blush.

Amy lowered her voice. "Alternatively, like Sheldon would say, C.O.I.T.U.S." Clare couldn't hide her embarrassment, Amy picked up on this. "What? In the absence of Bernadette, I feel it my duty to have this talk with you."

"Oh dear lord, are we seriously going there?"

"Yes, and it's down to you how we get there." Amy said. "Am I going to have to relentlessly question you, or are you going to come right out and say it?"

Clare focused on a plant pot by the door; all of a sudden it was one of the most interesting things in the world. "Do you think that plant needs watering? It looks a little dried out to me."

"I second that motion; we'll fill up the watering can."

"Great, I'll go get..." She didn't finish her sentence.

"Right after you tell me about you and Daniel."

Defeated, Clare sat down next to her. "Yes, yes we are doing it." She admitted. "Although, I don't see how this could possibly be news to you. After all, for one to suspect pregnancy, they would of course have had to have engaged in sexual intercourse."

"That's not what I meant. I want to know how and when. Don't take this personally, but you don't seem like the kind of girl who would've had a lot of experience."

"It is personal, but no offence has been taken, and you're right Daniel was my first." She looked back at the house. "Although the same really can't be said for him, he's got quite the reputation."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "So I gather."

"Is there something you want to say?" Her tone was accusing.

"No, I'm not passing judgement, I'm just a little surprised by this relationship."

"Look at Leonard and Penny, they are nothing alike but they've been through everything together."

Amy forced a smile. "I'm not disputing that, they do say opposites attract." She placed a hand on Clare's knee. "I just want to know more, you've done everything at such a fast pace, what's that like?"

"It's different." She took a moment for further thought. "Daniel Johnson is the personification of chaos, there's no order to him."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It must be, I never knew life could be this exciting, it's spontaneous, unpredictable and I've seen a side to myself that I never knew existed."

Amy winked. "And from what I remember, his father has a pretty great body."

"He's twenty years older! He's no way going to still look the same."

"Does he look good for his age?"

Clare used her best poker face. "I'm saying nothing."

"Say nothing about Zach, tell me everything about Daniel." Amy wasn't going to let the subject go. "After all, you know everything there is to know about my first ever dalliance with Sheldon."

"What? The one with the Viagra laced water and seduction with the aid of a drum kit?" She cringed slightly. "Yes, unfortunately I know a little too much about it."She sighed, allowing her shoulders to slump. If there was one thing Clare Wolowitz knew it was when to admit defeat. "Shoot me now. We hadn't known each other long, maybe it was too soon, but we've more than proved that it wasn't just some stupid one off thing."

_The previous month._

_Clare stood outside Daniels's front door. The door was still open, from where either Daniel or Zach had failed to close it. She considered knocking; however her usual routine reminded her too much of her likeness to Sheldon - a likeness she'd rather ignore._

_Cautiously, she stepped into the hallway. "Daniel?" She called out. No response._

_She paused just outside the living room. She spotted Daniel and Zach facing away from her, sat cross legged on the floor. Clare would've spoken up, however she couldn't help but listen to their conversation. _

"_Dad, why are we drinking sparkling water?"_

"_Because I'm not gonna use vodka or tequila this time."_

"_That's the general idea. When they say drinking game, they mean alcohol."_

"_We both know what happened last time we played I have never. you got so wrecked, they had to pump your stomach in the emergency room."_

"_Whatever .Just show me this email your friend sent you."_

_Clare watched as Zach reached into his pocket. "It's full of all these seriously crazy questions; I bet you wouldn't have done half of them." He produced a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to his son._

"_Okay, so I'll read out the questions and if either or both of us have done it, we take a shot of vodka."_

"_Water." Zach corrected._

"_Remind me again why I agreed to play this lame ass game with you."_

"_We're bonding."_

"_Fine, but I warn you, I've done some pretty kinky things in my time, and if you can't look at me in the same way after, then you've only got yourself to blame." Clare wasn't sure she ever would either._

"_Seriously Danny, I've done way more than you ever have."_

_Daniel unfolded the sheet. "You are so on. Let the games begin." He read the first question. "Never have I ever, done it in a public place."_

_Both men downed a shot._

"_I'm disappointed in you." Zach scolded._

"_You took a shot. That means you have as well."_

"_I'm older than you." He panicked. "I mean go to your room."_

"_Go on then, where have you done it?" Daniel asked._

_From where Clare was stood, it would appear Zach's standards had left almost as soon as they had arrived. "The men's room at some bar, backstage at a rock concert and the car park of a green grocers."_

"_No way." Daniel sounded impressed, too impressed for Clare's liking. "That's up there with the hot tub story."_

"_So go on then."_

"_Go on then what?"_

"_Tell me where you've done it." Zach asked. "I told you mine."_

_Daniel shook his head. "But Dad..."_

"_Bonding Danny, remember that."_

"_Fine, I'll tell you." He looked thoughtful. "Well, I've done it at work."_

"_Where?"_

"_We did it on the counter, in the stockroom, the manager's office and then the tables." Clare knew Daniel was one for living life on the edge, but she hadn't thought he was that daring._

"_Its definitely wild, but I think I've taken this round." _

"_Oh no you haven't, your little roll around in the car park is no match for my middle row of the cinema, top deck of a bus, and in the bushes of the local park." _

_Clare took a deep breath, resisting the urge to interrupt and confront him._

_Zach reluctantly admitted defeat. "That is serious gross, and okay you win."_

_Daniel picked up the list. "Never have I ever, had sex in a sleeping bag."_

_This time only Zach drank. "Me and your mother didn't have much money after our wedding, so we went camping for our honeymoon."_

_Daniel mimicked the gagging gesture. "I did not need to hear that."_

"_You know, coming to think of it, I'm pretty sure I got your mother pregnant that week."_

"_Fucking hell! I was conceived in a sleeping bag?"_

_A blank expression flashed across Zach's face. "No, I got your mother pregnant in a sleeping bag."_

"_Have you ever considered buying a dictionary?" He picked up the water bottle and filled up the shot glasses. "You do worry me sometimes."_

_Ignoring his son's comment, Zach picked up the list. "Never have I ever, had phone sex." He looked over at Daniel. "I don't understand the question."_

"_How can you not understand the question?"_

"_Does it mean have I ever had sex with a phone?"_

_Daniel downed a shot. "No, no it doesn't." He held back the urge to patronise. "I'm guessing you probably haven't if you don't know what it means."_

"_I guess not. Next question, never have I ever, made a sex tape."_

_Neither men drank. This was a small relief for Clare._

"_Would you?" Daniel asked. "Be totally honest, if a woman came up to you with a video camera and said let's do this, would you?"_

"_Maybe, I could watch the footage back and use it to work on my technique." He paused, waiting for Daniel's response. He didn't get one. "What about you? Would you?"_

"_God no! I don't want to watch a video of myself naked." He turned his attention to the next item. "Never have I ever, caught my parents having sex."_

_Once more neither of them drank._

"_Uh son..." Zach couldn't quite meet his son's eyes. "You better take a shot."_

"_What? Why?" _

"_Do you remember that time when you were about eight and you walked in on me and your mom sumo wrestling?"_

"_Oh God! You weren't sumo _wrestling_?" _

"_Nope." _

_The image of her father and Leslie Winkle popped into Clare's head, she could sympathise on that score, however she wasn't any less disgusted._

_Daniel poured the water and downed it. "Damn, I wish this was alcohol." Determined to move onwards, he quickly skipped forward. "Never have I ever, had sex with someone more than double my age."_

_Two shots were taken._

"_I was eighteen she was my forty two year old neighbour." Zach admitted. "I used to walk her dog and mow her lawn and in return she would..." He winked. "Well, you can work out the rest."_

"_Last year, I was twenty, she was fifty one." He paused, "Although in my defence, I was very drunk, she looked good for her age and she told me she was thirty."_

"_I love cougars." Zach smiled. "Never have I ever, had sex in the shower."_

_Only Daniel drank. "Seriously? You'd do it in a hot tub, but you draw the line at the shower."_

"_Hey, the shower is for getting clean."_

"_Never have I ever, measured my own penis."_

_Both the shot glasses were emptied. Clare couldn't decide if she was freaked out or curious._

"_And before you ask, no I am not telling you how long it is." Zach went to speak, Daniel quickly cut him off "And I don't want to know how long yours is either."_

_Zach turned the page. "Never have I ever, slept with a married woman." He brought the glass up to his lips._

"_It doesn't count if it was Mom, because you were the husband."_

"_Oh." Zach placed the glass down again. "Have you?"_

_He gestured to the empty shot glass. "Does that answer your question?" Clare went from disgusted to enraged, but still she remained where she was. "Right, never have I ever, exposed myself in public." Daniel reached for the water and filled up._

"_Exposed yourself to what?" _

"_Basically have you ever got your penis out in public?" Daniel explained._

_Zach was horrified; he made no effort to hide this. "No and why did you?" _

_Clare wasn't sure she could handle the answer._

"_It wasn't my fault." Daniel defended. "I wore a kilt to a fancy dress party, I went commando, and the wind was really strong that night."_

"_What happened?"_

"_A group of girls walked passed at the wrong moment. Long story short, I spent the night in jail."_

_Words failed him, so Zach referred back to the piece of paper. "Never have I ever, done it with another guy."_

_Unable to hear any more, Clare stormed into the room. "You're unbelievable!"_

_Daniel quickly scrambled to his feet, knocking over the bottle and soaking the carpet. "Clare, how long were you stood there?"_

_Clare reached into her pocket and presented him with a scarf. "You left this in my car." She flung it at him. "Now if you don't mind, I'll be leaving. You won't be hearing from me again."_

"_Listen, it's not as bad as it sounds." He called after her._

"_Next time, you want to play a game like this one, close the door when you get in." She slammed the door closed._

_Daniel turned to face his father. "How bad is it?"_

"_Don't worry, it's not that bad." He waved a dismissive hand. "I'm sure everything will turn out fine."_

"_Shit, it really is bad then."_

Clare looked over at Amy. "You seem a little uncomfortable."

"Obviously not as uncomfortable as you were."

"I got over it."

Amy looked down at the ground, focusing on her shoes. "I honestly don't know what to say, how could you move forward knowing something like that?"

She shrugged. "So what? He's had a lot of sex. It's not as if he murdered anyone."

"How did you know that you weren't just the latest in a long line"?

"I had to take that chance, if I didn't trust him; things would've had to have ended." She said. "And I needed someone like him in my life, someone who could teach me to live life in a way I want to, not how I think my Mom would've wanted me to."

"And has he? Has he done that well?"

Clare nodded. "He really has, and I've done a lot for him."

"But you walked away, you just told me you did, why did you walk back?"

_Clare heard footsteps approach behind her, she didn't need to turn back, she knew who it was._

"_Clare, seriously, just slow down."_

"_Don't follow me. I have no interest in someone like you." She pulled out her car keys, keeping her focus on her vehicle in the distance. "Boys like you disgust me."_

"_Boys like me? I'm still the same guy that you liked." _

"_No Daniel." She stopped, turned to face him. "This changes everything."_

"_Why should it? Did you think I was a virgin or something?"_

_If Clare was to be honest with herself, she had on some level known all along that he wouldn't have been the type to have not done anything. "It's not what you've done. It's your carefree attitude to it."_

"_Why does that bother you so much? It doesn't make me a bad person."_

"_It doesn't make you a very good one either; you said that you slept with a married woman!"_

"_I didn't mean anything!"_

_She crossed her arms, took another step backwards. "That's exactly it. They didn't mean anything, you just sleep with all these woman, and they didn't mean a thing to you."_

"_You can't just make a judgement like that."_

"_Go on then, name one woman you have slept with that you gave a damn about."_

_For a few seconds, he was silent. "I would. If it was anyone else other than you, I would lie through my teeth and tell you that they all meant something to me."_

"_Then why don't you?" _

"_Because it's you."_

"_What's that mean to mean?" She screamed out, attracting looks off passers by. "Just say what you want to say."_

"_I don't want to lie to you Clare, we've not known each other long, but fucking hell, it's been one hell of a not very long time." Daniel wasn't good with words, he wasn't going to let that stop him. "Yes Clare, you're right, I've never been able to maintain any girlfriends, flings? Yes, but proper meaningful relationships? No."_

"_What am I meant to say?" _

"_Nothing, I'm just sorry. I never apologise but I am now." The words were flowing and there was no stopping him. "I'm sorry I'm not the guy you want me to be, but you could be the girl I didn't realise I was looking for."_

"_Daniel I..." Words failed her._

"_I'm just gonna quit whilst I'm ahead, all this emotional shit is not me, and if I keep going I'm going to say something that will make things worse."_

_She didn't say anything._

Amy was eager to hear more. "Go on, what happened next?"

"I let him go back inside, but I had time to think about it and I realised I needed to speak to him."

_Clare had gone against her usual logical mind set and had found herself at Daniel's apartment. This time she noticed he had a door bell._

_She looked at it. "Oh what the hell, there's a first time for everything." Pressing her finger against the button, she held it until the door was answered._

"_You only needed to press it once." Daniel pointed out._

"_I'm not here to talk to you about doorbells."_

_He nodded. "Okay, I'm listening."_

"_So you've never had a sexual encounter that meant anything to you?"_

"_No." Daniel felt a feeling of shame, a rare occurrence for him. "I've never really got it before, but now..." He didn't finish his sentence, he didn't need too._

"_Promise me this, next time you have sex, it will mean something."_

_Daniel relaxed into a smile. "I promise you, the next time I have sex it will mean something." He reached over and took her by the hand. "I won't kick her out of bed or sneak out immediately afterwards."_

"_Keep going."_

"_If she wants to do the whole cuddling thing as well, I'll keep an open mind." He considered it further. "In the morning, I'll even make her breakfast."_

"_And you promise to keep this?"_

"_I really will."_

_She stepped into his arms. "Then, I think you should start tonight."_

"_Are you sure you're ready for this?"_

_She placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'm ready if you are."_

_Daniel led her inside the apartment, wrapping an arm around her waist. "Just let me send dad out on an errand."_

"_Make it something that will take him a while."_

"_By the time he realises a digital camera doesn't need a roll of film, he'll have been out for hours."_

Clare finished talking and turned to face Amy. "And that's about it."

"It was quite romantic until you got to the fool's errand part." She paused. "Just out of curiosity, how long did it take him?"

"May! I'm not giving you all the details."

"I'm talking about how long it took Zach to realise."

"Oh that? Yeah, I don't know, I left just after breakfast and he still wasn't back." She stood up and made her way back inside the house. "Anyway, I better get packing, we've got to prepare what you're going to say to win back Doctor Cooper."

**The morning after.**

Clare zipped up her rucksack and passed it to Amy.

"Is this all you have?" Amy asked, placing it in the back seat of her car.

She nodded. "I had to travel light; Daniel only has a small motor bike."

"Okay, so how are we going to do this? Are you riding on the motor bike with Daniel, or are you coming in the car with me? Although I must caution you, Sheldon has tampered with my sat - nav, so he will be making a lot of comments even though he isn't actually here."

"How on earth did he do that?"

"I don't know exactly. I personally had no problem with the other voice that was there before, but who am I to question his motives?"

"His wife?"

"There's nothing in the marriage agreement that protects my sat nav from being altered."

Clare could've found a response, but in that moment, she didn't have the creativity to question it. "Did you say goodbye to Mary?"

"I did, she gave me twenty dollars for Stewart." She held it up. "I'll give him it in instalments of five dollars a week, if I give it to him all in one go, he will no doubt buy a month's supply of sweets."

"That sounds awesome."

"It does, but it's frowned upon if a mother let's her child do something like that."

Daniel emerged from the house, fully packed. He gestured for Clare to join him at the motorbike. She ran up to him. "Listen Dan, is it alright if I go with May in the car?"

He made no reply. Clare noted a sad expression.

"Daniel? Are you... are you okay?"

"Clare, we need to talk."

She caught her breath. "What about? Tell me what's going on."

"I don't know how I'm going to say this, or what the best way to say this is." He exhaled loudly, unable to look at her. "Oh God, you know I would stay with you. If I could, I would stay with you." Daniel almost choked on his own words. "Don't hate me for this. I'm hoping you'll understand."

"What are you trying to say? Things are going well, we're happy aren't we?" Her voice was filled with desperation, she didn't care.

"Happier than I've been in so long."

"Then what am I not meant to hate you for?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm not coming back to Pasadena with you. You go but I have to go my own way now."

"But you've got to." She grabbed hold of his sleeve, tears filling up in her eyes. "You've got to come back with me."

Daniel brought his thumb up to her cheek, he wiped away the tears. "I can't go back there. If I go back there, I'll have to go crawling back to my old job, working long hours for a crappy minimum wage."

"But you did it before, you can do it again." Clare knew he couldn't. She understood, but she wasn't ready to say goodbye. "Just come back to Pasadena, and you can see your Dad."

He shook his head. "My Dad deserves more than spending his time wondering when his bulimic son's next relapse will be."

"That's not true, you won't relapse."

"I've got a better chance of being completely free of it if I leave Pasadena." He stepped in closer. "Your mom died, and so did mine. When you go back you'll see her everywhere, she may have died but she'll still be there."

Clare nodded. "I go home and I see the red stain on the white carpet, I remember how she dropped that glass of wine one Christmas, and it's like she's here again."

"I walk past a restaurant, I think back to the times Mom and Dad took me there, I remember how she used to put her food on my plate or hide it in her handbag when Dad wasn't looking, and it's like she's there again."

"But she's not." Clare protested. "She's gone and she's not coming back."

"You know better than I do, your mother never leaves you, not really."

"When I went to university and since I've been here, she doesn't seem to be with me." She wiped at her eyes. "I can think about her, but she's not here. It's not until I get home that I can feel her there."

"My thoughts exactly." He climbed onto his motorbike. "Go back to Pasadena and remember your mother, but understand that I need to leave mine behind."

"I don't want you to leave me behind."

"I'm not selfish enough to take you with me." Daniel turned the key, the motorbike sprung to life. "I'm an unqualified bus boy. You're clever and beautiful, with a family who want you to come back to them. I can afford to travel around, because there isn't anything better I could be doing, whereas you, you could achieve so much."

"Daniel please." She pleaded.

"You'll look back on this one day, and you'll see it as a good thing." Daniel pressed his foot down on the pedal and steered down the driveway. He went slowly at first, however once he turned off into the street, he zoomed down the road at an alarming pace, within moments he was around the corner and out of sight.

"Daniel, don't do this!" Her cries went unheard. She dropped to the ground and began to sob, her turmoil soon switching to anger. "Stupid Bastard." She repeated over and over, punching the ground until her knuckles were bruised and bleeding.

Amy rushed over, dropping to the ground next to her, and pulling her into a tight embrace. "Please honey, don't hurt yourself." She ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm here for you. I'm, always going to be here for you."

"He left me."

"I know, I saw. What do you want me to do? Tell me what to do to make this better, and I'll make this better."

"I want my Dad! I want to see my Daddy again."

"I can do that, he's missed you so much."

She sat up, resting her head against Amy's shoulder. "I'm going to go back to Pasadena, and I need to tell him how much I love him, I didn't mean what I said."

"He knows Clare, he already knows."


	31. Chapter 31

Howard sat opposite Sheldon on the couch. The pair had been there for just over half and hour, and neither of them had said anything significant. "That was quite the game of dungeons and dragons. I'd forgotten how good you were at it."

"It's been years since I've played it." Sheldon replied.

"You're kidding? You always used to be so into it." He looked around the room. "This is a nice house you've got here, are you keeping it like this, or do you think you'll decorate it?"

"Howard." Sheldon shifted in his seat. "When I invited you back here, it wasn't to make small talk."

"I figured." He prepared himself for what was to come. "Go on then, ask me anything, I'll answer it."

Sheldon wasn't going to create a long winded build up and neither was he going to handle it sensitively. "Do you have strong romantic feelings for my wife?"

"In all honesty?"

"Yes, in all honesty Howard." Sheldon was ready for this. He wasn't going to let anything shock him now. "Tell me everything. If you have inappropriate feelings for her at inappropriate times or whatever else feelings of that kind involve, tell me."

Howard reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Here, take a look at this." He placed it into Sheldon's hand.

"It's leather." He turned it over. "Looks expensive."

"Not that, look inside it."

Sheldon opened it and peered in. "All I see is twenty dollars, and a picture of Bernadette holding a baby." Placing the wallet down, he inspected the picture. "I'd say this baby is about a year old, judging by the pink onesie this baby is a girl, and by process of elimination I'd say this baby was Clare."

"You would be correct, that picture goes everywhere with me."

"Is this related to my question or is this some kind of a distraction to dodge answering?"

"I hoped that would answer it for you."

Sheldon turned it upside down, and then viewed it from the side. "Is there some sort of hidden message here?"

"There's nothing hidden about my love for my wife and child, I will tell anyone who will listen about how much I loved Bernadette." He quickly rephrased. "How much I still do."

"And Amy?"

"She gave me the best thing in my world." He smiled. "The past twenty years have been the best of my life, and that would never have happened without Clare."

Sheldon processed his words. "So let me get this straight. Bernadette is the one you love?"

"And the only woman I'm ever likely to love."

"But Bernadette is dead?"

"And I miss her everyday."

Sheldon passed the picture back. "Sometimes you miss her too much?" He looked for confirmation, Howard nodded in agreement. "Sometimes when that feeling of grief becomes too much, you go looking for something to replace what you once had."

"She was Clare's mother."

"And Amy gave birth to Clare. You looked at Amy, you remembered that night you spent with her, and you thought hey that's close enough."

Howard was surprised. Sheldon Cooper had a better handle on his feelings than he did himself. "That wasn't my exact thoughts, but you're not wrong." He got to his feet and stretched his legs. "Maybe I thought that I loved Amy, but she's not Bernadette, nobody will ever be Bernadette." This time he took a seat on the arm of the couch. "Do you understand that Sheldon, do you?"

He nodded. "It's all very hippy dippy, but I think I get the basics."

"Now, what about you?"

"Me? No I didn't love Bernadette, she was a perfectly tolerable woman, but I didn't have any strong feelings one way or another for her."

He sighed. No man could infuriate him quite like Sheldon. "I'm talking about your situation, have you and May split up?"

An amused smile spread across his face. "Do you realise what you just said?"

"Yeah, I asked if you and Amy had split up."

"Sure you did." Sheldon humoured, he was going to let that one slide. "Although, I can definitely tell that you've spent a lot of time in Clare's company."

Howard was keen to get his answer. "Sheldon, are you and Amy going to be okay?"

He altered his demeanour to one of seriousness, he meant business and Howard was going to know about it. "Well Howard, that depends."

"On what?

"It depends on how you answer this question." Even though it was just the two of them, Sheldon saw fit to point at Howard. "Do you think Amy has strong romantic feelings for you?"

"Hmmm, do you remember that conversation we had that time you wanted to meet Steven Hawking?

Sheldon shuddered. "How could I forget?"

"Well I'll take pretty much the same approach here, ask me again."

"Very well, does my wife have strong romantic feelings for you?"

"In English No, but if that's not clear enough for you, I'll say it in Russian." He tried to remember what else he had said that day. "I could say it in Chinese and Japanese too, or a personal favourite of yours Klingon, binary code and even gangster." He paused for breath. "I could shout it from the rooftops and I could even advertise it in the newspaper, whichever way I answer, or whatever way you ask the question, the answer will always be no. Your wife never has and never will be in love me."

"If last time is anything to go by, if you answer in binary code, the answer will be different."

"Sheldon! Don't ruin it." Frustrated, he crossed his arms.

"I apologise, I appreciate the sentiment."

"She loves you like crazy, and if you can't see that then you're just... Well I don't know what it would make you, but it certainly wouldn't make you smart."

"I do realise that, and I of course I reciprocate those feelings."

That wasn't good enough for Howard. "No Sheldon, saying you reciprocate just won't cut it, say you love her."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Say it." He jumped up on the couch, and bounced up and down a few times. "Repeat after me, I'm Sheldon Cooper and I'm hopelessly in love with Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Dear lord, you've broken your ribs! Bouncing on a couch is not recommended practice for people in your state."

He dropped down. "I'd love to say I'm fine, but you're right it's agony." Despite this, Howard was determined to hear Sheldon say it. "Repeat what I say damn it!"

Against his better judgement, Sheldon gave him what he wanted. "I'm Sheldon Cooper and I'm hopelessly in love with Amy Farrah Fowler." He wasn't done yet. "That's one of the most cringe worthy things that has ever come out of my mouth, but I do mean it, and may I just add her name isn't Farrah Fowler, she changed it to Cooper right after we got married."

Howard decided against letting Sheldon's remark at the end ruin the moment. "Wow, you actually said it." Howard felt applause was appropriate. "Make things right with Amy. Let her know that you'll forgive anything."

As if on cue, the sound of the front door being flung open could be heard. This was followed by a booming voice of sheer determination. "Sheldon Cooper, you are not bailing out on our marriage." Within seconds Amy was in the living room. "Do you hear me? This is going to run and run, me, you and Stewart will never be apart, I won't let us."

"Neither will I."

Surprised, she took a step backwards. "Oh."

"Oh what?"

"I was expecting you to put up more of a fight. In my mind we would've argued this out for several hours before I managed to persuade you. You're usually a lot more stubborn."

Howard spoke up. "He's had a lot to think about these past few days, haven't you Sheldon?"

"I have." Sheldon said. "Amy, don't ever leave again,"

"But you..." She stopped herself. "I'll never leave you again."

Sheldon took a step towards her, he extended his arms. "As you know, I'm not one for spontaneity, but in this instance, I'd like to make an exception." He wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her into his chest. "I know how much you like this, and I'm always willing to make you happy."

"You should say that more often."

"How often?"

"Everyday."

Sheldon made no compromise. He was going to let her have it all her own way this time. "Consider it done."

Reluctantly she brought the embrace to a close. "Howard, there's someone outside who really wants to see you." She took hold of Sheldon's hand, she was going to hold it for as long as she could, she had him back and he was all hers.

Howard made no response; he just dashed out the door.

He reached the garden and saw exactly what he'd been praying for. "I'm so glad it's you, I would've been so pissed if the person who wanted to see me was the postman or something ridiculous like that."

He watched her smile, he heard her laugh, he recognised the look of adoration she always used to give him, and that's when he knew he had her back. His Clare, his beloved daughter had returned to him.

"Oh God, you look so hurt." She said.

"Bruises heal baby." Like Sheldon had a few seconds previously, he opened his arms and welcomed her. "I'm so sorry for everything."

She took all his comfort, crouching down to rest her head on his shoulder. "She would've forgiven you."

"We'll never know."

To get a better look at him, she took a step backwards. "I've forgiven you, but can you ever forgive me for all those things I said to you?"

"It's not as if they weren't true, I did lie and I did cheat."

"But you're still my Dad, who loved me the best he could."

"I always have and always will."

The door reopened and Sheldon and Amy stepped out. "Your father is one of my best friends Clare, you're right to forgive him." His fingers still interlocked with his wife's.

"Best friend? I thought I was just a treasured acquaintance?"

"You raised my baby for twenty years. Most friends would offer to baby sit for an hour or so, you've really exceeded yourself, and for that I thank you."

"That logic is seriously twisted." Howard replied.

"I disagree."

Clare looked at Howard, before gesturing to Sheldon. "Hey Dad, do you mind if I give Doctor Cooper a hug?"

"You don't need my permission. Go on, you've got almost twenty years to catch up on."

"I love you Dad."

Howard nodded. "I know, and there's room for us all in your life."

Sheldon broke the hand hold with Amy and moved his way towards Clare. "I promise you Clare, now that we're here; you can get to know as much or as little as you want to know about us."

"On the contrary Doctor Cooper, I feel like I already know everything."

"The lure of DNA is a strong force Clare." He waved an imaginary lightsaber. "Can you feel the force?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Sheldon, I hardly think that now is an appropriate time."

"There's always time for Star Wars, always."


	32. Chapter 32

Clare hammered against the door with no order to her actions. Once, there was a time where she would've stuck to the round of three, but now she simply didn't care. Clare no longer had room in her life for routine; Daniel Johnson had stormed into her life and introduced her to a new world of chaos and rebellion.

She was not prepared to say goodbye to this world.

"Open the door." Taking a break from the knocking, she pressed her finger on the doorbell. "I can do this all day."

It didn't take long for her calls to be answered. Clare had expected Zach. Instead she got an unshaven young man in his early twenties. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, still dripping wet from a shower. "What the hell is this? You're not a cop are you? I swear to God you won't find anything dodgy here."

"I uh..." Embarrassed, she looked down at the ground.

"The last time you guys raided here, it was my roommates fault. His name's Daniel Johnson, he's the shady one!"

She took a second to recover her voice. "Do I look like the police to you?"

He looked her up and down. "Well no, but how can I be sure this isn't some sort of undercover operation?"

"You're just making yourself sound guilty now!"

"Hey! If anyone is guilty here, it will be Dan." Keen to guard his modesty, he adjusted his towel. "Although he's not actually living here at the moment, but that doesn't mean you can pin any of his shit on me."

"He's a bus boy, not head of the mafia."

He pointed an accusing finger at her. "Aha you are undercover aren't you? You've even got details on your perpetrator, well I'm telling you now I'm nothing to do with any of it."

"Why are you acting so jumpy?"

"Because I know what you lot are like, you caught me with a small amount of class A and now I'm constantly under fire."

Clare reached into her purse, pulled out her drivers licence. "The name's Clare Wolowitz, I have a grandfather who is a retired cop but I'm not one myself." She said. "In fact, at the moment I'm not really anything. You could say college drop out, but I prefer to think of this as the perfect opportunity to find myself."

He visibly relaxed. "Oh I see." He extended his hand for her to shake. "I'm Luke. Luke Harley."

"It's nice to meet you, Luke Harley." She accepted his gesture. "Now that we've established that I'm not a cop, I'm looking for a Zach Johnson."

"Oh him? Yeah, that's my roommate's father." Luke shook his head. "Well actually I don't have a roommate anymore, I went on a short vacation and when I got back he had disappeared off without so much as paying rent for that month."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I'm sure Daniel wouldn't have done it intentionally."

"Knowing Daniel, he would've had a good laugh about it."

Clare couldn't deny this fact. "Well, you know... That's Daniel for you, here one minute..."

"Gone the next?"

She nodded.

"He certainly does know how to dodge things, he once slept on a park bench in the middle of a snow storm just to avoid doing the washing up." Luke said.

"You're kidding?"

"Yeap, he left a note saying he'd been kidnapped." Luke hardly batted an eyelid, it was clear that he was well used to Daniel's shenanigans.

"Weren't you worried?"

"No." He laughed. "The building is opposite the park, I could see him from the kitchen window. That and he didn't bother disguising his handwriting."

"Yes, admittedly that does sound like him." She shifted her weight from foot to foot. "I don't suppose you've heard from him, has he called you?"

"Like hell! He wouldn't dare, not after the way he left this place."

"I don't understand, aren't you in the least bit worried?"

Luke shrugged. "He's twenty one years old." Clare watched as his features crumpled into a scowl. "It was agreed when he first moved in that he would give at least six weeks notice if he wanted to move out. Instead he left me note." He took a step back into the apartment, and returned with a dirty napkin. "We have plenty of paper but for some reason he wrote on this." Luke passed it over to Clare. "Can you believe this guy?"

**Dear Luke,**

**Whilst you were away I didn't do any washing up, I stopped using the ashtray and bought a pet tarantula. **

**Have fun cleaning up, I'm moving out. **

**I'm not taking the tarantula with me, will you look after him? I named him Luke after you. There is a slight problem that he escaped from his cage and I wasn't able to find him, I know he's here somewhere but it's just a question of where.**

**Anyway have a nice life**

**Daniel.**

**Ps, I made a lot of long distance phone calls, so just a heads up for when the bill arrives.**

Clare read it twice over. She could almost hear his voice, for a moment it was almost like he was stood right next to her. She studied his handwriting, bold and large; Clare wondered whether he was doing this to make a statement? She also noted how he dotted his I's with smiley faces.

Luke's voice broke her train of thought. "His father found and captured the tarantula before I got back. Daniel knows how much I hate spiders; I guess that's why he did it."

Clare painted on her best sympathetic look. "I can sympathise with your situation, but could you tell me if his father is still living here? because he had been living with Daniel for a short while."

"No. He left when I got back, said he was moving in with his parents until he got somewhere else sorted out."

"That's great, you know where he is! Could I have the address?"

"Not exactly, but I'm certain that Dan left his address book here, if you like you could have a look at it?"

"Yes, if it helps me find Daniel, I'll do it."

Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "May I ask how you know him? If you don't mind me saying, it sounds like he's gotten himself into something he can't handle."

"He's my..." She stopped.

"He's your what?" Luke prompted. "If you want my advice, forget about him, he's never committed himself to anything."

"Maybe he hasn't had reason to." She defended, suddenly angry.

"Listen, Daniel is a nice enough guy, but he has some real issues."

She crossed her arms, determined to stand her ground. "Maybe I can deal with them. I care enough to overlook that."

"I'm not trying to fight you here, it's just a friendly piece of advice. Daniel Johnson doesn't do relationships."

"He can change. All he needs is a push in the right direction." She held out her hand. "Now, are you going to hand over that address book?" Clare was surprised at new found confidence. Bernadette had always told her that she needed to be more assertive; Clare hoped she would be proud.

"I should just slam this door."

Clare took a step towards him. "You'll have to break my foot first, go ahead shut the door but I won't move."

He held up his hands. "Alright you win. Maybe I was wrong, you're obviously just as crazy as he is." He entered the main part of the apartment; Clare listened to him searching through a drawer.

"I'm not crazy, my father had me tested."

Luke returned holding a leather bound book. "And you passed that test?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I pass every test."

"Good for you, now could you just take this and let me wash the shampoo out of my hair."

She flashed him a smile, gratefully accepting the book. "I'm very sorry to have interrupted your shower."

Approaching footsteps could be heard from down the hallway. Another man appeared behind Luke, he too was only wearing a towel. "May I interject something here?"

"Liam! I told you to stay in the shower."

Liam shook his head, narrowing his eyes at Luke. "One, we've used all the hot water, and two, who put you in charge?"

"I thought I was the one who wore the trousers in this relationship." He joked, giving him a wink.

"Well at the moment, we're both wearing the matching his and his towels."

"How are they matching? Mine is yellow, your one is blue"

Clare brought the discussion to a close. "Although I'm inclined to agree with Luke on the fact that those towels are in no way matching, could I ask that Liam makes his interjection? I'm kind of in a hurry here."

"Ah yes! My interjection. Don't listen to Luke, he's just a little cranky because Daniel owes him money."

"You're defending him?" Luke shook his head. "Nice one, you stick up for the guy that ruined the white carpet."

"I'm being serious, that guy has been there for us." Liam turned his attention from Luke to Clare. "You see, when me and Luke got together, Luke wasn't as comfortable in being himself as he is today."

"Liam, don't go there."

"I'm going there alright. But his roommate Daniel supported him through everything, he showed him that he was a great guy and he shouldn't be ashamed to be who he is."

Luke nodded, he couldn't dispute this fact. "Okay, so maybe he is a good friend but..."

"No buts Luke, Daniel has been awesome. He encouraged you to come out to your folks, and each and every time we've come close to splitting up, who was it that played mediator?"

"Daniel." He admitted, the negativity in his voice slowly fading.

"Exactly, He believed in you, now isn't it about time you did the same for him?"

Luke sighed, allowing his shoulders to slump. He had no further defence, all that was left was to admit defeat. "Very well." He looked back over at Clare. "Clare I wish you the best of luck, and if you do find him, tell him he's always welcome here providing he pays..."

"Luke." Liam warned.

He reworded his sentence. "He's always welcome here, and tell him not to worry about the rent. What's a few dollars between friends?"

She gave them a smile. "Thank you so much for this. It's his turn for success now."

"If you're the woman that can make Daniel Johnson settle down, then you deserve a medal."

Liam shot his partner a look of warning. "I'm warning you now mister, if I hear any more cynical remarks."

"I was being supportive!"

"I'll give the benefit of the doubt this time, but I mean it, you need to smile more."

"I'll be happy once I can get back to my shower."

Clare moved her foot away from the door. "Yes of course, you two enjoy your shower and hopefully it isn't too cold."

The two men gave her a nod of goodbye before closing the door.

She looked down at the address book and flicked through to find the right address. "Daniel Johnson, I'm not giving up on you that easily."

oOo

The place where Daniel grew up was nothing like Clare had imagined. In every conversation the pair had had, Daniel had always likened his family home to some sort of prison he could not escape from.

He used to speak of his eleven year old self crying for his Dad.

There was the bitter teenager, angry at his father for not fighting for him.

The angry teenager soon grew into a young adult desperate for escape.

He would talk of the kitchen of temptation. In that kitchen he had an over familiarity with its refrigerator.

The bathroom of shame, there he would spend hours trying to get rid of his guilt.

His hiding place better known as the bedroom; he would lock himself away and wish for a better life.

Daniel never mentioned the immaculate garden bursting full of decorative flowers, nor did he mention the extravagant fishpond, kitted out with an expensive water feature. The grass was a crisp green and the driveway was paved to perfection, no stone looked at of place.

The house itself looked like one of the doll's houses she used to spend hours of her childhood playing with. It was clear to see that Daniel's grandparents took pride in their home, the white paint was flawless; the windows gleamed, even the birds at the end of the garden seemed well groomed.

"Can I help you?" A voice from behind her said.

Startled, Clare spun around to face the voice. "Oh, I was just about to..." She gestured to the doorbell.

The man, a gentleman is his mid seventies let out reassuring laugh. "There's no need to look so worried my dear, we're a friendly bunch here."

"I was a little distracted. You have a lovely home here."

He followed her gaze. "Ah yes, a lot of time is spent in this garden but what else can I do? When I retired, I was certain I would take up golfing or fly out to Europe, but it turns out my dodgy hip had other plans."

"If you don't mind me saying, it looks like it was time well spent."

"That's what my wife says. Mind you, I should've got my grandson to do it up. About five years ago, I left him in charge of the barbeque, and the daft boy lit it right next to the washing line." He looked thoughtful. "Who knew a pair of women's undergarments could be so flammable?"

"Oh... was their much damage?

"Long story short, after the fire was put out, the only thing we could salvage was a garden gnome that we didn't like that much anyway."

Clare viewed this as a perfect opportunity to raise her subject. "It's actually your grandson I've come here to talk to you about."

"I have three grandsons. My daughter has two boys, and I have a son who only had the one."

"I have a feeling that the one I want to talk to you about is the same one that set fire to the garden."

"He also set fire to his bedroom once. Silly boy, fell asleep without putting his cigarette out." Mr Johnson added. Clare was surprised by just how much he had shared in such a short time.

"That does sound like Daniel."

Mr Johnson looked back in the direction of the house. "I better get my wife, she deals with most of the Daniel related problems."

"Oh no..." She shook her head, "there's no problem, I was just hoping to talk."

Mr Johnson was unconvinced, he knew his grandson well enough to know that an unfamiliar female caller could never be a good thing. "Are you sure? We've had a lot of angry girls show up here over the years."

"I'm in no way angry, I assure you I'm perfectly calm."

"You better come in." Mr Johnson gestured to the front door. Clare could tell he was still hesitant. "My son is here too, that's Daniel's father."

"I've met Zach."

He paused, taking a moment to look her up and down. "You're Clare, aren't you?"

"You know who I am?"

"You're very tall, you're looking for my grandson and you've been introduced to his father." He explained. "Daniel has never done that before, he just doesn't commit himself in the way he did to you."

In that moment, Clare wondered why she had even bothered. "I guess he just didn't follow it through." She took a step backwards. "I'm really sorry to have bothered you."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. I realise now that I've wasted my time, Daniel Johnson makes no commitment to anyone."

"He left Pasadena to go travelling with you. My grandson wouldn't have done that for just anyone."

Mr Johnson could offer no reply; the front door swung open and interrupted the conversation.

"Dad, don't try and make things better, we both know Daniel freaked out on her." Zach stood by the door.

Clare turned and made her way back to the car. "Yes, yes he did. He freaked out big style and he certainly made a fool out of me."

"Clare, wait." Zach called after her.

"No, I was stupid to come here. I should've just accepted that he didn't want me anymore."

Zach ran down the path after her. "Maybe it's not like that?"

She unlocked her car and climbed in. "It's exactly like that, everything was fine whilst we were having fun but as soon as it got too real for him he..."

"Made a run for it?" Zach offered.

"Yes, he ran away!" She blinked back the tears that were keen to show themselves. "Just like my parents did. He's a coward."

"Your parents had a motorbike too?"

"No, they didn't have a motorbike, but they still ran away."

"They came back though right?"

She released her tight grip on the steering wheel. "It's a sweet thought, but Daniel is long gone. He's some place far away and I'm the last thing on his mind."

"Doubt that."

"Why? Have you heard from him?"

"I uh..." Zach shifted from foot to foot. "Well..."

"Have you?" She demanded.

"No, no I haven't." What he didn't reveal was that he was crossing his fingers behind his back. "I'm not worried, he's done stuff like this before. He always calls eventually,"

"Don't blame me if I don't hold my breath." She rammed her keys into the ignition. "One question before I leave."

Anything, as long as it's not too tricky. No riddles, I can never figure those things out."

"This place isn't Pasadena; it's an hour's drive out of the city."

"That's right."

"How come Daniel's apartment was in Pasadena? Why did he work in Pasadena? If he hated Pasadena so much, why did he move back there after so many years of living here?"

"I guess it was because he missed me. When he was eighteen I asked him to come home and he did."

"Then what was all that about having to get away from Pasadena? He said he didn't want to remember his mother, he needed to get away or he'd never be able to move on from her."

Zach shook his head. "Between you and me, I don't believe that for even a second."

"You... You don't?" Clare was visibly taken aback.

"I think he's in love. He's never been in love before and now he is. That scares the crap out of him."

"But he..." She could think of no argument against this.

"Miranda was the same; she never thought being in love was something she could do either. I bet he told you he didn't want to come back because he didn't want to be like her?"

She nodded.

"Nah, he didn't want to come back because he didn't want you to see he was like her." Clare often viewed Zach as unintelligent, however when it came to his son, he was a fountain of wisdom.

"You think he's in love with me?"

"He may call me stupid, but I know him and I know him well."

"But he left me! He rode off and left me."

"Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you know how to love someone. I know I love the microwave, it makes lots of tasty food but I sure as hell don't know how to use it."

"How could you not know how to use a microwave? It's so simple!"

"To you maybe, but all those buttons can be confusing to some." Zach continued onwards. "And don't even get me started on how long you're meant to put things in for, or whether or not you should put metal in it."

"You shouldn't."

"Oh really?" He looked disappointed. "Damn, I would've gone with you can."

"No. Never put metal in the microwave."

"You see, what comes easy to some is as confusing as hell to others."

"You could learn how to use a microwave." She pointed out. "It really isn't hard, if someone showed you the right way, I'm sure you'd get it eventually."

He clicked his fingers. "There you go then. You show Danny how it's done, let him know that falling in love is as easy as using a microwave."

"Daniel does know how to use a microwave right?"

"Oh yeah, he's the master."

She turned the key and the engine sprung into action. "I would, but I can't show him if he's not here."

"If I really wanted to use the microwave I would find a way, it's the same with Danny. I really think that he does want you Clare."

"I won't wait forever, he better make his mind up soon." With that, she rolled up the window and drove away.

Zach waited until the car was around the corner and out of sight before he re-entered the house. His Dad passed him a mug of tea. "Here you are son. Did you have any luck talking to her?"

"I didn't tell her anything if that's what you're asking."

He looked over at the staircase. "Quite right, he needs to sort this out for himself."

Zach placed the mug down and raised his voice. "Hey Danny, get down here now."

The two men listened as the bedroom door opened and footsteps made their way across the landing. "Is she gone?" Daniel appeared.

"The girl you love comes here and you hide in your room? It's not very gentlemanly is it?" Mr Johnson berated.

"Granddad, you don't get it."

"I know you Daniel. You've never been one to stick at anything."

Daniel crossed his arms, becoming increasingly defensive. "Why don't you just back off, it's not as if I asked for your opinion."

Zach quickly intervened. "Hey, your grandfather is only trying to help."

Daniel made his way down the stairs to join them. "I didn't say he wasn't, but it's like I'm a kid again."

"You're back in your old bedroom, rent free."

"So is Dad!"

"I'll get my own place soon." Zach spoke up. "It's just been kinda hard recently, the menu company isn't doing as well as it used to.

"If you tried doing some work then maybe it would."

"At least I have a job, what do you have?"

"I'm working on it. If I wanted that job back, all I'd have to do is walk back in."

Zach laughed. "Yeah right! You quit midway through a shift; no boss would rehire you after that."

"I was the most enthusiastic employee that had!"

Mr Johnson raised his hand. "That's enough. Me and your grandmother have been trying to enjoy out retirement, instead we get you and your father moving back in and arguing at every opportunity you get."

"But..."

"No buts, you're an adult now and it's time you started acting like one."

Daniel did his best to look apologetic. "I don't mean to be such an ass, it's just..." He wasn't going to finish his sentence.

"It's just what? You're missing Clare?" His grandfather finished.

"Maybe, so what if I did?"

"It gives me hope that you are capable of showing romantic feeling for another person, and by romantic I mean you feeling something with your heart instead of your penis."

"Granddad! I have you know I'm a complete virgin."

"You're also a complete liar." Mr Johnson was under no illusions about his grandson. He was far from perfect and he knew this.

Daniel looked over at Zach who couldn't resist laughing. "Yeah you're right, who am I kidding?"

"You may have had more sex than what a young man of your age probably should've done, but I believe this time you've found love."Mr Johnson said.

Daniel felt himself blush. "You can't know that."

Mr Johnson looked over at his son, hoping for some backup.

"Then why did you come back here? If she means nothing to you, why are you here and not miles and miles away?" Zach asked.

"Because..."

"Because?" His two father figures asked in unison.

"I've got nothing."

Zach placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "You need to make up your mind Danny. She's not going to wait forever."

"Look at me Dad. I'm not good enough for her. It was best I left before she figured that out for herself." He paused, letting out a slow and over emphasised exhale. "Problem is, who would be good enough for someone like her?"

Mr Johnson couldn't remember the last time he had felt so much pride for his grandchild. "Anyone who thinks that highly of a girl is more than worthy of her affections."

oOo

Amy double checked that she had locked the windows. "Can never be too careful."She said to herself.

Ever since the incident with Mike, she had been determined to follow the safety procedures Sheldon had put in place. Before she had seen them as an inconvenience, but now she took them just as seriously as he did.

Sheldon entered the dining room, glass of water in hand. "Stewart's in bed." He placed the glass down. "He said he wasn't thirsty though."

"Did you check his bedroom windows were secure?"

"Amy, I do that anyway. I used to have a burglar alarm attached to his crib when he was a baby, trust me I do not cut corners when it comes to our son's safety."

"Sheldon that alarm was awful, it always used to go off whether there was anyone in the room or not. The poor boy was terrified."

"It wasn't as if it was an ordinary burglar alarm. I set it to play a nursery rhyme, instead of the usual ear piercing noise you so often get."

"And you wondered why he hated nursery rhymes?"

"Criticise it all you want, I slept a lot easier in the knowledge that our baby wasn't going to get smuggled out in the middle of the night." He found himself distracted by the food laid out on the table. "Is that spaghetti with little bits of hot dog in it?"

"It is, I wanted us getting back together to be special."

"Amy, we never split up."

"You know what I mean, those few days we spent apart after you found out what happened between me and Howard."

"It's gonna take a lot more than that to persuade me to terminate the marriage agreement." He sat down and heaped the food onto his plate. "Don't tell my mother this, but I reckon you make this way better than anyone else ever could."

"You really mean that?"

"I don't joke about things like that."

She pulled up a seat opposite him. "We're going to be happy here aren't we?"

"Admittedly this place does feel more like home than Europe ever did. Although having you there did make it worthwhile, I'd have gone crazy on my own."

"Really?"

"Yes, life in this country wouldn't have been much fun either. I don't know how I managed without your intelligent inputs before we met."

She held out her hand. "How about you prove that with some handholding."

"It'll be a little tricky to eat and do that at the same time." He readjusted his fork. "I suppose I could give it a try." Sheldon placed his hand in Amy's.

Before they could go any further the door bell could be heard.

Amy stood up. "I'll go. I'll call for you if it's an intruder."

"Do intruders use the doorbell?"

"Let's not take any chances." She placed a hesitant hand on the door handle. "Who is it?"

"Clare."

"Clare who?" She questioned further.

"Wolowitz, how many other Clares do you know?"

Amy unbolted the door and let her in. "I apologise, I was just a little suspicious of the fact you know longer do your usual knocking ritual."

"Oh that... It was getting a little tiresome and not to mention predictable."

"Try telling Sheldon that." Amy took a better look at Clare, her cheeks were stained with a mix of mascara and heartache.

"You've been crying haven't you?"

She brought her sleeve up and wiped at her eyes. "I've tried not to, it's just so hard."

Amy linked her arm in Clare's. "Daniel doesn't know what he's missing."

"I know what I'm missing and it's him, I also know I'm missing him a lot."

"I know this may not solve your problem, but I have a collection of romantic comedies, a tub of ice cream, popcorn, and I'm sure I've got some face masks here somewhere. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like the perfect girl's night in."


	33. Chapter 33

Sheldon was having the best dream ever; he had won the Nobel Prize and was making his well rehearsed acceptance speech to a crowd of envious onlookers. Strangely, he had no stage fright and looked at least ten years younger than normal.

This was a dream Sheldon did not want to be awoken from. Unfortunately for him, Clare had other plans.

Startled, he sat bolt upright in the bed. "Danger, Danger!"

Clare lowered her voice to an urgent whisper. "Shhh, you'll wake May."

"Not likely, I'm of the understanding that you two consumed alcohol last night?" He peered over at Amy's side of the bed. "She can't hold her liquor at all: she gets really sleepy."

Clare shrugged. "We had a glass or two of wine." She neglected to mention that alcohol had an adverse effect on her as well.

Sheldon swung his legs around and climbed out of the bed. "Amy must still be living by Europe's policies."

"What's that got to do with us drinking wine?"

"You're underage out here; in Europe you can drink at eighteen. Amy must've forgotten that."

"It won't be long until I'm twenty."

Sheldon tied his robe. "And even then you'll still have another year until you're old enough." He opened the door and gestured for her to exit. "Talking of that day, do you have any plans?"

"I think not. I'm not really in the mood for celebrating." She said.

"I don't blame you. In my personal opinion, birthdays are an ordeal that I've rather do without."

Clare shrugged. "They were never really the same after Mom died."

"I'm getting the impression that there was a time when you did enjoy the day."

"Sure I did. Dad always used to throw me these amazing birthday parties. He used to perform all these really cool magic tricks and he bought me practically anything I asked for." Clare wanted a new car this year. She wondered if that was where Howard would draw the line.

"Hmmm, that's odd."

"How is that odd?"

"Well, you mentioned Bernadette at the start of the conversation. Although from what you said, it would appear to me like it was Howard that did all the donkey work when it came to planning your birthday parties."

"It was, but Dad didn't put all the other children in the no cake club like Mom did." Against her better judgement, Clare allowed herself to smile. "It was embarrassing at the time, but it did mean more for us afterwards."

"What's the no cake club? I'm unfamiliar with it."

"Basically, if any of the other children tried to disprove any of the magic tricks, Mom would flip out on them and they wouldn't get any birthday cake."

"I like that. Next time Stewart has a birthday party, I'll be sure to introduce this no cake club."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to stop talking about birthdays and change to the subject that I woke you up to discuss."

Sheldon nodded, he was only too pleased to allow this. "Certainly, I find discussing social conventions such as that one tiresome anyway."

"I don't know how I'm going to put this to you, so I'm just going to come right out and say it. You don't seem like the kind of man who believes in sugar-coating things so I'll..." She found herself interrupted.

"For someone who is just going to come right out and say it, you sure are taking your time getting there."

She struggled to maintain eye contact. "I want to visit my Grandfather in the hospital, he's not in a great way and I need to see him."

"Oh." Sheldon willed himself to say more. How could he possibly respond to something like that? "You do realise what he inflicted on us?"

"Of course I do."

"He made threats against our lives in order to kidnap us; he told me if I didn't go with him, he was going to hurt Amy."

"I know that! I know everything."

"Then why would you want to see him?"

Clare knew why and she wasn't afraid to share this. "I need to see for myself that what he did was due to some sort of a mental breakdown." Clare had done her best to keep her thoughts to herself, but now she needed to get them out. "I need to know, because at the moment it just seems like pure unjustifiable evil."

"Are your hands clean?" Sheldon replied, a response that Clare wasn't entirely welcoming of.

She looked them over. "Yeah I guess."

"You guess?" He raised an eyebrow. "Are they or aren't they?"

"Yes! For God's sake, I'm trying to talk to you about something important and you're asking me if my hands are clean!" Clare didn't want to get angry but in that instance she thought she wasn't completely out of order.

"I was asking because I wanted to do this." He reached out, taking her hands in his. "I want to comfort you, but I'm just checking you haven't been working with any harmful microbes and then not washed your hands afterwards."

"Why would I have done that?"

"You may have rediscovered a passion for microbiology over night, how would I know?"

"I was here all night." She pointed out.

"That's a good point." Becoming more relaxed, he secured his hold on her hands. "Your Grandfather did a very bad thing Clare."

"Why? Why would he go that far?"

"Some fathers get ridiculously protective over their offspring particularly the ones who are of the female gender."

The question: "how_ would you know?" _was on the tip of her tongue, she decided to swallow it back. "He didn't think about her did he?" She looked at Sheldon, hoping he would provide the perfect answer. "If he really loved Mom as much as he said he did, he would never have hurt the man she loved most."

"That's a tough question."

"A question you can't answer."

"But is it really one that you want to ask your Grandfather? It doesn't matter how you ask it, you're not going to like the answer." Sheldon was determined he was going to talk her out of this. "And it doesn't matter what he says, it won't change the fact he kidnapped and falsely imprisoned us."

"Maybe if I talk to him he will..."

"He'll what? Say he's sorry and tell you that he never meant to hurt your father? It wasn't his intention to wreck mine and Amy's marriage? Do you think he'll say that blackmailing your father into telling me what happened between him and Amy was an accident?"

She let go of his hand and sat down on the top of the staircase. "I'm just finding it so hard to believe that he would do such a thing."

"He did. His mental state may have been impaired, but please don't expect him to say that he didn't want to hurt us, because he did – he wanted to destroy us."

A young voice stopped the conversation dead. "Daddy, who wants to hurt you?"

Sheldon spun around. "Nobody wants to hurt us Stewart. We're only talking about video games." He walked over to where the young boy was stood. "You're up very early today."

"Mommy had a sleepover with Clare. They were talking about boys nearly all night."

Composing herself, Clare got to her feet and put on her best smile. "Sorry to have kept you up Stewart, your Mommy was just trying to make me feel better."

"Do you feel better now? I heard what you said; a boy named Daniel made you sad because he went off on an adventure without you."

"Yes, he did." Clare desperately fought back her emotions; she wasn't going to let Stewart see her cry. "I'm going to miss him."

Stewart came over to where she was stood. "If it would cheer you up, I'll give you a big hug." He widened his arms.

"That would be great." She knelt down on the floor and allowed him to wrap his arms around her.

"Mommy says I do the best hugs in the world."

She patted his back. "You sure do buddy."

Steward looked over at his father. "Do you think if we made Clare pancakes she would feel better?"

"I'm sure it would, but today is French toast day." Sheldon replied.

"I think we can change the rules just this once."

Sheldon sighed, Stewart was always pushing the boundaries – if Sheldon was honest; he would say it was what he loved most about him. "Very well."

Stewart brought the hug to an end. "Yay! We're having pancakes." Before Sheldon had a chance to change his mind, Stewart quickly ran downstairs.

"Stewart, don't you touch anything until we're down there." Sheldon turned to face Clare. "Now what's it to be? Pancakes with your little brother or an unpleasant visit to a psychiatric unit?"

Clare got to her feet. She had a million questions for her grandfather, but in her mind she already knew the answers to all of them. "Pancakes with my little brother."

"I'm glad you said that, because: we've got chocolate, strawberry and butterscotch syrup downstairs."

"Well in that case, I'll use all three of them."

"Whoa, that's a little adventurous don't you think?"

She took him by the hand again, leading him downstairs. "Doctor Cooper, it's time you lived life in the fast lane."

"Steady on Clare I'm not quite there yet. We'll start me off on one syrup at a time then see where it goes from there."

oOo

Chris Frost hated his job. The title of manager may have sounded fancy and it was an effective way of pleasing his parents, but whichever way he looked at it; he still worked at a less than impressive diner.

He disliked the smell of chip fat and stale coffee, he hated all the teenagers who worked there and most of all he absolutely loathed the deep fat fryer – it didn't matter how many times he asked, nobody ever cleaned it.

Chris double checked the sale figures for the month and placed the pen down.

"Why does nobody ever clean it?" He asked the cuckoo clock on the wall. "It's not an unreasonable request is it?"Chris slumped back into his seat, if anyone had told him ten years ago that his biggest concern would be whether or not a deep fat fryer was clean, he would've laughed.

If anyone was to ask him what he wanted out of life, he would've told them that by this stage he always thought he would be married with a couple of kids – Instead, he found himself in a neglectful relationship; with a inanimate object that the work force had left to drown in it's own fat.

He looked up at the clock; the night seemed to drag by. "Whose idea was it to have a 24 hour diner anyway?" His young employee had always told him that keeping a diner open that long was madness; Chris was beginning to think he was right. In three hours, there had only been two customers. "Right, that fryer is getting cleaned tonight." Usually Chris stayed well away from any cleaning duties, however since Daniel had suddenly resigned, he had found himself working a lot more hours for very little money.

Armed with a supply of cleaning products and a pair of rubber gloves, he stepped out of his office ready to give the kitchen the scrubbing of its life.

Something was different.

In fact the whole place looked different.

Chris was sure he had only been in the office for thirty minutes, why did everything seem so remarkably clean and tidy?

The fresh scent of cleanliness and lemon floor cleaner filled his nostrils; he looked down and caught sight of his reflection in the tiles. The tables and chairs had been straightened, the bowl of complimentary mints had been filled and the work surfaces had been thoroughly wiped down.

Chris had worked in the diner for many years and he couldn't recall the last time it had been this pristine.

The kitchen was even better than what he ever could've hoped for. The untidy shelves had been restacked, the fridge had been cleared of bad food and finally someone had taken care of the deep fat fryer!

Before he could take in anymore, a voice from the side spoke up. "It took some doing but I think it looks pretty good."

Chris turned his head. "It's you?"

"Who else? You wouldn't get this level of commitment from any other."

"You walked out! I wasn't exactly counting on you for reliability."

Daniel held up the mop he had been holding. "Let's face it, I've more than made up for the past few weeks with the work I've done tonight."

"You quit, remember?"

"I also fixed the coffee machine."

Chris looked over at said machine. "It was broken? I knew it was making an odd noise but..." Feeling silly, he trailed off.

Daniel continued, keen to make his point. "The sink was blocked too; there was like a weeks worth of crap down there. You're lucky the place wasn't flooded."

"You managed to unblock it?"

"Well yeah."

"Oh... I thought we'd have to get a plumber or something, there's quite a lot down there."

Daniel shrugged. "What can I say? It was unpleasant but I just got on with it." He said. "And talking of unpleasant jobs, you could eat your dinner off those toilets."

"You even cleaned the toilets?" Disbelief was evident.

"I have yes, all of them and the sinks. I've also restocked the tampon machines and replaced the toilet paper."

"Since when have we had tampon machines in the restrooms?"

"They've always been there."

Moving quickly onwards, Chris diverted his attention. "The bins are full; I think they're about to over flow."

"Way ahead of you, the bags had split but I took them out to the dumpster with minimum mess."

"The sauce bottles are empty."

"Not anymore they're not."

Chris wasn't done yet; he needed to trip Daniel up somehow. "The radio is broken."

"No it wasn't, the batteries needed changing."

"Did you change them?" He quizzed.

"Of course."

"One of the light bulbs has sparked out."

Daniel pointed upwards. "Unscrewed, disposed of safely and replaced with a new one."

"How many jars of jam do we have left?"

Daniel's response was lightening fast. "Two."

"Do we have enough coffee to last us the night?"

"I should hope so. I've just made a fresh pot."

"Is the bread fresh?"

"You could say it's staler than what it ever has been, although I choose to think that it's fresher than what it ever will be."

Christ wracked his brain for any other ways to question him; in the end he drew a blank. "Okay, you win! I admit you've done a pretty good job."

"A pretty good job? You'd have to have at least five of us working like crazy to get the place looking this good in such a short amount of time."

He took a second glance around the room. "I acknowledge that, how you managed to do all of this yourself is a mystery."

"New found determination, that's what it is."

Chris was still unconvinced and he was going to make no secret of this. "I don't buy into this. A few weeks ago you walked out determined never to come back, what happened?"

"It turns out the one reason I had to return outweighed the hundred crappy reasons to stay away."

"This is about this girl you were with isn't it?"

"You got me." Daniel was willing to tell the world.

"Whatever happened to the I'm never settling down attitude?"

"Clare Wolowitz happened that's what." He left no time for it to be discussed further. "So, are you going to give me my job back? By the looks of this place, you really do need the help."

"You swear too much, you're late a lot and you're rude to the customers."

"I also work all the crappy hours that no one else will do, you've said yourself that I'm pro at working the coffee machine and don't forget I'm the most enthusiastic employee you have."

"I would say you were the best of a bad lot, I wouldn't go as far as enthusiastic."

"C'mon Chris, I'm doing my best here." Daniel knew he was going to have to try a different approach. "What if I started back right now? I'll work this night shift and to make up for running out on you like that, I'll even do it for free."

"Damn right you'd do it for free, you'll have to do week's worth of unpaid shifts to make up for the stunt you pulled."

Daniel crossed him arms, he may have needed his job but he wasn't going to lower himself to that. "No, fuck that." He proceeded to negotiate further. "I will work the night shift for as long as you need me to, I'll do this shift unpaid and I give you my word that the deep fat fryer will be cleaned on a daily basis."

"I accept your terms. I warn you now; if you don't stick to them I will fire you without a second thought."

"I don't doubt you."

"I'm going home, have fun on your graveyard shift." Chris practically skipped out of the diner. "No more crappy hours for me." The door swung shut behind him.

Daniel looked over at the small broom closet in the corner. "Alright guys, you can come out now."

Luke was the first one to clamber out. "I thought I was going to suffocate, have you seen how pokey it is there?"

"I'd have thought it would be right up your street, enclosed in a small space with three other men."

Liam, Zach and Mr Johnson stepped out after him.

"Daniel, don't make fun of your friend." His grandfather warned. "And he is right; your father's elbow was sticking into me the whole time."

Daniel was quick to change the subject. "Did you hear that? I got my job back."

Liam walked over to him and offered a congratulatory hand shake. "Well done." He turned to face the rest of the group. "See I told you if we all chipped in, we could make it work."

"We could've gone to my brother's birthday party tonight." Luke replied. "I don't know about you, but cleaning this dump was not my idea of a good night out."

"Look on the bright side, with your roommate moving back in with you, you'll start getting rent money again."

Daniel intervened. "Actually Liam, me and Luke have agreed that we will no longer live together."

Surprised, Liam looked over at his boyfriend. "But you said that since Daniel moved out you've been struggling to pay the bills."

"Well, I was hoping for a new roommate."

"Are you sure? Finding the right one is going to be so difficult, you'll have to advertise, conduct interviews, the whole process is..." Liam trailed off, a look of realisation across his face. "You're asking me to move in with you."

For the first time that evening, Luke gave a genuine smile. "Well, you'll be a lot less trouble than Daniel, I've always wanted to live with a non smoker."

"I'm trying to give up!" Daniel protested.

Luke ignored Daniel's outburst and continued. "What I'm trying to say is, there is only one person I want to live with from now."

He clasped his hand to his mouth. "You're serious aren't you?"

"I am if you are."

Liam resisted the urge to squeal whilst jumping up and down. "Well, it's a big step but I think we're ready." His tone was calm but it was obvious to all that he was far from it.

"So, where do we go from here?" Luke asked.

Liam grabbed Luke by the hand and pulled him towards the door. "Congratulations on getting your job back Dan, we'd love to stay and celebrate but there's packing to be done."

"I'll send you my set of keys." Daniel shouted after them.

Zach, who had been silent throughout, approached his son and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "That was a real nice thing you did there."

Mr Johnson cleared his throat. "I hate to burst your bubble guys, but if Daniel is going to be working in Pasadena again, he's going to need a place to live."

"Do you want to tell him Dad?"

Zach nodded. "Me and Danny have found an apartment near here, with his wages from here and my money from the menu company we can afford the rent."

Mr Johnson couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "You two living together? I know there have been brief periods where you've stayed with one another, but actually living together?"

"Why not? He's my son."

"Well sure but..."

"But what?" Daniel said. "After all, he's a pretty great guy."

Mr Johnson had been hoping to hear his grandson talk like this for years, he had always feared that he would never quite mature enough to see things the way he was now. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Well make a note of it." Daniel picked up the milk. "Now, does anyone want a coffee?"

"Danny, I'm proud of you but this kinda sucks." Zach shared.

"What kinda sucks?"

"Look at you. You're a bus boy again!" Zach couldn't stand the thought of his son being miserable; he needed to be sure that Daniel knew what he was doing. "You hate working here, are you sure that this is what you want from now on?"

"Dad, this is only temporary."

"Temporary?" Mr Johnson chipped in.

"Yes, I have no plans to stay stuck in this dump. At the moment I need this job, but I know exactly what I need to do to get myself a better life."

"What are you going to do?" Zach asked.

Daniel picked up three coffee mugs. "Go get a table. I'll make the coffee and then we'll talk."

Zach smiled. "I have a feeling this is gonna be one bitching plan."

"You better believe it Dad, you better believe it."


	34. Chapter 34

Nightmares - the only negative element of Clare's life that wouldn't disappear after a comforting hug from her father.

There were a million and one scary images that would haunt her every night, ranging from: giant bees, zombie apocalypses, axe wielding teddy bears to demented kittens and a shark infested paddling pool.

For years, she believed there was no end in sight. That was until she discovered lucid dreaming – the ability to take control of her own dreams. She had hoped they would be her perfect solution; unfortunately they didn't work every time.

Clare had been practising for what seemed like a lifetime.

There were the occasions where she could mould her dreams as though they were plastiscine.

And then there were the other nights where the night terrors would beat her every time.

It would seem that no matter how hard she tried, nothing she ever did could make her lucid dream on cue.

Until now that was.

To her surprise she had found that she had total control over where she went to and what she did, and that was one of the best feelings in her world.

Clare would take herself to different planets: she could fly, she could dance and she could be whoever she wanted to be. Yes, the ability to take control of her dreams had meant that not even the sky was the limit.

Tonight she didn't go far – Tonight she decided to go no further than her very own bedroom. Everything looked exactly the same; the only thing that was different was that she was not alone. This dream was so simple; she could almost believe she was awake – almost but not quite.

Daniel sat cross legged at the end of the bed, reading a comic book. "Where are your copies of the Archies?"

"Are you for real?"

He held up the one he had been reading. "Well, it's much better than whatever the hell this is."

"It's a Marvel!"

"I see nothing to marvel about, I'm under whelmed." Daniel let it drop to the floor, he then changed the subject. "Don't you wish I was really here?"

"You are really here, I can see you."

Daniel smirked. "You're having a lucid dream and don't deny it," he said, "You can only control your dreams if you're aware that you're having them."

"If I had total control, you wouldn't be arguing like this." She muttered under her breath.

He stood up and started bouncing on the bed. "This is lame; I look the same as I always do. Why can't I have a six pack? and have you seen this?" He pointed to his parting. "My roots are showing, everyone is going to know I'm ginger."

"What's wrong with that? It's just a hair type, like blonde or brunette."

"Even so, you could've at least pictured me with my hair died."

"The last time I saw you, your roots were showing." She raised her voice, sounding just like Bernadette and her grandmother. "GET OVER IT."

"My God, considering you can do what the hell you like, you sure are keeping it real." Daniel complained.

"THIS IS MY DREAM AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT."

He stopped bouncing and stepped off the bed. "I'm just saying, you could have at least made me a little more attractive."

"I want to remember you exactly the same as you were the last time I saw you."

"I didn't look this shit the last time you saw me." He argued.

"THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOUR FLY WAS UNDONE AND YOU HAD FOOD STUCK IN YOUR TEETH, YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

Daniel raised his voice to rival Clare's. "Can I at least be taller?"

Disappointed, she quietened her voice. "You're ruining the dream." She crossed her arms, turned her back to him.

"I'm just saying, isn't the whole point of being able to control your dreams is that you can do whatever you want? Why don't we go to the moon or fly a dragon?"

She clenched her teeth. "Because that wouldn't be realistic."

"Isn't realism meant for reality?"

"You were always one for fantasy weren't you? You could never be serious." She fought back. "Maybe if you had just the once, I wouldn't have to keep a dream journal in order to have an argument with you."

He opened her bedroom door. "Maybe I should go?"

"This is my dream! You don't get to decide when you go."

"Well, I can't stay if you're awake, can I?"

"Who says I'm awake? I'm not awake." She said.

"The last time we were together, you weren't dressed like that."

She looked down at her lap. She had been wearing red jeans, but now she was wearing her pyjamas. "How did you notice before me?" This time there was no reply, all she saw was an empty space where he used to stand.

She pinched herself to be sure.

Clare reached over and picked up a pen and her dream journal.

**In my last dream there were no night terrors.**

**Daniel appeared and we argued. He told me that he wasn't happy with the way I'd imagined him, we argued and I woke up before I had the chance to tell him that I liked him just the way he was.**

She threw the journal down. "Why do I even bother?"

oOo

Clare Wolowitz sat at her kitchen table, cup of coffee in front of her and mobile phone in hand. She had typed out a text message to Sheldon; never before had the sending of a message seemed so agonising.

**Hi, Doctor Cooper.**

**Thank you for your company yesterday. Give my love to Stewart and May.**

**Lots of love, Clare xx **

She reread the message. "He's not going to appreciate the two kisses."

She retyped the message.

**Hi, Doctor Cooper.**

**Thank you for your company yesterday. Give my love to Stewart and May.**

**Lots of Love, Clare.**

"Give my love to Stewart and May?" She shook her head. "Maybe it's a little too soon for that."

**Hi, Doctor Cooper.**

**Thank you for your company yesterday. Give my regards to Stewart and May **

**Lots of love, Clare x**

Clare still wasn't sure. "I've still got lots of love in there; maybe I should lose that too?" She considered it further. "I don't want them to think I'm over eager."

**Hi, Doctor Cooper.**

**Thank you for your company yesterday. Give my regards to Stewart and May.**

**Best wishes, Clare x**

She was almost satisfied, almost but not quite. "Doctor Cooper is way too formal for a text message; I don't want to come across that way."

**Hi, Sheldon.**

**Thank you for your company yesterday. Give my regards to Stewart and May.**

**Best wishes, Clare x**

"That's perfect." Clare announced to the empty room. She hit the send button.

Howard entered the kitchen, still in his pyjamas. "Morning baby."

"Hey fruit loops." She smirked.

He pulled up a chair and joined her at the breakfast table. "I'm the rocket man." He picked up the packet of fruit loops. "I don't know why we still buy these. Do you like them?"

She wrinkled her nose up. "No, never have."

Without looking, Howard tossed them behind him straight into the bin. "I think I've perfected that now."

"We've still got three more boxes in the cupboards."

"Why did we buy so many?"

Clare leant over and pulled them out. "Maybe we should at least try and get through them?" She tore the packet open.

"Ah what the hell, I've been eating them for over two decades; a few more bowls won't make much difference."

"After I left, me and Daniel would eat chocolate pop tarts and bacon for breakfast."

He tipped the cereal into his bowl. "And you liked that?"

"Hmmm, not really it was just an interesting combination."

"Well baby, he can eat all the pop tarts he wants now but they're nothing compared to you."

She could feel herself blushing. "You're going to say that, fathers have to."

"I mean it, and some day, some guy will love you just as much as I do."

Clare couldn't eat her fruit loops, there was no appetite left in her. "Maybe, but they'll never be Daniel." She dumped the bowl in the sink.

"There will be other Daniels." He tried to sound convincing. "Sure, it hurts like hell now, but it won't feel like this forever – if it did, I would still be crying over Marcy Grossman."

"It's been five years since Mom died, with the exception of a few meaningless dalliances and your infatuation with May, there haven't been any other Bernadettes."

Howard placed a comforting hand on her knee. "If it was meant to be, he would have come straight back to Pasadena." He didn't leave time for her to reply. "Why don't you tell me what you'd like to do tomorrow? It's a big day for you."

She shook her head, pushed her chair in. "I'm not really in the mood for celebrating." Clare had already discussed this with Sheldon; she wasn't prepared to do it again. "Really Dad, balloons and presents aren't high on my list right now."

"You're a little old for balloons but you gotta celebrate somehow." Howard joked.

Knowing that he wasn't going to take no for answer she quickly thought of an idea. "If you're determined to do this, then we'll have a meal." She suggested. "And I mean it, I don't want a fuss. It's just going to be: you, me and a nicely cooked brisket."

"Are you sure? You're going to be twenty years old – it's a big day."

Clare shrugged. The idea was becoming less and less appealing. "For you maybe, but it's just another day isn't it?"

"Just another day?" He shook his head. "That day changed my life."

"There you go then, even more reason why we should celebrate just the two of us." She moved into the hallway in search of her coat. "I'm going to the cemetery; I want to be with Mom."

"Clare, you don't have to go there today." He entered the hallway, watching Clare zip up her well worn coat.

"I haven't been since before I went to Texas, she'll wonder where I am."

"Your Ma won't think anything." Howard tried to be as sensitive as he could. "She's been gone a while now, I know she wouldn't have wanted you to feel that this is the only way you can be close to her."

"That's not how I feel. My memory is excellent; I can remember every little thing about her."

"Then why go there?"

"When she was alive, I never bought her any flowers." She said. "She gave me so much; it's my turn to start giving back."

"You were her little girl. That means a lot more than a bunch of lilies every week."

Clare turned the door handle. "Looks like we'll have to agree to disagree this time." She gave him her most convincing smile. "I'll see you later."

He wasn't going to question her further. "Alright, I'll be here." She shut the door behind her and he was alone.

Howard had always told himself that he knew Clare better than she knew herself, and that was why he knew that he had to give her a different birthday to the one she had asked for.

He picked up his phone and dialled a number.

"Hello?" A female voice said.

"Amy? It's Howard."

"I know. I have Caller I.D on my phone. Doesn't pretty much everyone?"

He moved the conversation onwards. "Listen Amy... You do know what tomorrow is, right?"

"It's not something that could slip my mind."

She couldn't see, but he smiled anyway. "So, how about we make this one that she'll never forget?"

"I don't know Howard, Sheldon says she doesn't want much fuss."

"After being dumped like she was, we need to show her how much we love her."

"Just to clarify, when you say dumped like she was...?"

"I'm talking about Daniel." He reassured.

There was a short pause. "So what's the plan?"

"Grab Sheldon and get over here as soon as you can, there's loads to plan."

oOo

Penny looked up at the clock. She had arrived at the bar ten minutes ago and Zach was late. She downed another glass of wine before topping it up again.

She had bought the bottle to share between the two of them; however she had already drunk most of it.

"Penny?"

She turned around to face the voice. "You're late."

"Sorry, I'm having some car problems." Zach apologised.

"What happened?"

He shrugged. "Nothing."

"But... You just said that you were having car problems?" After years of being married to Leonard, Penny wasn't used to this kind of conversation.

"Yeah, I do. I don't have a car, so that's the problem."

"Oh right, usually when people say they are having car problems what they means is..." She stopped talking. "Anyway... how about you take a seat?"

"Where do you want me to take it to?"

Penny studied his facial expressions for any signs he may have been joking – She got nothing. "Just sit."

"So why'd you call me here?" He picked up the second glass and poured himself a drink.

She gave him her most threatening look. "Your son broke my little Goddaughter's heart." She crossed her arms. "I wanna kick his ass."

"I thought Clare was your only Godchild?" His face remained blank.

"I'm talking about Clare!"

"Oh really? It was just because when you said little I got confused, because she's seriously tall." He said. "Have you noticed that?"

"I'm used to it."

He leant back in his seat. "For old time's sake, how about you don't kick my son's ass?"

"It doesn't matter how great the sex with you was, I'm mad at your son and I'm not going to hold back going all Nebraska on him." She leant over the table and grabbed him by his shirt. "Now, are you going to tell me where he is?"

He let out a nervous laugh, prising her death like grip away from himself. "C'mon babe, do you really think I'd tell you where he is?"

She slumped backwards, crossing her arms in annoyance. "Years ago, it would've be a lot easier to talk you into anything."

"Those were the days." He wore a look that Penny recognised only too well.

"Are you picturing me naked?"

He nodded. "It's been like a million years since the last time, so the details are a little sketchy."

"Hey! You don't get to picture me naked if you're not going to let me go after your son with a baseball bat." She warned, outraged.

"Whoa okay, now I'm trying to think of anything else other than that."

"There aren't many girls like her in this world Zach; your son has lost out big time."

He took another sip of wine. "He knows." Zach was unsure of how much he should say. "He doesn't always get things right, but he knows that what he did was wrong."

"So he should." She allowed her facial expressions to soften. "Although, I guess I kinda get him."

Zach raised an eyebrow. "You do? I thought you were mad at him."

"I'm very mad at him." She said. "But I've heard a lot about their relationship. From what I've heard, I see a lot of..." Penny couldn't quite voice her feelings.

"You see a lot of what?"

"Me and Leonard." He voice was barely a whisper. "Clare is smart, kind, and would do anything for Daniel. Leonard is the same with me."

"And that's great, he's never been with a girl in the way he was with Clare- before he's only ever slept with them and move on."

"But what does he do for her? He serves food for a living, he's nowhere near as smart as she is and no matter how hard he tries - he's always going to be just that little bit selfish."

Zach got to his feet. "I don't have to listen to this." He zipped up his jacket. "Just because he's not a genius doesn't mean he isn't good enough for her."

Penny reached out and grabbed his arm. "No wait, I'm not trying to be hurtful here. I had a crappy job too; I worked at the cheesecake factory! But Leonard, he was a physicist and a good one too. I know how it feels to think that you'll never be good enough for someone."

"Are you saying my son reminds you of yourself?"

She pointed to the seat he had discarded. "Sit back down, please."

Reluctantly, he did as she asked. "I don't get you, you call me here to say you want to kick his ass, but now you're saying you understand him."

"I met your son once, do you remember that?"

He nodded.

"Did he lose all that weight? He was quite..." Penny asked.

Zach wasn't going to tread lightly. "Isn't it weird how people try to use any word other than fat?" He reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet. "And yes, yes he did." He took out a picture. "This is most recent one I have of him."

She took it into her own hands. "I can see a lot of you in there; he's got your smile."

"I hope I don't look that wicked when I smile." Zach couldn't help but laugh. "It doesn't matter what he's doing, he always looks like he's about to do something he shouldn't"

Penny took a closer look at the picture and saw Zach's point. By the looks of it, Daniel's attention was on something other than the camera. She couldn't figure out what could've grabbed his eye, but judging by the mischievous twinkle in his eyes – it was something that would indulge his inner rebel for the rest of the day.

On second thought, what Penny had first assumed to be a smile was in actual fact a devilish grin. "Well, he sure is different to the boy I first met all those years ago."

_6 years ago._

"_Okay, I'll be there now." Bernadette finished her phone call and looked over at Penny sitting in the driver's seat. "Penny, we're going to need to go to Clare's school."_

"_We need to take you home; you've just been in the hospital." _

_Penny was right, Bernadette had been in and out of hospital for months now and she was showing no signs of improving._

"_Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I stop being a mother, you should understand that."_

_Penny though of her own child, still only a baby. "And he's with Leonard right now. Let Howard take this one – he's the one that usually deals with stuff like this."_

"_Howie is at work, we can't just drag him away every time Clare causes pandemonium in the science labs at school."_

"_Why not? You used to do it all the time when you used to work."_

"_I can't work anymore." She looked down at her lap. "I can't do anything anymore, except be her Mom. You wanna take that away from me too?"_

"_Hey, don't talk like that. Everything's going to be fine."_

_Bernadette stared out the window, not daring to look at Penny. "Easy for you to say, you know you're going to see your little boy grow up." Her voice was cold and dejected._

"_And you're going to see Clare."_

"_I'll see her fourteenth birthday," Her voice faltered, "if I'm lucky."_

_Penny sighed. "That gets me every time." She indicated to the right and changed the car's direction. "Let's go get your crazy daughter."_

_oOo_

_Penny sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs outside the principle's office. She turned and looked over at the young boy that was sat next to her. "Jeez, my friend's been in there a long time, her daughter must been in some serious trouble."_

_The boy turned to face her, Penny noted how he was holding a tissue to his bloodied nose. "Is that the one who blew a hole in one of the walls?"_

"_Well, not deliberately. She made a slight adjustment to one of the lasers and kinda underestimated what she had done."_

"_Whatever - anything to make the time pass quicker." He tossed the blood stained tissue into the bin._

"_Oh Sweetie, what happened to you?" She gave a sympathetic smile._

_He shrugged. "Some guy punched me."_

"_Why did he punch you?"_

_He pulled out another tissue and dabbed up the fresh blood. "He wanted to start a fight with me. He called me fatty and I wasn't going to take that, so I hit him."_

"_But he hit back?"_

"_I didn't whack myself in the face."_

_He sounded angered by her questions, despite this, Penny kept the conversation going. "Are you in trouble now?"_

"_Yeap, nobody heard him call me all that crap, all they saw was me throwing the first punch."_

"_But surely once you explain that..."_

_He interrupted her. "Save it, they're never going to believe me. I'm just the worthless fat kid who's always in trouble for one thing or another."_

_Penny took a moment to look at him: His red hair was dripping in sweat and wildly out of place, his cheeks were burning a bright pink and his school sweater was stained with his own blood. "I admit, at the moment you don't look all that innocent but..."_

"_But what?"_

"_I got nothing." She thought for a moment. "Are you going to have like a week's worth of detentions now?"_

"_No, they're suspending me for the rest of the week." He crossed his arms, sinking further back into the seat. "If I make one more slip up, they're going to kick me out for good."_

"_Are you worried?" Penny asked._

"_It wouldn't be the first time." It was clear to Penny that the young boy had passed caring."This is school number three."_

_She tried to hide her shock. "How old are you?"_

"_Fifteen, what does it matter?"_

"_It's just you seem awfully young to be..."_

_He didn't let her finish her sentence. His attention had been diverted by someone walking down the corridor. "Why the hell did they call for you?"_

_Penny looked up and saw a familiar face._

_Zach Johnson._

"_They couldn't get hold of grandma and grandpa, so they had to call me." Zach replied._

"_Go and crawl back under a rock." Daniel stood up so quickly that he knocked over his chair._

_Zach tried his best to be assertive. "You pick that up."_

_Daniel presented him his middle finger before turning on his heel. "I'll catch the bus home; I'm not supposed to get in cars with strange men."_

"_I'm not telling you to, I'll be the one driving you home."_

_Daniel continued walking down the hall towards the exits. "You're stupid and I hate you." He pulled on the door before violently slamming it behind him._

_Penny got to her feet and walked over to where a shaken Zach was stood. "Zach? Are you... Are you okay?"_

_Zach desperately tried to recover his composure. "Penny? Wow it's been years." He said, almost as if nothing had happened._

_She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Never mind that, what the hell just happened?"_

"_Well uh... My son just knocked over a chair and said he hated me." Zach knew he would be a liar if he told Penny that this wasn't standard Daniel behaviour._

"_He's your son?" She looked him up and down. He was still as muscular as what he always had been – a far cry from the overweight teenager she had just spoken to._

_He nodded. "Yeap, although he seems to wish he wasn't." Zach made no effort to hide the hurt in his voice._

"_I'm sure he doesn't mean it." Penny reassured._

_Embarrassed, Zach quickly changed the subject. "So what are you doing here? Do you have a kid as well?"_

"_Yes, I do but he's still a baby. It's my goddaughter that's in the principle's office."_

"_Has she been fighting too?"_

"_No, she had an accident with one of the lasers in the science rooms." _

_Zach was left with no chance to reply as the sound of a car alarm could be heard from outside. "Oh shit, that's my car."_

"_How can you tell?"_

"_Daniel is in a mood and I've parked my car around here. That's never a good sign." He quickly ran outside towards the sound of the alarm._

"_Do you need any ..." He was gone in an instant, "help?"_

_Bernadette frogmarched Clare out of the principle's office. _

_Penny gave them her attention. "Hey guys, what did the principle say?" She tried her best to sound cheerful._

"_He says we got to pay for the damage." Bernadette scowled at Clare._

_Clare looked down at her shoes. "It was a little bit of an overreaction don't you think?"_

_Bernadette rolled her eyes and tugged on Clare's hand. "Penny was right, I should've let your father deal with this._

Penny stopped talking and looked over at Zach. "I still can't believe that Clare would be interested in him, but..."

"But what?"

"But he must really be special, because I don't doubt her judgement – not even for a second."

He felt himself smile. "What if I was to tell you that he's going to win her back?"

"I'd say he actually has to be in town to do that."

"Oh he is, he's closer than you think."

"What do you mean?" She looked confused.

"He's been planning to win her back for days."

"And now?"

"Today's the day Penny." He pulled up his sleeve and looked at his watch. "And it will be around about now that he's planning to tell her about his bitching plan."

"Bitching plan?"

"Let's just say, he's gonna make damn sure that the last time he was expelled from school really will be the last time."


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Big hello and massive thank you to fellow author and loyal reader Sinceslicedbread. The character of Paddy was created by SSB and all credit for the bar scene goes to them.**

Clare Wolowitz knew the route to her mother's graveside all too well. Everything in the church yard, from the gravelled path to the rusty gates was over familiar. If she had to, she could've walked there blindfolded.

Clare could still remember the first time she came here. She had been dressed all in black, wearing shiny shoes that were a size too small for her. Clare didn't care -she let them rub her heels raw, she was so numb that she hadn't felt it anyway.

Mary had been stood beside her the whole time, offering kind words and a shoulder to cry on. That was the first time she had spoken to her, it wasn't until nearly six months later that she found out who that kind woman really was.

And then there was Howard. Clare remembered how Leonard and Raj had each linked an arm around him; it was as if they feared he would collapse at any moment. Clare wouldn't have blamed them for the thought; he looked like he would break apart.

It had rained relentlessly throughout the day. Everybody else had come with umbrellas and rain coats. Not Howard though, he had allowed himself to soak through and had relished the pain that the cold brought.

Clare knelt down in front of the gravestone. "Hey Mom. It's Clare." She held up a bunch of lilies. "I got you these. I thought you might like them." Clare reached out and placed her hand on the cold marble surface. She took a moment to read the engraving, tracing the writing with her finger.

She thought of Amy. This graveside was the place she had said goodbye to the only mother she'd even known, but it was also the place where she had first met Amy. Clare could remember looking up at her for the first time. She was just a stranger then, but there was something about her that Clare trusted. They had talked and went to the diner where she would eventually meet Daniel.

She wondered what Daniel had been doing all those years ago. Clare knew he would've been sixteen and still gripped by the demon better known as bulimia, but what else did he do? Did he face everything alone? Did he have any friends he could've talked to?

"I'm sorry Mom. It's been a while since I've been here." Clare would've given anything to have heard a response. "I've been away, I had to leave you. I didn't want to, but I needed to." She knew Bernadette would understand.

A gust of wind blew her hair over her eyes, so she tucked it behind her ears.

Clare tugged on her sleeve, looking down at her stomach. "You know, you could've been a grandmother. There was a time where I thought I was having a baby but... but I wasn't." She rapidly blinked. It was at times like this where she pined for Bernadette the most.

"If it was a girl, I would've named her after you. Would you have liked that Mom? Bernadette Wolowitz has a nice ring to it."

"Bernadette Johnson would've sounded better." Said a familiar male voice.

Clare turned her head. For a moment, she just looked at him in disbelief, unable to form a sentence. "What are you...?" Frozen to the spot, it was if she was cemented in place.

"What am I doing here?" He finished.

She could only nod.

"I've been watching you all morning and when you came in here, I thought it was time I spoke to you." Embarrassed, he felt himself blush. "Oh God, that sounded really creepy, didn't it?"

Clare opened her mouth, no words came out, and she closed it again.

Daniel extended his hand. "Do you want me to help you up?"

Clare shuffled away from him. "Just leave me alone." She said, finally recovering her voice.

He dropped to his knees and crawled towards where she was sat. "Please, I know you're pissed but can I just explain myself?"He stopped, leaving her a comfortable space between them. For a moment or two they allowed themselves to look at each other. Suddenly feeling nervous, Daniel gulped. "This wasn't how things were meant to happen."

She gripped the gravestone; it brought a small amount of reassurance. "You ran away, you're a..." Clare raised her voice, however she found herself unable to finish.

"Go on! Whatever you throw, I will take it."

Clare wasn't going to hold back, she was going to unleash all her inner thoughts. "You're a coward Daniel! A pathetic coward." She stood up and walked away from him.

Daniel followed. He reached out and placed his hand on her arm. "Clare! Don't go; just give me a minute to explain?"

A lightning blot of anger zapped through her. Suddenly she was furious; everything was a haze, like she was working on autopilot.

Clare felt her hand connect with the side of Daniel's cheek.

He let go of her arm and stumbled backwards.

Shocked, she looked at her hand and then at Daniel. He clutched his cheek, Clare's finger marks burning an angry imprint.

"Oh God, I'm..." Clare couldn't speak, she could barely breathe. "I just hit you." She clasped her hand over her mouth.

"You won't be the first angry girl and you certainly won't be the..." He stopped himself, changed the sentence. "Actually, you may not be the first but I'm hoping you'll be the last."

Suddenly she was in tears. Loud unrestrained tears, so powerful her knees buckled. Daniel was quick -he caught her, wrapped an arm around her waist and lowered them to the ground.

"I don't know what the hell I'm meant to be doing here, but I hope this is helping." He said, pulling her in closer to himself.

"You should let go." The words nearly choked her.

He released his grip and slowly backed away. "How's that? Is this enough space?"

Clare slowly nodded, taking a sharp inhalation through her nose. She looked at him for a moment, his hair was longer but he was clean shaven. The smell of his coconut shower gel still lingered in her nostrils.

"I'd say surprise, but I guess this is more of a shock." Daniel joked. Bringing his hand up, he rubbed at his sore cheek.

"What are you doing here?" There was barely any volume to her voice.

"I'm here for you."

She clutched her chest, he had left her breathless -not in a romantic sense, but it wasn't a bad feeling either. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because I've been a selfish bastard?"

"And always will be."

He winced, the sting of her words more painful than any slap. "You could say like mother, like son but I'm not my mother and I'm not going to live my life by her standards anymore."

Clare looked back over at her mother's headstone. "Do you love her or hate her?"

"My Mom?"

"Yes. Do you love her? Or do you hate her for what she did to you?" Clare locked their eyes together. "You've always been held back by it. Don't you think your life would've been so much better if she died before you could have had memories of her?"

"I hate the illness that killed her and I hate the illness that's nearly killed me." He was silent for a moment. "I never hate her, I'll always love her."

She edged in closer. The movement was slight, so small that if you blinked you'd have missed it. "Did you really come back for me?"

"I should never have left."

Clare wanted to walk away, but her feet wouldn't comply. "Tell me, tell me everything. Why did you come back?"

"I left Texas, and I don't know where the hell I ended up. It was far away, that's all I know. After the bike ran out of gas, I found myself in a strange bar."

"So you went drinking?" She was clearly unimpressed.

He continued regardless. "I met this guy, he was called Paddy and he was Irish."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious? It's a bit of a cliché isn't it?"

Daniel ignored her comment. "He was a lot older than me and he wore a suit even though he was on holiday." He wrinkled up his nose. "He had this moustache, he said he was experimenting with it."

"Daniel, where are you going with this?" She was slowly becoming impatient.

He challenged me to a drinking contest and that was when it all fell into place..."

_Daniel's POV. _

_Daniel looked over at his new drinking partner."Ok, what are the rules again?"_

_"__There aren't any kid, you just need to be still standing after the last pint is pulled."_

_"__Just pulled?"_

_"__Pulled and drunk obviously."_

_"__Just checking, don't want you slipping in any Irish side-steps in there."_

_"__You think I need trickery to beat ya kid." His whole demeanour was confident; it was obvious that Paddy was no stranger to this game._

_"__Old man, you're going need all the help you can get."_

_"__Hey less of the old."_

_"__And I stopped being a kid a while ago." Daniel added._

_"__Touche."_

_He picked up his glass, took a gulp__ "__Let's drink."_

_**Round One: A draw.**_

_**Twenty minutes later:**_

_"__Knock it off, that's cheating! You're only allowed to have one drink at a time_

_"__Says who? Old man." Noticing the older man's glare, Daniel quickly rephrased. "Err dude, and anyway, I'm ambidextrous."_

_"__Bet this isn't the first time you've put that to good use, is it?"He laughed at his own joke._

_"__Oi keep it clean, I'm still at an impressionable age."_

_"__Make your mind up kid, either you're a grown-up or you're not."_

_"__Oh, I'm fully grown alright; I've even got a kid on the way." Daniel could've kicked himself. _

_"__A kid? That's fantastic." He raised his glass. "I'll drink to that. Let's wet the baby's head."_

_"__Steady on, I don't even know if it's got a head at the moment. It's still early days."_

_"__How far along is your girl?"_

_His elaborate lie was unravelling as quickly as it had been said.__"__Erm not sure, she doesn't know yet."_

_Paddy raised a doubtful eyebrow.__ "__Whad'ya mean?"_

_"__I swiped the pee stick before she could see the result."_

_A groan was heard. A bottom was seated.__ "__I need another shot for this."_

_"__We're doing shots now?"_

_"__I need a shot; you can sup what you like."_

_Daniel gestured to the bar staff and held up four fingers."Bartender, four shots please."_

_"__Good call kid."_

_**Round Two: Daniel.**_

_**Five minutes later:**_

_There was something about Daniel's story that didn't quite add up and Paddy was determined to get to the bottom of it__."__So this … stick?"_

_"__Pee stick, yeah what about it?"_

_"__Won't your better half notice its missing?"_

_"__Yeah, but she won't know I've got it. She doesn't know I know she's taken it." In his drunken haze, it made total sense._

_Paddy slowly repeated this piece of news.__ "__She doesn't know that you know…Bartender more shots please."_

_"__Clare," He gripped the bar for support. "her name's Clare."_

_"__Got it."_

_"__Clare has passed every test she's ever taken, but she keeps failing this one."_

_Paddy sunk two shots.__"__You seem a bit sad about that son."_

_"__Are you kidding?" He narrowed his eyes at Paddy. "An' stop sneaking shots man. I saw you."_

_"__Bartender two pints and four shots over here, quick as you can." Paddy hollered.__ "__Come on kid. Keep up."_

_The drinks order was placed down in front of Paddy._

_"__Again with the kid. Hand that over, fossil-face." Daniel demanded._

_"__Watch it!"_

_"__Yeah that's all you can do now, at your age; you're past it."_

_Within seconds, Paddy had cleared the shot glasses__."__Keep dribbling drink down your chin laddie. I've got plenty of life in me, to be sure."_

_"__Can't think your lady agrees with you."_

_"__Fella."_

_"__What?"_

_"__Not my lady. My fella."_

_"__You're….?"_

_"__I'm what?"_

_Daniel raised his hands in surrender.__ "__Creative, that's all I was gonna say."_

_"__I've lost more hair on my chest than you'll ever grow kid. I'm all man."_

_"__Who likes his other half to be that way too?" _

_"__Yup, got a problem with that?"_

_"__Not if you're paying."_

_He reached for his wallet."Good kid."_

_**Round Three: Paddy**_

_**One hour later: And Daniel has lost the power of speech.**_

_"__So she doesn't know h-h-how much I want this an' I c-can't bring myself to t-tell her." _

_"__Why not? if it's what you want too."_

_"__I've got some serious m- mother iiiissues, like seriously bad."_

_"__Who hasn't kid? What you've gotta understand is ninety percent of life is just turning up."_

_His vision impaired, he squinted to look at Paddy__"Meaning?"_

_"__Meaning, drink up, fess up and welcome fatherhood with open arms."_

_"__That's easy f-f-for you to s- say."_

_"__Unlike you."_

_"__H-H-Hey don't m –m -mock the afflicted."_

_"__You're not afflicted, just a lightweight."_

_He looked down at himself."No one's ever called me that bef.….."Daniel slipped very ungraciously off his barstool on to the sticky floor below._

_Paddy laughed heartily.__"__Actions speak louder than words son. This was good craick. We must do this again some time. With that, Paddy stepped over his drinking companion and left the bar._

_**Round Four: Paddy.**_

_**oOo**_

_Daniel had nowhere to go. The money that had been keeping him going the past few weeks had finally run dry and he had no idea where to go next._

_He was now sat in a diner similar to the one he used to work in, his head buried in his hands._

_Paddy placed a plate down in front of Daniel. "So kid, where'd you sleep last night?" _

_He looked up. "The bar staff just kinda moved me out into the alleyway outside the bar." Daniel glanced down at the plate, piled high: congealed bacon, over cooked sausages, undercooked black pudding and rubbery scrambled eggs . "I think I'll take a pass, if it's all the same."_

_Paddy pulled the plate towards himself. "Are ye mad? Everyone knows the best known cure for a hangover is a greasy fry up." He rammed his fork in and began to eat._

_Daniel clamped his hand over his mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick!"_

"_You're just like Eddie, he can't handle his liqueur either."_

"_Eddie?"_

"_My fella." He looked up from the food. "I left him back in Ireland; I needed a holiday with my lads."_

_Daniel desperately fought back the nausea that was becoming evermore present. "Your lads? Are you seeing more than one guy?"_

_He laughed. "That's a good one. No, they're my sons."_

"_But didn't you say you were...?"_

_Paddy talked over him. "I did the whole marriage and kids thing, ya know? It's not all it's cracked up to be."_

"_Easy come, easy go." Daniel joked._

"_If only it were that simple."_

_Daniel was curious to hear more – anything to take his mind off his own life. "What happened?"_

"_You don't need to know that. What I will tell you is that you need to be honest." He paused, looked over at the younger man and carried on with his advice. "I try not to have regrets, but if there was one thing that I wish I had been, it's honest."_

_Daniel looked down at his lap. _

"_You've not been entirely honest with me, have ya Danny boy?"_

_Daniel shook his head. "No, I was bullshitting last night."_

"_There is no Clare and there is no baby." Paddy speculated. "You're just alone aint ya?"_

"_There was a Clare and there could've been a baby..." He reached over to Paddy's plate, picked up a piece of bacon and within seconds it was gone. "But now I'm just alone." He reached over again, Paddy didn't stop him. _

"_You should just..." Paddy pushed the plate towards him._

_Daniel picked up a knife and fork and ate at hurried pace, he didn't care about how it must have looked. _

"_Whoa son! Maybe you should go easy?" Paddy advised._

_Daniel kept on eating, when it came to matters like this one, this was his only solution. He hardly chewed and he certainly didn't care about tasting._

_In just under a minute, the plate was cleared._

_Daniel stared at it for a moment. "I'm sorry, I was..." He trailed off and looked over towards the restroom door. Daniel couldn't stand it; he wanted to force it all out until he felt empty again. _

"_No need to apologise." Paddy reassured. "I take it you're a comfort eater?"_

"_Comfort eater." Daniel repeated. A label more preferable than bulimic, yet the biggest understatement he'd heard in a while. He pressed his hand over his mouth and desperately suppressed the dark thoughts._

_Paddy was intrigued. "So c'mon, what's your story?"_

"_You really don't want to hear it."_

_Paddy pulled up his sleeve and looked at his wrist watch. "I've got time, let's hear it."_

"_I would tell you I was a bus boy working for a crappy wage, but I'm not even that anymore. I'm not really anything at the moment."_

"_You drove buses?" Paddy asked, confused._

"_What?"_

"_You said you were a bus boy?"_

_Daniel shook his head. "No, I didn't drive buses: I cleared tables, served food, mopped floors and washed up dirty dishes." He gestured to the room they were in. "I worked in a place like this one."_

_Paddy raised an eyebrow. "What do buses have to do with that?"_

"_Nothing, it's what my job was called."_

"_Strange thing to call it, if you ask me."_

"_I wasn't."_

_Paddy gestured to the counter. "Would you like anything else to eat? It seems like the only thing that can calm ya."_

_In Daniel's head, he silently screamed yes. After careful deliberation, he decided to lie. "No, I better not."_

"_C'mon then, why are you in such a mess?"_

"_A mess? I don't even know where I am right now, all I know is I got on my bike a few days ago and here I am."_

"_Well we're..."_

_He raised his hand. "No, don't... I don't want to know where I am." He looked down. "I just sorta filled up my bike and rode until I ran out of gas."_

"_You were certainly running from something, how is that a young man like yourself would be that desperate?"_

"_When she thought she was pregnant, I had something I could've offered her."_

"_A father for her kid?"_

"_I could've been good at it, but then she found out she wasn't pregnant and it was like she no longer had any expectations of me."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_When she was maybe having a baby, she could've relied on me to be there for her and to be a good Dad, but then there was nothing." He sighed to himself. "I had no job, no qualifications and we were crashing at her grandmother's in Texas– even though I promised her that life away from Pasadena would be so much better."_

"_So you left her?"_

"_She wanted to go back to Pasadena, it was better that she went alone."_

"_And now you're all outta money, sleeping rough and lonely."_

_Daniel merely nodded._

_I thought as much." Paddy said. "What did you do with the last bit of money ya had? I'm guessing you didn't spend it wisely."_

"_I could've done, I had just about enough to fill up the bike and ride back to Pasadena."_

"_So what did you do instead?"_

"_Booked into the cheapest hotel I could find. With the money that was leftover, I bought a shit load of food and just ate. I saw no reason why I shouldn't."_

_Paddy reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and placed a wad of money down. "It's time to go home, Danny boy." He pushed the money towards him. "Take this and get yourself back to Clare."_

"_She'll do better without me, I failed at everything."_

_Paddy got to his feet, pushed in his chair. "You change that: go back to school, pass your exams and be who you wanna be."_

"_But what if I..."_

"_Do it for Clare, become someone who can offer her something." With a final pat on the back and a smile encouragement, Paddy left the diner._

_Daniel looked at the money; he picked it up and counted it. "Be the guy she needs me to be." He was going to repeat it over and over until he eventually convinced himself._

Daniel ended his story and got to his feet. "So there you have it, maybe I went into too much detail, but hey it's the truth."

She too stood up. "I don't know what to say." Clare thought for a few seconds. "Are you really going to go back to school?"

"If it can get me out of this hole I'm in, I'll do it."

"But you hated school!"

"I hate having a dead end job even more; I want to be good enough for you."

"Why can't you see it? You were everything I wanted, you were fun, you knew yourself and you spoke your mind." She turned away from him. "I'd have taken you just as you were."

"It will still be me, only better - so much better."

Clare turned her head slightly; it was enough to see him but not enough to break the barrier she had built. "I don't want better," She swallowed, "I just want you."

"You've got me, Clare."

She kissed her hand and placed it on the grave. "Bye Mom, I love you." With that, Clare made her way down the path.

"Clare! Did you not hear me? You've got me."

"I heard you, I hear everything." She kept walking, ignoring every urge she had to turn back.

"Then stop, just come back."

"I begged you not to leave me. " Clare quickened her pace. "I would've said anything to have made you stay."

He broke into a speedy run, within seconds he had caught her up and was stood in front of her. "I had a motorbike, you couldn't have stopped me."

"And you think you can stop me? Do you honestly believe standing in front of me is going to stop me leaving?"

He bent his knees and bundled her over his shoulder. "Yes, yes I do."

"Daniel, put me down!" She screamed out, kicking her legs. "This is not normal behaviour."

"Maybe so, but what are you going to do?" She attempted to wrestle free but Daniel was strong, he kept her firmly in place. "You slapped me, this is nothing compared to that."

"Two rights don't make a wrong." She shook her head. "I mean, two wrongs don't make a right."

"It lost all meaning when you got them mixed up." Daniel continued down the path, towards the gates that would lead them out. "Jesus, you're heavy. It's a good job I only work around the corner, having to carry you is no easy task."

"Insulting me is not helping you."

"Nothing I say seems to be working, so I thought fuck it - she's heavy and I'm going to tell her."

Clare relaxed a little. "That's more like the Daniel I know and..." She stopped herself, "That's more like the Daniel I know."

"I can still be foul mouthed and have a good education, and I can still be me if I have a good job." He said. "These changes I'm making won't change me for the worst, they can only be good."

She stopped struggling. "Are you just doing this for me? Because if you are..."

"I'm doing it for both of us." His words were firm and left no room for argument.

Clare could think of no reason to battle against him and neither did she want to. "So uh... where are you taking me?

"We're going to an abandoned shack, in the woods. Where else would I take you?" Daniel smiled, and then he laughed.

Clare attempted a straight face – she failed. "Seriously, where are we going?"

"If you were listening, you would've heard me say I was going to work. Chris said I would have to work all the night shifts, but I swapped my shift with one of the teenagers."

"You got your job back?" She twisted around to see his face. "Are you seriously telling me that you're back working at the diner?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"You quitting wasn't exactly..." She looked thoughtful. " Dignified."

"I've never been classy, that won't change."

"So he rehired you? Just like that?"

"No, not just like that. You wouldn't believe the lengths I went to." He said, putting overemphasis on the word I.

Her face fell, a look of sadness in her eyes. "But you... you hated that job, you finally got out of it but now..."

Daniel interrupted. "My Dad said exactly the same thing."

"We're right, that's why."

"I'm not going to be stuck there forever." He stopped, placed her down. "I'm going to go to work now, but at least now I can say I tried." Daniel stepped away from her and walked towards his destination. "I can't force you to come with me, so I'm just going to hope that you follow me."

Clare called after him. "You're too confident."

"How's that?" He didn't stop walking.

"You know I'm going to follow you. If you doubted that for even a second, I would still be over your shoulder right now."

Daniel replied, by then there was too much space between them – she didn't hear him. Next thing she knew, he was around the corner and she could no longer see him.

oOo

Daniel wished he hadn't swapped his shift with the teenager whose name he couldn't remember. The night shift was quiet with barely any customers. He much preferred that to the hassle of the manic lunch shift.

The diner was full with difficult customers. The deep fat fryer was refusing to be cleaned, and Daniel wasn't going to force it into anything it didn't want to do. He walked into the washing up area and emptied a stack of dirty dishes into the sink. For a moment he just stared at them, hoping he could clean them with the power of his mind alone.

"This isn't forever." He reassured himself. "This time next year, I'll be somewhere else." One of the plates in the sink caught his attention. He picked it up and inspected it. "Ah shit, that's chipped."

"Talking to yourself? Did you know that's the first sign of madness?" Somebody said.

Startled, Daniel dropped the plate. "Oh shit." He knelt down and considered picking up the broken pieces. "Well, it was chipped." He turned his head and looked up at her. "You came here?"

She extended her hand and helped him up. "Use a dust pan and brush. you don't want to hurt yourself picking it up."

He stood up, stepped away from the mess. "It can stay there for just a little bit longer."

"You're not going to clear it up?"

"I have no immediate plans."

Clare took her eyes off the broken plate and focused on him. "I came after you, I tried not to, but there wasn't really anywhere else I wanted to be."

"We need some time alone, we can't talk when this place if full."

"How long until your shift ends? I can meet you afterwards.

Daniel shook his head. "Nah, why should we wait?" He walked out into the dining area and cleared his throat. "Excuse me everyone, can I have you attention please?" His kept his tone at a polite level.

His voice didn't break through the hustle and bustle of the lunchtime rush.

"Dan, what are you doing?" Clare asked, coming up behind him.

"Can I have your attention please?" This time, he raised his voice slightly. "Could I have a moment of silence?" Still his words made no impact.

"Why are you trying to get their attention?"

"Could everyone be quiet, just for a moment?" Daniel's patience was rapidly wearing thin He jumped up on an empty table and raised his voice as loud as his lungs would allow. "Fucking well shut up!"

Everyone fell silent, all eyes were on Daniel.

He regained his composure and painted on his most convincing smile. "Thank you for your cooperation."

A young boy of the age of five tugged on his mother's sleeve. "Mommy, why is the scary man shouting bad words at us?"

"Not trying to scare you, I'm saving your lives here." Daniel replied before the mother could answer.

An elderly gentleman in the corner looked over at him. "How exactly are you saving us?"

"Well uh..." He thought for a second. "The diner's on fire. Yes, there is a massive fire out back and you need to get out before it spreads."

His tale was met with a serious of panicked gasps. A man held up his phone. "We should really call the fire brigade then."

"No! There's no need for that, I've got it completely under control."

"How have you got it under control? You say it's massive but you're out here talking to us?" The man with the phone challenged.

A teenage girl who was sat by the door chipped in. "Yes, why aren't you putting out?"

Quick to think, Daniel leapt off the table and yanked the fire extinguisher off the wall. "Don't you worry about a thing. I'll have this fire out in no time." He made the shooing gesture with his arms. "Although, I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to any of you, so quickly get out."

A few people got out of their seats.

"You heard the man, if you don't get out now, who knows what will happen." Clare warned. This time the remainder of the customers pushed there chairs in and started to flood towards the door. "No pushing, this may be an emergency but that's no excuse for disorder."

Within seconds, the diner had cleared and Daniel and Clare were alone. Daniel let the fire extinguisher drop to the floor.

"The diner is on fire?"

Daniel walked over to the door: he closed it, flipped the sign to read closed and locked it for good measure. "It was all I could think of. I was put on the spot."

Clare pulled up a seat at one of the abandoned tables. "At least we're alone now." She gestured to the space opposite her. "Sit down."

He did as she asked. "So..."

"We really should talk."

"Yes..." Daniel nodded in agreement. "Let's talk." He placed his hand over hers, she didn't pull away.

"You know, I was sat right here when we first met."

He smiled. "And I was cleaning that table over there."

They looked over at it then looked back at each other. "Or we could..."

"We could what?" Daniel prompted.

"We could just not say anything?"

He pushed the table that was separating them to the side and pulled his chair towards her. "Yes, we won't say anything." He brought his face close to hers, leaving a slight gap between their lips.

Clare nodded. She wanted him to go further.

And then they kissed - the best kiss of all their kisses so far.

They weren't going to say anything. They didn't need to.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: There's a bit of a dark theme to this chapter, if any of you would rather not read it, I would advise avoiding the flashback.**

Zach Johnson loved his new apartment: It had two bedrooms, a large kitchen, a power shower in the bathroom and it was walking distance from the city center.

Yes, his new home was ideal.

He sat on the arm of the new couch that Daniel had bought for the bargain price of five dollars. Zach would rather have bought one that was in better condition; Daniel had been insistent that a red wine stain and the fact that it was bright yellow in colour were only minor issues .Zach wasn't sure how long he had been sat there for. He had woken up that morning and had found his son asleep on it, fully clothed in his work uniform with a thin blanket wrapped around him.

There was something about watching Daniel sleep that comforted Zach.

He could remember when his son's illness was at its worse. Zach could recall a doctor telling him all the possible reasons why a person may develop bulimia: low self-esteem, depression, perfectionism, childhood abuse, lack of control in life or a bad home situation. Zach always used to spend every waking moment wondering how he could've stopped it.

His parents blamed Miranda.

Zach blamed himself.

He had mentally gone through the list, trying to make sense of it. The truth was that Zach had no idea if any of them applied to Daniel – after all, he had given up custody of him shortly after Miranda died.

**Low self esteem:** Zach's mother had called him once to discuss that Daniel was being bullied. She had said that it was over his weight. She said that she was worried about the impact it was having on his mental state.

Zach could remember dismissing it – After all, Daniel didn't take crap off anyone, right?

**Depression: **He had lost his mother, who wouldn't be depressed? It was only natural, wasn't it?

**Perfectionism: ** No. If there was one thing Daniel did perfectly it was imperfection and chaos. He loved every moment of it, didn't he?

**Childhood abuse: ** Zach knew more than what he let on.

He saw what Miranda was doing to him, but he turned a blind eye. Zach knew all about her forcing him to eat her food, he noticed that she hid food in his room and he pretended to believe the little boy when he told him that Mommy had eaten that day.

Zach could've stopped her.

He should've stopped her.

He didn't stop her until it was too late, and because of that, he'll never be able to look at himself in the same way again.

**Lack of control in life:** Miranda took that away from him and she never really gave it back.

**Bad home life:** Zach had thought he was doing the right thing. He assumed Daniel was better off with his grandparents than he ever would be with him. Maybe he was? But the sting of a father's rejection runs deep.

The only time Zach felt at ease was when he watched Daniel sleep. He would drive out to his parent's home and would let himself into the house. Once he was there, he would go into Daniel's room and just watch him as he slept.

He always looked so contented and carefree when he was asleep. Zach always used to imagine that Daniel's dreams were demon free and he was everything he ever wanted to be. Zach wanted a better reality for his little boy, where he didn't have to battle with his weight or live in the shadow of his domineering mother.

When that better reality seemed a long way off, Zach would take solace in the sleep that brought relief for Daniel.

Zach wanted to save him. He wanted to save him so badly it hurt.

He had even sacrificed his wife for him. He loved Miranda with all his heart, but the love he felt for Daniel was stronger than anything he had ever felt, and if that meant losing his wife then he could live with that.

_Ten Years Ago._

_Zach stood outside the bathroom door. He could hear retching, someone was being sick. Miranda had been rapidly deteriorating and he felt powerless._

"_Damn it Zach, get in there and stop her." He said to himself. Zach had broken the lock on the bathroom door months ago, he had done that for moments like this one. He took a deep and pushed down on the handle. "Miranda, stop this! Stop this now!"_

_The sight he saw was far worse than what he ever could've anticipated._

"_Danny?" Zach considered pinching himself, surely this was just some kind of terrible nightmare? _

_Daniel backed into the corner, pulling his knees up to his chin. "I'm sorry Daddy." The apology said it all. Zach had seen that look of guilt enough times to know what it meant._

_Zach looked down at the floor, food wrappers littered all over. In that moment his mind went into overload, he may not have said a word, but in his head he was screaming._

_There was so much he wanted to shout out. So many thoughts were desperate to escape._

_He's just a kid._

_He's only eleven._

_She did this to him._

_I HATE her._

_Zach looked down at the floor, unable to look at his son. In that moment, he would've done anything for the ground to have opened up and swallow him whole. "Danny, why... why did you do this?" His voice was barely a whisper._

"_Because I was bad." Daniel's lip trembled. He was on the verge of tears. "I shouldn't eat so much, Mom says only disgusting people eat like I do."_

"_Mom's wrong Danny, Mom's very, very wrong." Zach desperately suppressed the rage that was building up inside of him, he wanted Miranda to suffer for this. "Please listen to me, you have done nothing wrong."_

_He shook his head. "I have. I've done everything wrong."_

_Zach sunk to his knees, bringing him and Daniel to eye level. "You shouldn't have made yourself sick Danny. You didn't need to."_

"_But Mom says you make her eat. She says that if she doesn't get it out of her, no one will ever look at her how she wants to be looked at."_

_Everything seemed blurred. Zach thought he was going to faint. How did he let this happen to his son? Daniel was too young for this, he should've protected him. "I don't want you listening to her anymore."_

_There was a painfully long silence. Zach didn't know what to say. He could handle Miranda, but this was too much. This was enough to break him._

"_Dad?" Daniel asked in a little voice._

_Zach forced himself to look at him. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"_

"_I'm tired now. Let me go to bed."_

_Daniel nodded, defeated. He needed to do something, but a confrontation on the bathroom floor was not the way forward. "I'll take you." Zach extended his arms and lifted Daniel._

"_Danny, can I ask you something?" He adjusted Daniel in his arms and stepped into the hallway._

_The young boy merely nodded._

"_Does you mom...," he could barely bring himself to ask, "Does your mom know you do this?" Zach received no answer, only silence. That silence spoke louder than any words; Zach wasn't usually able to read situations, but even he knew this one._

_Zach entered the bedroom. He put Daniel in bed, tucked him in and slowly backed out the room. Despite his fury, he calmly walked down the stairs. Whilst Daniel was in the house, he wasn't going to do anything that may scare him._

_He peered into the living room and that's when he saw her. She had his back to him, watching the television as though she hadn't a care in the world. Zach was angry with her, he had loved her unconditionally throughout their relationship, but now something had shifted._

_He strode across the room and yanked the television plug out of the wall. "Stand up."He commanded. _

_Miranda looked at his usually kind eyes, they were now burning with intense hatred. "What's going on?"_

"_Stand up." He kept his voice at a low level, yet somehow this seemed all the more threatening._

_She did as ordered. Zach took a long look at her: her clothes were hanging loose off her skinny frame, her legs had a likeness to matchsticks and ginger roots overpowered her once immaculate blonde hair. _

_Zach couldn't stand it - Miranda had done this to herself. He felt sick just looking at her, even after all the hospital treatment and counselling sessions, she was still refusing to gain weight. _

"_Zach?"_

"_You sick bitch." He spat out._

_She took a step backwards. "What's going on?" _

"_I know Miranda; I know what you've done to our son."_

"_I haven't done anything to him."_

_He came up to Miranda and got up close to her face, he didn't care if he was scaring her. "You know what you've done."_

"_Please Zach, let's just talk about this." Miranda had never seen her husband as a threat, but now she was seeing a whole new side of him._

"_He's eleven years old! You've made our eleven year old child act like you. Are you proud Miranda? Is this what you were hoping our son would be like?"_

_Ashamed, she took a further step away from him. "He's putting on a lot of weight, I just wanted to..." _

"_The weight he put on was because of you. You're making him eat your food." Zach had had his suspicions for a while. It was only now that he had found the courage to voice them._

_She reached into her pocket, pulled out her car keys. "We can't discuss this here. We need to go somewhere, just the two of us._

"_We can't leave him alone."_

_Miranda placed a light hand on his arm. "We won't be gone long, I'm sure he'll be okay for a little while."_

_Zach thought for a moment, mentally considering his options. He gave a reluctant nod. "No longer than an hour." _

_oOo_

_Zach and Miranda had been gone longer than an hour. They had been driving aimlessly for most of the night._

_Neither had said a word since they left the house._

"_Babe, pull over." Zach mentally cursed himself, why was he giving her a term of endearment at a time like this?_

"_Fuck you Zach. You think you're so in control, don't you?"_

_He didn't dignify her with a response. Instead he looked out the window. He didn't recognise where they were. They seemed to be in the middle of nowhere and either side of them was nothing but woodland._

"_We've driven all this way for what, for you to stare out the window?" Miranda said, raising her voice._

"_Watch where you're going."_

_Miranda reached down into her handbag. She pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit up. "Don't tell me how to drive."_

_He took hold of the wheel in attempts to control the car. "Miranda please."_

_She placed the cigarette between her lips and inhaled. "Calm down Zach, I've got it under control." She placed one hand on the steering wheel and pushed his hand away._

"_You haven't."_

_Miranda looked at him, narrowing her eyes. "Says you, you're just as pathetic as I am." She rammed her foot on the accelerator, bringing them up to an alarming speed. "Why I married you is beyond me. You're not bad looking, but let's face it, there isn't much going on in your head."_

_He ignored her comment. "Slow down."_

_She could hear the urgency in his voice. Miranda didn't care, she was too enraged to care. "No, I don't think I will."_

_She sped up, Zach shouted and she shouted back. They argued like they had never argued before: they called each other names, they hurled insults in every direction and they screamed at each other with a passionate fury._

_It wasn't until the final second that Miranda saw the dog in front of them. Pulling on the steering wheel, she missed the canine by less than an inch. _

_She had saved an animal at great cost to her own life. _

_The car was rebelling against her. It was spinning out of control and there was nothing she could do to stop it._

_Zach's was still shouting at her, but no longer was he talking about Daniel. He sounded panicked, she thought she heard something about the breaks – she couldn't tell, everything was a blur._

_Preparing for the worst, Miranda scrunched her eyes tight together. With no seatbelt to hold her down, she felt herself rise out of the seat. The force was so strong her head jolted backwards, she felt a snap and then a searing pain in her neck._

_The car overturned and the momentum soon propelled her forwards, straight into the steering wheel. Miranda could feel its force against her chest. Her frail body was no match for its ferocity. There was a loud crunch- her rib cage was caving in, robbing her of precious oxygen. _

_She kept on moving, head long into the windscreen. It immediately cracked, shattering against the force of her body. Miranda let out a pleading cry for help. It didn't matter how loud she screamed, nothing could save her from the merciless shards of glass that indiscriminately sliced through her. _

_With a thump she hit the ground, her legs snapping beneath her like uncooked spaghetti._

_Miranda lay on the cold grassy floor. There was blood, so much blood. Where was it coming from? She couldn't tell. For a second it was as if the world had stopped turning, for a second it was just Miranda, all alone in her own little bubble._

_Where was all the blood coming from? Miranda took in an inhalation of oxygen. She had to think about it. Every breath was conscious effort -she was fighting a losing battle,_

_If she stopped for a single second, she knew she would surely die. _

_Miranda couldn't move. Her legs were heavy and she couldn't feel her arms. Her clothes were soaked through and sticking to her skin. Why was she losing so much blood? Was it even her own?_

_She felt tired. For years her mind had been broken and now her body was too. _

_Out of the corner of her eye she could see her overturned car. They had come off the road and down an embankment. Bringing her eyes away from the wreckage, she summoned the courage to look down at herself. It was only then did she realise the full extent of her injuries. _

_She took another deep breath and spat out a dislodged tooth. Soon she was screaming - screaming for her husband. She continued like this until she could scream no more._

_Everything faded to black._

_oOo_

_Zach looked down at himself, the seat belt had served him well, he was positioned securely in his seat and there was no obvious sign of injury. _

_He let out a laugh of relief, he really was okay. Releasing the seat belt, he turned to look at Miranda, only to find she was no longer in the driving seat. _

_He could see smoke rising from the bonnet of the mangled vehicle. Slowly, it drifted in, filling every corner of the car. Zach placed his hand over his mouth and released the belt. He blindly scrambled for the door handle. _

_It was finally located. He let out a sigh of relief and gave it a forceful jerk._

_Panic built up inside him, the door was refusing to budge._

_Quickly, Zach readjusted in his seat. He pushed both feet against the stubborn door and kicked against it with all his strength. _

_He counted each time, one, twice, three times. It gave in on his fifth attempt -flying open and allowing him to tumble out._

_Taking a moment to fill his lungs with clean air, he crawled away from the smoking wreck. _

"_Miranda!" He shouted back, forcing himself to stand up. "Miranda, where are you?" Focusing ahead, he could make out her outline in the distance. __He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, away from the billowing smoke and towards the currently unmoving figure of his wife. "Miranda, can you hear me?" Dropping to his knees, he took hold of her hand and cradled it in his own._

_Registering the blood which covered most of her body, he shuddered and tried to find his cell phone. "Miranda, babe -please wake up." His previous anger was quickly lost. _

_Zach stopped what he was doing. He heard a groan and his wife's eyelids fluttered open. "Zach?"She whispered, her breath catching in her throat._

"_Miranda? I'm here look at me." he moved his hands back to his previously forgotten phone._

"_No!" She gasped when he moved to look at her torso._

_Zach almost chocked on his newly returned anger. "Are you kidding me?_

_Miranda didn't flinch. She didn't even look up at him and his obvious anguish. "You don't understand."_

"_Damn right, I don't understand. What if this was Danny lying here? Would you expect me to not help him?"_

"_Why did you have to get me pregnant? We were happy weren't we?" She turned her head away from him, tears diluting the blood that stained her cheeks._

"_Excuse me?"He couldn't bring himself to say anything else._

"_I was finally thin Zach. I never looked the same after he was born."_

_Zach felt physically sick and couldn't move away quick enough. He leant next to a tree, losing his stomach contents. _

_What kind of a mother would see their child in that way?_

_What kind of a mother would make her child so disgusted in themselves, that he would make himself sick at only eleven years old?_

_The anger and pain intensified. He thought back to the woman he fell in love with and how he had lost her years ago. Stumbling back to his wife, he fell to his knees with a large thud. "Please Miranda, please this isn't you." _

_He wanted the woman he loved back, he wanted to help her._

_He wanted to save his son from the path he had been placed on._

"_I can't be the woman you want me to be." _

"_What about Daniel?"_

"_Not even for him Zach, not even for him." _

_Zach had thought he was uninjured. But he was wrong ,there and then his heart had shattered. "I will not let you destroy my son." He placed his phone down on the ground and smashed it with his foot._

"_What are you doing?" Panic arose in her voice._

"_I can't save you if I can't call for help." He walked back over to the car and threw it in amongst the destruction of shattered glass and twisted metal._

_He sat down on the ground and ignored her cries for help. It wasn't until she went quiet that he left the area in search of assistance._

_By then it was too late. But of course, this was his intention._

Zach pulled away from his thoughts and ran his hand through Daniel's hair. Daniel had remembered his mother's death all wrong. In his mind, he saw his mother in a hospital bed being force fed with a tube. He had repressed all the other parts, he couldn't see past the illness that had gripped both of them.

Yes, Daniel had convinced himself that she had starved herself to death, and as far as Zach was concerned, he wasn't far wrong.

She wasn't willing to save herself, and Zach had finally given up trying.

He looked back at Daniel. He knew that he must never find out what happened that night. Zach had never told anyone what he had done, and it was a secret he was willing to take to the grave.

The prominent buzz of the doorbell broke his train of thought and awoke Daniel.

"Fucking hell, Dad! You were watching me sleep? Weren't you?" Daniel sat up and slid off the couch. "That's creepy."

"Uh no I just dropped..."

Daniel waved a dismissive hand. "Forget it, that door wont answer itself you know." He made a swift exit and returned with Luke by his side. "Dad, do you remember my friend Luke? He was my gay roommate who you had to hide in the cupboard with."

"What relevance is my sexuality?" Luke asked.

He shrugged. "I just like saying I had a gay roommate, it makes me sound like I'm in a sitcom or something."

Luke raised an eyebrow, shook his head. "You're unbelievable, you know that?" He didn't leave him chance to answer. "But seriously, spit it out."

Daniel reached into his mouth, pulled out a piece of gum and handed it over. "You're so bossy."

Luke looked down at it in disgust before flinging it in the bin. "What I should've said was -c'mon then, tell me how things went with Clare."

Zach interrupted. "Where did that gum come from? You were asleep a minute ago."

"I put it in when I went to get the door."

"Daniel! focus." Luke said.

A smile spread across Daniel's face. "Oh, things went very well. She's in my bed right now."

"Daniel! You said you were going to be taking it slow."

"It's not like that, she slept in the bed and I slept in here." He argued back.

Zach nodded. "It's true. He was on the couch all last night."

Daniel sent a wink in Luke's direction. "Something tells me the same doesn't apply to you." He playfully punched his arm. "I bet you and Liam have been up to all sorts in that bedroom of yours."

"Yes, but forget that. You should've seen the joint we smoked last night, it was massive!"

He was clearly unimpressed. "You're such a hypocrite. You used to make me smoke out of the kitchen window, but there you are getting high every night of the week."

"It's different."

"How is it different?"

The sound of a woman clearing her throat ended the discussion.

"Morning Clare, we were just discussing Daniel's cigarette habit." Luke laughed.

"Don't listen to Luke, he's being a douche."

Zach spoke up, attempting to sound assertive. "Calling people douches isn't nice, Danny."

"I wasn't trying to be nice!"

Before it could be discussed further, Clare held up her phone and read out a message from Howard. "Hey baby, happy birthday. Come home soon, you're in for a great day."

"It's your birthday?" Daniel said, surprised.

She nodded, placed the phone back in her pocket and smiled. "I'm twenty years old today, or we could say I'm two decades old. Which one sounds better to you?"

It's your birthday." He repeated. "How did I not know this?"

"You didn't ask."

"What was I supposed to do? Ask you everyday if it was your birthday, on the off chance that it might be?"

Luke gave him a look of mock disapproval. "Oh Danny boy, you're a terrible, terrible boyfriend. This has really fucked things up, forgetting her birthday."

"How could I possibly forget it? I didn't know to begin with." He ranted further. "Jesus Christ, now I look totally crappy, because I haven't even..." Daniel was interrupted by Clare, placing her lips against his.

"You're like a sexy praying mantis when you're angry." She licked her thumb and wiped the lipstick stain off his mouth.

"I'm like a sexy what?"

"May said it was her best chat up line, so naturally I was curious. Did it work?"

"Meh, I've heard worse."

She took hold of his hand. "That's good enough for me. Will you come home with me?"

"Just let me get a change of clothes."

Clare pulled him towards the front door. "You look fine as you are."

"So, is this what a proper relationship is like?" Daniel looked back at Luke and Zach. He never heard their reply; Clare had pulled him out the door and down the corridor.

Zach looked at the closed door.

A proper relationship? He never thought Daniel would ever have one, but that day he saw it with his own eyes.

Daniel would never know what Zach did that night, but he liked to think that in some way it saved him.

Maybe it saved all of them?

Zach hoped she could see them now.

He hoped she was proud of Daniel.

And he most of all he prayed that she would forgive him.


	37. Chapter 37

Sheldon and Amy sat side by side on the garden bench. The outside area was practically unrecognisable to how it had been in the morning. The lawn had been mown, the gate had been painted, fresh flowers had been planted and the neglected fish pond had been given a new lease of life.

"It was nice of you to sort out the garden for Howard." Amy said, turning to face her husband.

"How anyone could've lived like that is beyond me. I'm surprised Clare didn't want to sort it out, you'd think a girl of her intellect would be vigilant when it came to trimming bushes."

Amy placed her hand over her mouth, suppressing the urge to laugh. "Word of advice, I wouldn't repeat that again."

The front door opened and Howard stepped out onto the porch. "Hey, Sheldon - Stewart says he's finished his thousand word essay on why being sassy is reasonable grounds for you not taking him to comic con this year."

"It took him long enough." Sheldon looked at his watch, stood up and walked back into the house. "Stewart, if I see any grammatical errors there will be big trouble mister."

Howard sat down where Sheldon had previously been. "Hey, you okay?"

Amy gave him an uneasy smile. "Yes, it's just..." She changed her mind, shook her head. "No, forget it."

"Go on, you can say it." He gently encouraged.

I'm just a little nervous."

"You're nervous, why?"

"It's silly really." She looked down at the ground, counting the cracks in the stony driveway. "It's just this will be the first birthday I spend with her, what if I get it wrong?"

"Like you've never messed up on Stewart's birthday, it's all part of being a parent."

"Sure I have. I smuggled out one of the monkeys from the research labs at work. It could juggle, so I thought it would make a brilliant party act."

"That sounds great!"

"You'd think so, but no. It went crazy."

"Was everyone alright?"

"Fortunately, the children were all inside eating jelly and ice cream when it happened." Amy looked back in the direction Sheldon had gone in. "On the downside, Sheldon had been outside cleaning up the mess." She stopped, deliberately avoiding saying anymore.

"He wasn't badly hurt?" He couldn't hide his look of apprehension. "Was he?"

"We tell ourselves that it could've been so much worse, but it's of little comfort to Sheldon."

"You can't just leave it there. Seriously, now you're going to have to tell me what happened."

"I will tell you what the doctor said." She lowered her voice. "He said, luckily the damaged area wasn't so bad that they would have to remove it, but there was no chance that he would ever be able to have children again."

Howard cringed, crossed his legs and covered his lap with his hands. "Yikes."

"Yikes indeed."

"So there you go. Nothing that could go wrong today will ever be as bad as that."

Amy visibly relaxed. "Thanks Howard. I was so worried." She let out a small laugh.

"That's what friends are for, right?" He patted her knee and stood up. "I better go check on Leonard and Penny. They've been upstairs for quite some time now."

"They went up to look for sticky tape, didn't they?"

He pushed open the door. "Yes, but that was over an hour ago now."

"Howard wait!" Amy shouted out, louder than what she intended.

He took a step closer to her, confused by the sudden outburst. "Is everything alright?"

"I want to tell you something." She gestured to the empty space on the bench. He remained where he was. "Do you remember that letter your father wrote for you?"

Howard slowly nodded. "What about it?"

"I just had to tell you that what I told you wasn't true. He wasn't there at your high school graduation."

He looked disappointed. "Oh really? That was a good one, one of my favourites out of all of them." Howard sat back down on the bench. "Although, I can't figure out why you're telling me this."

"Because I need to tell you something, something I've never told anyone."

"This isn't some kind of crazy confession is it? Because before this goes any further, I'm just going to let you know that I'm not willing to become an accessory to any crime you may have committed."

"It's nothing that bad."

Howard wasn't going to hide his relief. "Thank God for that. Let me tell you, I was seriously worried for a moment back there."

"Your father may not have been there for yours, but I was there for Clare's." She cut straight to the point.

"I see." Howard's facial expression didn't alter. It was almost as if he was unfazed by the sudden declaration.

"I couldn't help myself, my mother was really sick and I had to be with her." Amy continued onwards, not giving Howard chance to interrupt. "She died a few days after I'd come to visit her. She was angry with me when she went. I don't think she ever forgave me for giving up her granddaughter."

"Oh Amy..." He tried to think of something to say. "I'm so sorry."

She continued onwards, barely registering his words. "Penny had told me the details and I just showed up. You were sat in middle of auditorium, so I hid at the back."

"She looked beautiful that night, I was so proud. She made me promise not to cry, but I just couldn't help myself."

"Me too, it had been the first time I'd seen her since that night in Texas when she was fourteen." Amy reached over and took his hand. "Afterwards she ran off the stage, straight into your arms. You looked like the perfect family."

"Perfect? I tried to make it as close as possible. It's just a pity her Ma wasn't there to see it." He rubbed his thumb along her fingers, then he let go. "I always thought that you being there was close enough."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You saw me?"

Howard only nodded.

"You saw me?" She repeated, this time louder.

He moved away from the bench towards the door. Just before he went back into the house, he stopped, turned to face her again. "Yes, I saw you. You looked like you had no idea why you were there."

"And you looked lonely. All the other parents came with someone, but you were there on your own." She held his gaze for a few seconds, unblinking. "I wanted to come and sit by you."

"Why didn't you?" Howard asked. His tone was gentle- it encouraged but didn't demand any responses.

"I guess it would've felt like an intrusion. Bernadette was one of my besties, don't you think I'd betrayed her enough already? It wouldn't have been right to have taken her place that night." She took a small pause, taking a moment to read Howard's facial expressions. "And between you and me, I don't think Clare would've let me do that anyway."

Howard couldn't disagree. "No Amy, I don't suppose she would've done."

"Did she see me?" She gulped back the strained emotions.

He shook his head. "No, I figured that you wanted to stay out of sight. I wasn't going to ruin that for you."

"Thank you." Amy wished there were better words. In that moment, a thank you was the best she could do. "I mean it, thank you."

"I'm always here to help you Amy. You know that, right?" She gave a knowing nod; he gave a warm hearted smile. "Just you wait, when your little guy eventually graduates you're gonna be so proud of him. I promise you that."

"I always am." Amy hoped she sounded enthusiastic, she needed to be.

"Until then, we've got a party to throw." Howard offered her his hand and guided her back inside. "If anyone had told me this time twenty years ago I would be doing this..." He laughed, amused.

"What would you have said?"

"Well around about now, you would've been crushing the bones in my hand - so not much."

"I was not crushing your hand." She protested. "Anyway, you told me to squeeze as hard as I wanted."

"In my defence, usually when I say that to a woman, she rarely takes me up on the offer."

A child's voice was heard from the next room. "Screw you Daddy!"

"Stewart Lee Cooper. That's another violation of the agreement. You're grounded for the rest of the month." Sheldon shouted back.

Howard attempted to sound disapproving. "He's a little young for that kinda language don't you think?"

Amy slowly untangled her fingers from his. "I better get in there. Once Stewart starts arguing, there's no stopping him." She hesitated, Howard immediately noticed.

"You alright?"

She rocked on the balls of her feet, torn between stopping the argument and talking to Howard. "Could I ask you something?"

"Don't you have to get in there?" He heard a crash from the kitchen. "I mean, seriously, it sounds like a war zone in there."

"Sheldon can handle it. Stewart is almost a foot shorter than him." She kept her eyes on Howard, blocking out the background disruptions. "I'm going to ask you something and you need to answer me. You promise you'll give me an answer?

He hardly skipped a beat. "I'll give you an answer."

"Stewart. Is it time I told him?"

"Is he ready?"

"That's not an answer! That's just another question."

He inhaled, held it for a few seconds and slowly let it go. "One day? Definitely, yes."

"But now?"

"No. Not today. You should tell him, but only when he can understand what it means."

She lowered her voice, stepped in closer. "How can I ever expect him to understand it when I don't get it myself?"

"Honestly? I think you should just tell him what we told Clare and hope to God that he can get his head around it."

The kitchen door crashed open and thundering footsteps came down the hallway. Stewart appeared a stack of paper in his grip. "This is what I think of the father/ son agreement." He ripped the paper to shreds and threw it to the floor.

Sheldon came up behind him. "That may seem like fun now, but someone's going to have to clear that up."

"You, you do it."

"Stewart, just pick it up." Amy said, becoming exasperated.

"Not until Daddy says he was stupid."

Sheldon rolled his eyes and got to the floor. "You know what? I'll just pick it up myself."

"I win." Stewart announced, skipping past by the adults. He went in the direction of the sitting room. "Lenny, I don't have to wear a stupid costume this year."

Howard raised an eyebrow. "He's your kid and he doesn't like comic con? How is that even possible?"

"Lord knows. I try to raise him right, but he's determined to be an outlaw."

"He's nine years old." Amy defended.

"And he'll be the same when he's ninety." Sheldon stood up, placing the shreds of paper into his pocket. "Trust me, he will."

"So will you." Howard laughed. "Good luck Amy. You may just need it."

Amy rolled her eyes before walking off in the same direction as her son.

"So what time is Clare going to get here?' Sheldon asked.

Howard checked his phone. "She said she would be here in ten minutes but we are still missing someone." He noted, picking up and counting party hats.

"I thought everyone was here. Are you sure you counted properly?" The other man asked, making Howard sigh in exasperation.

"Sheldon: I have a masters degree, I worked on the Mars rover, I even went to space. I think I know how to count."

"I am not disregarding your ability to count. I simple asked if you had counted correctly."

"Sheldon… Just let it go." He peered into the sitting room, where Stewart, Amy and Lenny were blowing up balloons. "Hey guys, has anyone seen Raj?"

"Raj?"

"Um yeah guys. You know: socially awkward, slightly cute but extremely desperate, Indian born Raj?"Howard looked at his phone again, expecting to find out why his best friend wasn't there "He said he'd be here."

"May I interject something here?" Sheldon said.

The doorbell rang. Howard laughed at Sheldon's annoyance at being cut off before moving towards the front door.

"Dude ,I'm sorry I'm late." Raj apologised, looking as if he had just ran a marathon.

"What the hell happened? You should've been here hours ago!"

Before Raj could answer, he turned around and Howard was shocked to see an old face coming up the steps behind him.

"Lucy?" He took a closer look. "Oh my God, it is. It's Lucy!"

'Um, hi Howard." Lucy gave a shy wave. "Raj said this would be ok, I don't want to impose. I can go if you want." She stammered, quickly looking everywhere but Howard.

"Hey, no it's fine. The more the merrier, come in you two." Howard could hardly believe his eyes, it had been over twenty years since he had seen her last.

As the pair walked through the door, Howard waited until Lucy was in the sitting room before pulling Raj away into the hallway.

Raising an eyebrow he waited until Raj began to explain.

"I saw her the other day when I was looking for a new green sweater vest. The colour really brings out my eyes, but they are so hard to find. I mean seriously, they are like gold dust." Raj said.

"What the hell? That's it? You haven't seen her since that date at the library!"

"I know, and she's still as beautiful now as she was back then."

"Did she ever explain why you never saw her again?"

He nodded. "She had to leave; she got offered a new job. She said she just had to go, she knew if she stuck around, she would change her mind."

" Even after all this time, you still love her. Don't you?"

Feeling himself blush, Raj looked away. "Stop, you're embarrassing me."

"It's true. No other woman has ever come close to her, that's why you've been single all these years. Don't deny it."

"All I'm saying is, whatever her reasons for leaving, she's back now and we're going to see how it goes."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Were going to see how things go from here. It's been over twenty years, but technically this is our third date. Anyway I better go get her a glass of wine."

Howard was proud of his wingman finally getting there after twenty long awkward years. "You go get your girl, Raj." He shouted up the stairs. "Leonard! Penny! Put your pants back on, Clare will be here any minute.

He smiled to himself. This party was going to go well.


	38. Chapter 38

Sheldon opened the door to the upstairs bathroom. "Stewart? When Aunt Penny said we needed to hide, I think she was thinking more along the lines of downstairs."

Stewart peered over the bathtub. "Clare will look downstairs first, I want to win."

"It's not that kind of hiding." He perched on the edge. "The way this work is, we all hide and then jump out and shout surprise when she arrives."

"That's the worst game of hide and seek, ever. If we tell the seeker where we are, then how is that a surprise?"

"We're not playing hide and seek. We're throwing a surprise party."

"Oh, I thought the party started hours ago and we were playing hide and seek." He climbed out of the tub onto his father's lap. "Are we still friends Daddy?"

"Of course we are." Sheldon ruffled his hair. "I'll even take you to comic con this year." Sheldon didn't often break his rules, but for Stewart, he would always make an exception. "We can just forget all about your sass earlier."

"Do I still have to wear the costume?"

He considered the question. "I suppose that's negotiable, although, I still can't understand your reluctance."

"I'll wear a costume, but I don't want it to match yours."

"You drive a hard bargain Stewart Cooper."

"No, I just really want to go as a Dalek this year."

Sheldon painted on his most convincing smile, anything to avoid another argument. "Son, if you want to dress up as a Doctor who character, then who am I to stop you?"

Stewart beamed up at him, his anger from earlier completely dissolved. "It's going to be really fun now."

"In that case, maybe it's worth it."

"Oh, it's worth it Daddy." He clambered off his lap. "Now, let's go downstairs. You can teach me this new version of hide and seek." Stewart was too excited to wait for his father, instead he hurriedly ran down the stairs in search of a better hiding place.

Sheldon was surprised to find he was no longing forcing his smile. "I'm so proud of him." He ran towards the stairs. "Hey Stewart, slow down for your old man."

oOo

Just before she reached the street to her home, Clare pulled her car over. "Are you ready for this?" She looked over at Daniel.

"I'd be more ready if you'd have let me take a shower."

"I'm serious. This isn't exactly what you do."

Daniel took off his seatbelt and shuffled in towards her. "It is now." He showed her his best guilty look. "Although, I do feel a bit of a douche for not getting you a present."

"I think that not knowing it was my birthday is a good enough excuse."

"I do look a bit of a jerk boyfriend though." Daniel thought for a moment. He reached into his pocket and produced a pack of chewing gum. "There's one left, take it quick."

"Wasn't that full last night?" She asked.

He stuck his hand in his pocket again. This time he produced another packaging, however, unlike the last one, there was no gum to be seen. "This was the one you saw me buy last night. I get through a lot of gum."

"How did you manage that?"

"Every time I wanted a cigarette, I'd chew one of these instead."

"Weren't both of them a pack of twenty?" She squinted to read the writing.

Daniel too studied the label, slowing nodding in confirmation. "You would be right." He furrowed his brow, his lips turning downwards to form a frown. "I think I underestimated how much I would get through."

"Underestimated? You do realise that in the space of just under twelve hours, you have had thirty nine pieces?" Clare calculated. She thought back to the night before, she couldn't work out how he had got through so many without her noticing. "Seriously, did you stay up all night chewing them?"

"What can I say? Giving up smoking is a bitch, I gotta cope somehow."

"All that sugar can't be good for your teeth."

"On the plus side though, I don't have to lean out the kitchen window to enjoy them." Memories of his housemate's rule coming back to him; he lowered his voice to a mutter. "Fucking Luke, he never made Liam do it.

Clare was quick to change the mood, so she took the wrapper off him. "Anyway, let me have it then. You know, it's been ages since I've... She stopped talking. "Where's it gone? Did it fall out?" Dropping her eyes to the floor, she looked around for it.

Daniel's facial expression was similar to that of a child, who had just been caught dipping their hand in the sweet jar. "Not exactly."

"Open your mouth." She commanded, suspicious.

He turned his head to the side and pointed out the window. "Ha look, someone has graffitied on that wall. Can you believe how awful it is? When I was younger, I would be way more creative with the spray cans."

Clare was determined not to let it go. "That's not going to work. Now, show me what's inside your mouth."

Admitting defeat, Daniel sighed and did as she asked.

"Under the tongue, Daniel." Clare said, standing firm.

"That wasn't part of the deal." The words were muffled.

Clare shook her head in disapproval. "You've taken the last one! You have, you've taken it." With a turn of the key, the car came to life. "I don't even know how you did that, I was watching you the whole time."

"I was quick."

"That's not the only thing you're quick with."

Stunned, his mouth dropped open, the incriminating piece of chewing gum falling out onto his lap. "You did not just say that."

Clare winked at him, highly amused at his embarrassment. "You can make ten banana splits in under a minute. Your boss says you're a waste of space, but I bet none of the teenagers could do that."

Oh I though you were implying that I was..." He shrugged it off. "Oh, just drive, will ya?"

She placed her foot down on the pedal and guided the car forward. "Let's do this."

oOo

Penny and Amy crouched behind the crouch, awaiting Clare's arrival. Penny looked over at Amy, keeping her voice at a low level. "So, this is pretty exciting, first birthday with your little girl?"

"It's been a long time. After the last time, I didn't think I'd see her again."

Penny edged in closer, closing the already small gap that was between them. "She'll be pleased to have you here. Really, she will."

"I was talking to Howard earlier."

"He thinks we should tell Stewart one day."

"Seriously?" Her eyes widened. "You want to tell him everything?"

Amy looked to her left, considering Penny's question. "It's a huge thing to keep from him, he's got a sister. Wouldn't you want to know if that was you?"

"Well... Yeah, I guess." Penny replied. "He's just going to have so many questions and there not going to be easy to answer." She paused, leaving time for her words to be processed. "You know that, right?"

"I'll answer them. I just hope he'll understand." She turned her gaze to meet Penny's eyes. "He knows his father well enough. When he's older, he will understand how hard it must've been for him to accept that kind of responsibility."

Penny took hold of her friend's hand. "When you do tell him, we'll be there every step of the way, just like we were for Clare."

"Penny?" Came a male voice from over the other side of the room.

"What is it, Leonard?" She got to her knees and looked over the top of the couch.

"Can I come out from under here?"

"No, your hiding place is under the coffee table." She was insistent.

"Lucy and Raj are either side of me- we're getting crushed down here!"

"Then you should've called dibs on behind the sofa."

"But Pen..."

"Just breathe in, Leonard." She turned away from him, back to her conversation with Amy. "Like I was saying," She raised her voice for her husband to hear, "before I was rudely interrupted,"

"Hey, you try being cramped under here." Leonard retaliated. "My arms in a cast, it's not easy being in this position for this amount of time."

"Yes and no offence, Leonard, but you're kind of a third wheel." Raj said.

Annoyed, Leonard crawled out and left the room. "Forget this. I'm hiding under the stairs with Howard and Lenny."

Raj rolled in closer to Lucy and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Alone again."

Penny continued onwards. "Whichever way Stewart reacts, we'll make sure he's okay by the end of it."

Amy wasn't left with long to think this over, she heard the door creak open and her son came running in. "Mommy, where are you?"

"Behind the sofa, do you want to come over here and hide with us?"

The two women shuffled apart and Stewart slotted in between them. Penny placed a hand on his shoulder. "I never noticed how much he actually looked like Sheldon." She smiled, proudly. "He's going to be a tall one too, I can tell."

"Mary has warned me that I'm going to have to be constantly replacing shoes and buying new trousers."

"Do I get new shoes, Mommy?" Stewart looked hopeful.

"The rate you're growing at, it's only a matter of time."

Sheldon's voice was heard. "Dear lord, I know we're taking this seriously, but squeezing under a coffee table? Really Raj, you're honestly telling me that was your best hiding place?"

Lucy replied in Raj's place. "I'm no fan of enclosed spaces, but this is actually kinda nice."

"It's romantic, isn't it?" Raj asked.

"It sure is." She placed a shy kiss on his cheek, blushing as she did so.

Mimicking the retching gesture, Sheldon turned his back on them and called for his son. "Stewart, are you in here?"

"Over here, Daddy." Stewart stood up and waved.

"Who else is behind there?"

"Mommy and Aunty Penny." Stewart turned back around, considering the space that was left. "There's not much room here, but if we all squeeze together, you can just about fit."

Sheldon wrinkled his nose up. "I hardly think that being crushed together, like sweaty sardines, is the best way to get a party started."

Despite his urge to protest, Stewart didn't argue.

Sheldon crossed over to the window and inspected the curtain. "It's not bad, it's long enough to keep me hidden." He crouched down and draped the material over himself.

Howard strode into the room and took a sweeping glance of the area. "Raj, that is a terrible place to hide. I can see you the moment I walk in."

"Deal with it." Raj kept his eyes on Lucy. As far as he was concerned, they might as well have been the only ones in the room.

"Hold on a minute, I'm just going into the kitchen." Howard returned moments later with a table cloth in hand. "It's a good thing, I've got this." He spread it over, hiding Lucy and Raj from view. Looking over at the doorway, Howard saw Leonard and Lenny watching on in amusement.

"This is more like a military operation than a surprise party." Leonard chuckled.

"Get back under the stairs! Clare is going to be here any minute."

"Relax, everything's under control."

Becoming increasingly stressed, Howard picked up a magazine off the table and started fanning himself with it. "Relax? How can I relax? We need to hide!"

"Yes, we'll hide." Leonard looked down at his son. "Isn't that right, Lenny?"

Howard made the shooing gesture with his arms. "Then get back under the stairs!"

Amy crawled around the side of the couch, making herself visible. "May I interject something here?"

"Make it quick." Howard said, tapping his wrist watch to emphasise the point.

"Wouldn't it make more sense if we all hid in here? That way, we can all jump out at the same time."

"I don't care where we all hide, just as long as we're hidden."

Sheldon poked his head out from behind the curtain. "Then you better make it quick, I do believe Clare's car has just pulled up."

"Holy crap! Quickly, everyone hide." Defying the restraints of having a broken rib, Howard dived under the table with Lucy and Raj.

Leonard lightly pushed Lenny toward the couch. "You go hide with Mommy." Leonard watched as his son tucked himself out of sight before seeking his own place. "Hey Sheldon, budge up."

oOo

Clare walked ahead of Daniel, stood on the doorstep and turned to face him. "So my Dad may be a little angry."

"I get it, I was a douche."

"Lucky for you, he's currently broken his ribs. So if he does go crazy, he wouldn't be able to do much damage." She said. "Although, if things do get out of hand, try not to use much force. Nothing kills the romance quite like my boyfriend punching my father."

"I'm not going to punch anyone." He couldn't help but laugh.

"May I remind you of the night we left here?"

He shrugged. "As far as I remember, nobody got punched."

"You asked me if I wanted you to punch Doctor Cooper."

Daniel snapped his fingers. "Yes I remember, I thought it would be romantic." He took a step forward and joined her on the doorstep. "I would've got off the bike, and said this is for being for being a shit father."

"And then you would've punched him?"

He nodded. "Exactly. You would've been turned on by how manly I was, then we would've had sex right there on the..." He was interrupted by Clare clamping her hand over his mouth.

"Stop that." She warned.

He batted her hand away. "Okay, alright I'll behave myself."

She produced her keys from out her back pocket and placed them in the lock. "No swearing, no sexual innuendo and don't get too drunk."

"So basically, I just have to stand there and not say anything?"

She pressed down on the handle, pushed it down and entered the house. "That would be nice, but somehow I can't see you keeping to it." Clare moved to the side, cleared her throat so she could call out. "DAD, I'M HOME!"

"Holy mother of God." Daniel took a step backwards, stunned. "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Confused, she blinked several times.

"That voice thing! You sound like you've injected a truck load of testosterone."

"Oh that?"

"Yes... that."

Moving swiftly onwards, she took hold of his hand, gently pulling him into the house. "He said that he was here, why didn't he hear me?"

"Maybe he's gone deaf? Anyone would after hearing that."

Clare opened the door to the living room and took a glance of the area. "What is going on here?"

"What? Everything looks fine." Daniel said, following her gaze.

"The coffee table has a cloth on it, it didn't yesterday morning."

"You're over thinking this."

"Not at all." Clare crossed her arms. "Don't even think about jumping out, Daniel is not a dignified man and being shocked is not something he will deal with well."

"What the ..." Daniel didn't finish his sentence. The large group all emerged from their hiding places, one by one. He looked at Clare. "How did you know? I had no idea they were there."

"I have sensitive hearing. Someone was chewing on a peanut."

"It was a cashew nut." Sheldon corrected. "And it was an open mouthed chew."

Penny felt her cheeks blush a bright crimson. "How can you know that? You were over the other side of the room!" She said, sounding increasingly guilty.

"I know everything, Penny."

Raj helped Lucy to her feet. "Never mind that, the birthday girl is here! And she needs to be introduced to Lucy!" He let out a girly giggle of excitement.

Lucy took a step toward Clare. "Raj has told me all about you, it's nice to finally meet you." She kept hold of Raj's hand, one of the best confidence boosters she had had in years.

"Lucy?" Clare repeated, looking at Raj before turning her gaze back to Lucy. "You know, it's the strangest thing, when I was growing up, uncle Raj would..."

"She doesn't need to hear that." Raj attempted brush over the topic. Lucy wasn't going to let him.

"No I want to hear it, let her talk. What would he do?"

"He would make up these little fairy stories for me."

"Yes, I would. Now, c'mon everyone, let's give Clare her presents or we could get the dance mat out." Raj was eager to change the subject. This was not something Lucy missed.

Picking up on his friend's shiftiness, Howard's curiosity got the better of him. "Go on Clare, you've not finished. Have you?"

"Well..." Clare was hesitant. "The princess was always called Lucy..." She gave Raj an apologetic look. "But hey, I'm sure that was just a coincidence."

Lucy turned so she was facing Raj face on. "Somehow, I don't think it is." In that moment, it was like he was holding her heart in his hand and the slightest move could effortlessly break it. "I really meant that much to you?"

Raj looked down at the ground, feeling silly. "I guess it's just..." He waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, I'm sure you're not that interested."

"Right now, it's the only thing I'm interested in." She took both of his hands in her own, given the choice, she wouldn't ever let go.

"Really?"

"Tell me everything."

Encouraged, he was prepared to tell all, hardly caring about the large audience. "It's just, fairy tales always end in happily ever after, and when you left, I felt like I missed out on mine." He gestured to Clare. "And when I would baby-sit, I was able to make believe about how things could have gone, without sounding like a lonely sad case."

Overcome with emotion, Leonard began to tear up.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Why are you the having an emotional wobble? He's not saying it to you."

Embarrassed by his sudden outburst, Leonard quickly covered his tracks. "No uh... I'm not." He quickly rubbed at his eyes. "I've just got something in my eye."

"Don't cry, Daddy." Lenny crossed over the room and wrapped his arms around him.

"Mommy, why is Uncle Leonard sad?" Stewart said to Amy.

"I'm not!" Leonard protested.

Raj placed his hands on his hips and frowned in his friend's reaction. "Dude! I'm trying to make a romantic declaration of my feelings and you're stealing my thunder."

Lucy placed her hand on his cheek. "That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me." Tears had formed in her eyes too. "If only I'd realised this twenty years ago."

"We can spend the rest of our live making up for that. Just promise me you won't be climbing the toilet window out of my life again?"

Speechless, all Lucy could do was nod and step into his arms. He pulled her in close and buried his face in her hair. Raj looked over at Clare and silently mouthed. "And they all lived happily ever after."

Before she realised it, Clare had taken hold of Daniel's hand. "You came back for me." She didn't usually get caught up in the notion of the romance, however she was truly swept up in the moment. She looked over at Howard. "Dad, look he came back for me!"

Howard looked at them together. He had to admit, Clare looked happy, a happiness he had always wanted to see in her. In that moment, all anger Howard had towards the boy who had left his daughter heartbroken quickly left him. "I know, baby. It was only a matter of time before he realised."

Daniel let go of Clare's hand and took a step towards Howard. "Mr Wolowitz, I'm so sorry I hurt your daughter. I give you my word, I will treat her how she deserves to be treated."

Howard extended his hand for Daniel to take. "That's all I ask, Daniel. She is my world and I need to know I can trust you to make her happy."

Daniel nodded, taking hold of the other man's hand and putting all his promises into the firm shake. "You have my word. Daniel Johnson has finally found the girl who's worth it."

"Then what are you what are waiting for? Stop shaking my hand and show her you mean it."

Taking Howard's advice, he rushed back to Clare. "I may not have a present, but how does the best kiss you've ever had sound?"

"I'll let you know." She winked and leaned in, ready for him to fulfil his promise.

Leonard held Lenny closer to him, bringing his eyes up to meet his wife's. "Look Penny, he's smart, beautiful and not imaginary." Once more, he found himself welling up. "We made it, didn't we?"

"We sure did, Leonard." Penny thought back to all the times she had rejected him and broke his heart. He was the most beautiful man she knew. Penny wished her younger self had seen this sooner. "Thank you for loving me, you never gave up on me." On the last word, she too was in tears.

"Just come here, be with us." Leonard opened up his arms. In no time at all, the small family of three were in a tight embrace.

Sheldon looked at the three couples and felt an odd feeling. "Sheldon Cooper doesn't cry, Sheldon Cooper doesn't cry, Sheldon Cooper doesn't cry." He repeated this over and over, hoping to convince himself.

"Apparently he does." Amy said, gesturing to his damp cheeks. "From where I'm stood, he's a massive cry baby."

He swallowed his pride, if his friends could do it, then so would he. "Amy, I don't tell you this often enough, but..."

She raised her finger, making the shushing gesture. "I know Sheldon, I know you do."

He broke into a run and sprinted towards her and Stewart. He lifted Stewart with one arm and placed the other one around Amy. "I've not always been a great husband, Amy, but I hope I've got this right."

Amy pressed her face against his shoulder, letting her emotions sink into the fabric of his shirt. "This is perfect, Sheldon."

And then there was Howard. Overwhelmed by the displays of affection in front of him, his heart ached with how happy he was for his beloved friends, however the loneliness had never felt more prominent. In that moment he was almost drowning in it.

He missed Bernadette. He missed her badly.

Needing a moment to himself, Howard stepped out the room. He leant up against the wall and went to rub his thumb over his wedding ring. That's when he remembered how he had taken it off.

He looked at the finger he once wore it on, the only evidence of it ever being there was the rapidly fading tan line.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught his attention. Looking over, he saw his Mother –in law standing in the doorway, an envelope clutched tightly in her hand. "Hello Howard." She kept her voice at a low level.

"Mrs Rostenkowski, what are you doing here?"

"I'm not staying. I just need to give you this." She placed the envelope in Howard's hand. "Bernadette wrote it before she died, she said I needed to pick the right moment."

"What does it say?"

"You need to read it for yourself, she said that she always wanted to tell you, but she was never sure how to."

He ran his finger over the inky lettering, his name written in bold capitals, in Bernadette's swirly hand writing. "I don't get it."

"It's time you knew. She told me I had to be sure that the time was right, and it is Howard. It really is." With that, she turned on her heel and left, Leaving Howard alone, with one final piece of the jigsaw that was his wife's life.

He brought it up and inhaled it's essence, the smell of Bernadette's perfume still clinging to the flimsy paper. "What is it you could never tell me, Bernie?" He ripped open the envelope and proceeded to read the words that would change his life.


	39. Chapter 39

Sheldon patted Amy's back and placed Stewart down. "Well that was..." It wasn't often Sheldon was lost for words. "That was very..." Admitting defeat, he looked to his wife for guidance. "What was that?"

"It was very human, Sheldon."

"Maybe that's just the kind of guy I am now?" Sheldon ruffled Stewart's hair.

Unfazed by his father's declaration, Stewart pointed in Daniel and Clare's direction. "Are they getting enough air? I think they might turn blue if they keep that up for much longer."

Following his son's gaze, Sheldon tilted his head to the side, crossing his arms as he did so. "Oh my... he's milking that kiss for all its worth, isn't he?" He continued to watch, they showed no signs of pulling apart any time soon. "It's like a gory horror film, you sure as hell don't want to watch it but there's something about it that you can't help but look at."

"Maybe he's sucking her soul out?" Stewart replied.

Sheldon considered this for a moment, a thoughtful look in his eyes. "Or, alternatively, he could be possessing her?"

"If her teeth are pointy and she no longer has a reflection, then she's been turned into a demon."

"No. That's vampires, son."

"What would we do if he has turned her into a vampire?"

Sheldon looked over at Clare and Daniel, he then he brought his gaze back to Stewart. "Well, it would be a tough call, but I'd have to go with the driving a wooden stake in her heart. On the other hand, they do say that throwing holy water does the trick too. " He paused, considering it further. "Although saying that, I think I'd stick with the stake through the heart. It would be quicker, at least that way; she wouldn't have to suffer as much."

"Sheldon!" Amy shouted, shooting him a look of disgust.

"What? I'm just thinking of Clare. Surely you wouldn't want to subject her to a life of blood thirst and an aversion to sunlight?"

Clare and Daniel pulled apart. Feeling dizzy, Clare gripped Daniel's shoulder and gasped for air. "We're stood like five feet away from you. How could you think that we couldn't hear you?" She looked directly at Sheldon.

"You seemed a little preoccupied." Amy said, embarrassed.

Daniel wore a confused expression, it was clear to see he had temporarily rejected his perception of the outside world. "Hear what? I didn't hear anything."

She placed a hand on his arm. "Trust me, you don't wanna know."

Daniel wrinkled his nose up. He ran his tongue around his mouth. "Hey! You stole my gum." He crossed his arms. "Give it back you thieving..." He reconsidered his words. "What I mean is, could I please have my gum back? Please." He forced a smile.

"Nope." She over emphasised her chewing of it.

"Fine... That's fine." Now that there was no distraction, Daniel was surprised by just how much he wanted a cigarette.

Over the far side of the room, Leonard brought his family's embrace to a reluctant close. "Hey Clare, isn't it about time you introduce us properly." He gestured to where Daniel was stood.

Raj wasn't sure how he did it, but he took his eyes off Lucy. "Yes, introduce us!"

"Right, yes. Daniel, you've already met May."

He nodded. "Yes, back in Texas." Daniel took a step towards Amy. "Although, I've got no idea what to actually call you."

"Let's go with Amy, unless you want to call me May. When I first met Clare, I introduced myself as May and she didn't get out of the habit of calling me that."

Stewart looked up at her. "Mommy, why would you have done that? You should've said your name was Amy."

Clare was lightening fast with the excuse. "Me and your Mommy, we were playing a game and it was so realistic, I forgot to call her by her real name afterwards."

Stewart looked doubtful, however he was left with no time to dispute it further.

"And who is this?" Daniel pointed to Stewart, keen to help Clare and Amy.

"My name is Stewart Lee Cooper."

"That is one cool name."

Stewart grinned. "My Mommy and Daddy named me after the man who owns Daddy's favourite comic book store." He explained. "He took Mommy on a date but Daddy wasn't happy."

"I bet he wasn't."

"No. So when Mommy and Stewart were on a date, Daddy interrupted them while they watching the film and made her his girlfriend."

Clare turned to look at Leonard and Penny. "Is that romantic? I can't tell."

"It depends on whose perspective you look at it from, I'm sure if you asked Stewart, he would tell you that it was crushing." Leonard said.

Sheldon made his protests. "I disagree. I did the gentlemanly thing and let them continue with the rest of their date. Let me tell you, those cinema tickets don't come cheap. I paid eight dollars fifty and to this day, I do not know what happened in that film."

Daniel held back a laugh. "What a great way to get you name." He said to Stewart.

"I know it's the coolest. What about you? Why are you called Daniel?"

He felt himself blush. Daniel had always maintained that his parent's reasoning behind his name was cringe worthy. "Well uh... I won't bore you with the details."

"No, it won't be boring." Stewart insisted.

Daniel didn't want to disappoint the young boy. "My Mom was fanatical about this singer called Elton John. She was literally obsessed with him. She had every album and every song on her Ipod, the lot." He stopped.

Clare sent him a look, urging him to say more. "C'mon, let's hear the rest of it."

"She always said that when she had a baby, and if that baby was a boy, she would name him Elton."

Lucy, who had been quiet throughout, spoke up. "But your name isn't Elton?"

"No, thankfully."

"Why did she change her mind?" Stewart enquired.

"My Grandmother put her foot down. She said it was over her dead body that she would have a grandson with the name Elton Johnson."

"So in the end, they compromised and agreed that you would be named after one of his songs?" Sheldon concluded.

"Pretty much."

Clare wrapped her arms around his neck. "You know, I suddenly feel so much closer to you."

"Why? Because I was named after some song?"

"When I was younger, my Dad always used to sing me an Elton John song whenever I was ill." She briefly pressed her lips against his. "You're my rocket man."

"That was cheesier than that packet of Cheetoes I had for lunch." Sheldon commented, somewhat ruining the moment.

Daniel shook Sheldon's hand. "And you're the infamous Doctor Cooper, I presume?"

"Ah, I see how it is. We're brushing over the fact you considered punching me on our first meeting." Amy nudged Sheldon, making him rephrase his sentence. "I mean yes, that's me. I guess this is the part where I say it's good to meet you again." Unwilling to look insincere, he thought about koala bears.

"Sure, it's good to meet you too." Daniel pictured himself on a beach in the Bahamas. He found that it made the meeting more tolerable. "So you're a physicist?"

"I am a theoretical physicist. Although Clare tells me you're a bus boy, so I doubt you'd understand it."

Amy stepped in. "C'mon Sheldon, I'm sure Daniel knows a whole load about science. Don't you, Daniel?"

"I know that if you cut a starfish's head off, it just comes straight back to life."

"Who on earth told you that?" Sheldon asked, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not sure, it was probably my Dad."

"I knew a man like that too, he was an idiot." Sheldon gestured to where Penny was stood. "He used to date Penny. He was all muscle and no brains." Sheldon stopped for a second, recalling the first part of their conversation. "Hold on... What did you say your surname was?"

Daniel's jaw tightened, his nostrils flaring. "Johnson. It's Johnson." He raised his voice slightly. "And that Idiot you're talking about, he may not be all that smart, but he's a damn good father. It may have taken me a while to realise it, but he is."

Sheldon could offer no response.

"You know what, Clare? I'm no suck up. Never have been, never will be." Daniel was going to make his point, not even a hurricane could've stopped him. "I don't need this guy's approval and I'm not going try to get it. He takes me, or he leaves me."

Penny looked down at her little boy, she then pointed to Daniel. "And that, Lenny, is how you strap on a pair and show the world what you're made of."

"Oh God... He's brave, just watching him do something like that makes me want to hyperventilate." Lucy said, slightly flustered.

Raj nodded, he had never seen anyone stick up to Sheldon like that before. "You and me both."

Daniel didn't break eye contact with Sheldon. "So, Doctor Cooper, should we start over? Or are we just going to have to agree to disagree?"

"Think about this carefully, Sheldon." Amy warned. To everyone's surprise, Sheldon was smiling. The first genuine one since he had been properly introduced to Daniel.

"What are you so smug about?" Daniel challenged.

"That was pretty impressive."

"It was?"

Sheldon nodded. "It takes real guts to be able to do something like that, Daniel. You're not afraid to make a few enemies and I like that."

Leonard lowered his voice, leant in closer to Penny. "Did I just hear right?" He raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Like seriously, is he high? Or is it that me?"

"There's no point whispering, Uncle Leonard." Clare said. "And I see your point, it's like we've entered some kind of a parallel universe."

Daniel interrupted. " Let's turn that music up and start the party. Quickly, before he changes his mind and decides that I actually am a complete bastard."

Penny reached for the stereo remote and threw it over. "Take the lead, Danny boy."

oOo

Howard lowered himself onto the bottom step of the staircase. His hands shaking and his breathing heavy, he willed himself to look at the first line of the page.

He only got as far as the, **Dear Howard.**

Her handwriting was so familiar. It had been five long years since he had last seen it, and now he was surprised by just how fresh in his mind it was. Bernadette's handwriting was never something that Howard had considered during his grief; whereas Clare had kept everything: Post it notes, shopping lists, old birthday cards and anything else that Bernadette may have once scribbled on.

Now he could see why. It was strangely comforting.

Howard could picture her now, sitting at her desk with a well chewed pen in her hand. He wondered whether she used the expensive fountain pen he had bought her for her birthday, or maybe she picked up the nearest biro she could find?

For a moment, he simply looked at the paper and ignored the writing. It was bright pink in colour with a rainbow border, he instantly thought of the Hello Kitty stationary set that Clare used to keep in her room.

He recreated the scene in his mind; she was no longer sat in her office. Howard could imagine her perched on the edge of their daughter's bed, watching her sleep and writing out her parting words whilst she still had the strength to do so. In his mind, Bernadette stayed in there all night. She must've known she didn't have long left.

In the months leading up to Bernadette's death, Howard would often awake to find her side of the bed empty. He understood why. Howard got how hard it was, knowing that she wasn't going to see their little girl grow up. Yes, Bernadette couldn't bear the thought of leaving her, and if that meant spending less time with Howard ,so she could make the most of every second with her daughter, then Howard wasn't going to complain.

"C'mon Howard, just read it." He said to himself. This wasn't like his father's note. This wasn't something he could simply set fire to in the sink, this needed his wholehearted attention.

**Dear Howard,**

**You may never read this. As far as I know, this letter could remain unopened until it falls apart with age or gets swept away with yesterday's news.**

**I'm not going to be around for much longer and I know that now is not the time to tell you this. We've hardly got any time left; I don't want the last of my life to be spent with this hanging over us. I want us to make the most of everything, and when I go, I want Clare to remember how great you were: How you held me when I cried, held back the darkness, loved me now matter how bad things were and how you made the best out of this terrible situation. **

**I'm going to give this to my Mom, I'll tell her to hold onto it until the time is right. Maybe at first, she won't know what I mean but I'm hoping that when the time comes, she will know exactly what to do.**

**I won't tell her everything, all I'll say is that you've been carrying a heavy burden for many years now and there will come a time where you can't cope with it any longer. When that day comes Howie, that's when I want you to be set free from it.**

**I've seen what this has done to you. To the others, to Penny, to Leonard, to Raj and to anyone else that looks at you, they believe that you're weighed down by the secret that your little girl isn't your own. **

**I know better. **

**We both share that responsibility. You aren't the only one that has to lie everyday of his life to their child. It's hard, but you get through it because you know it's for the best. There's something else that has been haunting you for years now. It's tearing you apart and the only person you can talk to about it, has vanished from your life.**

**You didn't tell me, because you were scared of what I'd do if I ever found out. For once in your life, you had everything you wanted. Our marriage was saved and we had the most beautiful baby in the world. Your worst nightmare was losing all that. So instead of telling the truth, you lied.**

**And you never stopped lying.**

**But the truth is, you never had to lie. For nearly fifteen years, you have believed that I knew nothing of your (not so) little mistake. **

**We've both been be dishonest, in more ways than one. **

**It had been nearly a year since we officially adopted Clare. You told me that you had deleted Sheldon and Amy from your Skype contacts. Obviously you hadn't. Otherwise, I never would have overheard your conversation that day.**

Howard clasped his hand to his mouth, unable to continue. "Oh God." He felt sick, how could that have even happened?

"Howard? Are you going to rejoin us? Daniel has just shown Sheldon that he is no pushover." Amy entered the hallway and walked over the bottom of the stairs. "You don't look so good. Are you okay?"

"No. No, I'm not." His words were barely audible. He held up the letter as way of explanation.

"What is it?"

Howard said nothing, all he could do was hand it over. He watched as Amy read it through, she must've read it twice considering the amount of time it took her. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if she was a slow reader or whether time itself had slowed down.

Amy had visibly paled. "What the hell is this?"

"Do you need to read it again?" He didn't mean to sound sarcastic, he just couldn't help it. Feeling guilty, his features softened and he made room for her. "Sorry, it's just... I don't know how this could've happened."

She took her place next to him. "I can't believe she knew." Amy made a calculation in her head. "She knew for three years before she died."

"How did she not say anything? Why didn't she say anything?"

Amy held up the piece of paper. "You've not read all of this, have you?"

"I need a minute."

"I can remember the conversation; it was just a one time thing. You deleted us from your contacts, almost immediately after."

"I didn't." He admitted. "I looked on there the next day and I presumed it was you who had deleted me."

"It must've been Bernadette."

"It would make sense."

She looked down at her lap, furrowing her eyebrows together. "I don't even know why I wanted to talk to you so badly."

"I understand why, it helped you. Didn't it?"

"It didn't help you though."

_**9 Years previously.**_

_Howard stared blankly at his computer screen. "Oh God, I'm so bored." He announced to the empty room. _

_It was his day off and Bernadette and Penny had taken Clare to the mall. She was currently experiencing a growth spurt and all the clothes in her wardrobe were fast becoming redundant. _

_Howard could barely believe his eyes. He was sure that a year ago, she was at least a foot shorter. He knew for a fact, that a year ago, Clare was definitely still shorter than him. Now, he could barely remember what the top of her head looked like._

_Howard checked all the social network sites. Nobody was online._

_He hated not spending his days off with his daughter. If he was being honest, he would say that he didn't know what to with himself. At work, he had the purpose of being an engineer; at home he was a father. _

_Now, he had the afternoon to himself. He wasn't making the most of it._

_Using his feet, Howard pushed away from the desk and started to spin the swivel chair. He had seen Clare do it often enough, he felt it was now his turn._

_The Skype jingle started to play._

"_Finally." He pulled the chair up to the desk, expecting to see Raj's screen name appear._

_He was wrong._

_The words __**AMY FARRAH FOWLER CALLING**__, flashed in front of him. He had added her to his contacts nearly a year ago, when he and Bernadette wanted to adopt Clare. Howard didn't bother deleting her, they were never online and he never tried to make contact._

_He shook his head and promptly rejected the call. Within a few seconds, a message popped up on his monitor._

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER**__: Are you there?_

_Howard minimised the screen and checked his emails, his boss had sent him one about the progression of his latest project and there were multiple junk mails, that he immediately deleted._

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER**__: Howard? I can see you're online._

"_Just ignore her." He said to himself, typing out a response to his boss._

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER:**__ PLEASE TALK TO ME!_

_Howard would hate to admit it, but he was a sucker for capital letters and exclamation marks. "Oh, what the hell." He sighed, mentally cursing himself for relenting._

_**WOLOWIZARD:**__ This better be good, Amy._

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER:**__ Can I call you?"_

_**WOLOWIZARD:**__ Why would you do that? We have only spoken once in ten years._

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER:**__ Talk to me just this once, I won't call you again. I promise._

_**WOLOWIZARD**__: Why?_

_**AMY FARRAH FOWLER**__: I need to call you. Answer me and I'll tell you._

_Reluctantly, Howard moved his mouse and clicked on the call button. There was no hesitation, Amy answered immediately. _

_After a short pause, Amy was the first talk. "Hello, Howard."_

"_Amy." He had no idea what he was meant to say. The last time they spoke, he had a clear agenda. Now he was lost for words, nothing seemed appropriate._

"_I needed to call you." She took a sharp intake of breath through her nose and appeared to be biting down on her lip. Howard also noted how she was tightly gripping the edge of her desk._

"_Are you alright"? He asked, concerned. "You look like you're in pain."_

_Amy leant forward slightly. To Howard, it looked like she was clutching at her sides. "Um-hmmm." In that moment, she couldn't successfully form a sentence._

"_Is there anything you want me to do?" _

_Taking a few deep breaths, she shook her head. "Just give me a moment, I'm alright." She briefly closed her eyes, wincing at the pain._

_Howard waited until she got herself together and was able to talk properly. After a few moments, she sat up straight, wiped the sweat off her face and smoothed down her hair. "I apologise for that."_

_He raised an eyebrow, confused. "What was that?"_

_Amy pushed her chair backwards allowing Howard to get a better view of her. "Does this answer your question?" She asked pointing at herself._

_His mouth dropped open slightly. "You're pregnant." Howard took a few more seconds to look at her. "You're very, very pregnant."_

_She placed her hand over her stomach. "Nine months, give or take a few days. Sheldon could give you an exact number, but he's not here right now."_

"_Uh..." Howard was unsure why she had felt the need to call him. "You don't look as big as you were when you had..." He stopped himself, deliberately avoiding the usage of Clare's name. "You don't look as big as you were when you had the baby girl. He must be a small one."_

"_So was she."_

_Howard shook his head. "She was nine pounds and eight ounces."_

"_I didn't really notice." Amy felt ashamed. She caught his gaze, looking directly at him. "And you're right, by the way."_

"_Of course I am. I know everything about my daughter."_

_Amy shook her head. "No, I don't doubt that. You said I was having a boy and I am." She smiled, the tension in her features slowly ebbing away. "You must have a natural talent for stuff like this. You were right last time too."_

"_What can I say? It must be a sixth sense." He joked, allowing himself to relax._

"_That's why I called you."_

"_I'm not following."_

_She explained herself. "In case you hadn't already established this, I'm currently in the middle of the labour process."_

_Howard nodded. "I didn't like to ask, but yeah... I did kinda guess." He wasn't sure whether or not he found that weird. "But hey, it's not like I haven't seen you do this before." He laughed, trying to keep the mood light._

"_I remembered how calm you were last time. You made me and the midwives laugh, when it would've been easier to scream or cry."_

"_Or both? Because you did do both at one stage, if I remember rightly."_

"_It was painful -very painful. I don't know if I would've got through it if you weren't there."_

"_I'm sure you would've done. After all, surely there would've been a limit to how long you could've held her in for." He glanced at the picture of Clare that took pride of place in the middle of his desk. "And trust me, the size she is now, carrying her for this long would've no doubt killed you."_

"_Did she take after Sheldon?" Her voice faltered. Howard wasn't sure whether what he heard was physical pain or emotional longing. _

"_In parts." He shared, keeping his eyes on the photograph. "She's tall like he is, but she mostly looks like you. Especially her face- sometimes, when she smiles, it's like you're right there in the room with us."_

_The baby moved impatiently inside her, Amy ignored the discomfort it brought. "Tell me more."_

"_Her eyes are blue; although sometimes, in a certain light, they appear to have this green tinge in them. I can't really explain it, but, when she argues, I get a feeling I've seen the same look somewhere before."_

"_A look?"_

"_Think Sheldon, when he's determined he's right, and everyone else's views are a load of crap as far as he's concerned."_

"_I hope she still looks pretty. It's not a nice sight when Sheldon gets that arrogant."_

"_Not always as right as she wants to be, but she's always beautiful." _

"_Do you have any pictures of her?"_

_He placed the frame face down, denying the urge he had to show Amy. It didn't feel right, Amy had left her. "Uh..." Despite this, Howard still wished he could reveal more. His morals took dominance and he held back. "I don't think that's a good idea."_

Howard pulled himself away from the thought. "You know, Amy. I really wanted to show you that picture. I just couldn't."

"I understand." She painted on a supportive smile.

"I can't figure out why I didn't just turn the damn frame around, it wouldn't have done anyone any harm."

"Let it go, Howard. You did what you thought was right."

"Why are you being so nice?"

"How could I not be?" She gently pressed the letter back into his hand, encouraging him to read his wife's words. "Now, go on. You've started now, finish this and then work out how to move on."

He focused on the words and continued to read.

**You had no idea I was there. Penny had become carried away with all the clothes shopping we had done that day, but all I wanted to do was come home. My feet were hurting and I had the worst headache.**

**Penny offered to look after Clare for a few more hours, so I drove home.**

**When I got back, I heard you talking to Amy. You were so wrapped up in the conversation, you didn't hear me. **

**I sat outside the door for nearly an hour, listening to everything. **

**And when I say everything, I mean everything.**

Howard stopped. He reread the last sentence several times. He even said it aloud. "And when I say everything, I mean everything." He bowed his head down, the shame building up. "She heard the whole unedited truth."

"Maybe it was better that way?" Amy said. "I found it incredibly hard explaining to Sheldon why I had done what I did."

"It would've hurt more." Howard became more and more frustrated with himself. Never in a million years would he have thought that somebody was listening in, that day. "We thought nobody else could hear us, for God's sake."

She thought back to their conversation. "For what it's worth, you were incredibly in control considering we only had a webcam as means of communication."

_Amy could no longer see the computer screen. She was now curled up in a ball on the floor, hit by another contraction that seemed twice as ferocious as the last one. She bit down on her tongue, resisting the urge to scream._

_She could hear Howard's voice, blasting out through the laptop's speakers, "Amy, talk to me. Are you alright?" _

"_Am I going to die? Seriously, this pain is going to kill me." Amy clenched her teeth, so tightly that she wondered if she would shatter them. _

"_You said that ten minutes ago."_

"_I'm being serious this time, though."_

"_You seemed pretty convinced on the last one that it was going to kill you." Amy couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Howard was doing his best not to laugh. "You lived through it."_

_The pain subsided slightly, allowing Amy to clamber back onto her office chair. "You're not taking this seriously."_

_Ignoring her comment, he tapped his wrist watch. "You should really think about calling Sheldon, they're getting a lot closer together now."_

_She picked up the phone and ran her thumb along its keypad. "I typed in his number the moment I went into labour."_

"_But you didn't press call?"_

"_I've been meaning to, I just kinda rang you instead."_

_His face was filled with sympathy; he understood why she had done this. "Amy? Is he there for you this time?"_

"_This time? Yes, yes he has been here for me. We've planned everything and he's done some very thorough research on pregnancy and parenting."_

"_Then what are you doing calling me?"_

"_I've done this once before and it's still scary. I need some familiarity, nothing went wrong last time, it was very long, but I was okay for the most part." Amy said._

"_And you're going to be fine this time." The reassurance in his voice took her straight back to the first time. _

"_You promise?"_

"_You'll be more than just fine, you'll be on top of the world, and you'll feel all the love that I did when I held Clare for the first time. Let me tell you, that is one crazy amount of love."_

"_Clare." She repeated to herself. "You named her Clare?"_

_Howard clasped his hand over his mouth, he wanted to reach out and reclaim the words he couldn't take back. "Holy crap, I've said too much." _

"_After the nurse?"_

_He turned the chair to the side, directing his eyes anywhere but on her. "Let it go, Amy."_

_She said it aloud. Amy had always wanted to speak her daughter's name and now she had the opportunity. "Clare Wolowitz." _

"_Don't think I won't minimise your window, you know I'll do it." Placing his hand on the mouse, he hovered the arrow over the button._

_To make a point, she patted her stomach. "You wouldn't leave a pregnant woman to suffer, would you?" Amy was not above using emotional blackmail._

_Howard faced the screen at a direct angle. "No, you know I wouldn't." He knew what she was trying to do, yet somehow, he fell for it anyway. "But what do you expect me to do? My lawyer says you're thousands of miles away. I can't exactly hold your hand, can I?"_

"_I don't know what else to do, Howard." She confessed, only just holding back her tears. "How can I know he won't react in the same way as last time?"_

"_Did he freak out when you told him you were pregnant?"_

"_No. It was planned."_

"_Have you not heard from him throughout the whole pregnancy?"_

_Amy shook her head. "No, he's been here through everything."_

"_Has he gone into some crazy state of denial where he has almost convinced himself that this isn't happening?"_

"_No." She replied, a thoughtful look across her face. "No, I guess he hasn't. He's actually been brilliant."_

"_Then what's there to worry about. Sheldon Cooper is one of the most predictable men you could ever wish to meet. He's consistent." Howard explained. "Last time, he was a consistent jerk and he carried that through. "_

_She finished the thought. "And this time he's been consistently supportive." _

"_And I have no doubt that he will continue to do so. Sheldon likes to finish what he starts and if he has started off with the ambition of being a great Dad this time. Then I know he will definitely achieve that."_

_She took a moment to consider his words. "That makes sense."_

_Howard attempted his best Spock impression. "It's only logical." _

"_Don't ruin the moment."_

"_So tell me, what is it you have to do?" Howard prompted; keen to move the conversation forwards and in the right direction._

"_I need to call him. Tell him to get home, quickly." She reached for the phone. This time, there was no hesitation. She pressed the call button with no doubts in her mind._

Amy paused. "We should've ended the conversation there and then."

"You're telling me." He let out a heavy sigh. "You were in the middle of giving birth, what was I thinking? Asking you to talk to me about it at a time like that was wrong."

"You didn't see a better opportunity."

"There were no better opportunities, it was just the first one I had. Do you know what that's like? Holding in a secret like that for so many years."

I am aware. In case you've forgotten, it was me that you created that secret with."

Unable to provide a response, he read some more of Bernadette's words.

**I wasn't angry to begin with. To begin with, all I saw was a loving and supportive man, who was trying his best to reassure a vulnerable woman, who had been hurt and rejected too many times before. I was proud of you, in a weird sort of way. She was in a mess and you picked her up and restored her faith in the man she loved.**

**You just had to ruin it, didn't you?**

**When I heard her pick up the phone to call him, I thought that finally, everyone was where they wanted to be.**

**I wish you could've kept it to yourself. I've always told myself that I wished I'd never found out, my life is in no way better for knowing.**

_Howard watched Amy's conversation unfold. From what she was saying, Sheldon was clearly stepping up to the mark. "Okay... Just call a taxi or take the bus." She nodded along with what her boyfriend was saying. "I'll see you soon." She placed the phone down on the desk. "He says he'll be no longer than twenty minutes." Amy said to Howard._

"_I'm glad it's worked out for you this time."_

_Amy offered a small smile. "I'm just sorry to have bothered you." Now that she had chance to think it through, she couldn't help feeling embarrassed._

"_To be honest, it was either this or an afternoon of watching reality TV." He joked. "You could say this was kinda similar."_

"_Surely more interesting?"_

"_Oh, ten times more." Howard winked._

_They laughed and then they were silent. For almost an hour, they had talked non stop, but now the words had finally ran dry._

_After a painfully long pause, Amy finally found her voice. "I should probably go now." She held his gaze for a moment longer, looking for direction._

_In his mind, Howard agreed with her. In his mind, he wished her all the best for the future and made the agreement that this call would have to be their last. "Why did you ask me to sleep with you?" Howard wasn't even aware that it had been on his mind, he had no idea how he had even managed to form the sentence._

"_Why did you agree?" She replied._

_Howard crossed his arms and leant back in his seat. "No, I asked first."_

_Amy opened her mouth to speak, however the words were soon replaced by another scream of pain. A pool of water formed around her ankles, soaking the carpet and staining her new shoes. "My waters just broke." She casually stated, almost as if it was an everyday occurrence for her._

_He held his hands up. "Okay, I get it. This isn't the time."_

"_One day, Howard." Amy said. "One day, we will have the chance to talk about it."_

_He nodded. "Yes, one day."_

_Amy wasn't going to make any goodbyes. Without warning, she ended the call, leaving Howard alone with his thoughts._

Howard stood up and passed the letter over to Amy. "I can't read the rest of it. She heard every word of that, how can I expect the rest of what she said to be anything positive?"

"I know what it says."

He waved a dismissive hand. "Just don't."

Amy got to her feet and grabbed him firmly by the wrists. "Don't you get it? She loved you, she forgave you."

He forced himself to look at her. "But why? How could she love me after that?"

"She said she understood. She wrote about how you and Clare were the best thing to ever happen to her. She loved you, Howard. No matter how angry she was, she couldn't not forgive you."

"She forgave me?" He repeated. "Bernie forgave me." He liked how it sounded. No, he loved how it sounded.

"Yes." Amy loosened her grip.

"She forgave me." He shouted out, happiness filling his eyes.

"You're free now. We both are."

"I've got no more secrets left." He had finally been relieved of the heavy weight that he had been carrying around for the past twenty years.

She let go of him completely and took a step backwards towards the living room." I'm going back to my boys. There's something you need to do now."

"What's that?"

"Left hand, third finger along." She said. "There's something missing."

Howard waited until she had retreated before he rushed upstairs. He entered his bedroom and made a b line for under his pillow.

Howard picked up what he was looking for. His wedding ring.

Placing it back on, it seemed to fit better than ever.

He was Bernadette Rostenkowski's husband.

And that was how it was going to stay.


	40. Chapter 40

Clare attempted to hide her smirk behind the plastic cup of fruit juice. Despite the limitations of a broken rib, Howard had challenged Raj to what had started off as a friendly dance off. The situation had escalated quickly and now the two men were taking it way too seriously. After one too many light beers, Leonard had decided to remind everyone of the time his friends had gotten into a superhero sidekick battle.

Even Sheldon seemed to be enjoying himself.

Clare drained her cup and let it drop to the floor amongst the rest of the mess. She knew Howard would go crazy when he saw the chaos in the morning, but right now he was too drunk to care.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, so she turned her head to face them. "Hey May, were you in the bathroom?"

Amy offered her a smile. "No. I just put Stewart to bed, in the spare room. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all. It's been a busy day for him." Clare took a sweeping glance of the room. She could see that Penny was asleep on the couch. "Is Lenny up there too?" Clare thought for a moment, realising that she hadn't seen the little boy in over an hour. "Oh God, where is he?"

"Asking God may work, but I can tell you that he's out in the yard." Amy laughed, amused at her own joke.

"On his own? It's dark out there; he could fall and hurt himself."

"There's the porch light and Daniel's with him."

"Daniel?" She repeated.

"Yes, Daniel. You know, the boy you were kissing earlier. The guy that hasn't stopped chewing gum the whole time he's been here?" Amy winked.

"He's not drunk, is he?"

"No, he's only seven years old."

Clare shook her head. "I see the alcohol has affected your common sense. Let's try this again, is Daniel drunk?"

"He's been drinking cola all night. Didn't you hear him? He said that Paddy had put him off drinking for life." She tilted her head to the side; it was almost as if she was solving one of life's greatest mysteries. "Whoever Paddy is?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know. It's one of those long, complicated stories that you would struggle to understand even if you hadn't just drunk three Pina coladas and a light beer." She changed the subject again. "Daniel is taking responsibility? Now this, I have to see." She took a step forward, only to have her path blocked by Amy. "I'll be back; I'm only going to see Dan."

"Wait a minute, I've got you something." Amy reached into her pocket and produced a tiny hat. It was light pink in colour. "What do you think?"

Clare inspected it. "Thank you, but it's uh... it's not really my size." She said. "It's actually a baby's hat. You do know that, right?"

"You were a baby once. It would've fitted you then."

"I'm sure it would've done." She painted on her most convincing smile. "I'm going to see Daniel now." Clare placed the hat into her pocket.

Amy reached out and lightly took hold of Clare's arm. "I bought it for you when you were a baby. When Sheldon and I first arrived in London, I went shopping and I bought you all of this stuff."

Clare led her out into the quiet hallway, away from the distractions of the late night party. "What do you mean you bought me all this stuff?

"There were just all these baby shops, you should've seen them; there was so much to choose from. They had all these tiny little shoes and tiny little dresses. It was all just so tiny."

"Yes, tiny." Clare agreed.

"I bought so much; I maxed out two credit cards. I got you a cot, it was pink and it had teddy bears painted on the side. I bought a stroller and there was an umbrella you could attach, just in case it rained or was too sunny."

"Well, you wouldn't want the baby to get wet or overheat."

Amy continued, barely registering what Clare had said. "I got you a comfort blanket, it was so soft and I got you so many toys. I can't remember all of them, but there was a Raggedy Ann doll. It reminded me of the first Halloween me and Sheldon spent together as a couple."

Clare nodded along, unsure what to make of this. "Are you should be telling me all of this? You have had quite a bit to drink."

"I know what I'm saying. The alcohol is just helping me." She continued with her list. "I got a changing mat and a baby bath; it came with rubber ducks and everything." Amy reached over and held her daughter's hand, running her thumb over Clare's fingers. "I bought way too many shoes, but there were just so many to choose from. I couldn't decide what to go for."

"I get it. You bought a load of baby stuff. Clare interrupted. "What I don't get is, why?"

"Because..." She trailed off. "You were still my baby. It didn't matter that you had a new Mommy, I still loved you."

"You still do, right?"

Amy nodded. "I love you. I always will."

Clare extended her arms and pulled Amy into a hug. "I love you too," she lowered her voice and whispered into Amy's ear, "Mom."

Amy felt her heart rate quicken, momentarily she was shocked sober. "You just called me Mom."

"Yes. I suppose I did."

"I never thought you would."

"You've waited twenty years to hear me say it. I figured it was about time." She looked over at Howard. "Although, I hope you understand that this doesn't make me any less of a Wolowitz."

Amy nodded. "I know where we stand."

"I was wrong when I thought I only had love for one Mom." Clare didn't leave Amy time to reply, she gestured to the back door. "I'm off to see Daniel now. Thank you for the hat."

"Maybe you could give it to your own daughter one day?"

"I definitely will." With one last smile, she turned on her heel and headed in the direction of the garden.

"Clare, wait!"

Stopped in her tracks, she focused her attention back at Amy.

"I never asked you. Do you have a middle name?" Amy said.

"I do. I'm glad you asked actually."

"You are?"

"Yes. I think you might like it." Clare couldn't hide her grin. "It's Amy. Clare- Amy Wolowitz."

Amy was almost speechless. "You never said."

"You never asked."

oOo

Out in the garden, Clare leant beside the door frame and watched Daniel, attempting to teach Lenny a trick.

He held up a hula hoop that she recognised from when she was younger. "Okay, so one last try. Are you watching?"

Lenny nodded, captivated by Daniel's skill.

"You do it like this." Daniel threw the hoop into the air, hitting the ground; it bounced and rolled its way back into his grip. "You think you can do it now?"

Yes, my turn." Lenny said, becoming increasingly excited.

Daniel handed it over. "Show me what you're made of, kiddo."

The young boy copied Daniel's instructions. The moment the hoop lodged itself back in Lenny's hand, he shouted out in victory. "Did you see that, Daniel? Did you see me do it?"

"I sure did." He held up his open palm. "High five."

Lenny tiptoed to reach Daniel's hand. "You're too tall."

"Is this a private lesson or is it welcome to anyone?"Clare asked. Startled by her surprise entrance, Daniel felt the urge to shout out a profanity. Acknowledging that little ears were present, he resisted.

"Clare how cool is that? It's like a boomerang but with a hoop, you roll it away and then it comes back!" Lenny could barely stand still.

"How about you go show your Dad? I'm sure he could explain it a bit further." Daniel laughed.

The couple watched the young boy ran back towards the house, hula hoop wrapped over his head.

"He's a hyperactive little squirt, isn't he?"

Clare rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sure you were just as bad at that age."

Daniel walked over to the garden swing and sat down on it. "I wish. My childhood wasn't exactly average. I was Bulimic by the age of ten." He leant back and swung, kicking his legs to make himself go higher.

Clare thought of herself at the age of ten. "I remember when I was ten. I had the problem of not wanting to make friends." She admitted. "You could say I sometimes still do."

"Why?" He pushed himself to go higher.

"I was always old beyond my years, more mature for my age, more intelligent than the kids in my grade. I wasn't exactly winning any popularity competitions." Clare yanked the chain of the swing, bringing him to stop. "But Bulimic? What was it like to suffer with something like that for so long?"

Daniel shrugged. "It was all I knew." He pulled her onto his lap and kicked his legs again. "Let's see how high we can go."

She gripped the chain. "Have you heard of social learning theory?"

"No." He replied.

"It could explain what happened to you, how your mother made you like it."

He ignored her sentence, wrapping one arm around her waist. "Do you think we can go all the way over the branch?"

Clare knew then that he had finished the conversation. She wasn't going to ask any more questions. "We could, but we'd probably fall and break our necks."

"Nothing says happy birthday like a trip to the emergency room." He winked and brought the swing to a stop.

"Although, that's how most parties end for me. My friends are pretty wild."

"The only people whoever wanted to be friends with me all sat at the nerd's table." She sighed.

"School days were rough. The last time I was kicked out, me and my friends locked four members of the math club in a tiny supply cabinet."

Clare turned to look at him, her mouth wide open. "You bastard."

"They were two grades below us, but they put up a good fight."

"The fat kid with the green hoodie and the hot dog?" She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at him. "The hot dog was covered in mustard and it dripped over the principle's shoes when he intervened."

"Yeah, how do you..." He trailed off and looked at the ground. "The tall girl with the chunky glasses and brightly coloured pants?"

Clare merely nodded. She climbed off his lap, turned her back to him.

"Fuck. That girl got hot." Daniel shook his head, rephrased. "Nah, she didn't get hot. She got beautiful."

"And the fat bully lost a lot of weight."

"That fat bully wasn't as confident as he came across. His life was going nowhere and he knew that once he was done with school he would end up with some crappy job."

"Like a bus boy?"

"I hear that he became exactly that." Daniel paused. "I bet those four math club members are laughing at him now."

"I just hope he knew how upset they were. The girl with the chunky glasses had just lost her mother." She scrunched her eyes tightly together. "It was her first day back after the funeral and her Dad had promised her that she would be fine.

"And jerks like that fat kid made a bad situation worse for her?"

Clare nodded, still refusing to look at him. "She went home and cried herself to sleep that night. After that, she did all she could to avoid going back to school. She would spend her days in the cemetery, talking to her Mom."

"He would be so sorry to hear that, because you know, despite all the shitty things he did, he wasn't a total bastard." Daniel took a step towards Clare. "In reality, he would've rather have made friends with those kids, but for some reason that he can't figure out, he decided to bully them."

"Do you know what the worst thing was?"

"No." He briefly placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me, what was the worst thing for her?"

"She could see that group going home and laughing at her."

"I can tell you that that was the last thing the fat kid did."

Finally, Clare turned and faced him. "Then tell me, Daniel. What did he do?"

"His grandmother picked him up from the school and rang his father. She told him that she couldn't cope with his behaviour any more." He blinked several times. "She said it was about time his Dad did something to help, because she was all out of options and quite frankly she was sick of trying."

"And did it help? Did his Dad put it right?"

"No. Fatty was a little shit, wasn't he? There was no way he was going to listen to his idiotic father's advice." Daniel looked away, ashamed. "He did what he usually did when he saw his father. He shouted abuse at him, called him a stupid bastard and he let him know just how much he hated him."

"Must've been hurtful for the Dad."

"Fatty was his son and he loved him, but all he got was hatred off him. It didn't matter what his father did, he was treated like dirt." He swallowed back the lump that had formed in the back of his throat. "He didn't deserve all that crap."

"What happened?" She pushed, needing to hear more.

"Usually, his Dad would just stand there and take it, but fatty had gone too far this time. I guess something just broke inside of him, he couldn't cope with it any longer." He stopped for a moment, working out how he was going move forwards. "He hit him, Clare. It was the first and last time; and it probably hurt him way more that fatty could've ever imagined."

The harsh look in her eyes softened. "What kind of a father would...?"

"A desperate one. One that had been pushed to the brink." He looked at her properly. "It was wrong what the father did, but no one could say that it was undeserved."

"What did the boy do?"

"He grabbed what he could from the kitchen cupboards and locked himself in the bathroom." Daniel admitted; a pained look was etched across his face.

Instinctively, Clare opened her arms for him to step into. "Was he sorry? Was he sorry for what he did to those other kids, for the way he treated his Father?"

"He didn't know how to say it, but he was."

"Do you think he would say it now?"

"He would say it a million times; just to hear they were forgiven, once."

"He's forgiven, Daniel." She rested her head on his shoulder. "She knows he's a better man now."

Daniel took a step back, so he could get a better look at Clare. "He's getting there. Maybe one day he could make a pretty good Father?"

"Maybe he could." She smiled.

"He would love his kid and tell them everyday just how amazing they were. Not for a single second would he let them doubt that they were anything less than perfect the way they were." Daniel said. "This whole pressure of who's the most attractive, who's the thinnest and who's the most popular won't get to them. They will never seek universal approval, they will just be happy in loving themselves for who they are."

Clare was stunned. "What more could a person ask for?"

Much to their disappointment, Daniel's phone made itself heard, bringing the conversation to an unwelcome end. "Oh God, its Chris." He read the message, his features crumpling into a scowl. "He says if I'm late for my shift, he will not hesitate in firing me." He looked at the time. "Bastard. I've still got an hour before I'm late."

"Oh... you have to work?"

"Nightshift, remember?" He placed the phone back into his pocket and lit up a cigarette. "We've been here all day. I need to go." He laughed, puffing smoke out in front of him.

The smell immediately caught Clare's attention. "What the hell? Daniel!"

He smirked, shameless. "It's just one."

"One of many?"

"Giving up gum is hard. I need to smoke to distract me from my spearmint cravings."

"Just get to work, you." She laughed.

"And you get that conga line started."

Clare watched as he made his way out the back gate, before she rejoined the party. "A boy who is willingly my boyfriend turned up to my birthday party." She squealed in delight. "Best birthday ever!"

**A/N: Wow, sorry this took so long. Thank you for your patience and with any luck, the next chapter should be up a lot quicker. We're very close to the end now, so thank you all so much for sticking with me.**


	41. Chapter 41

Clare didn't know how to react. She was expecting total carnage, what she got instead was actually the complete opposite. Somebody had scrubbed the house from top to bottom. She could've sworn that the night before, the house was a total wreck.

Were her eyes deceiving her?

"Why is the house so tidy?" She said aloud. Somebody had cleaned it, that's for sure, however she was certain that all her guests had been way too intoxicated to even walk in a straight line, let alone operate the vacuum cleaner. Had she been drugged at her own birthday party? Was she hallucinating the night before? Were the overturned lamps and cake smeared walls just a figment of her imagination? Clare was certain that cheese puffs had been crushed into the sofa and cola had been spilled over the white carpet.

She got to her knees and looked under the sofa. Maybe all the mess had been hidden?

There was nothing; nothing at all.

She walked over to the bookcase. All the books were back in neat alphabetical order. Wait, back in alphabetical order? Clare was pretty sure that the books hadn't been in any particular order to begin with.

This was getting weird -too weird for her liking. She glanced around the room again and once more for good measure. Yes, the house was in pristine condition and her party guests had seemingly vanished into thin air.

Clare plonked herself down on the sofa. Maybe it was her father? She shook her head. He couldn't have cleaned to the standard with his ribs broken, even if he did somehow manage to break dance the night before.

If Daniel was here, she was certain he would have some comment to make; probably a crude one at that. Clare attempted her best impersonation of him, "Some crazy shit has gone down here." She looked at the phone in corner. Clare knew better than to call him. He still had another twenty minutes of his shift left and answering his phone would not have gone down well with his manager.

She was so distracted with her thoughts, Clare failed to notice that Howard had entered the room."Wow, Sheldon had really done a good job here."

Startled, she sat bolt upright. "Dad? I didn't think you'd be up yet."

"Well, it is the morning. I figured that was as good as time as any to get up." He laughed.

"Did you just say that Doctor Cooper did all this?"

He inspected the coffee table. It had been placed in the exact center of the room."Yeap, you can tell be the way he's moved all the furniture around."

Clare looked again. He was correct; everything had been straightened out into a neat and well positioned angle. "Wow, he has got a few quirks hasn't he"?

"That's putting it lightly, baby."

"Has he just done the downstairs?"

He shook his head. "Nope, you should see what he has done to the bathroom. Who knew a toilet could look that good?"

Clare gestured to the space next to her and changed the subject. "How about a hug?"

"Anything for you." He smiled.

Clare settled into his arms and placed a small kiss on his cheek. "Yesterday was perfect, Dad. Thank you for not listening to me."

"I know you too well, Clare. If you say no fuss, you obviously want me to go overboard."

"Not true."

He patted her knee. "We both know that it's very true."

"Maybe a little." She confessed.

He shook his head, amused. "Maybe a lot."

"How's your ribs after all that dancing? I bet they are sore."

"Oh, I see we're changing the subject are we?" He winked. "And yes, they hurt like hell. Raj should've known better than to have challenged me."

"He forced you did he?" She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, her father and uncle Raj reminded her of a couple of school kids.

He held his hands up. "Don't blame me; I'm just the father of the birthday girl. Isn't embarrassing dancing part of the deal?" Howard said. "Or should that be I'm the father of the beautiful birthday girl?"

She blushed. "Daddy."

"It's true and I'm sure Daniel would agree with me."

She couldn't help but smile. She always used to think that when she was in school, she was immune to silly school girl crushes, but Daniel was different. There was something about him that made her feel like she would've doodled his name on her pencil case, or passed love notes to him instead of listening to the math teacher. "He said yesterday that he thought I was beautiful. It seemed odd to hear him say such a nice word. He's not a fan of them." She explained.

Howard held Clare tighter; he would've gladly never let her go. "Look at us, having this conversation. If you'd have told me twenty years ago we would be discussing that, it would've..." Howard paused, unsure of how to express himself.

"It would've what?"

"It would have quite honestly terrified me. I had this little baby that I was responsible for, so cute and innocent. To have thought that she would one day be having this wonderful relationship with this admittedly slightly dysfunctional guy, well it would've both filled me with pride and scared the crap out of me."

"Should I take that as a good thing?"

"I should hope so."

"Did you ever used to worry?" She said. "When I was a child, did you worry that I wasn't like the other children."

"Did I worry?" Howard looked surprised. "Why would I have been worried about that?"

Well... I just remember that meeting you had with the school, when I was younger." She explained. "They told you I was way above average and they wanted to transfer me to the local high school, so I could be given more challenging work."

"I remember. You were about eight years old." Howard nodded, bringing the memory to the forefront of his mind.

"You got so angry. You said it was over your dead body that they were moving your child into an environment where it would be obvious that she stood out like a sore thumb. You said just because I had an IQ way higher than the average eight year old, it didn't mean you were going to take away the chance of a normal childhood."

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you think that was wrong of me? Because, yes you had plenty of potentially but at that age, I figured it was more important that you enjoyed being a kid. You had plenty of time for being an adult when you were one."

"So you weren't ashamed? I always thought that you didn't want a genius child that reminded you too much of her real parents. You just wanted a normal one."

"I would never be ashamed of you. Out if all the things I've done, adopting you is my proudest moment." He said. "I didn't want to stop you from being different; I just didn't want to wind up resenting me for making you grow up before it was your time.

"Do you think Doctor Cooper and May would've made the same decision?"

"Honestly?"

"I think I already know the honest answer." She sighed. "Doctor Cooper would've packed me off to a top university before I was even out of diapers." She smirked, slightly amused by her own joke.

"My thoughts exactly. He handed you over to me, because he didn't think he could do the whole fatherhood thing. He didn't know what the right choices were, so he trusted me to make them."

"And if you had made the same choices as what he would've done, then that would've defeated the whole object?"

Howard nodded. "Yes, I suppose it would've done. He wanted you to have a father like me, for some reason I still can't figure out. He spent our entire friendship thinking he was better than me, but in the end he trusted me with the most important thing in the world."

"And he was right to."

"Yes and I think I made a pretty good job. We both learned from that and now he's got Stewart, a perfectly normal nine year old boy, who is just like any other kid."

"Sometimes normality isn't as boring as everyone thinks?"

"No, Clare. I suppose it isn't."

"Don't tell Daniel I said that. He's got a bit of a thing about breaking away from the expected."

"Well, now I know it must be love." Howard couldn't help but laugh. "You know you've got it bad when you can turn any topic of conversation around and make it about them."

Clare waved a dismissive hand."You're looking too much into it."

"I think not. You should've seen me when I first started dating your mom, I was exactly the same."

She felt her cheeks flush red. "I don't look for any opportunity to talk about him; sometimes he just has a natural place in the conversation."

Howard held his hands up to signal defeat. "That may be so..." Howard stopped himself. "Okay I'll give it a rest."

She rested her head onto his shoulder. "I wish Mom could've been here to meet him. She probably would've been a little shocked at my choice, but I still want to know what she would've thought, even if it was disapproval."

"You know, I'm starting to think that maybe she could've been won over. After all, if you can crack Sheldon Cooper, you can get anyone to like you."

"You really think so?"

"Well, he's a little in your face, more attitude than a cat wearing sun glasses and incredibly cocky, but there is no denying that he has something about him that you can't help but like."

She nodded, a thoughtful look across her face. "I know what you mean. I still haven't put my finger on it."

"Maybe you never will?"

"Maybe that's all part of the fun. He's mysterious."

"No way, he's too bold to be mysterious."

"Do you have a better word?"

"Not really, he's a bit of a mys..." Howard quickly cut himself off. "But anyway, that's not the point, my point is..." Words failed him once more.

"Was there something about Mom that you felt you couldn't quite figure out?"

"I thought I knew everything about her." He shared. "Until yesterday, that is. You know, I thought I was the only one in the relationship that was sitting on a large secret, but she was too."

Clare tilted her head to get a better look at him. "Until yesterday?"

Howard prepared himself to tell all, he wasn't going to keep anything hidden from Clare. Not anymore. "Your grandmother swung by yesterday."

"Why? Is it Grandpa? What has he done now?"

"No, no it's not him. She had this letter, your mom wrote it before she died and asked your grandmother to give it to me when she thought the time was right."

"Time is right? My birthday? Was it about me?" Clare questioned, becoming increasingly confused.

"No, baby. It wasn't about you. It was about me and Amy."

"Why was she writing a letter about you and May? She didn't know about you and May."

"Well, apparently she did." He let the words hang in the air for a few seconds. Howard appreciated how momentous this would be for her. After all, it was only the night before the he found out himself.

Clare could only clasp her hand to her mouth. She was shocked, too shocked to speak. Too shocked to do anything other than focus her eyes on Howard.

Howard shifted over on the sofa to give her room. "Take your time. I know what a big deal this is."

"But how?" She asked, finally recovering her voice.

"I had a one off Skype chat with Amy several months after we adopted you. I swear that it was just the once and I wouldn't lie to you about that." He explained. "We ended up talking about that night, and your Mom was behind the door. She heard everything."

Clare had thought by now that she wouldn't hear anything else that would shock her. She always thought that by now, the revelations she would have would be small scale compared the one she had had before, however that really rocked her. "How long did she know for?"

"A good few years." He took a moment to ponder it further. "She never said a word, not even when she was dieing."

"Why didn't she confront you? She should've confronted you!" Clare was almost angry.

"She told me in the letter that she forgave me, she loved me too much to wanna ruin that."

"But at the same time she was punishing you?" She said. "She may have secretly forgiven you, but by not telling you, she wasn't relieving you of the guilt you felt."

"Yes, Clare. I guess it would've been too easy for me to have known I was forgiven, maybe she thought it would be better that I lived with the guilt."

"She knew how much we meant to you. Living with the fear that she may one day find out and take that away from you was the best way to make things better for her?"

"You're right, but she was never gonna let me go the rest of my life living with it." He managed smile. "She just wasn't that kind of a woman."

"How does it feel to have no more secrets?"

"It's the best feeling in the world, baby." He placed a light hand on her knee. "Would you like to see the letter?"

She shook her head. "No, that letter was for you."

"You know... I'm not actually meant to tell you this but..."

"But...?" She prompted, incredibly curious. "You need to tell me now; you can't just say that and then not tell me."

"Your mother did write you some sort of letter before she died." He admitted. "I've got no idea what it says, but she was insistent that I waited until your twenty- first birthday."

"Well, I can't wait until then!" She leapt to her feet, practically jumping up and down in excitement. "Dad, I really have to have it. Please don't keep it from me."

"Clare look, she said that twenty one is the big birthday. She would be super mad at me if you got it early."

"And I'll be super mad at you if you don't. Do bear in mind that I'm the one that is alive so I can bother you way more than what she can."

Howard knew he had lost in that moment. Clare always had a clever way of convincing him to do practically everything she wanted him to. "Fine... you win." He felt guilty for giving in but in that moment he wanted to keep her happy.

"Do you know where it is?"

He gestured to the stairs. "I keep it in the cabinet next to my bed." Howard got to his feet and walked out of the room. "You stay here and I'll go find it."

Clare shifted her weight from foot. She wasn't overly patient at the best of times. "Don't take too long."

After a few short minutes which seemed like hours, Howard returned with a blue envelope in his hand. "Now, if anyone asks, you made me do it and I had no choice. Got it?" He winked.

"Got it." She took the envelope from him and impatiently tore it open.

"Go on then, what does it say?" Howard asked.

Clare began to read aloud. "Dear Clare, I really should've set up some type of college fund for you with the money I have, but I hope you'll agree that this way cooler. Love you forever, Mom."

"There's more on the back." She flipped it over and read what it said. "It's an address."

"Well you know what it is you have to do." He gestured to the front door, take your car and ride over there.

"It's over the other side of town, what is it that she wanted me to do?"

Howard took her by the hand and into the hallway; he wasn't going to let her have doubts. "You won't know unless you go and see for yourself. Your Mom would've kicked my ass if she knew I had done this early, so don't make it all be for nothing."

She nodded, in agreement and retrieved her keys from the bowl in the hall. "Right, yes and I wouldn't want that."

Howard held the door open for her. "Whatever it is, she'll have made the right decision."

"I know, she will." Clare stepped out the door and walked calmly to her car, resisting the urge to break into an over enthusiastic run. "Okay Mom, what is it you have got for me?" She started the car and drove off in pursuit of the big surprise.

oOo

Zack Johnson heard the door creak open and he breathed a sigh of relief. His son was only ten minutes later than what he would've expected, however there was something about his twenty one year old child not coming home that made him worried. His mother and father used to call him up when Daniel was still a teenager and tell them that he'd stayed out all night or run away from home for what seemed like the millionth time that year. Zack would always get in his car and spend most of the night driving around the city in search of him.

His mission was rarely successful. If Daniel didn't want to be found, he did a pretty good job at hiding.

"Is that you, Danny?"

"No, it's some crazy axe wielder."

"You sure sound like Danny."

Daniel entered the room and sat opposite his father at the kitchen table. "Who knows maybe one day I will be some crazy dude swinging an axe." He slumped back in his chair. "If Chris doesn't give me a break I swear to god I will..."

Zack interrupted, giving him his best look of warning. "What have I told you about being nice?"

"Do it?"

He nodded. "And are you being nice?"

"No." Daniel looked unapologetic. "Why should I be nice, the man has a stick up his ass."

"How did that get up there?" Zack's jaw literally dropped.

"Forget it." Daniel moved his way over to the kitchen cupboard and pulled out a box of cereal. It was only then did Zach notice that his fingers were wrapped in a blood stained bandage.

"What happened?" He got to his feet to take a closer look.

"It's nothing." Daniel dismissed, focusing his attention back to the box of cereal.

"Have you been getting into fights again?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "One I'm not sixteen again and two some kid bit me."

"Why'd they bite you?"

"Well, apparently I'm not allowed to turn a blind eye when I see children crayoning on the walls, if it happens, I have to take the crayons away." He said. "So, some kid about three or four was doodling what was probably some sort of deformed elephant and when I went to remove the crayon, the little shit sank its teeth in."

Zack reached over and gently pulled the bandage away. "Wow, looks like it was some sort of vampire child."

"Tell me about, why do kids of that age even need teeth that sharp?"

"C'mon let me sort it for you." He guided Daniel over to the sink and ran his hand under the tap, allowing the dried blood to wash away down the plug hole. "Did you put this on yourself?" He threw the bandage into the bin.

"Chris tried to, but he fainted."

Zack opened one of the cupboards underneath the sink and retrieved a first aid kit. He blew away the thick layer of dust that had taken up residence on the surface. "How long do you think this has been here for?"

He tilted his head to the side. "It looks pretty retro to me."

"I don't think you really need a bandage." Now that the blood had been washed away, the mark was a lot smaller than what Zack had previously anticipated. He searched through the kit until he found a pack of band aids.

"Hey look they're pink." Zack laughed.

"I'm not wearing a bright pink band aid."

"Would you rather you finger fell off?"

"My finger isn't going to fall off." Daniel plunged his hand into the cereal box and took a handful.

"Danny, that's gross!"

"How are they gross? You had a bowl the other day."

"You're going to get blood all over our breakfast, I have to eat that too you know."

Daniel put the box back from where he found it. "If any of your lucky charms have blood on them, just be sure to eat around them."

"I'm never eating from that box again."

"Good, all the more for me."

Zack sighed and pushed the packet of band aids into Daniel's hand. "Just put one of these on."

"Quit bugging me."

"I'll quit bugging me once you do as I tell you to." Zack was surprised by his own assertiveness.

"It's a little late to start disciplining me isn't it?" Despite his attitude, Daniel placed the band aid over his finger. "Happy now?"

"I'd be happier if you hadn't got blood over the lucky charms." He reclaimed his previous spot at the kitchen table. "You know, I just got to thinking about all those time you ran away when you were younger."

"Running?" Daniel snorted, amused by his father's choice of word. "You wouldn't have caught me running for a bus when I was younger."

"You were pretty unfit, I gotta agree."

"Are you saying I was fat? Daniel painted on a look of mock insult.

"You know what I mean, Danny." He said. "Why'd you never come to me?"

This had evidentially thrown Daniel. "What do you mean why did I never come to you? I wasn't welcome."

"You were always welcome. I always used to leave a key under the mat, just in case you decided to come home."

"Decided to come home? He raised his voice slightly. "You make it sound like I ran out on you. You pushed me away, Dad."

"I know." Zack couldn't deny this and he didn't want to either. "But I always kinda hoped that you would fight you way back in."

"I moved back to Pasadena for you." Daniel stated.

"I asked you to come back to Pasadena and all you did was ignore me and lived a separate life to me."

"I always let you stay on my couch."

"That is true."

"I always used to tell you that you were never there for me and that I barely knew you by the time I moved back here but..." Daniel stopped himself. "Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore."

"You know that I was there for you, don't you?"

He pulled his chair closer and lowered his voice. "Are you talking about all those nights that you used to slip into my room to watch me sleep?"

Zack pulled his best innocent face. "I don't know what you mean. Who did that? I certainly never did that."

"Don't deny it. I was awake; every time you did it, I knew you were there." He admitted. "There was always something to keep me awake."

"You never looked like you were worried about anything. That's why I did it, you always seemed so angry when you were awake, those times I spent with you were the best, you never called me stupid and you didn't hate me when you were asleep."

"Looks like I didn't hate you when I was awake, either."

Zack let go of the breath he had been holding and looked Daniel up and down. "You look like your mother."

"That was a random development."

"I mean it, you look just like her."

He managed an uneasy smile, talking about Miranda always made Daniel feel on edge. "I see that everyday when I look in the mirror. It's the eyes, it's like she's watching me."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"I always used to feel like she was watching me, Dad." He said. "I could feel her stood beside me every time I raided the fridge and she was always knelt beside the toilet bowl on the bathroom tiles, telling me that I needed to get all the food out of me."

Zack understood exactly what he was saying, because he saw her too. He saw his wife everywhere he went. "She's dead but it's like she still here?"

Daniel nodded. "For ages, yes. She was everywhere and I couldn't stop her. There was something in my mind that told me to keep doing what I was doing and that something was her."

"And now?"

Daniel considered this for a few seconds. "I think she's gone now. I think she know that it's time to let go of me. She knows that I have to carry on with my life."

"Do you still see her?"

He shook his head. "Like I said, she's gone for good and I hope she stays away, because I'm ready to let her go."

"Me too." Zack tightly closed his eyes. There was no way he was going to let his son see him cry. "I just hope she forgives me, I really hope she forgives me."

Daniel look confused. "Forgive you? Why would she need to forgive you?"

Zack looked at him full in the eyes. Daniel was strong now; he couldn't bring himself to ruin that. "I'm not going to tell you."

For the first time in his life, Daniel accepted that some things were just best left unsaid. "Maybe I don't need to know." He shifted in his chair. "If you ever do tell me, it wouldn't be such a bad thing either though."

"I don't think you'd forgive me either."

"Then don't say sorry to begin with."

"But I am." He declared. "I am so, so sorry and I don't know how you could ever forgive me."

"It doesn't matter how sorry you are, you never apologise for it. You got that?"

"I don't understand." Zack said. He wore a blank look on his face.

"If you don't say sorry, you will never be placed in a situation where I can't forgive you."

Zack leant over the table and pulled Daniel into a hug. "Well, okay then. I'm not sorry."

"And everything remains good between us." He patted his father's back and moved to pull away. "C'mon Dad, let's not get overly liberal with this emotional crap."

"Just one more second." Zack protested.

Daniel decided to let it slide. "Okay, but let's not make a habit of this, I don't want people to think I'm cuddly."

"You are cuddly, I remember when you were a baby. You used to cry every time you were put down."

"There are electric fences that are more cuddly than I am."

Zack patted Daniel's back and reluctantly pulled away. "You're turning nice, don't deny it."

He made the shushing gesture with his finger. "Are you trying to ruin my infamous reputation?"

"No one could do that, Danny." A key turning in the lock grabbed their attention. "Whoa! Someone else has got a key." Startled, Zack got to his feet and took a step backwards.

"Chill, Dad."

Clare entered the room, a wide smile across her face. "It worked." She held up a key. "You gave me a key!"

Daniel nodded. "I slipped it in your pocket just before I left for work."

"And you thought that you didn't have me a birthday present." She looked it over once more. "I was searching through my pockets for some loose change and there it was."

"Do you like it?"

"Sure." She inspected it. "I'm not sure what use I would have for a key to an apartment I don't live in."

"You can come here anytime you like. Just let yourself in." Daniel replied. "Even if I'm at work or still in bed, you can make yourself a sandwich, use my Ipod, take a shower if you want. Just do whatever feels right. My apartment can also be yours, even if you still want to live with you old man."

"What if you're at work and Clare calls around and I'm totally naked?" Zack interjected.

"Why would you be naked?" A look of disgust flashed in Daniel's eyes.

"Hey! After your Mom died and you went to live with grandma, I had no need to wear clothes around the house ."

"But why would you want to?"

"Why not? I was well built and had a great ass back in the day."

"You still are and still do." Clare whispered under her breath.

Daniel turned to face her. "What the fuck, Dude! That's my father you're perving over."

"I wasn't perving!" She protested.

Zack looked down at himself, an increasingly pleased look on his face. "She is right. I've still got it."

"You've got crow's feet, your hair is greying and you can't pull off leather in the same way that you used to." Daniel listed them off on his fingers. "And look at this..." Daniel looked at Clare, he then reached over and pinched his father's side. "Look, you see, he's got love handles."

Clare shook her head. "I think you're imagining that."

Zack pushed his hand away. "Ah, Danny. If you came to the gym with me, you too could look like this."

"No thanks, the gormless moron look isn't one I'd rather go for."

"You're just jealous." Zack joked.

"Who's the one that has actually managed to get a girlfriend here?" He wrapped an arm around Clare's waist. "Oh look, it's me."

"I reckon I could still go out to the bar and bring home any woman I wanted."

Ha! Yeah right."

"Mr Skeptical." Clare said. "There's life in your old Dad yet."

Daniel took hold of Clare's hand and guided her towards the door. "I'm taking Clare outside." He said to Zack. "Although, don't go thinking I'm jealous or in anyway intimated, because I'm totally not."

"Of course you're not, son." Zack laughed.

Daniel waited until they were outside before they spoke again. "You know, they do say chubby is the new sexy."

Clare winked. "You are sexy."

"Too right. Give me a bottle of hair die and a decent diet and I'm sex on legs." He stopped in his tracks, his attention caught by a bright red convertible in the distance. "Holy cow, that car is shit hot."

"For lack of a better word?"

"Nope, that's the best I can come up with." He picked up his pace and unsubtly inspected every inch of it. "Oh wow." He looked from side to side before placing his hand on the body work. "I've never been this close to one before."

Clare stood by his side. "I thought you were all about motorbikes."

"I learned how to drive it's just better on the bike." He said. "Although, this car makes my bike look like a worthless scrap of metal."

"Well sure, but have you ever considered that it is just a worthless scrap of metal?"

"Shhh, you'll hurt its feelings." He replied, his attention largely on the car in front of him. "I wonder how easy it would be to hot wire a car like this."

"Are you considering stealing a car?"

"Not stealing, maybe just taking it for a spin and returning it before the owner comes back."

"Or you could just use the keys?"

Daniel peered in through the window. "Nope, they weren't that stupid to leave the keys in the ignition." He said. "Who would be?"

"Didn't you say you switched to motorbikes because..." She was interrupted mid sentence.

"Hey! It was a shit car; no one can blame me for accidentally on purpose driving it out to the rough end of the city and leaving it unattended with the keys still in the ignition."

"Did they get you a new car like you wanted?"

"Nope, I've not driven a car since." Daniel scowled. "I was sixteen; you'd think they would've understood that."

"I don't ever remember deliberately getting my car stolen at that age." Clare laughed.

He took a step back to admire it from a distance. "Where would we go in this car?"

"Anywhere we wanted."

"Or we could just drive around the block?"

Clare was unsure if she had heard right. "That's rather un ambitious."

"I don't need to go anywhere. If you're here, Pasadena is enough."

"It is." She agreed. "So we would just drive around the block? As long as I was in the passenger seat you would be happy?"

"Passenger seat?"

She nodded. "Yeap, I would let you drive."

"I warn you now, I'm a terrible driver."

"A reckless one too."

"You're not the first person to say that."

"Maybe you'll slow down just for me."

He took his eyes off the car and focused on her. "Too right, I would go so damn slow that the police would pull me over for driving under the speed limit." Daniel explained. "I would say sorry officers, but whilst my best girl is in the car with me, I'm not going to do anything to put her at risk."

"That is not only the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me but it's going to save us a fortune in speeding tickets and bailing you out of jail."

He sighed. "We'd have to have a decent car first." Daniel patted the bonnet. "Well, maybe one day."

Clare reached into her pocket and produced a set of keys. "How about this day?"

"Holy shit!" Daniel's did a double take. "Are those what I think they are?"

"I can't read your mind, but if you're thinking are they the keys to this wonder of a car, then yes they are what you think they are."

"No." He shook his head.

"Yes."

"No. No way."

"Yes way."

Daniel couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "You're kidding me, is this is some sort of a sick joke?"

"I kid you not." She jangled the keys in front of him. "What are you waiting for? Fire up the engine and take me out."

Daniel took the keys in his hands and inspected them. "Wow, oh wow. How the hell did you get one of these?"

"Turns out my Mom left me a little something before she went."

"Little?" He climbed onto the bonnet and lay out on it. "There is nothing little about this car, Clare."

"And there will be nothing little about the dent in its bonnet if you don't get off it soon." She resisted the urge to smile."

Daniel rolled off and unlocked the doors. "Should we go?"

"Wouldn't the gentlemanly thing be to open the door for me to climb in?"

"I'm in love, not a gentleman."

Clare took a step back in surprise. "What did you just say?"

He came around to her side of the car and did the gentlemanly thing. "Oh, I think you heard."

She smiled to herself and climbed in. "If I did hear right, then I like what I heard,"

Within seconds, Daniel had converted the roof, started the engine and cranked up the stereo. "Does this car have heated seats?"

"It has everything." She pointed to a cup holder. "See, it's big enough to fit an extra large soda."

"Awesome."

"But, of course, I'm not going to let you. I don't take kindly to sticky leather seats."

He pulled a face of disappointment. "Well, that my plans for the back seats out the window." He placed his foot down on the pedals, sending the car slowly forward. Daniel turned the stereo up louder. "Are you ready to go?"

She reached over and turned the music down. "What was that?"

"I said are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

He placed his foot down bringing the car up to a steady pace. "Well, looks like this is some sort of sunset ending, you know like in those crappy rom- coms that Liam used to make me and Luke watch?"

Clare looked out the window. "Sun set? It's eight o clock in the morning."

"Who cares what time it is? There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She reached over and took hold of his hand. "Then stop talking about endings, this is our beginning."

Daniel focused on the road ahead of him. Europe, China, Australia, Timbuktu... He had dreamt of escaping to places far and wide, but now he finally felt at home. "We've got nowhere to be, let's spend all day getting there."

"All week?"

"How about all month?"

Clare turned up the radio once more. "How about the rest of our lives?" She un strapped her watch and threw it out the window. Clare was no longer going to worry about all the time that had been wasted, all she knew was there was a lot of it left. She had a younger brother that she was going to watch grow up, two parents that she was going to get to know and a love that could potentially last a lifetime.

Clare was ready for anything.

**The End.**


End file.
